there was a forecast of a rain covering over the city that you called home, seoul but you didn’t mind so much especially since the streets were peaceful as you made your usual journey to your job. you worked as a barista at a local cafe, you didn’t mind it much as it was just a part time to get some money going until you start college again in the autumn, for now you were content with serving couples, the regular group of old ladies that would use the cafe as their gossip location, and of course the really handsome group of men that always came in during the morning and then once again in the afternoon, at this point you just assumed they were idols because of how handsome they were and the fact they never removed their face masks when sitting down.
you rushed inside as you noticed the cafe was getting busier than usual, biting your lip as you looked around noticing the decorations, some displayed a name that you read as: lee hangyul. this caused your heart to stop, the name ringing in your head and feeling your eyes begin to water but you refused to let it happen, here, of all places. you bit your lip tightly, before shrugging away the memories that were fighting to ruin your day, your heart raced as you quickly rushed to get your apron but no matter how hard you tried, the memories hit you and you couldn’t help but let them win, as you reminisced.
“i.. can’t be with you.” he spoke so nonchalantly, almost as if the words had no repercussion, like he didn’t care how you’d feel when hearing them. “wh-what?” you choked out, staring up at him, it felt like your heart was being ripped to shreds every time he looked at you, except he wasn’t really taking you in and that frustrated you, “i can’t be with you... you’re too clingy, you’re just.. suffocating. i want to go... do bigger things than just be your boyfriend. you have it all figured out, going to college, all that... but what do i have? just you? that’s pathetic.” you scoffed as you couldn’t believe what you were hearing, pathetic, your eyes glazed over, and you couldn’t help but let the tears fall, “s-so that’s it? you’re just done, because what? i’m too much? i make you feel pathetic?” he just nodded, and you wanted to scream, “i hate you. i hate you.” you hit his chest with all the power you could muster until he slightly pushed you away, you ripped off the necklace he gave you throwing it at him, before quickly getting out of there.
that was a year ago and it still stings your heart to think about, you tried to attend college but it was too much for you, so you dropped out and you struggled to trust anyone, causing trouble with your friends so you ended up moving into the city hoping it would help, signing up for college again but now it feels like you’re being hit with a ghost of your past but you sighed softly, “they’re just pictures.” you whispered before starting your work day.
an hour or so had passed when you heard the bell tingle, smiling slightly to yourself as you took note of the time: 10:00am. ‘on the dot’ you thought to yourself before turning around to see the usual group of five men, they were very tall in comparison to you which meant eye contact was difficult but they were very kind, you walked up to take their order, smiling softly, “hi again! what can i get for you today?” you looked up at one, noticing the tattoos peaking out on his collarbone before returning your gaze back to your book, “hi, we’d like five cups of coffee tea, please.” you nodded as you wrote it down, “is that al-“ you were cut off by the shorter one of the group, “look, they’re having a cup sleeve event for you, gyulie.” your eyes widened as you kept your gaze fixed on the notepad, trying to take in the information that just passed your ears but you could feel them getting hotter, your eyes filling with tears, noticing how one dropped against the notepad you had tightened your grip on hoping that it would help you stay grounded, so you breathed out before returning your gaze to the men, glancing every so often to the one he was speaking to, discovering that he was just staring at you, “is that all?” your voice came out small, mentally cursing yourself out before ripping your gaze away from him, you could feel your heart rushing and knew you had to get away from this situation because you wouldn’t be able to explain why your breathing is picking up in pace, your thoughts were interrupted by one of them who asked for one of the lemon cakes before they went and took their seats near the window, once they were gone, you couldn’t believe what had just happened causing the notepad to drop from your hands feeling yourself start to stumble, you gripped onto the desk in front of you, breathing in and out slowly as you kept your gaze focused on the coffee cake below in the window display, trying your best to ground yourself, you didn’t want to worry the people you worked with nor those you worked for, the customers.
a few minutes had passed before you slowly regained the strength to retrieve your notepad and start on their order as quickly as you could, before taking it over, you promised yourself to sit the tray down and leave but that wasn’t so easy when one of them struck up a conversation with you, “so how long have you worked here?” you looked him up and down, noticing the small tattoos on the side of his wrist before smiling lightly, “just a few months.. here’s your cake.” you placed the cake in front of him, “well, we appreciate your hard work cause you’ve been serving us since we started coming here and you’re always pleasant to us. so thank you.” you smiled softly at him, “that’s really sweet of you, thank you, enjoy your cake.” you bowed, noticing how he didn’t even look in your direction once but his friends were very much interested in everything you said, ‘he doesn’t give a fuck’ you thought trying to push away the fact that the man you shattered your heart is sitting just feet away from you, the man that is the reason you refuse to trust another living soul is sitting right there and can’t even look you in the eye.
