Looking at emotions again, another one that has been brought up is Guilt. It seems strange that guilt would be a part of the equation for why one would fear death, but it’s not that unusual.
Even those who contemplate suicide, may end up talking themselves out of it because of feelings of guilt tied to their demise; I speak from experience as well as from knowing a few suicidal people. What inspires guilt?
Usually, it’s the people left behind.
“If I die, how would my loved ones feel?”, “If I die, I am leaving a bad financial situation behind.”, “If I die, my children/spouse/parents will never have closure on this thing.”
Guilt is so often tied to things left unsaid, or left undone, but unlike the fear of missing out, it’s more about the people left behind, in those situations. They are the ones missing out on something, whether it’s an incomplete project, a bad financial situation, words left unsaid, or trips left untaken, it’s no longer “all about you”, it’s about them.
Guilt can be resolved in a few ways, of course. Not all may be accessible, we do not all have the luxury to have funds to take out life insurance, but if you do, that is one way to help make things easier for those you will be leaving behind. You can also already have a plan in place for what you’d like done, after passing, so your loved ones don’t have to worry about that. Be sure to include any pets in your plans – either that they are returned to where you got them, or that you have found someone who will take care of them after your passing. So often they are forgotten in all this upheaval.
I know that should I pass, my dad will continue to care for my cats – though he may end up renaming them “Pitter Pat” and “Purrito Grande”, which is what he calls them already. I know if he passes, I will take care of his dogs, Alice and Snickers. I know I will have to do better by them; dogs are a bit foreign to me, but I know the basics, and have a fenced yard.
Other ways that aren’t tied to finances, necessarily, are of course clearing the air with people. Telling people how you really feel, and what you really want out of your relationship with them. Still on my dad, we are very different people. I try to find the spaces where we connect, but sometimes that’s hard. He really likes just sitting on the porch and listening to music, and I honestly find that boring as hell. Of course, I will still do that, now and then, but I’d rather watch a show together, or go somewhere together.
We do that, now and then, too. We’ve been watching WKRP in Cincinnati, and we’ll be taking a trip soon to the “Garden of Eden” in Kansas. He’s not one for conventions, and he’s probably never going to watch Star Wars. He is going to help build the library, though, and projects are definitely a thing with him that we can work on together, so we find ways.
Finding ways to be there, and be present, with loved ones can help with the guilt. There’s less that needs closure on. There’s less that needs resolved. It’s said in words, and in actions.
Of course, your loss will still hurt them.
Of course, unexpected financial issues are going to come up.
This is how life works, only now, you’re not there to help make it any easier. That sucks. That really does – but there’s probably been times in life you weren’t there before, either, due to ignorance of a situation, or inability to help. Think of all those times as a child, where maybe you heard discussions about bills, or food.
Being unable to help, hurts.
So do what you can now, while you’re alive. Consider what makes you feel guilty about passing, and start trying to find ways to resolve it.