Discover Top Posts Tagged with #grief journal

sister died one year ago today & how do you mark one year when one year into forever is nothing and means nothing

Grief is such a tricky thing.

One moment you are fine and then something small reminds you. Enough to make you grow quiet.

I grow quiet a lot.

I was at the counter at work the other day. A woman with an oxygen tank rolled up to ask a question. I kindly answered her and offered to grab the book she was looking for. But in between her pauses for breath I heard the familiar sound of the oxygen tank hissing with every breath she took. A flash of my Dad laying in bed, taking his last breaths crossed mind. I snapped back to reality and finished helping the woman. But that thought, that sound, sat with me the rest of the day.

I was cleaning up after a shower the other day and dropped my hair tie. I reached down to pick it up and noticed a small speckle of blood on the toilet rim. It immediately made me stop, the realization making my eyes fill with tears. See my mother was elderly, she was on hospice care, and she fell in that bathroom, she wound up hitting her head on the shower ledge and broke a few ribs in the process. She was already declining, but this fall ultimately rushed the process. Simply because her body couldn't take the pain from her broken ribs. It was a terrible end. I remember sitting in the ER with her knowing that this was it. She laid there, in bed for a week before her body gave up.

There it was , this little reminder...how everything ended so abruptly. A small speck of blood that I happened to miss when I was cleaning up.

Grief never goes away. It just lingers in the background. I have closed my eyes many nights and all I can see is my Mother or Father laying in bed, slowly dying. It's gut wrenching every time. But this is a part of caring for those who are dying. It's not always easy or pretty or short and simple. Sometimes it's terrible. And you can't forget it.

You just live with those thoughts forever.

#grief journal #sad thoughts #realtalk #journal #dead parents club

I kept asking God for a sign. Any sign. I was met with silence and anger sinking deep. I begged God for a clear sign, maybe I missed the last one, maybe I’m stupid and didn’t see it, I begged for a clearer sign. Nothing happened. I convinced myself I must be awful, something awful for God to do this to me and not listen to my cries at all. I begged for a sign, begged God, the universe, begged for something. I was met with nothing.

#writeblr #grief journal #ventblr #vent journal #vent post #writing #grief #original poem #poetry #tw vent #tw sui ideation

the person who hurt me as a kid is upset knowing i hate him and he wants to hang out with me more and connect with me more. no one knows so i seem awful for not wanting that. i dont even know why he wants that. did he forget?

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