Grief is just love where there is no physical place for it to go.
Distance is a curse that divides us.
An uncomfortable airplane ride, credit debit build up and watching my savings vanish means nothing compared to that smile when you saw us again.
I told my mother once that I didn't care. Money is money. There isn't another time again to see you. I got us tickets to go.
I was sick when I flew over 3,000 miles to see you. In fact it was the third illness in that month that I had. I had just got food poisoning I when they told us you were hospitalized.
We decided to leave to go see you. My sib and I were last to go. I finished grading before we cleaned house, bought Knick gears Conferance Final Champ Merch to leave behind to make the house feel better when we would come back.
You were always a basketball fan. You tried to teach me, I sucked at it but I remember the feel when I finally got the move right. I didn't make the team. But it was okay, you still loved me anyways.
I didn't take pictures of us when I saw ypu at the hospital with my sis. You asked us how we were doing. We only told you the highs, not the lows. Our plans, not the failures we faced. I didn't want my last picture of us seeing you sick.
There wasn't much of a good bye, just a "see you later".
We flew back.
Waiting for the call.
You got better. I knew it was false.
Everyone talked about how you were slowly getting better in the weeks we left. When we were there, we lied why we came. You valved your privacy like that. Now everyone knows.
They always say that when people who are terminal always gets that moment when they are better, fuller with life. But I knew too much from my studies to be blind to the present.
You said you wanted to make it to your birthday. I only kept contact through my mom despite having whatapp on me before I knew. I think I already said my goodbyes and didn't have the courage to keep communicating more despite the family chats.
You were the last one to send a video.
I can't keep watch, keep vigil the night next to you. Flying to you isn't cheap. Not at last minute either.
Things are different in America. We would have more time from death to funeral.
I'm far from you Tío. I kept watch from away. Writing this. Wake till dawn. I'm sorry I couldn't be there at your wake, your funeral, but I was there when you were alive.
Happy Birthday Tío,
I'm sorry you couldn't make it a few more hours till your special day today but I still love you from afar.
