#gruva

[dylanadreams]

This isn't the clearest picture 'cause I had to take a picture of a picture in a photo album 😅, but this is me with my sweet cat Smokey. 💙 My favorite childhood cat. She was so gentle and mellow. Every evening in the summer, I would go outside and she'd be waiting for me, and we'd lie in the grass together for hours. One of my favorite memories of her lol. She's the reason I'm hoping to find a gray kitty.

I lived on a farm, and my dad was one of those No Cats in the House people, so yes, all our cats were outdoor kitties. They were like barn cats except they weren't feral lol. They kept all the rodents at bay. They had gigantic garages to live in though with food and heat lamps in the winter. I think they seemed happy. I spent so much of my childhood outside that I feel like I was always with them.

I had one of those Skip-It toys, and it had streamers that hung from it, and I used to let the streamers out and drag it behind me while I walked outside, and behind me would gather a herd of cats following me trying to catch the streamers. 😄💕 Good times. Lovely times. Kitty times.

[dylanadreams]

I had a dream about these creatures that looked kind of alien like. In their normal state they were really horrific and evil looking. They were evil, I think, and our enemies.

I came across a group of them who looked less terrible - friendly, really. I was scared at first, and one of them grabbed my arms and told me they were not a threat. I was with another person, and another one of these creatures had grabbed them, but it was almost like they were seeing something I was not - the other person was screaming that they were seeing the face of evil, the face of a demon or something like that. Like they were seeing its true original form.

I was calm, so the creature let me go and welcomed me into their living area.

I then heard a voice telling me about these creatures - it was rather foreboding. I saw images in my mind of the creatures in their original form and then in their current less threatening looking form. The voice told me that no matter how warm they look - no matter the friendly warmth on their faces - they are cold cold cold underneath.

I felt very confused and on guard around them after that. I wasn't sure if the voice was right. But I feared that it was. They seemed so friendly, so I kept up a friendly act. I waved and told them goodnight with a smile on my face and fear in my heart.

[dylanadreams]

In the first dream I had last night, I dreamt of King David who was sitting on a throne that looked to be bronze. David also appeared to be bronze and looked as though he were a statue, but I felt that he was living. This throne had eagles wings that were protruding out its sides. There were many wings on each side all up and down it and the wings were covered in eyes. Then I heard the words, "David is the spirit of America."

[dylanadreams]

In one of my dreams last night, I got a bunch of coins in the mail, and they had Trudeau on them and I think they were telling me to vote for him or something, and I was like, "What the heck, I'm not Canadian. What is this crap?" They also said they were green coins - green as in that environmental stuff, and they were telling you to use them to be "green." Their actual color was silver, like the color of a quarter.

And then I got this other coin that was from a pastor I know of. This coin was gold, and it said on it, "Unity is the only thing a government needs to be evil." The other side of the coin said, "Health, science."

[dylanadreams]

I had yet another dream last night, but it's one of those where it's difficult to even begin to describe.

But basically, I was still of school age and I was awakened to the fact my school for many years had been part of something very dark and sinister. They were some kind of secret order, and I and another girl discovered this truth. We began working together to (I don't even remember what - partially to escape, I think) but they discovered that we had discovered the truth. So they attempted to erase my memory, but it didn't work. They thought it did, but I pretended otherwise so I could secretly continue working against them. I kept trying to make contact with the other girl and I wrote down on a piece of paper, "I didn't forget. I remember everything." I was struggling to get close to her however to deliver any sort of message because the secret order people would get all paranoid and upset and aggressively steer me away from her.

It seemed like this dream was connected to the coin one. It felt like the secret order people were the ones who sent me the Trudeau coins.

[dylanadreams]

I had this really messed up dream last night.

