I wish a belated(on Tumblr)happy birthday to one of the loveliest people in the kpop industry(and pop scene in general)🥰 I admire Jiu for so many things- Her hardworking nature, talent, kindness, resilience and humour a few among them; I can only wish for her to be happy and healthy as she pursues her goals🤍
Warnings: Toxic relationship, brief mentions of abuse, depression, self-harm, scars, good ending
Cast: Jiu
Genre: Angst, hurt and comfort - Gn!reader x Jiu
Word Count: 2472
Average Read Time: 10 Minutes
AN: Here's an angsty Jiu one shot, that I barely finished in time for the end of Jiu day. Preemptive apologies abound. Pretty sure I covered everything, if I haven't you cant tell the general vibe.
A moonlight crested night, that's when you met Minji, underneath the haze of alcohol you didn't pay much attention to her.
That said more about the amount of alcohol you had imbibed than anything. Even under the effervescent haze, you knew she was special… different.
Still you paid no heed to her, to you she was simply another person – here for a good time not a long time.
A friend of a friend, the alcohol bubbled through your veins. A different person with your voice.
Someone happy.
Fake words bubble past your lips, like lines off a script.
Nothing but a role – someone who had their life together.
Even amongst the heavy blare of bass and distorted neon lights, her smile remained in your mind even as the poison in your veins sought to strike every memory off the record.
Part of you wished it succeeded.
Yet, part of you ached terribly, wistfully so. Time was a cruel mistress, but you would have begged, if it meant you were with Jiu forever.
Yet, the world twists and turns against your beck and call, she was nothing but an illusion nursed by your own brain to fight against frayed edges of your stress fractured mind.
A single ray of light admit darkness.
Her smile a single fractured memory present in your mind, like the vaporous hint of a good dream.
Radiance held close to your soul, an instinctual comfort.
Pain blooms through your skull, months after. Piercing through your right eye.
The least of your worries – or wounds.
Stress was your smallest enemy. Your biggest enemy? The lack of painkillers in your shared apartment. Your hands scrounging through any and every draw, praying for sweet relief.
Yet as you scan through your apartment, you know there's only one course of action.
A trip to the supermarket, an easy enough task you ponder as you wrestle with a long sleeve.
You almost forget about your bruised flesh as you depart. Your body aches as you make the slow trek, muscles sore, slow and drained.
Caffeine would probably help too.
Maybe your girlfriend was right about wasting money on Lemonade flavoured bran flakes?
It didn't matter, cold brisk air mixed into your lungs, mornings weren't typically your thing, but as you trek past empty school fields settled with morning dew.
Part of you can understand why some people are.
You do your best to fight off a yawn, your body wants to give itself away to pain. Your muscles do nothing but complain as you crest the last hill.
Rain peeks through dull grey covers, frustration lines your throat. The walk home was going to be a pain. Your body ached even just thinking about it.
Life was tiring.
You collapse against a nearby bench, metres away from the supermarket.Your body a despondent mess of sapped energy. Lethargy ate at you, your social battery just needed prep.
A lie.
How long had it been? Years maybe? It almost felt like a lifetime. Recent months have aged you by years.
Despite every ounce of fight and protest, a yawn escapes your lips with deep claws. Irritation blooms through your mind, you woke up not that long ago.
Useless.
A soft hand runs over your shoulder, for a second you feel startlingly awake, panic settles like concrete shoes.
“Long day?”
A deep breath, it wasn’t her. Your eyelids flutter slightly, “Mmh?" A half awake grumble, "I guess yeah"
Another yawn escapes, this time you’re thankful. An accomplice to your lies.
You spy her blonde cascade and brimming smile as she sits down beside you. An umbrella in her hand, shielding the both of you from the light rain.
Her presence is a shield in itself, a cozy warmth overcomes you, like a loving cottage in a verdant forest. Her voice, hot chocolate for your soul.
"It's been awhile hasn't it?" her eyes focused on the dreary storm clouds, how she found beauty in it, you could never understand.
You nearly unfurl in her presence, an itching weakness. In all honesty she scared you, you had and still were going through a lot of shit.
Your heart had been encrusted with a thick layer of jade.
Yet as her eyes drift over yours, your heart feels unburdened.
