summary: you had a really bad day and your boyfriend is there for you
word count: 1,4k
It simply wasn’t your day. Your alarm clock didn't ring on time, so you overslept. You forgot to dry your hair before you went to bed and it was sticking out in every possible direction, so you had to straighten it and you burned yourself. You were late for work, your computer broke, just when you needed to print some important documents for the meeting that was in the next ten minutes. When you were going home you got stuck in traffic and it took you almost an hour to get to your flat. You didn't have time to eat lunch or drink your tea, so you had a completely empty stomach all day, forgot to do the groceries, and finally, while going up the stairs to the fourth floor (the lift turned out to be broken), you fell, bruised your knees and hands and broke the heel of your favorites shoes.
When you finally got home your already bad mood got even worse. The mess you'd left in the morning was bigger than you had remembered, and there was complete silence inside, which meant Harrison, your boyfriend of four years, wasn’t home yet.
Usually you kept things in check. You were the one in charge in your relationship, you were always the one who had everything under control. Especially your emotions. Sure, you loved to share your emotions with your loved ones and cry during movies, but when it came to dealing with adulthood, you had the power.
Usually, but today wasn’t that day. Today you were tired, and everything that could possibly go wrong went exactly like that. Normally you would just ignore it and get on with the things you had to do, but today wasn't normal. Today you were too nervous and frustrated and so damn tired you couldn't keep it cool. Tears began to gather in your eyes as you removed your worn shoes and coat. When you entered the bedroom and threw yourself on the bed, you felt a little better. The smell of your favorite fabric softener, blend of both of your perfumes, and what you could only describe as Harrison's scent soothed your nerves a little.
When Haz came home some time later, he faced a complete silence and a mess he had made before he left. He was surprised that you hadn't cleaned it up when you got home from work. Not because he thought it was your duty as a woman to do the housework, but because he knew your pedantic nature and knew you would clean it up in a second if you were home or you just wouldn't be able to go on with your day if the flat was untidy. Yet Harrison was glad that this time he could do some of the chores and took that responsibility from you.
About ten minutes later, your flat looked like your flat again, and the groceries were put in the right cupboards and then he finally headed to the bedroom to put his phone to the charger. He saw you lying under the pile blanket and heard your soft sobs. He immediately sat down on the edge of the bed, stroking your shoulder.
‘Hi, love.’ When you did not react to his words he put his hand on the small of your back. ‘Come here.’
There was silence for a moment, broken only by your sniffling. Harrison didn't want to overwhelm you, so he waited for any reaction from you, the slightest gesture that would give him permission to approach you. After a minute, however, you came out from under the blanket and climbed onto his lap. Haz wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him.
‘Do you want to tell me what happened?’ In response, you just hid your face in the crook of his neck, and you just sat there for a while. Harrison was worried sick about what might have happened to affect your mood so much, as you slowly calmed down in his warmth, still crying silently. ‘Shhh, you're safe, I won't leave you. Come on, darling.’
Harrison stared at your tiny body resting on his lap and noticed goose bumps on your skin. He took the blanket that was abandoned on the bed long ago, but you pushed his hand away. He looked at you in surprise.
‘I don't want a blanket.’ You croaked. ‘May I have your hoodie?’
Harrison tossed his head back, laughing, but either way taking off the mint hoodie he was wearing. You smiled gracefully as you settled more comfortably on his lap. The truth was, Harrison's clothes were kinda therapeutic for you. You weren't sure if it was because they were more comfortable than yours, or because they always smelled like his perfume, but they were just so soothing for you.
‘Have you eaten today?’ You shook your head as no. ‘So? Chicken with rice? From Sam's recipe?’
‘Yes, please.’ Haz laughed, getting up from the bed and walking towards the kitchen with you still in his arms. You wanted to help in preparing dinner, but he told you to sit at the kitchen island and handed you a mug of warm tea with milk. ‘Thank you darling. For everything.’
Harrison smiled warmly and kissed your forehead. When dinner was cooking your mood started to improve and you weren’t as devastated as you were when you came home. Now that you both were in a much better mood, you were dancing and singing to some random Spotify playlist.
After dinner, you both decided to get some rest, even if only for a moment. It had been a tough day for you, and now that your stomach was full and all the tension left your body, all you could think of was a nap in your boyfriend's loving arms. Haz lay down on the bed after taking off his t-shirt and changing his jeans to causal gray sweats. He wasn't sleepy, but he wanted to give you a sense of comfort, so he covered you with a blanket and lay down on his back, going on his Instagram.
‘Haz?’
‘Hm?’ You looked at him and stretched out your arms towards him. He laughed, pulling you against his chest. ‘Get some sleep, love.’
Moments after that, you were sleeping peacefully in his arms. Harrison lay still to not wake you up as you were the lighter sleeper in the world and he only looked at you with a lovesick smile. No one was aware of how much he fucking loved you. He always knew that, but today’s events, your daily routine, you both getting up, getting ready for work together, having breakfast tea together, knowing that you felt safe in his arms, that he simply was happy with you, made him realize that he wanted to marry you, that he wanted you to be his happily ever after.
