Some thoughts I wanted to get out of my head.
It’s strange how trauma makes you feel like you don’t even recognize yourself anymore…😕
Like when I think back on how I dealt with everything, I wonder who was she and how did she do it? Most of it is such a blur to me, it’s insane.
Who is the woman I see staring back at me now every day in the mirror? It’s like I was erased in the whole process and now I have to relearn who I am as a person after losing the only things that taught me who I even was to begin with.
It’s a completely new space where I’m feeling lost and confused and so many more emotions all at once. It is very overwhelming.
I know I have people I can talk to but sometimes my thoughts just don’t make any sense at all and my brain tells me I’m all alone. How do you open up when your mind is working against you??
It’s just so hard not being able to have my Mom to vent to anymore, she knew everything, she knew me better than I know myself clearly, she also knew just the right things to say and how to decipher my thoughts. I find it so sad that I will never have that kind of comfort in my life again. So I’m left venting on social media so everyone knows just how complicated my thought processes are, great. I’m at point now though where I just don’t care what people think. I’ve been through so much and have lost so much, what else is there to lose?
So I guess that’s my reasoning for this blog, to vent to anyone out there who might see my posts. Maybe how I feel can help someone feel less alone. If that’s the case then I’m okay with expressing my vulnerability.
