#h;s

[rkhailey-blog]

paths.

she was confused. or rather, she is confused.

her choices were clear until now. however, most of her choices were made for her. all her life, her parents chose from her outfit to her studies. and even if they weren’t the ones to actively decide for her, they were always the driving force. 

hailey feels like she’s back in high school, when she isn’t sure if she really loved music or if she was conditioned to think so. she didn’t know if that was her passion because she really connected to it or if she just didn’t know other passions. she never had other hobbies - she would never know. 

now, hailey knows she loves music. she loves performing and she loves belting to the beautiful words that can bring so many different emotions to people. she sings all the time in all opportunities. however, as she gets deep into the industry - the korean music industry - she wonders if that’s the path she truly wants. surely, being an idol is amazing. the girl admires everyone around her and she has the drive to become an idol as well, but as doubts flood her mind, hailey can feel her fire becoming smaller. she just doesn’t know if she wants to be an idol. she wants to be a performer, hailey knows that much, but she’s not sure if she wants to be part of the korean music industry. 

but again, the other choice she considers is performing in musicals. and even though she loves them with a passion, hailey can’t help but wonder if her parents are again behind her choices. did she want broadway because she thinks she’ll really love it or did she want to prove a point to her parents? 

a sigh falls from her lips and she twists her hair into a ponytail, leaving her new, considerable less warm apartment in dongdaemungu. 

[rkhailey-blog]

* but stay girls.

she couldn’t lie, this is what she was excited for.

tw: mention of eating disorder

it’s not her first time shooting a commercial, however, her first one happened years and years ago, when she wasn’t a trainee yet. hailey doesn’t know that if the fact she is now representing her company and is unaccompanied makes her less or more nervous. of course, not having her mother to pressure her on things – on how she should always look flawless – is a good thing, but at the same time, her mother would probably tell her if she’s in the right path.

with a very deep breath and having her mouth water when smelling the fried chicken, hailey steps in the set. the young trainee makes sure to bow deeply in several directions, giving her signature smile and introducing herself. she listened to the director with attention, writing down some things just like when she did when she was taking the lessons. the good thing is that the director wanted something fun which was easy not only because hailey is silly, but also who can help but to be happy when there’s fried chicken?

she used of her aegyo, twisting her head to show her best angle and still trying to sell the product the best she could. the girl apologized some times when she stumbled in the words she had for the commercial and brushed her bangs nervously. after a few tries – in which she messes up or the director says he wants something different than what she portrayed – they get what they needed. she sighs in relief and claps for the staff, bowing a few times and thanking them for being kind and considerate towards her. besides, she had to thank them because of the chicken. she couldn’t have a lot since they still needed for the other trainees but the food tasted heavenly in her mouth.

(and she thinks that maybe it’s time to go back to eating well again)

[rkhailey-blog]

* be ladies.

some of the lessons hailey is receiving at royal don’t come as a new thing for her. 

she is a new trainee, indeed, however she received some of those lessons by her mother’s strict hands before. she remembers attending photoshoots and things of the sort with her mother and her father and quietly watch them. she remembers her mother yelling at her when she wasn’t perfectly polite and proper – and although hailey disapproves the lack of empathy mrs. ahn has, she can’t deny that those are being helpful right now. besides, it’s not like all the teachers are nice and it’s not like all staff will be nice. in those few understanding moments that she has of her mother, hailey wonders if she’s harsh and rude so her daughter can be prepared for what the world reserves for her.

hailey is still eager to learn though. nowadays, it’s all she cares about – she trains until she is completely exhausted, until her very bones aches and her legs give up under her. and with the lessons and the evaluation, hailey wants to make sure to give a good impression to the company. so she listens carefully to all the guidance they have to give her and absorbs it, writing notes in a small notebook she has on her hands.

in front of her mirror, she tilts her head and tries different angles, trying to avoid the ones she thinks that doesn’t look the best. her lips form a smile and though it barely reaches her eyes, she knows it’s good enough to sell it. in a way, it’s all about acting. she just needs to acts like she’s happy and that her product is the best. and besides that, hailey just needs to act like herself, she thinks. being polite and friendly is just another trait of her personality and it comes naturally for her. the classes are only a very good way to show it to others.

[rkhailey-blog]

@AHNHAILEY updated a new video!

                       paper hearts - tori kelly acoustic cover

add to  share  more                   2.039.581 views

hi guys!  so, if you follow me on social media, you probably saw that i was in los angeles for a month. while i was there, i recorded some videos so i’ll be releasing some of them in the next weeks. i’m in love with this song and tori kelly is amazing! if you don’t know her work you should definitely check it out! just watch this video first hahaha :)  love you! 

follow me on social media! twitter: @hxxley95 instagram @hyqueen

it’s probably one of the simplest videos hailey has ever done. there is no editing, no backup vocals made by herself. there was only her, the sand and the ocean behind her, her voice to the microphone and her guitar on her lap. there was nothing fancy to it, either. the whole video is about raw voice and raw, uncensored emotions flowing from her to the notes she hits in what seems to be effortless. her eyes are closed for most of the time though nobody can be sure if it’s because she’s into the song or if it’s so she won’t be bothered by the sun. it’s probably both though. the camera doesn’t change, either. hailey liked to record things a few times with different angles, but that isn’t what she wants for this video. and besides, her time is short and she needs to record it quickly if she wants it to be recorded at all. 

