today during T.A. my ... my T.A. talked about how Christmas was a time of giving, not only because people don't have clothes or food or homes, but also because there's a lot of lonely people in the world who don't have people to talk to or family
and my mind just kind of immediately went to real life Maya and
((Alrighty then. I've replied to a bunch of people today. I believe I want replies from blogs and-youll-float-too, ifelloffmyname, that one creepy mercutio serial killer, gravely-everett, gwayouttathat (on the storm one?). If i am wrong then like... nudge me or something oops im gomen
Aside from that I owe themusicalhypocrite, gwayouttathat (the mugging one and the sofya girl's day kind of thing they're probably just going to eat cereal and chill out), and yinsletters. Those are all drafted. If I owe anyone else, be sure to inform me because i've nO IDEA
uwu i am pleased with the amount of replies i got out but now i must go to sleep. goodnight!))
Trigger Warning: Contains minor violence, major injury due to accident, blood, and depression.
Erin blinked a few times, gasping for air as multiple voices rushed around him. Everything was so bright, but one thing stood out as his eyes bounced around the room. Sofya, Colin's sister, who happened to be his close friend before.. Whatever happened.
A few minutes passed, everything had blurred in and out, the voices dived through his head. All of it seemed to slip by Erin's mental capacity. He couldn't remember why he was here, why was he bleeding from the mouth after waking up? To him, it was just another night, sleeping in, but that wasn't the case he would find. Nearly an hour passed before the voices stopped, and he was back in a normal room. He kept his eyes closed but opened them when he heard Sofya say something.
"You are awake now, da?" Same Sof, nearly monotone but still a hint of emotion in her words. Erin smiled at her, giving a small nod and looked up at her. He could feel words form, but had no muster to speak them. How many times did he wish for telepathy? Her hand rested on his shoulder, "You did this for Koyla.. Didn't you?" Her eyes pierced through him, searching for why he was in this state, but even he had no clue. He had no recollection of how ended up in the hospital, which frustrated him more and more.
"I.. I don't remember.." Erin's eyes darted to the end of the bed, observing the dead flowers, and deflated balloons. He saw a stack of cards, most likely from a few close friends. "Ho..How long have I been in here..?" His voice was distant, still trying to gather it's composure. He felt his stomach tightened, not sure whether it was because he felt sick, or because of the teddy bear in the corner of the room. "What...Sof, what happened?" He looked at her, pleading for answers and nearly tearing up from fear.
"It is.. Complicated.." Sof kept her eyes locked with his, "Koyla told me..Many times." As she began to tell him what had happened, his body let out a shiver, hearing his heart race on a monitor. The memories slowly flooded his mind.
"Yer a complete twat, Errie!" Colin's laughed, playfully shoving him, causing a grin to cross his face, "I.. Uh.. Thank ya fer comin' over.. I.. Lu's been actin' weird.." Colin's eye's drifted down, making Erin's stomach twist a little as he listened to him. "I think it's his brother... But.. I.. I'm not sure, ya know?" Erin looked at him as they walked through Central Park.
Erin pouted and nudged him in the side, "Yer.. Yer worried then, ya?" He thought about them breaking up, how he could try and find a way to end up with him. Erin had been in love with Colin for ages, but never could have him since he had Lucas. But, if he could, he would of told him. Erin and Colin were best friends, and to Colin, that's all they were. Erin stood by him every day, listening to him talk about Lucas, ignoring the tugs at his chest. The hours of work he committed himself to, just to keep his mind somewhere else, was sick. He was his mother's child and that's how they were. Emotion's aren't something of value. Never were.
"Yah.. A bit." Colin let out a sigh, leaning against a rock, and looked at Erin. " 'Course I am.. I'm always worried.." His voice was shaky, sounding terribly upset. Erin sighed, leaning next to him. He couldn't do anything he wanted to help him. His body sort of shivered feeling his heart tug down. "I dun wanna lose'im, ya know?"
Erin could hear the sadness and worry in Colin's voice, causing him to grab his hand out of instinct. "Ya got no idea, mate.. None." Erin's tongue just seemed to let the words slip off of it, not really caring if it complicated things. "Can't 'magine my life without you.." He could feel Colin shift against the rock, pulling his hand away from Erin's, causing him to sigh. "Sorry.. Jus.. Ya know, figured I'd tell ya."