Linger {Lee Hangyul x Kim Yohan x Reader} Chapter 1
Navigating high school was expected to be difficult, but it was even more challenging without Mom there to guide you…
After the death of your mother, you move into your aunt’s tiny apartment amid the streets of Seoul. With your father working hard in the military, there was no way he could take care of you. Never in your seventeen years of living would you have expected to meet someone quite like the two boys you met. Their names were Kim Yohan and Lee Hangyul, and those names would soon become ingrained in your brain forever.
All you had wanted to do was survive…You wanted to get through the last year of high school without much trouble.
Yet, that was a faraway fantasy. No matter how much you wanted your past to go away, it would follow you wherever you went.
Previous
Next
Warnings: Death, mentions of murder, PTSD, slight bullying
Genre: Angst, Fluff
Word Count: 2205
“I’m going to vomit.” You bluntly stated. Your aunt merely stared at you with empty eyes. You looked up at her with anxiety.
“Sure you are, sweetie.” She responded, flipping through her magazine.
“No, Aunt Minkyung, I’m really going to fucking vomit.” You murmured, and then you rushed to the bathroom and basically hurled your guts out. You heard Aunt Minkyung release a sigh of exhaustion, and then she walked over to you and stroked your back. You puked for about another thirty seconds, until there was nothing else to regurgitate.
After cleaning yourself up, you trod down the seemingly endless flight of stairs from your aunt’s apartment and then walked to school. You didn’t miss the way Aunt Minkyung looked at you--with pitiful eyes.
You were supposed to take the bus, but you were very early today, so you’d have to wait for the bus to arrive. And, since you know yourself quite well, you would somehow find your way back to Aunt Minkyung’s, and there would be no convincing you to go to school.
You appreciated the beauty of Seoul while walking through the streets. You grew up in a small town just outside of Busan, so Seoul was something new and exciting to you. The only time you would go to Seoul was to visit your Aunt Minkyung, and now you were living with her.
You pushed away from the thoughts of the past, not wanting to dwell on something so horrid on your first day of school. You had the opportunity to create a new beginning, nobody in this huge city knew you. You would be fine…
Finally, the large building you were looking for was in your sight. Kids of various ages poured in and out of the building. The moment you walked past the gates, you felt your throat start to close up. Your ears started to ring, and it felt like everybody stopped their conversations and just stopped to stare at you.
You swore you could hear somebody call you a murderer, when in reality nobody paid any attention to you. Not one person even glanced at you.
You felt your hands clam up as you went through the breathing exercises Dr. Yoon taught you. You felt an eerie sense of serenity wash over you, and then you forced yourself to walk into your new school.
After getting everything situated with the front office, you were directed to your new classroom.
You were in Class Four, which apparently was a “wild bunch” (at least according to the secretary). All the other words she spoke to you faded into the background,
You finally found the classroom which was already filled with an abundance of students in it. You took a deep breath and almost opened the door, until that little voice in your head that you had grown to hate spoke up.
Run away and never come back.
You closed your eyes tightly and went through more of the breathing exercises you were taught by Dr. Yoon.
Just go, nobody will ever know.
Inhale once. Count to five. Exhale once. Count to ten.
Before you could make up your mind, a boy with black hair and big brown eyes opened the door, looking at you cluelessly.
“Hello?” He greeted questioningly. You opened your eyes and stared at him straight in the eye. And then you smiled.
“Hi.” You grinned, and then you walked past the confused boy and into the classroom. This time, people did actually stare at you. You continued grinning.
