been craving some penitent m&s lately. do you have a list of fics with either m or s apologetic/repentant/remorseful ya know, all the good stuff? one i love is 'careful' by mldrgrl it's so satisfying and scratches that angsty itch
Collector's Edition:
The En Ami of My Enemy Is My Friend
I tried to take this in many different directions; but En Ami recs panned out as the cleanest option. What can I say? They demanded their due.
Loose chronological order below~
Beshter's Seasons: Seventh
Scully had never seen Mulder so angry with her in all of their long partnership together. She had seen him angry enough to kill before, but that anger was never at her, annoyed to the point of shouting, or screaming, or sulking even, yes, but never like this. It was never to the point of the utter silence, the icy thick, frozen wall that sat between them as she perched on the edge of his couch, nor had it ever become the careful avoidance of hazel-green eyes, so pinpoint hard in an expression, dark and unmoving. That he would be angry with her, she had no doubt, but this? Hadn't he understood what she was doing? After all of the times he had run off, half-cocked, on schemes of his own, how could he possibly be this angry with her?
Following Scully and Mulder through S7, this fic tracks what led to En Ami (and what was its fallout.)
@scullywolf's (Ao3) En Ami
Initially, I thought the worst part of this whole thing was seeing the disappointment and anger on Mulder’s face. At first I felt indignant (Who was he to talk, given the number of times he’s run off on his own?), but after the blank disc and the empty office, I started thinking maybe he was right to be disappointed in me.
And then it seemed the worst part was having been so thoroughly played for a fool.
AU-- Mulder, Scully, and CSM's reflections before, during, and after (Mulder's brain disease is mentioned.)
@sigritandtheelves/DarlaBlack's Milford (Ao3)
“How do you take your coffee?” He is smiling like nothing has happened, like an innocent old man.
She can’t look him in the eye. Her stomach squeezes. She says nothing, but walks to the phone that hangs on the wall beside the refrigerator. Her fingers tremble, but she dials without hesitation.
AU-- En Ami Scully abandons the mission.
@cecilysass/cecily_sass/Cecily Sasserbaum's False Front (Ao3)
He suspects the smoking man likes the idea of Mulder, his supposed son, uncovering this. He probably got some sick little thrill imagining Mulder discovering Scully’s tawdry secret online relationship. Look, Mulder, your loyal girl betrayed you. What an extra little zing that must give him. In addition to the heady exhilaration of murdering his son’s adored partner.
Mulder slams his palm down on the steering wheel angrily.
En Ami Scully returns, victorious-- until she realizes the disc is empty.
Donna’s (Gossamer, mulderscreek) Destroying Trust (Gossamer)
He won‘t even look at me, but I can feel his anger wash over me. No, not anger, disappointment. He’s so horribly disappointed in me he can’t even speak it. He won’t even come into the room with me, standing there in the entrance, his hands holding onto the doorframe, holding him away from me.
En Ami's Scully's thoughts when the disc turns up blank.
@brenayla's (Ao3) ālea iacta est
A few weeks later, in a freshly abandoned office building, Scully feels foolish for ever hoping that a cure promised by a devil could be true.
Mulder demands to hear the details of her road trip and stays dangerously silent throughout Scully’s retelling of the 118 year old lady, the dinner, the man on the boat.
When she’s finished, he runs a hand over his face. “Is this payback? Were you trying to get back at me for what I said in Winslow?”
Post-Millennium Mulder and Scully start loosening the rules of their relationship.
DaniPayson's Was it Worth It?
Thirty-two minutes, and we were closer to my apartment now. Soon he would drop me off and drive off angry. How long would this continue? To eat away at him, to eat away at the bond we had formed over the last seven years.
Post-En Ami Scully and Mulder have a necessary conversation.
@mldrgrl's (Ao3) Divide and Conquer
Finally, she fumbles for the door handle and steps out of the car, one foot at a time, knees weak. She doesn’t remember getting from the car into her apartment, only that one moment she was there and the next she was running a bath, sitting in the darkness of her bathroom next to a single flickering candle.
Post-En Ami Mulder drives Scully home.