I went to some island as a vacation, but while there I was captured and made some kind of slave by this psycho cult. I'm not sure if slave is the right word 'cause I don't think we were really doing anything useful; I think they just had control over us and liked to control, and they wouldn't let us go. So yeah. A cult. My subconscious must still think I'm teenager, 'cause with me were a bunch of my classmates from high school. One of the weirdest parts is that this cult was making use of some kind of neural blender technology. You know the one online where you can put in words and it'll come up with an image? Well they had something like that where they'd make you stare at a screen and it would take a picture of your eyes to see inside your mind, and then a whole bunch of neural blender stuff would came up based on what was in your mind. They would use this to decide if you were "good" or "bad" and would determine how much they'd abuse you. I think I did okay, but for some reason they were convinced I was going to poison them with pie. They had all kinds of bizarre beliefs.

For the whole dream, I kept trying to secretly text my mom and tell her to send me help. So I somehow still had my phone, but if they saw you with anything like that, they'd get really mad and beat you and stuff. So I was really stressed about it the whole time. I think I got a text sent through, but I hadn't gotten a reply back by the time I woke up. I kept seeing this really tall guy beat people who did anything slightly wrong. It was really scary.

[dylanadreams]

Cursed with a deadweight mind that falls deep into the absence of light.

True tragedy and terror; the only things that make me crawl toward the sun on my hands and knees. Fingernails tear into the dirt as my mind wraps around my ankles like a chain.

Temperament turned inside out by coming face to face with the ghost I had always sought. The ghost was not gray, but black. Black hole for a heart and eyes. I thought I would find beauty behind a storm cloud veil.

Instead, aching echoes of drowning angels. Despair and pools of ink from the devil's pen.

Gentle and soothing sorrow: a lie for those of fortune who have not seen the nightmare face of death.

I used to stagnate in pools of melancholic thought. I preferred gentle gloom and darker things. So I always was in my younger years. Eventually I experienced something that completely blackened my life with true darkness. A darkness that cannot be romanticized. A darkness you can only meet with a gaze of horror. It was only after this that I sought the light. Valued the light. Wanted to be the sun instead of the dark night sky. Wanted the flowers of spring and the hope of birdsong and bright blue days. Wanted a life that was light.

[dylanadreams]

When people on this site talk about their ancestors, they always assume they were the poor abused peasants or something. I for one acknowledge that my ancestors were probably committing atrocities. Lol I was thinking of the "we're running from the British again" post. Whatever, I know a myriad of my ancestors were the British. You know, if you go back far enough, we are not the descendents of simple peasants - we are the descendents of the kings and nobles of the time. I mean, in many such cases. I have done extensive genealogy research and on both my mom and dad's side, I am descended from these same people many times over. We all are. I mean, I'm speaking specifically of people of white European descent obviously 'cause that's what I've researched. For example, I can 100% guarantee you that you're a direct descendent of Charlemagne. Any line you trace that is actually recorded back far enough will eventually lead back to someone like that. That's one reason you can trace it in the first place. There are sites that have all this on record and make it very simple to trace because everyone is related to everyone, and a million other people have already done all this research for you and put it online. It is insanely easy to trace our ancestry in this day and age. Seems many don't realize. I eventually got bored with it because it seemed all lines of ancestry went back to the same sets of people. There was some variation. The furthest I've officially traced was like back to the year 0 on some Scottish line, I think. Sure, some of those records are probably fuzzy and possibly incorrect, especially when you get back to the point where it's like, this dude's father was Odin. You know, the god. Yes, I've gotten back that far. I could put Odin in my family tree if I wanted. 😂 Several such cases like that. You can get into all kinds of nonsense if you take the time and energy to find a line that goes back that far. Lots of them are dead ends, but many are not.

There are several people I just assume every white person is related to somehow because on both parent's sides, they've popped up in my tree like 50 times. The only one that's coming to mind right now is some dude name Rollo? I remember the name because it's like the candy. And the guy who plays him in that viking TV show is hot. He was like a viking who became the first ruler of Normandy. You could watch that show and be like, "Hey, there's grandpa!" You wouldn't be wrong!!!!

See, he was my 30th great grandfather!

I don't know why but it's almost funny to me.

And Charlemagne for example.

We're all cousins! Distant distant cousins!!! So no one is really special in that regard - being descended from these interesting people. But it's still neat to know that if they did not exist, you would not exist. Makes it seem more meaningful when you think of it like that. Makes you feel more connected to history.