@halfvein said : ❛ ASNDXJHS that "no trust, liar" scene in endgame ❜ accepting .
they’d lost . he’d led them , foreign shield in hand , in a foreign land . to protect others , fight their biggest battle yet & face their most formidable foe . his faith hadn’t deterred for a moment , yet his eyes darted to the sky . beyond the clouds & presumably at the farthest corners of their universe , their best chance lay out of reach . he blamed himself then . blamed their divide . the rift he’d wanted so desperately to close . truth is , he didn’t know how . he hadn’t known then , & he didn’t know now .
but they had to win now .
this war was bigger than them , bigger than the unfathomable schism between them . he didn’t regret being edinburgh . he didn’t regret not signing the accords . but he regretted not being by his side . he’d left him the broken pieces of the avengers along with his heart , his trust & his faith . if there was any one person he’d entrust to put the universe before themselves , it was him . from the moment in new york when he’d glimpsed the heart of a hero to now . there was no better man . he found himself wanting to voice the question he struggled with himself : was it all worth it ?
he’d shaved his beard & yet the face looking back at him didn’t feel like his own . out of sorts in the place he’d once called his home . his mom always said , home isn’t a place , it’s family . people . he’d been on the run for so long he hadn’t lost the habit of looking over his shoulder , of expecting danger . something he’d picked up from his red headed companion , no doubt . but his sense of unwavering optimism stuck , as stubborn as the man himself . then she flew in .
a sight for sore eyes .
a strong wave of relief sweeping over him , protective arms grasping at fatigued skin & bones . he was back . twenty three days of searching , hoping . when the others rested , he couldn’t . restless with a strong sense of purpose . nothing could stop them now .
he looked around the room , remnants of the team he once commanded & new allies he was learning to put his faith in . together , they would find thanos . they’d bring them back . they had to . but the knife in his chest only twisted further in every time his eyes fell on their returned . they were whole again , steve rogers & tony stark standing face to face , chest to chest . & yet he knew it would never be the same . even as the words rolled off the tip of his tongue , almost interrogatory but mostly inquisitive , he knew it was in vain . they were broken , separate parts of a whole scattered around a room too large for just them . no leads . no strategies . no options . where would he lead them now ?
no trust . liar .
muscles rippling beneath a perfectly clenched jaw , eyes falling for a moment . he saw it , the look in his eyes he knew so perfectly well . the same look he’d donned in the dimly lit caves of siberia . betrayal . hurt . & steve could only watch . watch as the symbol of composure , of keeping his emotions under wraps crumbled before him & he was to blame . together . a promise he’d made , & failed to keep . he’d left . he’d left when leaving was the only option . but standing in that room now , tony’s heart thrust into his hands , he couldn’t believe he’d ever let himself think they had no other way to go .
he wasn’t quick enough to react , judgement & vision mildly cloudy , both his mind & heart in flux . he didn’t know what he’d expected , truth be told . he’d hoped , somehow , that they’d throw themselves back into their work . back into who they’d always been . who he’d been from the moment he’d run straight from the makeshift 40′s hospital bed to the bright lights of times square . to the first time they’d stood side by side in germany , they’d been unstoppable . even as he rushed to his side , lifting him with ease , he knew they’d get through this . he’d known it then , he knew it now . he was home .