“Ah! Are you Y/L/N Y/N?” The teacher asked you. You nodded and then bowed. Your teacher, Mr. Kang, brought you to the front of the room and asked you to introduce yourself. All you did was nod while falsely smiling.
“Hi,” You began, “I’m Y/L/N Y/N.”
The class stared at you, waiting for you to continue. You inhaled a sharp breath, not really knowing what to say.
“I’m from Busan.” You said, not wanting to tell the whole truth. If you told them the exact small town you were from, people could find out what you were in a heartbeat.
Before anybody could ask you any questions, you sat next to some random boy in the back of the class, with dyed light brown hair.
You tried to ignore the bubble of anxiety in your stomach, but it was there and quite prominent at any given moment. Even after the excitement of having a new student died down, you still felt that indestructible pit of terror.
Soon, your first lesson of the day ended, and the boy you sat next to soon started to talk to you.
“Hi.” He said with a smile. You waved silently with an awkward grin. “I’m Lee Hangyul!”
“I’m Y/L/N Y/N.” You responded, not knowing where this odd endeavor was going to go. Out of sheer instinct, you turned around when he was about to talk to you again, not wanting to engage in any conversation.
You were exhausted, to say the least. You had slept for two hours, and you just weren’t properly functioning. So, when Hangyul tapped your shoulder, you practically jumped out of your skin from the sudden contact.
When you turned to face him, his expression was nothing short of humorous. He looked very entertained, to say the least.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you…” He admitted, biting his lip to prevent himself from giggling.
“You can laugh, it’s okay.” You sighed. Hangyul then obliged, letting out a soft chuckle. Before you could turn around again, Hangyul’s friend came over to the two of you.
“Hey, Y/N, right? I’m Yohan.” He greeted, and you shot him a genuine smile. His angelic-like features almost left you speechless. He was tall, slim yet muscular, and quite handsome. You were drawn in from the get-go. You recognized him as the boy you saw before you entered the classroom.
“Hi, Yohan.” You said, not knowing how to continue the conversation. Much to your luck, Yohan was quite the conversationalist. So, he pulled up a seat next to you and the two of you began talking, along with Hangyul. You learned a lot about the two boys, and by the end of the day, it was safe to say that you were interested in Yohan. His kind and gentle aura reeled you in.
Hangyul seemed a little bit odd, but in a friendly kind of way. Since it was the beginning of the school year, you hadn’t missed much. The two boys offered to help you with schoolwork, which made you feel much more comfortable and less anxious.
Overall, it was a rather docile day. You didn’t want to dwell on it, even if your mind kept running back to Yohan and his cute smile. It was a weird feeling, being in the first stage of having a crush. You didn’t know him well enough to say that you genuinely liked him, but you interested enough to want to know more.
The second day of school came sooner than you anticipated. That day, you talked to a boy named Song Hyeongjun, who was a quiet kid in your class. You found yourself enjoying his company. Suddenly, you felt comfortable. You lay on your bed in your aunt’s apartment, recollecting the moments of your day. You didn’t want to jump the gun, but you felt that you could grow accustomed to this school, and the people.
You hoped to God you weren’t wrong.
-
Time meshed into one big timeline of getting to know Yohan and Hangyul, realizing that you definitely had a crush on Yohan, and trying to get by academically. A month had already passed, making you feel dizzy due to the speed that it crept up on you.
One day while in class, you couldn’t help but overhear some of the popular girls from your class talking about you. They whispered insulting and degrading words, and although you tried your best, you just couldn’t shake them off. You went over the breathing exercises Dr. Yoon taught you, but they just weren’t enough.
Nothing was enough--you weren’t enough. You would never be enough, according to those girls, according to Yohan, and especially according to you. You left the classroom out of the blue, already piquing the class’s interest.
You ran to the girl’s bathroom, refusing to go in since you heard some chatter. All you could do was stand there and go over some fucking breathing exercises, since that was all you knew. Just breathe, goddammit.
Is that all you’ll ever amount to? Some mentally crippled girl who can’t handle a few mean kids talking shit about her? The tears began to fall.
A few years ago--wait, no--even just a year ago, you would stand up for yourself and tell those girls to shut their mouths. But now? After everything that happened, you found yourself broken.
