ok just WHAT. What is the deal with Swedish book covers? They're all completely bonkers. But at least that makes it fun to review them.
Let's just go top to bottom because there's absolutely no logical place to start with this one.
GUNNAR BLÅ
I'm guessing this is the main guy. His name sounds like an action hero and he looks pretty hunky (for a Swede). So.. I'm guessing he's like a Swedish James Bond? (Bond / Blå - the name almost fits).
Plus, GUNNAR. Like a person who shoots guns? Is that how Swedish works? I don't know. Let me know if you know.
DEN TREDJE SYSTERN GÄ NER FÖR TRAPPAN *OVERVAKNINGEN
Ok, I'm missing a few letters there (this was a fan submission so guys if you're gonna send me book covers please make sure to send me the WHOLE THING please, yeah?). But it doesn't really matter because it's all in Swedish anyway. My best guess would be...
THE THREE SISTERS GO NEAR A TRAP OVER VAKNINGEN(??!?!)
That's some educated guesswork plus some of me just going 'ok I give up, Swedish, you win.' But whatever, we'll come onto the plot later.
I can translate the next bit, or at least the word BONUSMATTERIAL - which I'm pretty sure translates as "bonus material." Why can't all Swedish be like that? C'mon guys, just shove words together and stick little bits on top of the letters.
Then, [*]ERTIGO FÖLAG. I'm guessing that's the author's name? Like his first name is Vertigo, or something? (Must be a Swedish name). But I do like that this is the second smallest bit of text on the page. Real proud of this one were you, Vertigo?
Also why is all the text in different sizes and colours? I'm pretty sure it's like the first rule of graphic design to not do that. But hey, what do I know?
Let's actually skip the picture for now because it's just..... so bizarre...
The last bit reads...
"Gunnar Blås romantrilogi är det mest smärtsamma man kan läsa just nu" - Jonas Thente, DN
So this is a review of the book. Here's my assumed translation:
"Gunnar Blå's romance trilogy is the smartest you can read just now"
Good work on that whole shoving words together, Swedish! Note how this doesn't make it any clearer as to whether Gunnar is the lead character or author. But I really want him to be the main character, so that's what we're going with.
So finally we come to the cover photo. I mean, wow. Let's break this down. You've got:
Gary Barlow wearing a
Pirate earring whilst holding a
Octopus baby and also a
Gun??????
I mean just what the hell. Why did Gary Barlow agree to model for this book? Why did he agree to hold a octopus baby and a gun? What's the plot of this book?
Gunnar is a cop one day from retirement who just wants to look after his octopus baby? That's a pretty strange idea, even by Swedish standards.
Also his top is slightly open, as if he were about to breastfeed it. I'm not saying that's what's happening but you give me some kind of other explanation.
Is this a comedy? A thriller? A buddy-cop love story about a man and an octopus baby? I have so many questions and so few answers.
So yes, of course I'd read this book. You'd be mad not to.
I give it 9789185817856/10.
Also note that it's 39 SEK, which is about £3. So it's absolutely quality literature.