Worry bubbles in your chest when she frowns, her words hanging in the air. Had your mental distraction offended her?
Worry etched into her eyes as her hand caresses your cheek. Pain ripples through you as her thumb lightly passes over your eye socket.
You deserved it, another member to the chorus.
You do your best not to wince, a lie bubbles out of your lips, before you falter under her questions. "You should see the other guy."
She's completely fine.
You barely bumble out a chuckle, you can’t help but notice the tired edge to your voice.She smiles lightly and a part of you aches for your lies.
Shame tended to your wounds.
“What did you fight about?”
A small dumb smirk crosses your lips. “Lemonade flavoured bran flakes.”
Finances really, but those bran flakes had been the crux of the issue. The last straw.
Her eyebrows knit together slowly, yet even as the confusion settles across her features, her eyes linger against yours.
Her lips twist into a soft smile, “they must be really good bran flakes.”
You give a weak shrug, “Yeah I guess,” lethargy licked at your soul, weighing at your eyelids. Yet you feel your own soft smile, it felt oddly worth it for once in your life.
More sales meant they’d keep it in stock for the gentle old man that lived across from you. His smile was an easy trade for your pain.
Against your best intentions you rest your head on her shoulder, an almost unfamiliar sense of comfort washes over you.
Your mind howls at you like a scared pup, had you gotten so used to the dark that you were scared of the light?
You fight desperately through old wounds with tired veins to stay awake. Yet as her fingers run through your hair, it’s like swimming with concrete flippers.
“Have some rest, I don’t mind.”
It was odd to feel safe, unnatural even.
But that safety would stick with you in her presence. A shield for a journey of a thousand miles.
Taken one step at a time.
Two years pass like secrets between friends, and things had gotten better. Your mind was no longer stained by the blackened ichor of your ex-girlfriend.
Well, not as stained.
Some days were harder than others.
3am conversations with Minji had helped a lot in that regard, especially in the initial fallout.
How many nights had been spent at her place? The empty halls of your damaged apartment, only heightened your distress.
Even now you can feel the ghost of her finger tips running through your hair. A smile etches it’s way across your face, your fingers running over your jacket.
A gift from Minji, anything to get you to stop wearing long sleeves she reasoned. You were thankful she didn’t push you on why.
She was always respectful of your boundaries.
You still can’t help but laugh, memories of that day doting your mind. Her dancing with a shoe never failed to produce a smile. You were glad she was comfortable around you as well.
Music floated lightly through your humble abode, the pasta was finally boiling, you were just waiting on Minji for the rest.
You move with scattered steps, quickly scanning for any imperfections, you had replaced the damaged doors, both of them.
Why were they so expensive to replace?
You hear a knock at your front door, the sound used to fuel your anxiety, yet now you can’t help but feel your heart soar.
Her soft curious eyes peek past your door, a smile etched on to your soul. She inspects your apartment with child-like wonder. Her eyes spy a single painting hung by the entrance.
A wolf.
A gift from her, one of the few things she didn’t break. A shame the same couldn’t be said for your trust.
“Ingredients?” you ask hoping to draw her away from any questions. You watch as she fights the painting’s draw over her.
“Hm?” Suddenly her eyes snap to you. “Right, right.”
She flashes a smile before producing a plastic bag. “Diced chicken from the supermarket just like you asked.”
You return her smile, “dinner should be ready in like half an hour or so. Make yourself at home.”
It had been awhile since you had cooked for yourself, let alone for someone else. You almost struggle to find the oil.
Heat the oil, add the chicken and heat until golden. Don’t forget the sauce you prepared earlier.
You repeat ad nauseam, that’s why you don’t think twice when Minji asks for a knife. “Second drawer,” you gesture behind you.
Simmer the sauce, don’t boil it. You can’t help but frown at the lessons from your ex.
The scar on your palm was enough.
The chicken simmers in front of your eyes, a satisfied smile wrestles it’s way on to your face. You’re just glad you didn’t burn the apartment down. Maybe your ex was good for something after all.
Aside from good cup noodles.
You open your kitchen window, letting a light cool breeze roll through. The night was a comfort you hadn’t abandoned, anxiety licked at your skin.
Sweat, you hadn’t noticed.
Your fault for putting pressure on yourself you suppose. It’d be easier if you drank but you were better than that now.