You remembered the words of the townsfolk from your old home, the malicious words that led you to believe you were a murderer.
It felt as if your entire world was shattered. You thought you would never get past this trauma, no matter how much therapy you would undertake. You were destined to be nothing.
Interrupting your internal chaos, Yohan came rushing to you with concern etched onto his features.
“Y/N...Are you okay?” He asked, worry laced into his voice. You sniffled a bit and forced your tears to halt.
“Yeah, Yohan, I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” You weakly whispered, your entire body burning with embarrassment. God, why did he have to be so damn nice?
“You can tell me anything, you know,” Yohan began, “even if it’s hard to say. I’m good at listening.”
Your eyes bore into his doe-like ones, and you couldn’t help but admire his beauty amid the dim light of the school hallways. The building itself was new, but it didn’t have modern architecture. It was a charming little place, and Kim Yohan made it even more charming.
“Thank you.” You whispered, swallowing the lump in your throat. Even if you thought he’d leave you the moment he found out the truth, his words were comforting for the time being. So, you let yourself be comforted.
You let yourself fall.
-
That night, you arrived home at your aunt’s quaint apartment. The moment you walked in, Minkyung pointed to an envelope on the coffee table.
“For you. It’s from your father.”
That made you shiver. You never looked forward to your father’s emotionless and lacking letters, but you read them because you had to. He was your father and your only parent. You opened the white envelope with shaky hands. The moment you saw how long the letter was, you decided to look around the room to get your mind off of it. The apartment had beige walls and an eating kitchen. There was a bedroom at the end of the tiny hallway, along with a bathroom to the right and your room. Random tacky paintings were scattered on the wall, and a television that Aunt Minkyung adored sat on a stand along with some DVDs and random wires. A window was directly left to the TV, which let in a cool breeze.
No matter how much you tried to distract yourself from the letter, it was to no avail. Your apprehensive eyes scanned the paper.
Y/N,
How are you? Sorry I haven’t been sending many letters lately, I’ve had so much work lately. Anyway, I’ll cut right to the chase--I sent you your mother’s necklace. I thought you deserved to have it more than me…
Your eyes darted to the shining object. You were seldom surprised, since you thought you had seen it all. Yet, you couldn’t help but soak in the utter shock you felt. You hadn’t noticed its glimmering presence on the coffee table, but now it was all you could see. Aunt Minkyung’s dainty apartment soon faded into the background. Your eyes were glued to the necklace, and you soon felt tears start to well.
Your mother always had this necklace on, it was even on her when she died.
Suddenly, you felt the world close in on you. This was it. It was all too real.
Your mother was actually dead. You had come to this epiphany while staring at the diamond necklace. Whenever you imagined that necklace, it was always around your mother’s neck. Now, it was in your hand, and you couldn’t help but tremble slightly.
It suddenly felt cold. You put the necklace around your neck and tossed the letter, not having the heart to read the rest. You didn’t want to hear about your father’s problems or about how much he loved you. All you wanted to do was bundle yourself up in a couple of blankets and feel warm.
You wondered if your mother was cold. Was death cold? You sure had hoped not. You hoped your mother was in a warm, warm place far away from the depths of the cruel Earth. You hoped your mother found peace.
You fell asleep on the couch that night. The blankets and the dreams about your mother kept you quite warm.
a/n i’m aware this is pretty short! but i promise that the next part will be up soon so you don’t have to wait too long for their interaction (yes, it’s coming.) but i really hope that y’all are loving this series as much as i am writing it for you all.
part one
———————————————
it had been about two or so weeks since the incident at the cafe, and hangyul’s gaze wouldn’t leave your mind. it felt as strong as it did a year ago but this time, it was different, there was a distance and of course you knew why, but still your heart felt like it had been poisoned and it had felt that way since he ended things with you. you would be lying if you said you weren’t frustrated that the feelings had never left you, especially after the way he spoke about you that day but there was something that kept you tied to him, something told you it was because you were struggling to trust another and you had only ever been in a relationship with one person, and that was hangyul. a part of you was scared that you could never find that comfort you did when you were with, the way he once made you feel like you were constantly floating and beautiful, so so beautiful. you shook your head of the thoughts, “so dumb,” you whispered to yourself as you sat up in your bed before gazing over at the view of the city, wondering if he was thinking of you, something in you was against this idea as he hadn’t shown up at the cafe with the rest of his friends since that day, so you just figured your existence bothered him still, your heart stinging at the thought. with a sigh, you sipped some of your water before returning to sleep.