Shoshana's Pop Psychology
She's exhausted. Whatever sleep she's gotten in the last forty-eight hours could never be enough to compensate for the kind of stress she's been under. I glance over at her and see her eyelids flutter closed.
She can't possibly be alert enough to drive herself home so I double park my car behind hers and say, "Scully... let me have your car keys."
Post-En Ami Mulder won't leave his partner alone.
Trixie's (Whispers Of X) Your Love Like Thunder
This, like so many things between she and Mulder, was a moot point, one she didn't want to argue with him. The longer they drove, the less she thought of C.G.B. Spender and his motives. The longer they drove, the more she thought of the confrontation that was surely to come.
He was so angry.
Post-En Ami Scully and Mulder explore his anger (and she realizes he needs reassurance.)
@heartbash's (Ao3) As Friends
At that, she scoffed. “Yes, I do know exactly how it feels because you’ve done it to me countless times,” she said, pursing her lips and shaking her head in disbelief.
Undeterred by her rebuttal, he said, “This is different.”
“How is this different?!” she exclaimed, indignant.
Suddenly his expression shifts from frustration to something softer. His eyes darted away. That’s when it hits her.
Post-En Ami Scully won't apologize, but comes to understand Mulder's perspective.
Diana Battis's Iconoclasm
I'm a fool, she thought, pinching the bridge of her nose with trembling fingers. I trusted the devil.
Post-En Ami Mulder soothes Scully's guilt.
@greekowl87's (Ao3) Want (Ao3)
“The man who gave the chip that put my cancer in remission! The chip that almost cost me my life at Ruskin Dam,” I countered. “The chip we know nothing about! I am tired, Mulder! I am tired of not knowing and I don’t want to feel like this tomorrow and the day after that.”
I watched his poker face remain emotionless but something flickered in his hazel eyes. Even when he refused to give any clue as to what he was thinking, his eyes were literally a peek into his soul. I just wish I knew what he was feeling. I sighed pointlessly. This was becoming pointless.
Post-En Ami Scully gives Mulder some space.
haphazard method's As We Forgive Those
"No. The machine'll get it." But he looked at them like he was looking through them, like he could see whoever was calling standing just behind them. When the answering machine clicked on and a woman's voice began speaking, he bolted out of his chair.
"Mulder, it's me. I know you're angry at me but you have to let me explain why I went with him. I thought--" Her voice was cut off when he flipped the volume down without picking up the phone.
Post-En Ami Mulder has an unexpected conversation with door-to-door religious women.
Tess's (Ao3) Sounds of Silence
"I'll tell you who I'm not," I begin slowly. "I'm not Diana."
Mulder inhales sharply and stares at me.
Post-En Ami Mulder enforces the silent treatment.
httpspotter's Alien boy
She pulled him closer, caressing his back, hugging him. “Shhh… It’s okay, Mulder, I’m okay. We’re okay.” Scully kissed his shoulder, and then separated a bit, now holding his face in her tiny hands. “I’m sorry.”
“That you acted behind my back?”
“No,” and he smiled, of course she wouldn’t give up of being right. “That you were worried. Next time, I will set up a lie with my mom so you won’t ever know anything.”
Post-En Ami Scully and Mulder discuss their double standards and fears lovingly.
Lovesfox's Rifts
Despite the fact she had spurned his help just seconds ago, she fully expected Mulder to bring her a towel. Or to try and help her onto the couch or into his bathroom.
When no such aid came, she mumbled his name questioningly, tasting blood in the back of her throat. It made her gag.
Post-En Ami Mulder won't talk; and when forced, accidentally injures Scully (unawares) before he takes off.
Elanor G.'s Yo Creo (Gossamer)
"Seems like only yesterday that you were swallowing messianic claims of miracle cures," says Mulder. "But today, you lump it all together with witch doctors and snake charmers and New Age healers with crystals."
Where did that come from? "That's not fair, Mulder." She speaks to the window. Mulder gives her another dark look before returning his concentration to the wet pavement.
Post-En Ami Mulder and Scully finally apologize after a harrowing case.
