#haduolo

[cestlemoment]

@haduolo  cont. 

     here’s the thing:  he cares quite little about his own studies at this point, he has already done most of this semester, and it’s only this semester he has to finish.   all lucas has to do is ask and he will be there,  he needs anything but the same old routine of the same people, over and over, of ade calling him and texting him and trying to get him to go somewhere beside his kitchen.  he doesn’t really want to hang out with ade these days.   and so an arm is around lucas’ shoulders,  obviously, to move a bit closer to read the list on lucas’ phone, but more importantly, it’s to see lucas’ face better.   ❝ okay,  tu me montes ce film. ❞    he likes to hear lucas’ voice.  and as long as lucas’ flatmates don’t interrupt them, he might be able to sit this close to lucas the whole night.  he would like that.   ❝ hmmm, titanique? oui. j’adore. ❞   he murmurs as lucas lists off movies. who doesn’t love titanic?   and if they watch titanic,    he’s scheming. no, that sounds bad. he just wants to be close to lucas.            ❝ tu as ecrire les notes très détaillé ? ou,  les notes occasionnel ?  ❞     his fingers brush lightly over lucas’ shoulder where his hand rests, as he pretends to think about which movie he’d like to watch.    (he’s already made up his mind, but lucas doesn’t know that.)   

      ❝ mais, titanique,  s’il vous plait?  j’aime leo dicaprio. ❞     lucas, understand, please?    i’m into leo dicaprio, like  --- into leo dicaprio.   like ━ into you.    ❝ oui? titanique? très bon pour le film romantique, beaucoup de romance. ❞     he wants to write about how he feels right now, because he feels,  and it’s a little overwhelming but it’s so nice because he thought he’d lost some of his feelings, that he’d gone numb and lost parts of himself permanently to the void inside his mind.   he’s not sure every feeling inside his chest, inside his lungs, etching itself inside his veins, but he certainly likes it.    but lucas asks him a heavy question, a question that actually shows how a person’s worldview is, and maybe, he thinks, and he’s going to get caught in his own mind if he keeps down this path,  he thinks that a person’s answer to this sort of question reflects how much of the world they still see as good.  how much of it has not been tainted by their own life experiences.  unfortunately, eliott has had a bad year. 

        but,   ❝ um,  je pense ━ ❞   he tosses a few answers around in his head, and shifts a little, so his side rests against lucas’ arm a bit more, his fingers don’t stop tracing the same line on lucas’ shoulder.   ❝ tu peux être créateur de ta vie.  uhh,  les filmes romantique ne sont pas realité mais, ils nous donnent le romance nous veulent. ou,  ❞   he feels a bit -- out of sorts, a bit like he’s not making as much sense as he thought he was.    ❝ ils ne sont pas realité mais ça va. le romance de les films romantique est ━ ❞   he’s rambling, and he knows that people hate it when he rambles, but he might be kind of staring at lucas now, and he’s not thinking about other people, just lucas.  ❝ très vite, est malsain parfois. le romance en realité est plus lent, et c’est okay.       un personne ne tombe pas amoureuse en un jour. ❞      maybe,  you fall in love in a week. two weeks, maybe.  who knows, there are many people who claim love at first sight, like in movies, is real.   

[hacuore]

Yeah so like me catching myself referring to other threads when answering threads : more likely than you think

[halamente-blog]

“What do you want, eleonora - in life?” from edo 🤔

burlesque sentence starters / accepting

       SOMETHING STABLE IS THE IMMEDIATE ANSWER SHE THINKS IN HER MIND. it was her & filo as long as she could remember. their roots were with each other. her parents are a factor, but they never tend to EXTEND like leaves giving shade over their children. it’s easy to suspect edoardo is up to something. she doesn’t believe his INTEREST in her is genuine. eleonora knows guys like him, watched while he BURNED silvia for her feelings for him. he only wants her because he can’t have her. to be fair he ALMOST had her at the fuck you’re so beautiful LINE, but how many girls has he said that to ? 

       she won’t give him a DEEPER answer than their interactions because she wouldn’t allow herself to have a moment with edoardo. nor has she she given him a pass since the whole ORDEAL with him & silvia.  she decides to keep some distance between them, a yo-yo being pulled & reeled in with COORDINATION. ❝ for you to stop asking me out on a date. i don’t know how many times i can say no. ❞ eleonora decides maybe she’ll HUMOR him, just for an instance. 

