✨ 31.12.2020 - painting: “drowning in 2019” how about that 2019 huh? it was an amazing year + a year that looked me dead in the eye + said: “but did you die?” one of those “wan ogri tjar’ wan bun” years. a lot of “ogris” but thankfully they brought a lot of “buns” 🙏🏾 - the best “buns” it gave me were new tools to cope with myself, life + the people around me. I started 2019 with a great New Years celebration (read: I was drunk). I didn’t eat for 12 hours after that. I wish I could say it was because of some fasting cleanse, but I was so hung over I couldn’t even keep water down. I celebrated my birthday with friends in a busy bar. then a week later I got robbed in Athens... I should've known the first 2 weeks of January were a preview of what a rollercoaster the rest of year would be. a year of being broke + broken before it would get better. so around May I was looking at 2019 like “yo sis, what’s up? I didn’t manifest this?!” did you know sis had the AUDACITY to tell me I had to work harder for what I wanted? 😒 I was UP-SET! the kind of upset where you write a whole paragraph? you’re furious. head’s heated. heart’s racing. fingers can barely keep up with typing. that 1 paragraph easily turns into 5. paragraphs of bleeding emotions out of spite. staining the digital paper just to hurt the receiver on the other end. there’s two types of people. the one who hits send + the one who hits backspace. because you know: "growth". I’m half way there. instead of writing + erasing, I send paragraphs to my own chat which now reads like an angry love letter between grocery list + poetry snippets. writing helps me cool down. then when I read it again, I’m usually happy no one gets to see that ugly side of me. I’ve sent one too many paragraphs to not have learned that people don’t need my sharp knife in their chest, even if they deserved it. I send them to myself because I’ve sent too many paragraphs to learn silence weighs heavy on my heart. then 2020 came & made 2019 look like childs play.. I know this year might’ve made you feel like you were drowning at times, but you’ll get through this. I hope 2021 brings you what you deserve + much more. #HappierNewYear ✨🤎🥂 (at Schiedam, Netherlands) https://www.instagram.com/p/CJeQhYvhhwQ/?igshid=100uuc9ph5513
