Longing
I saw her before she saw me. Her eyes darting between the hall on the side of which she stood, to the green staircase that I was slowly climbing. The lamp light was dim, but I could still see her and note mentally that she hadn’t changed much since I last saw her at her father’s funeral, more than 2 years ago.
Then she saw me, her face breaking into a happy smile. A happiness that didn’t quite reach her eyes. She said a soft hello, and I replied with my eyes fixed on her face. We didn’t hug, didn’t even shake hands. We knew we shouldn’t. But we just looked, drinking in the sight of eachother.
She was the first to look away, bringing me out of my reverie. I dug into my pockets, pulling out the ring I had got for her. It wasn’t much. Just something I had picked while my sister was shopping in the jewellery section of her favorite shop. She would probably kill me if she found out that I hadn’t told her about it. But when I gave it to the girl standing infront of me, her face was filled with awe and love. I had hoped she would like it, she told me now that she did.
She got nervous then. Saying that it was her turn as she gave me the tie that had been hanging on her arm all this time. It had belonged to her father, she said. A person I didn’t particularly like. But I knew how much he meant to her, as did everything else that belonged to him. The fact that she was giving me something that meant so much to her, filled me with a strange warmth.
I smiled at her, and she leaned against her shoulder against the wall. The action casting more light on her beautiful face. We asked eachother meaningless questions. About her college and my training. I didn’t look away from her face while we spoke in quiet voices. But soon it was too much to take, and I drew in a breathe and told her that. She nodded silently, telling me that I should probably leave before anybody noticed my absence.
We said our goodbyes and I turned around, quickly descending the stairs. I mentally called myself a genius for wearing leather shoes that didn’t make any sound. I could feel her eyes following me all the way down. So when I finally stood facing the door that would take me away from her, I turned around to look at her one last time.
As our eyes met again, I hoped she would she the plea in my eyes. Asking her to not loose her faith in me, to hold on just a while longer. And a promise that I would come soon and take her with me. She gave me a watery smile, mouthing “I love you”, and I knew she understood it all. Her smile gave me the strength to take that final step through the door, the cold night air washing over my face. Knowing deep down that there was a possibility, a huge possibility, that I would not be able to keep my promise.