        ❝ what do you want in life, edoardo? don’t tell me some cliche answer like: you. come up with something better.❞ 

ft. @haduolo

[alonefear]

[ 📲 • sms ] —— why did you stop texting me? / from marti

text nico !  |  @haduolo

on one hand, the text catches him by surprise. on the other, more thoughtful hand, it doesn’t. marti’s previous texts of hey, are you dead, when he hasn’t replied before are conjured up.  however, an answer to marti’s present question isn’t conjured. he wants to set his phone aside, again. there are hundreds of answers he could give him, but he just needs one.  

an easy answer: sorry, i meant to, i just got distracted.an honest answer: sometimes i forget, i got afraid, i want familiarity and i felt overwhelmed even though i want nothing else but to be with you. the answer that will make marti worry: i could drown in you, if i don’t take care, i don’t want us to drown in each other.    OR,   with you, i can breathe easy, but i’m afraid it’s temporary and i don’t want it to be temporary. 

he hates texting on this phone, it takes forever, and it’s the worst. but there’s reason for the phone, and that’s his punishment payoff. it rolls back and forth between his hands while he tries to figure out a good answer to marti’s text. he’s taking too long. 

[ → marti ] i meant to

it takes a lot of courage for him to send the next text. he’s afraid marti has a new perception of him; one that changes where they stand with each other. but he wants to see marti, make sure it’s not all a dream. 

[ → marti ] are you free, maybe tonight? want to do something? 

[hacuore]

    “   Elia,   it’s  not  so  easy  to  understand  just  like  that,  you know ? I have known Marti for a long,  long  time  and  even I don’t really .. understand what’s happening with him. “   giovanni  and  elia  almost  always  speak  amongst themselves like this  ,  and honestly  it  was  kind of therapeutic  since  gio  didn’t  really  have  anyone  to  talk to about things he was dealing with,   and  most  recently,  it  had  been   about   martino.     “   and  it shouldn’t be  this way because I can easily say I know a lot of things about him, and him to me, because --- we tell eachother everything. “  

        until this  moment. 

a softer  glance  is  exchanged  with  the  other  and  he  sighs  ------  elia  ,  rightfully,  was  a little  upset.   even if he wasn’t flat out saying anything,  gio was full aware of the capacity his quick lit anger could produce.  martino was slow to be angered , but when it came out he knew what to say and how to say it to hurt someone (  which meant he was hurting more, )  ,  elia ?  it was more like a quick to anger type, especially if you hurt his friends.  He wasn’t sure he’s ever seen luchino mad   ---------------- and gio ?  he supposes he just blocks everyone out.   

              “   I  .. appreciate  it  ,  how  you  stepped  in  when  marti,  said  those  things.  “  he  gestures toward his friend but speaks carefully, like he was chewing on his words.   “  but those things are no longer my business because eva and I are no more, and she is not interested  who cares if she’s with that   .. cazzo di merde  ?  it’s her choice.   “   even if it hurts?  yes.   “  marti would never step over the line with me like that unless there was something more happening with him, which is why I  desperately need your help, Elia,  please.  he is not a violent person, either,  I’ve never seen this side of him. “ 

@haduolo    (   liked  for  a starter )   for  elia  santini 

[cestlemoment]

" never feel guilty for starting again. " frm sofiane

                  rupi kaur, the sun and all her flowers  |  @haduolo

   ❝ je ne me sens pas coupable ━ ❞   he just feels stupid and left behind and like he has a sea of lost potential.   ❝  okay , peut-etre un peu coupable... mais ━ pas pour un nouveau départ, je suppose.❞  all of the perfect days in april have made up for shitty days in november, december, january. lucas and lucas’ friends who like him and invite him to their group things have made it easier, so much easier, to just get through things.  even if his mind continues to try and tell him otherwise.   (he misses his old friends, still, he misses sofiane and he misses idriss and he misses hanging out and bothering imane after school, but he has new friends, now, too. it’s very complicated.)   

       the mean, mean, horrible part of his mind wants to just leave, go away, and tell sofiane that he most certainly never felt guilty about starting again, going away, the likes.     because sofiane left right at the time when eliott needed him most. and he can’t ━ he can’t blame him. going to australia was everything sofiane wanted; eliott never would have wanted him to pass up that kind of opportunity, but ━ fuck.  there have been times where he just wanted to talk to sofiane. but after he left, after the incident, that was out of the picture. 

