This track is weird. It is not really for you, per se. It is more of a reflection of my current state of mind. Stop it the moment it disturbs you.
And I am coming down from a manic whirlwind of a week.
Into the valley.
And I accidentally heard Sade just before I texted you Sunday morning. (My playlist was on random.) A song I had heard many times..but this was the first time I heard these lyrics. She said something like...
"You are the bird that sings me to life each day-
You are the blood of me,
The harvest of my dreams.
I can never find peace
Until your silence ceased."
You gotta love Sade. She delivers her poetry with such skill. Her phrasing and cadence have inspired me since Love Deluxe in 1992.
I didn't know how much her music meant to me until I started seriously trying to make my own. She has bled through every expression of sadness I have ever attempted.
And all of my music was tinged with sadness. Every song I tried to sing--pain. I never owned it the way she did. I could never bear the weight of my own sadness.
I sought healing, by attempting to heal others through my art, through touch, and through lies that said everything would be okay.
So when your silence finally ceased on Sunday morning I was not ready for what you had to say. Because there are so many things that I still have to say that I can only say to you face to face and only when there is dedicated time for the conversation.
I have no healing left. The beeps and screams in this track ring in my ears; they feel just like me. They sound like the edge and the rest of the truth that I dare not say on a page where it can stand forever for the world to see.
I still owe you a few thousand words. The ones that I would write right now are much different than the ones that I would write tomorrow.
I usually don't stay in places like for more than a day. Tomorrow the sun rises. Tomorrow I am renewed. Just have to make it through the night.
Maybe I should let the beat speak if you can bear to hear it. And this is very much a part of knowing me. This is what it sounds like where I am right now and I can't stop listening to it.
