Vector the Crocodile (and by proxy, Team Chaotix, but you can just do Vector if that's too much)
Oooh, a fan of Team Chaotix, huh? Well, let's get you fixed up, why don't we? One of them is gonna hog most of the spotlight and it may be exactly the one you think.
Can you fuck Team Chaotix?
... Okay, the first one is incredibly easy. Vector. I would go through his age history, but it's kind of pointless. His original Knuckles' Chaotix bio listed him as 16, and the Heroes manual still unfortunately exists, but that's all completely irrelevant, for one single reason.
If you're not fucking Vector, the local MILF absolutely is. So, he's fuckable, whether you're the one doing it or not.
Well, that one's very easily out of the way. Next, another easy one.
This is a child. Indisputably a child. Most likely younger than Tails. This is an itty bitty. He's playing with crayons. He acts, looks and sounds like a child. Though, I do feel the need to shout out Archie for the batshit insane move of explaining his behavior with actual fucking brain damage because their version was an adult before Heroes came out. This is both incredibly insensitive and poorly handled and incredibly funny for the sheer amount of tonal whiplash.
You may have noticed I didn't go in the order one would normally expect, that from largest to smallest. Vector, then Espio, then Charmy.
And that's because Espio is the most complicated and ambiguous of the three.
Yeah, those two were honestly just a prelude for Espio. He's... Gonna take a bit. From the top.
The manual for Knuckles' Chaotix lists him as 17 years old. Makes enough sense, he's a relatively stoic ninja character so seeing him up there is perfectly reasonable. Strangely, older than Vector...? He's listed as 16 in this manual, which would later be contradicted by another manual. The one we absolutely loathe.
Espio gets bumped down to 16, somehow, and Vector gets bumped up to 20. So, now Espio is the younger of the two, even though the Japanese manual for their debut game had it the other way around...? That's stupid. This manual is stupid. None of it holds any weight. It's bad, mistranslated and made every single age listing up on the spot without any bearing for anything that had come before.
He definitely acts quite mature, about on par with Vector, and the manual that holds the most weight for him lists him as 17 in Classic, which would put him well over the range by present day.
The thing is... Espio could, sincerely, go either way. Because of one little ship.
Espilver is not only entertained by the writers behind the currently-canon IDW comics, but it's safe to assume their moments together were at least partially inspired by the ship. And, funny enough, the artist who illustrated their one-on-one in said comics ships Espilver and has drawn them together before! It's far from canon, of course, and it holds less weight than something like Sonamy or Sonadow due to how much time those two get to breathe in canon and the degree to which they may be teased (specially the former of the two, on that regard), but it's definitely a factor.
We have determined that Silver's fuckability status is... Dubious, at best. There's a slim chance he might have broken 18 by now, but it's highly unlikely. So, that leaves Espio in a weird spot. There's essentially 3 options here, depending on if you mind the ship getting sabotaged or not. A) Silver is an adult, and so is Espio. Espilver compatible. Requires Silver being an adult, which is unlikely. B) Neither Silver nor Espio are adults. Espilver compatible. Requires Espio not being an adult, which is unlikely but vague enough to be feasible. C) Silver is not an adult, but Espio is. Espilver incompatible. Most likely option.
Honestly, if the ship wasn't so genuinely and unapologetically considered by the people working on IDW, I'd give Espio a surefire absolutely fuckable status, but... As it stands, the ship definitely sort of gets in the way, and makes the whole situation a bit hazy. So, for Espio, I'd say it's up to what you yourself believe. If you're willing to risk Silver potentially being confirmed a minor in the future (which is very likely and he's the likeliest to be a minor out of every non-child covered so far), you can both have Espilver and have them fuck. If you want to fuck Espio and have no regard for Espilver, then he's a decently safe pick. If you don't want to risk it with Silver but still want Espilver, then Espio is probably off-limits for you.
... Does this make sense? It probably doesn't. Whatever. Let's give him a half-fuck for now.
So, that about settles it. The answer to the question of if you can fuck Team Chaotix is:
TEAM CHAOTIX, AS A WHOLE, HAVE ABOUT 1.5/3 FUCKABILITY POINTS. You can fuck Vector the Crocodile, you might be able to fuck Espio the Chameleon, and you absolutely cannot fuck Charmy Bee.
... This one was fun, ngl. Espio took up most of it, but tackling them as a group just feels right.
