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Hermes: Message for you, gramps! *hands a message to Chronos then flies away*
Chronos: *opens the message*
Chronos: “Illustrious Chronos, I have written this missive to inquire a matter of personal importance.”
Chronos: “May you, perhaps, convince our good Lord Hades to pardon my sister Arke as you were likewise pardoned?”
Chronos: “Signed, Iris”
Chronos: *notices an extra bit at the bottom*
Chronos: “PS Only if it’s not too much hassle, of course.”
Aphrodite: …Is the Stygian boatman secretly handsome?
Ares, Iris and Hermes: “Secretly”…?
Aphrodite: *under her breath* You fucking Chthonic simps…
[One day Hermes finds Chelly in Iris’ bag, except it’s not Chelly but another tortoise that actually starts to get along with Chelly.
When they show Charon, he says:
“I think my sisters are telling us something.”
And Hermes replies:
“That tortoises are the cutest and we deserve to coo at cute tortoises?”
And Iris nods in agreement like Hermes said something profound while Charon laughs.
Charon meant to say a very poetic thing about Chelly finding a new tortoise friend is a symbol of Hermes and Iris’ growing love for each other, but he’s too amused by what Hermes said.]
Iris: KICK HIS ASS, HONEY! 😘🥰
Hermes: BY “KICK” SHE MEANS “PADDLE”, BOSS! 😅🥰
Charon: 😚🥺
Zagreus: 😑
Iris: Charon, you have drip!
Charon: *…I never let the waters of the river Styx touch me.*
Iris: No…I meant, you have an impeccable sense of style!
Iris: It screams “Stygian” and “boatman”, you know?
Charon: *Thank you.*
Charon: *Your attire also screams “semi-circumference made of seven differently-colored stripes”.*
Iris: 🥰
[Iris bringing her darling son Pothos with her to the Underworld and it’s kinda obvious that Hermes and Charon are his actual fathers.
In fact, it’s Iris that he barely resembles at all.]
Hermes: You two have such big bosoms that I wonder how you can hug each other.
Charon: *They just get squished together and it feels very nice*
Iris: … D: …CHARON!!!
Iris: IS THIS WHY YOU HUG ME???
Charon: *Isn’t that why you hug me?*
Iris: >///< Y-yes but…also your strong arms holding me?
Hermes: …I am taking notes, by the way.
Iris: I don’t think Charon is perfect!
Iris: For example, I think that time Heracles glared him into giving him a free ride was pretty embarrassing of him.
Charon: *I was NOT “glared” into doing anything!*
Charon: *I just didn’t bother to argue with grown children!*
Hermes: Come on, boss.
Hermes: Even I run slower, slightly slower, when he looks at me like that.