— hangyul pov —
2:30 am and yet hangyul was still at the studio, perfecting the choreography for their debut song, but he couldn’t focus, he had been this way since that day in the cafe. it was his first time going because his friends had told him how cute one of the server girls was and he was intrigued, not expecting to see his ex girlfriend right in front of him, the server girl in question, he presumed by the way seungyoun smiled the brightest at her, his heart dropped when he noticed how she struggled to look him in the eyes, he couldn’t get that sight out of his head; the way she stuttered over her words, the way she rushed to get away from their table after dropping off the order, he just couldn’t remove that look she managed to give him, the way her eyes glazed over made his heart tighten and he tried his hardest to get the courage to speak to her but she had left before they did, so he decided from that day onwards to just leave her alone, and find a way out of not going to the cafe because he didn’t want to ruin things, again. hours had passed, the clock now reading 6:30 am and the sky had began to light up but the air was fresh yet cold, from the way his breathing could be easily seen by someone across the road, he made his way back to the dorm before noticing something that caused him to stop in his tracks, it was her.. she was opening up the cafe all by herself, he bit his lip as he watched her closely making sure she got in okay, having an internal battle with himself on whether to go in or not.
— back to y/n pov —
it was a super cold morning, so you made sure to wrap up to avoid getting sick because that was the last thing you needed when trying to pay for your first year of college, you pulled off your hat and then started on entangling your scarf but forgetting how long it exactly was, your feet got stuck in the parts that had hit the ground, stumbling forward before you hit something warm, feeling a grip on your arms that you could only think were hands, your forehead was against their chest and you felt your heart beat quicken before slowly looking up to meet eyes with him: hangyul. you gasped, looking in his eyes, your mouth agape and you could feel your eyes begin to well up but you tried your hardest to fight back the tears, wiggling out of his grip as you backed away a little, “u-uh... what... what, c-can i get you?” really? you thought, that’s what you say to him?, you gulp as you looked down at your fingers, circling the tips around each other as you did your best to ground yourself otherwise you knew you would faint, he opened his mouth to speak before shaking his head and all you heard was the bell signifying that you were once again, alone.. because of him.
Warnings: major sadness!!!!! get the tissues ready pls !!!!! confrontation!!!!!
Genre: Angst + Fluff
Pairing: Lee Hangyul x Reader
You couldn’t believe you were once again in this situation where your heart ached just as hard as it did the day he left you, and yet the frustrating part was that the warmth you felt when he held you, that you liked it, the way your heart beat quickened in pace, the way he looked at yo- KNOCK KNOCK! Your thoughts were interrupted as you came back to reality realising that you were sitting in the restroom at the cafe, you looked yourself in the mirror noticing the way your arms were wrapped around yourself almost as if you absentmindedly were trying to recreate that once warm feeling you felt.
With a sigh, you got up and quickly rubbed your eyes free from the tears that fell during your reminiscing, you opened up the door and muttered a quick sorry to your boss before returning to your spot at the front, looking around the cafe and seeing the usual customers, the old ladies, the single mother and her baby boy, the young school girls, then you forced yourself to look in that one corner to find the table empty and no sight of him or his friends, something in you was disappointed and you hated it. You left your station and began to clean some of the tables. A few minutes later, the clock read 10 am meaning that the work day wasn’t even over yet. “Y/N!” You heard your boss call, turning to face him as he held up two bags in your face, “We’ve got a delivery...” You nodded, “I’ll get minse- she’s not here.” your boss interrupted, “You’re gonna have to take it. It’s at swing entertainment, here’s some bus money.” You just gazed at your boss taking in his words, realising that you would have to come into contact with Hangyul as you were more than aware that was his entertainment agency, you knew that protesting would do no good so you grabbed the goods and made your way.
