I feel like my tumblr is the only place that I can just vent my feelings anymore and yet I dont utilise it because no one is here anymore so there's no real opportunity for support. 😞
I'm feeling a bit stressed because of my study commitments clashing my student mentor position.
I dont really think I'm being effective at either position right now. My commitments are directed at my studies, thats what I want to do....
With the student mentor position, I'm able to help other people with their studies. I like doing that, but recently we've been attempting to define what we do and making the mentor program better. We're attempting to make a video, advertising our faces and our skills so students know who we are.... with Covid, things have gotten harder. This has affected so many things.
It's hard to type it all out, im just frustrated because i keep attempting to help move things forwards and be that progress, but people keep getting in the way and stopping me and I'm not sure if it's the universe challenging me or cautioning me and at this point it's just frustrating as all hell. I keep losing my temper and the frustration and tears are real. I don't even know why I let it get to me.
It could just be that I'm feeling those childhood patterns of wanting to follow a plan and do the right thing and I'm afraid of failing and being revealed as ... ineffective at being a mentor.
I haven't seen a student to help them in a while -_- and mmmmm just feeling kind of shitty about it all and wishing I didn't. I'll bounce back fast enough, it's just been rough the past couple of months. Deaths in the family keep piling up and such. Sigh everyone is doing it tough, makes it harder dealing with each other because we can't see the pain at face value.
This is me, signing out. I'll get better. Just have to give myself some time and maybe have a chat with my supervisor.
Thanks for reading xx
