It’s 4am and I’m somehow awake still and not asleep. I had a breakdown, because paranoia is the worst and I’ve been overanalyzing every interaction today because there’s signs™ messages I needed to decipher and I realized how fucking crazy I am and then came the usual voices and the burning feeling of eyes on my back when I’m literally trying to put laundry away in my empty ass apartment. I said I loved you paranoia, but pls work with me and let me remain functional I will cave into my so-called delusions, but I’m not going to listen to the clipped replays of conversations and overheard things - it ain’t fun or useful. ALSO SIGNS FOR WHAT EVEN CAN YOU VOICES JUST LIKE GIMME SOMETHING TO WORK W HERE NOT JUST HAVE ME REVIEW EVERYTHING JUST CAUSE YOU GOTTA™
Long story short, I’m having my cava & valerian root tea, and slowly coming down from the hyperawareness and focus shit. PARANOIA SUCKS. Getting hallucinations is not a fun time, like I’m semi-aware during them that there’s a big chance that voice, or person isn’t real, but the fear is already there.
ANYWAYS, I gotta post the rest of my catchup to the challenge and I should probably like journal this shit out more bc like writing that helped me also tumblr is soothing again.