Still it’d help to have something to take the edge off.
And your own mind.
You’re surprised when you feel two fingers lock with your hand, a gentle tug from velvet soft fingers.
Your heart flutters, maybe you had a chance?
She remains silent as she pulls into your lounge, a single plate on your coffee table, a single plastic knife lodged in an apple.
You don’t think much of it, all you had was plastic knives.
An insurance policy.
That’s when you freeze in her grip, anxiety held you by the throat.
A death grip, so foreign yet just like home.
You can’t breathe.
Minji’s grip on your hand tightens, your body reminds frozen yet your mind races.
She turns to you and it feels like your soul is laid bare for judgement.
Her judgement, it had been so long since you’d been a disappointment. Pain stings and licks at your eyes.
You had been good.
Super good.
So why?
Why was it so hard to breathe?
Her hands tug at your sleeves and you’re so scared, so primally scared that you’d be abandoned again. By someone that meant the world to you.
Maybe it scares you more because you know she wouldn’t knowingly hurt you.
You claw desperately for your brain to push her hands away, you didn’t wanna see her look of disgust and pure revulsion.
Seething anger like lava.
But you deserved it.
Her fingers peel away your second skin, faded tally marks etched into your skin. Each mark of loathing, disgust and deserved hate.
Every mistake, everytime she was right.
Each mark reinforced that idea, each dip of the blade.
Minji doesn’t show her disgust, at least not visibly.
She drags your jacket off your shoulders, a sob threatens to break through.
Her soft velvet hands pulls your left arm closer, your skin on full display under her gaze.
“I-” You can’t bring yourself to speak, you had been good.
You had been good.
You almost thought that someone like Minji could look your way. That’s what tonight had been about.
A chance at real love, not that one with butterflies, but safety.
You were wrong to think you deserved anything like that.
Her thumb trails across each tally, her touch is soft, gentle even but you can’t help but feel burnt under gaze.
She looks you in the eye and you’re prepared for the annoyance, the anger. How dare you shove more problems onto her?
Yet she offers you the softest smile you’ve ever seen as she presses a kiss against your damaged flesh.
Yet, part of you doesn’t want to get your hopes up.
This was just a consolation prize before she left forever.
Tears spill slowly but surely as your heart aches and cracks.
A kiss pressed into each and every scar ascending your arm, and for a moment you truly think— you hope, that she’s not disgusted.
But you watch as she gets to your bicep and she cracks. For the first time since you’ve met her, she falters.
You had destroyed her smile
You had blotted out the sun, there would be no light in your darkness..
For the first time in Minji’s presence, you’re vulnerable and scared.
No longer was it faded tally marks, pure gnarled scar tissue.
Permanently itched into your skin, one word.
A deadly echo chamber, a daily fight.
Useless.
She cries and her tears are their own storm. You had been stained by your mistakes and you were paying for it.
She owed you nothing.
You feel emotion drain out of you, survival instinct.
You slowly peel away from her grip as she sobs slowly.
Yet, just before you can retreat, her grip tightens and you feel her anger come to a boil.
For an instant, old habits die hard and you flinch.
Yet she doesn’t move, her eyes snap to yours. “You’re not useless.”
Her eyes are softer than clouds, as tears trail down her face.
You’re pulled into the deepest hug you could imagine, in that moment her strength outmatched even a blackhole.
Yet something else lingered deep within her eyes but you’re too busy breaking under her touch and warmth.
It’s the first time you don’t question it, if you’re worth it. You’re too busy sobbing into her neck.
To be weak in front of someone… was new.
But under her caress, it was good.
Everything was good.
You were your ugliest in this moment, yet you pull her lips against yours.
Courage surges through you, maybe regretfully so as you feel her stiffen.
But then you feel that same radiant smile pressed against your lips, before a giggle escapes.
“I don’t wanna wreck the moment… But uh, do you smell that?”
You’re too busy walking a new high but you slowly catch the scent.
The smell of burning.
She rests her forehead against yours, a tender embrace.You still can’t help but smile in her presence. The roar of your smoke alarm rips through your apartment, yet event hat couldn’t wreck your moment.
“...Pizza?” You offer.
“Pizza,” she giggles as she slowly ushers you to the kitchen. Before she can pull away from your grasp you squeeze her hand.
