#guidone

[whalehouse1]

Orlando Furioso Canto XX:

Marfisa: How about we kill them all and torch the place?

Guidone: …Or we escape at night like sane people?

The others: Oh good idea!

Astolfo and proceeds to kill the entire town by slight(?) accident.

[versegm]

Not be be a blatant Astolfo stan on main but I really like that scene where the squad meets Guidone

context: the squad (Astolfo, Sansonetti, & Marfisa. And possibly Aquilant & Grifone I don’t remember) landed on a country with a harsh law: any man who ends here is to fight the ten best fighters of the country, and then bed ten ladies in one night. If they survive, then they get to live, though they can never live the country. If they don’t, their whole crew is reduced to slavery. 

The squad doesn’t actually care about that though they’re just super eager to duke it out. They draw lots, and Marfisa ends up the one being selected to go, which, hell yeah, gal loves the good fight. (The narration does not precise how she planned to bed the ten ladies but I have full faith in her.) Marfisa beats 9 out of 10 dudes, and the 10th goes “broooo holy shit ur strong. tell you what. let’s fight tomorrow. you just took 9 dudes on your own you gotta be tired, it wouldn’t be a fair fight.” and so the gang goes to the dude’s house to rest for the night.

The dude? Guidone. His tragic backstory: he, too, landed on this country by accident. He, too, had to do the ten fighters/ten lovers trials. And he survived! So now he got ten wives, but he’s also stuck here and kinda hate it on main, bro. 

Astolfo doesn’t really care about the angst tho he’s fucking OVERJOYED because Guidone? That’s one of his cousins!! Hella!! F0mily!!! So Astolfo hugs the guy, and then tells him they’re related. A scene I really like, for the following reasons:

- The implications that Astolfo is an affectionate bitch 

- The fact that Astolfo explained why he was hugging the dude after hugging him

- Guidone’s first few seconds of confusion “why... are you hugging me?”

- Guidone‘s following seconds of despair “dude I’m gonna have to fucking kill y’all tomorrow in battle. Or be killed by you. Like this is bad! This ain’t a joy moment!”

-  Guidone‘s following “What do you mean escape you guys have a plan?? Ok that’s cool but you guys. Are like SUPER confident my dudes?? my good guys?? like, no one’s worried?? no one at all??”

- The fact that the plan was literally just “let’s take on the whole fucking country and try to break through to the boats”

[semmipeano]

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Baci a go-go / Guidone #baci #rocknroll #ig_romania #guidone #instashot #nocrop