Their conversation seemed to go in a circle. Colin would complain, Erin comforts, and it get's odd and then repeats. Erin got tired of it as they walked towards the road, close to the normal cafe that they went to on their walks. "I just don't.. I don' know what to do.. Ya know?" He let out a sigh, looking at Erin as they walked stepped towards the crosswalk.
The screech of brakes. Screams, and glass shatter became the faded. The pain that took over his body, only to be numbed by shock. He tried to move, to see if Colin was okay. But nothing would move. He tried to look around, nothing was in focus. He could barely make out the outlines of the people surrounding him. All of it just seemed so unreal. He could taste blood in his mouth. Pain started splitting through his head rushing back and forth between a splitting pain, and a burning. He closed his eyes tightly, feeling blood run down his face. The crying scream of a familiar voice slowly lulled him into unconsciousness.
Sofya looked at him, keeping a straight face. Erin ran his hand through his hair, feeling how it was much shorter than he remembered. His fingers crossed a bandage on the back of his head. He tried to keep from panicking as he peeled it off, feeling the scab from where they stapled the flesh on his skull together. He held his eyes together tight, feeling a tug in his chest. And the only words he could say forced their way out.
"Colin.. What about.. What about Colin..." His words were distant and nearly brought tears to his eyes. If Colin was gone, he surely wished to follow.
"He.. You pushed him out of the way.. You saved Koyla." Her voice was quiet, as she looked at him, "He visited you every day. He misses you. He was very sad for long time." She kept her face blank, trying not to show how upset she obviously was.
"Why's.. Why's he not here?" He kept his voice the same, quiet and distant.
"Lucas does not wish him to see you." Sofya's voice had an undertone of anger. Anger that she was was the one who had to tell Erin all this. Anger that Colin was so oblivious to how Erin felt. Anger that was probably stirring in her for months.
"How.. How long have I been like this.." He looked at her, wondering how much time had passed. How long had he been laying in a bed, lifeless, being watched by Colin? How much had he missed? Why was Lucas not letting him come see Erin anymore? All of it ate at him.
"A year.. Anonymous source kept you alive." She shrugged, "I looked into it. Could not find a thing about it." She sighed, looking at Erin. The sound of his heart beat echoed as a beep through the room. It was the only sound in the room.
Colin sat next to the bed, looking at Erin's unconscious body. The guilt washed over him, seeing how his friend laid on the bed. It was haunting how pale he was. It was insane to think that it could of been him. There were so many tubes sticking out of him, connected to his veins, and a breathing mask covering his mouth and nose. He couldn't help but look at how his hair was now much much shorter due to them having to staple the crack in his head. He hated seeing him like this.
"Yer..such an idiot, Errie.. Why'd ya have to go and do that.." He tried to laugh, but he couldn't. He could barely smile. He just simply took Erin's hand in his own. He stared at him, realizing that he wasn't going to wake up. Not today, not soon. He had broken ribs, brain damage, shattered leg and arm, and a concussion.
Colin felt his eyes burn as tears began to fall. He gripped Erin's hand tightly, laying his head on Erin's chest, feeling himself begin to sob. "I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry," were the only words he could muster out in between gasps.
Over the next few months, Colin visited him everyday. Reading him the cards people sent, reading letters, and joking about the balloons at the end of the bed. He always kept a smile on his face when he was reading to him, at one point he sang him a song, just from habit when he thought of how he missed him talking. He'd always tell Lucas that he was going to a friends house, and for the most part, the hospital had become Erin's home. He didn't even know where Erin lived, to be honest. He imagined it to be some lovely old styled house, or an old apartment. He never heard Erin talk about his parents, or anything of a home life.
Colin sighed, looking at old pictures of Erin and him at school. The smile on his face and Erin's forced smile by Colin's hands. They had an argument, but a stranger asked to take their picture. Colin smiled at the picture. He missed Erin. It constantly tugged at him. 'This is my fault.' The thought constantly tore into him. And today was no different. It was Erin's birthday, and he still wasn't awake. And all Colin could think was, 'It's my fault.' His heart sank, his eyes started to burn as tears escaped the corners. He laid back on his bed, hearing Lucas enter the apartment.