       ❝ sof ━ ❞  his hand itches for a smoke, those which he’s left somewhere, in some undisclosed location, in some half-hearted attempt to stave off a boiling addiction to another thing.  ❝ c'est mieux cette fois.❞  he’s more steady this year. whether it’s a diagnosis and meds that he takes most of the time and maybe lucas, too, ❝ après mon bacs...❞ hands release from their wringing, their messing with the hem of his sweatshirt, ❝ lucas et moi, c’est ━ nous ━ ❞  half-created plans, and his lips peel into a bit of a grin anyway, maybe it’s just thinking about lucas, ❝ nous avons de grands projets pour l'achèvement. nous prenons des suggestions pour aller où. manon dites l’italie, mais, je ne sais pas, tu sais?❞  a cut off of a mess of words, ❝ pardon,❞  a shrug, ❝ juste, je suis heureux d'être diplômé.❞  that’s true. he just wants to graduate and stop having to see the inside of a fucking high school. he’s tired of it.  he’s decided that graduating is going to fix everything, if he can just get out of this place. 

[alonefear]

‘ please smile. ’ // frm marti !

        lost starters  |  @haduolo , @haprometto

  ❝ i’m dying, marti.❞   he has two months – less than two months until he finally fucking graduates.   ❝ i have no energy, i can’t smile.❞ (but that’s a lie, he’s always kind of smiling around marti.   all of my muscles are dead. i can’t do anything.❞  he’s dropping his head to his desk, forehead on his books, and he sighs.  he’s – not behind, but it feels like he’s grappling for things from days he hasn’t been able to get himself into school. when getting on the bus was just too hard, or maybe he didn’t even make it out of the apartment, or maybe he makes it halfway down the stairs, to the second floor landing, sitting there until his mom comes down the stairs for work, notices him, and gives him that sad smile that shows up on her face.   ( marti has a smile that’s the same brand, but it sits on his face for less time, instead readjusting into a smile or a look or something that says  i’m here for you, not oh, nico with a little sigh.)      ❝ you’re not going to have a boyfriend in a month, i’m going to have just – become like …❞  wait, he’s smiling, thinking about – well, he’s thinking about marti, but when is he not?   picks his head up, turns in his desk chair to look at marti, sitting on his bed.  nico’s lips grow in their smile because marti.    ❝ i’m moving to the alps. i’m going to raise goats or something and i don’t need any education for that. i can learn everything i need to about goat raising in one night.❞   he has to stay here, stay in his chair with his books, because if he moves closer to marti, he’s going to kiss him.  and forget about caring about his schoolwork at all.  ❝ and i’m going to make my own cheese.  i’ll have a cheese brand.❞  and,  ❝ would you live with me in a little farmhouse on a mountain?❞  they’re already close to almost living together;  nico’s grandmother’s old flat coming along nicely, when they have time (which they don’t right now), but they’ve spent a couple weekends there.  but it has to be ready for fall, because he’s not living at home for university. and marti can’t really move out yet.  but they’re close to almost living together.  he wants to think about them living together, actually living together.  ❝ i would paint it blue, like your favorite shirt. the one that i love. because it makes you look extra cute.❞

[alterlovetm]

“i can tell myself to be heartless but in all reality, i have a big heart and can’t treat people badly, that’s just not me.” to arthur from daphné

              text post sentence starters   |   @haduolo / @daphypink 

         she’s sweet,  he’ll give her that.  and he can see why basile has some sort of crush on the girl, she’s nice and totally basile’s type.   ❝ why would you want to be heartless,  that’s some sort of sociopathic shit, not wanting to have emotions? ❞  but, he gets the sentiment; getting hurt makes people want to not feel things, makes people want to retaliate and do something to get back at the person, the world, whatever.   ❝ you seem passionate about your – common room, ouais?  tu ne peux pas sans coeur avec cet.  c’est –❞   he’s not a huge fan of these after-school common room, team-building, whatever,  but … basile wanted to go,  lucas said he had to go, for some reason, and yann – well, yann kind of does as he wishes, so it was up in the air about whether he was going to come with or not.  ❝ je suis désolé pour basile, il est un idiote, parfois. mais, t’as coeur et c’est cool.❞  having heart? it’s good.  he just doesn’t like these kinds of group meeting things.