I miss you, more than words could say.
If you had a grave, it would be a place of pilgrimage for me.
I'm so embarrassed at where I am in my life right now.
Handwashing clothes because I don't have a washer or dryer and my car needs more work than I can afford while my new manager is slashing my shifts. I only have one work shirt and one pair of jeans that I can wear to work, so I have to wash them constantly.
I'm going to have to stay the night at my (freaking amazing) friend's house who invited me over for Thanksgiving just so I can cash my paycheck, get to work and make a late payment the next morning before my car gets repossessed.
It's humiliating struggling constantly. I wake up every morning crying and feeling like a complete loser while simultaneously trying everything I can come up with to get by.
Everyone I know lives with their parents, a partner, multiple roommates and I'm just here, slipping further and further by myself. I've searched for a roommate for years. I'm sure it's my personality that makes people dislike the idea. I've offered to pay most of the rent and bills, solely cook, clean, etc.
I've lost so many people since my eviction last year who stood by and watched me struggle, who shamed me for their assumption that other people help pay my bills and rent each month, who refused to come next door to watch my daughter for 20 minutes while I took things across the street to a storage unit because they had a work party to get ready for.
I wish you were still here, even though I'm wishing it for selfish reasons. You would have had no problem keeping me company on the phone while I'm doing laundry by hand. You'd remind me that I'm a damn good mom for doing whatever I have to. I'll miss you forever, big brother 💔🙏 keep watch over all of us
