#gughdfhh

[captain-habit]

One of these days.

One of these fucking days, I'll have the time, the energy, and the fucking confidence to record myself again..

Rant incoming.

Despite the fact that my singing voice has been one of the few things in myself that I've always been confident in, the mixture of years of abuse and degradation, then combined with everything here just wearing me the fuck out have prevented me from even attempting music in YEARS.

I've tried here n there but I always choke. And now even though I've managed to get a hold on some of my ptsd bullshit, the day to day in this house wears me out so much, that even on the days where my ambition is brighter, I always get worn out before I can do anything about it.

I know I need help. I have a decent amount of friends in the music business but nothings worked out thus far to try anything with them. I need to work on that more.

Too much. There's just too much happening at every given moment in this house. Today's been one of those days that I had to just drop whatever I was doing to help with something that's been left to disrepair then just.. lots of bullshit. Certain things they partake in that make me frustrated about this particular topic.

I'm tired, but I will get there someday even if it kills me. Wherever There is.