the song is beautiful and hailey is all over tori kelly these days so it’s not surprising she is recording a video. however, when it comes to music and hailey, things rarely came at random. she usually has a reason to sing a song seeing how music is her way to communicate. it’s how she feels comfortable sharing her feelings. and this song talks about her very situation. how she replays memories in her mind, holding desperately to her former happiness. denying, not wanting to see her cruel and cold reality. she is a sociable person and she is used to see people leave - but not in this way. not in this way that leaves her breathless and groundless. she feels like she’s falling.

she feels her heart made of paper - fragile, crumpled, damp and dissolving in her hands from all the tears she sheds (and hides). and hailey also feels how hard it is to smile like everything is fine when things were crumbling and she could barely find refuge. the girl wonders and wonders, fingers pulling the strings beneath her hand, if she has to break to be alright again. the thought isn’t pleasant, but it feels like a definite possibility. but before hailey can think more, before the anguish swallows her whole, she hits the last note and professes the last word and she goes back to pretending. 

a sad smile and then a hearty chuckle and hailey gets up to turn off the camera. 

[rkhailey-blog]

slender,

she was in that stupid game. slender.

the forest was so dark that without the light, she could barely see a thing in front of her. hailey wonders just who thought of making that game with immersion or something. she tries to take off whatever’s connecting her to the game but there’s nothing. her breath starts to quicken and her legs to shake as she realizes the only way out is to take those damn eight pages.

the girl starts running. she points her light mostly to the ground, afraid she will see the slenderman. the worst part is that he is there, waiting for her and she can never run away from him. goosebumps raise the hair from her arms and her mouth is dry while she desperately looks for those stupid pages.

hailey gets to one, but it was just an ordinary page. glued to the back of each page she found in those terrible woods was a familiar picture to her. they were always pictures of someone she’s lost before, for some reason or the other. there were her parents, aiden, jieun, bekah, eli, naeun – and… herself?

she looks at the last picture that was nothing but another selca. except that she never took that particular selca. it makes a shiver run down her spine and she bites on her bottom lip. as usual, when something was a bother, joohyun just ignored it. she shoved the page down her pocket and released a relieved sigh because that’s it. that was the end. she had the eight pages.

“hello?” the girl waits for the game to end but it doesn’t. so she waits a bit more, despair quickly raising her chest. “hel—“ a scream rips her throat as slenderman appears in front of her and she finally wakes up. she’s sweating and breathing heavily and eli is soon next to her. “oppa” hailey calls and wraps her arms around his neck. “i had a nightmare”

[rkhailey-blog]

surprises,

her deer makeup is a bit smudged as she exits royal that night. she yawns, stretching a bit before getting to her car. hailey isn’t sure about what she’s doing at home, besides skyping with eli. he seemed like he really, really wanted to have a videocall with her and seeing how lonely she was now that naeun was gone, there were no complaints whatsoever.  despite everything, she wears a smile on her face because it’s Halloween, and she has candy and cupcakes and a not-so-scary horror movie (because she could never bear to watch the really scary ones).

her plans weren’t great, but she was sure to have a good time.

she hears distressed footsteps as soon as she gets to her floor. her eyebrows knit together and her heart races, wondering if she will have her own scary story that Halloween. when the figure comes to light, her body shivers and her eyes grow big.

“oppa!” hailey cries, dropping her bag to the floor and running to his arms. she probably stays in his embrace for way too long, nuzzling against his neck and letting her breathing come back to normal. she doesn’t feel like letting him go. eli’s embrace was probably the best thing to shake away the bad spirits that were around for Halloween. when  she finally steps back, hailey has the greatest smile she wore in weeks. “oppa! I’m so glad. why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I’m so happy! I missed you so much” the girl says and she hugs him again but letting go of him sooner this time.

“please, come in. we can watch movies and eat candy. like we did when we were kids” she laughs and lets him get her bag as she presses the buttons to open her door. “do you remember when we scared the nanny? my parents were so mad afterwards” hailey laughs and for the first time in weeks, she feels truly relaxed.

shame that eli couldn’t stay forever and fill the space that none of them spoke of being empty.

[rkhailey-blog]

royal halloween,

hailey loved halloween. it is her first halloween in korea since she moved back to the country and she couldn’t be more excited. somehow, she wishes that jieun and her could’ve stayed a bit more in the states so she could enjoy halloween like she did last year, however, she also thinks that this would be just like any other year. surely, korea doesn’t show as much enthusiasm as the united states does regarding the spooky season, but hailey compensates.

as soon as she came back from the usa, hailey started working on decorations and soon her whole house was ready for halloween. of course, she wouldn’t be home much on halloween, but the girl felt like she needed to do at least this much. hailey wishes she could actually cook to bring some treats to the – remaining – trainees at royal entertainment. instead of that, she just buys some random candies – in teeth and other weird shapes. she also brings some cupcakes and gives them away at the cafeteria during lunch.

of course, most of people were still shaken by the amount of people who dropped in such short time. never would she have guessed that by the time she would come back from the usa she would’ve lost five members of her family. it still made her sad – since the fact was so fresh, plus her own, personal abandonments that she had to face recently. the trip to the usa did nothing but distract her. the pain was still there and it made itself more present each passing day.

halloween was nothing but another distraction. as she made a deer makeup for training today and tried to scar her fellow trainees here and there,  hailey avoided thinking too much about recent events. and by doing so, she also wanted people at royal to forget a little bit about the people who were lost and focus on fake spider webs and creepypastas.