@slippinmickeys/SlippinMickeys/Slippin' Mickeys's
87 Shades of Black (1/3, 2/3, 3/3)
I can't understand why she's still acting as if at any moment I'll leave her to fend for herself, and the child that's growing inside her.
And then it hits me.
She doesn't know that *I* know about the baby. And she thinks that because of what Diana said, that I won't want it. That I won't want her, and that I'll hate her for it.
AU-- En Ami plays out very differently: Mulder is offered one chance to get his partner back. One chance at a new life (in more ways than one.)
spookycc's High Praise
"Mulder, can you hear me?" Scully needed to make contact, to let him know she was there with him. She needed to see the light in his eyes. To know that he was still here with her, as well.
Post-En Ami CSM uses Gibson to trap Mulder and Scully.
Andrea's (xphilefic) Once Bitten
"Hi, Mulder, it's me." I smiled at the familiar greeting. "I can't make it this afternoon. Something's come up; a family emergency. I'll call you when I can."
Was this some kind of sick joke? I replayed the message; it was definitely Scully. The message was not exactly the same as the one she had left a few short months ago, but hearing those words... 'family emergency', almost took my knees out.
Post-En Ami Mulder mistakes Scully's family emergency.
@gaycrouton/OnlyTheInevitable's Those Who Wait (Ao3)
The only reason she hadn't started crying last night was because Frohike, Langly, and Byers were there. Though, by the looks of contrite pity on their faces, she might as well have been. Mulder had callously told her that the Gunmen would give her a ride home and she should take the night to put her head on straight.
Mulder and Scully face struggles and successes together through the years-- one of which includes his withdrawal post-En Ami.
ML/ML_is_me/ml_griffonnage's (Ao3, site) Though you do anything, he thinks no ill (Gossamer)
He nods to the floor, raking his hands through his hair, back and forth. "I'm sorry, Scully," he mumbles. "I was selfish, letting this happen. And I guess I thought at first that it would pass..."
He hears the squeak and sigh of the leather as Scully rises and approaches him. She kneels in front of him, and places her cool hands on his head, kissing him. "I'm so sorry," she says tears thickening her voice again. "I really wanted this for you. I really hoped..."
"I know you did," he says, looking up at her so she can see the tears swimming in his own eyes.
AU-- En Ami Mulder understands Scully wanted to cure him.
@amplifyme/wonderland/Lydia Bower's Quonochontaug (Ao3)
“Mulder… Mulder what are you doing?”
“End of the road, Scully. Just tying up loose ends.”
She dipped her head and accepted the inevitable. She’d been afraid from the onset that his fragile peace wouldn’t last. Had felt the unsettled aura that’d enveloped him the last few months, the indigo shimmer of his dissatisfaction.
She knew it was in small part her unfortunate adventure with CGB Spender; the full details of which she’d chosen not to disclose to him. But Mulder had discerned her flimsy ploy and instead of pressing her, meted out punishment by withholding his affections.
Post-En Ami Mulder sorts through the past in Quonochontaug.
prufrockslove’s (Gossamer, Colonization HQ) Alienated
All the ova – Mulder had been very specific about that. Not just many, but all; there was no way she could get pregnant the old-fashioned way, and the IVF had failed almost a year ago. Had Cancerman done something to her? The ultrasound indicated she was about four months pregnant, but the baby could be developing more rapidly than normal if it wasn't fully human.
AU-- Post-Requiem Mulder is returned, with extraordinary abilities, while Scully quietly balances her pregnancy secret and what the future of their partnership looks like.
nevdull's Timber (1/3), Timber (2/3), and Timber (3/3)
He ducked down a bit to meet her face-to-face. "We're not sure of anything, Scully. The Gunmen, Skinner, they might be okay."
"I know." Mulder knew too -- he knew that she was lying and it wasn't for the first time lately, but this was hardly the moment to press that particular case. Instead, he turned the television volume back on.
AU-- Colonization is looming; the answer to prevent is-- so Mulder, Scully, Krycek, Marita, and the Consortium believe-- was on the disc CSM destroyed.
CONCLUSION
Hope this itches that spot, too. If not, report back and I'll try to get a more specific list out!