"Col!" Lucas' voice sounded so cheery, like always as he swung the bedroom door open. Colin forced a smile, looking at him as he flopped next to him. "Ey.. What's wrong?" He pouted and looked at the picture in Colin's hand. He snatched it, looking at it. His eyes darted at Colin.
"It's not what ya think." He looked at him, "He's one of my mates.. He's in.. He's in the hospital.." His voice was shaky. He looked at him his eyes pleading. He just wanted to go see him. He wanted him to wake up so they could celebrate. He wanted to show him how he and Lucas had grown and gotten better. But the more he thought about it all, the more he wanted to curl up and cry. The guilt in his heart was tearing him apart.
"Col.." Lucas just wrapped his arms around Colin, holding him close. "Don't go see him anymore." His words were quiet, and near impossible to tell how serious he was. "I don't want to see ya like this. I don' want ya to do this anymore." He looked at Colin, his eyes were lacking emotion. "I'm sorry.. But.. Ya shouldn't let yerself do this.. I love ya too much."
Colin couldn't hold it in. He felt his body shake feeling like his whole chest had collapsed in on his lungs. Why was Lucas doing this? Colin owed his life to Erin and all he wanted was to repay him. But he couldn't lose Lucas. He knew how serious he was. He was letting out heavy sobs into Lucas' chest, "It's.. It's all my fault."
Erin looked at Sofya, "It's been months then.. Hasn't it?" He glanced at the side of his bed. A picture was laying on next to a vase of flowers. Flowers that weren't wilted yet, and had only just started to. "These from'im.." He moved to hold one of the flowers, and noticed how his arm was covered in scars. He hadn't looked at himself the whole time Sofya was here. He was probably covered in little scars here and there.
"Da.. He came here for Christmas. Gave you presents. It was last time he came. It was a month ago." She looked at him, and looked around the room. "You will be released soon, I think."
In a way, Erin didn't want to go. He didn't have anywhere to go. He was sure his work wouldn't take him back. Not to mention how long he'd have to be in physical therapy before actual release. "I.. It'll be awhile till I leave.. Therapy." He sighed, looking at the picture. "Tell Col.. That.. I miss him, and I'll come see him when I don't look like a bloody dead man walking." He chuckled, wincing.
Sofya just stood, not saying a word. She made her way to the door, "You love Koyla. He loves you. But you two loved at wrong time.. For that.. I am sorry."
Erin smiled, feeling his eyes burn, "Yeh, that's jus'bout right."
Sofya simply nodded, "I'll see you soon, Erin."
Erin just kept his eyes on the photo. It was the first time they had been drunk. They were dared to kiss, but it was more than a kiss to them. They both got into it.. And someone took a picture of them. He had no idea why Colin kept it, or why he had given it to him. To Erin, it was probably one of the last things of their friendship that he'd be able to see. "I'm sorry.. Colin." He leaned back into the pillow, keeping his eyes closed.
"It's okay, Errie.. It's always gonna be okay." A voice chimed from the door way.
I don’t know why you’ve been acting odd lately, but I hope that it wasn’t anything I’ve done. I’m sorry.
[illegible script]
Whatever it is. I’m sorry.
Even if it isn’t anything I did. I’m sorry that no one has told you they’re sorry.
I am pathetically, irrevocably, and completely in love with you.
And I don’t know what to do
Except tell you that I’m pathetically/irrevocably/completely in love with you.
Can I just hear your voice again?- Colin
Erin nearly glared at the letter, his emotions still running him ragged. The relationship he had with Colin just didn't click in his head. He always wanted Colin, and had no clue why he couldn't just grasp it. He could grasp the concept, but he was in such disbelief that the man of his dreams was in love with him. "Why me? Why not someone deserving?" He sighed, looking at the letter, a small frown forming, "You deserve better.. " He clutched the letter to his chest, laying back on his bed. If the air in his lungs pushed out, he was sure it would be heard for miles.
"In love.. With me.." The words seemed to echo in his head, the words he read forming in Colin's voice within his mind. It made him smile, but it tugged at his chest. He felt horrible for doing this to Colin. From his jealousy of other's around Colin, even Lucas, to picking himself apart. He hated that Colin was taking the blame.
He grabbed his phone, and on instinct dialed Colin's number. He missed him. He missed being home alone with him. He wanted to hear him laugh, and see a smile again. It had felt like ages before he answered, "Errie?"