[ Hangyul POV ]
“I just don’t want to go there! Why can’t we find somewhere else that’s closer?” Hangyul huffed at his friends who were clearly not taking his answer as final. Seungyoun raised his eyebrow at him, “I don’t get the issue... We went there a couple of weeks back and it was fine? It’s close to the dorm, that’s why we like it.. you’re just being difficult.” He explained, Hangyul sighed heavily before getting up to stretch. A smirk played on Wooseok’s lips as he watched the younger, “Is this because of the waitress?” Hangyul snapped his head right to look at him, eyes widened, “N-no.. I just- Don’t they have a delivery?” He quickly played it off so no one would notice his discomfort, “You’re acting weird,” Seungyoun nodded at him before taking out his phone to make the order.
[ Y/N POV ]
Your boss was right, it didn’t take long to get to the station despite the fact the bus took longer than you had hoped, knowing you’d have to make conversation with whoever ordered said goods and something in you prayed the hardest that it wasn’t Hangyul, especially after the way he run off the other day. you walked into the lobby, “Hi, I’m from L.U.V Cafe, just dropping off a delivery.” You explained to the receptionist who passed a card which would allow you to make your way to the dance studio. Your curiosity truly got the best of you as you couldn’t help but stare at all the photos on the walls of idols that had practiced here before, your eyes stopped on a picture of Hangyul causing you to gulp heavily then you began to walk quicker so that you could get this over and done with, stopping at the door you were instructed to go to, you knocked softly but you were unsure if it was loud enough so you went to knock again but then the door opened, your eyes locking with his, Hangyul was standing right in front of you and by the way he sighed heavily, you could tell he was disappointed and this thought didn’t stop the tears from forming in your eyes, “I-I’m here with your delivery.” You spoke softly, watching as he opened his mouth to speak before being interrupted by one of his friends, you instantly recognised him as Seungyoun, due to your avid research into Hangyul and his group members, and since Seungyoun had such a bright person, he was unforgettable but even as you scanned your eyes towards the other members for a moment, you were able to spot who exactly was who even if they had their back to you. “Hey, it’s you!” Seungyoun chirped, his smile was super contagious causing you to return it, handing him the food, “And it’s you~” You cooed back to him, your smile faltering when a slight grunt interrupted the moment almost as if Hangyul wanted you both to remember that he was there, “Stop flirting with her.” He stared right at you, his gaze low but the tone was clearly directed to Seungyoun, you bit your lip as you locked eyes with him, gasping when he gripped onto your hand tugging you out of the dance studio and shutting the door behind him,
“Wh-what are you doing?” You spoke softly, and in an instant Hangyul stopped his movements, his heart felt like it was melting at the way you sounded and he turned to look down at you, removing his grip, “I..I’m sorry.” He whispered, half of it came out in a choke but you understood, you could’ve sworn it felt like your heart was crumbling to see him stare at you like this with the tears falling, and something in you just wanted to hold him, to cry with him or to rub away the tears, you chose the latter as you lifted your hand and slowly rubbed away the tears, “It hurt a lot, hangyul.. It really did. My heart still feels like it could never be healed again, the things you said,” Your hand drifted and lightly touched his chest as you felt him slowly back off and all you wanted was him to stay to hear what you were saying because you didn’t want to be angry at him, it was the last thing at this point, “It ruined me.” YOU choked out, now you were the one crying and Hangyul noticed instantly, holding you close with his hand placed lightly on the back of your head, “.. I didn’t want it to happen but I knew you’d give up everything for me.. just move to seoul and watch me become a singer.. I knew it, but I couldn’t let that happen. I wanted you to stick to your path, go to college, study hard and succeed,” he closed his eyes tightly to stop any more tears to fall, “Y-you don’t get to decide that though, I do.. I couldn’t even bring myself to go to college after that..” You peaked up at him, “I literally felt like I was going to be sick whenever I went and I knew at the end of it all, no matter how well I succeeded, I didn’t have you. ai didn’t get to celebrate my good times with you, it was so hard, Hangyul.” You sobbed harder, feeling yourself crumble under his warmth. Hangyul hated it, hated that he did this to you. Something that could’ve been avoided. He swore in that moment he wouldn’t let it happen again.
A/N: this hit home a lot. i cried along while writing this... it’s my fave chapter so far.