‘What are you thinking about?’ Harrison jumped slightly at the sound of your voice.
‘Marry me.’
‘What?’
‘I may not have another chance and the courage to say that. Y/N, you are the most important person in my whole life, you make me happier every day. You are the most beautiful woman in the world. Inside and out. I want to have you by my side forever, I want to start a family with you, have children with you, grow old with yoy. Therefore, marry me.’
You laughed at the mixture of joy, surprise and affection.
‘You shouldn't be laughing! God, I'm so embarrassed right now. I made a fool of myself, didn't I?’ You looked into Harrison's eyes, which had shed with tears.
‘No, Haz, no. Of course you didn't make a fool of yourself. I want to be your wife, I want to have children with you, I want to spend my whole life by your side.’ Harrison put his hands on your cheeks, drawing you to his lips. The kiss didn’t last long but showed all the love and joy you both felt. The kiss was sweet of the coconut balm on your lips, but also salty with your tears.
‘I love you, Y/N. Most in the world. I know this isn’t the proposal you deserve, I don't even have a ring, but I love you and I want you to know that.’
‘I don't need a ring or any romantic gestures. You're all I need. Only you.’
Warnings: descriptions of past abuse (reader definitely need therapy, but I just did not have the time or energy to add extra chapters)
Word Count: 3716
HERE IS THE FINAL CHAPTER. You have no idea how bitter sweet today is, posting the last chapter after planning and writing this for 4 years. Thank you to everyone who has read any part of this series in the past, and to all the future readers. I appreciate each and every one of you.
Y/n never thought she would get this feeling back. She didn’t feel terrified of her past catching up with her anymore, or at least not as intensely as before. She didn’t feel as if she needed to walk on eggshells to prevent it from repeating. But there was still something eating at her.
Ian was no longer giving her nightmares, and she was thankful for that, but she still couldn’t sleep that first night back. Since meeting every single one of her friends in this new home, she had kept her life from them. She had owed them answers for too long, and now she felt the guilt of it tenfold.
The morning after the altercation with Ian, she sat Sierra and Jace down in the living room, just the three of them. She told them about her family, about high school, and answered every single question they had been too afraid to ask. The tears they shed together were exhausting enough to make her want to go right back to bed, but she had more to do.
The next stop, naturally, was Robin. She knew this was going to be more difficult that talking to her roommates. Robin already knew everything, sure, but that gave him all the more reason to be upset about her actually going back.
When he answered the door, she stood timidly and waited for him to invite her in. He did so wordlessly.
“So, you ready to talk about how the fuck he showed up to your doorstep? Please don’t tell me you were dumb enough to tell him where you were.”
“Good morning to you too.”
“Please, no sarcastic bullshit today, y/n. You know how serious of a situation that could have been.”
“I know. That’s why I came here to explain, but I know how dumb it’s going to sound already, so please, just be patient with me.”
She sounded so small, still afraid, and Robin couldn’t help but try to comfort her.
They sat on his couch as she told him about how Ian had found her, how she didn’t feel like telling him no was an option, but most importantly, how much everyone there had missed them.
“Apparently they all just assumed we had both died, which I get for me, but I didn’t know you stopped talking to all of them. Nick is pissed to say the least.”
“Yeah, he was the hardest to cut out,” Robin chuckled.
“So why did you? I was in hiding, not you. You could have kept talking to them.”
“I was just trying to keep you safe.”
That sentence nearly knocked the air out of y/n. For nearly a year, while they were arguing or not speaking to each other, Robin had continued to isolate himself from his childhood friends for her. She would have never asked him to do that, not even when they were on better terms.
“Well, I don’t think Ian is coming back any time soon, and Nick will kill me if you don’t reach out and at least say hi. So please, don’t worry about me anymore. I would be more worried about Nick coming out here to beat your ass for making him worry.”
They both laughed at the sentiment, which they knew was entirely possible. Nick had been the only other person back home to know about how terrible Ian had been to y/n, the only other person who would have done anything to protect her. Neither of them had wanted to leave him in the dust with the rest of them, but had to out of self preservation.
“Maybe I’ll see if he wants to come visit. You don’t realize how much you’ll miss someone’s annoying rants about Star Wars until you have to live without them.”
There was an awkward silence as y/n considered her next sentence, and Robin could tell she was fighting herself on it.
“What is it?”
“Do you think he’s mad at me?”
“Who, Ian? Are we really getting into this shit again? Didn’t end well for us last time.”
“No! Not Ian. But about that… I am sorry for blowing up on you about that conversation.”
“I know… I’m sorry too,” Robin replied, taking a second before scooting closer to her on the cushion. “I know I’ll never understand. And I know you really did love him before… before he showed his true colors. I shouldn’t have said what I said, but I was just so scared that you were going to go back, and there would be no more helping you. I was scared.”
“I understand. I would have never done it though. I don’t even know what was going through my head back then. But trust me, I’m never going back there. And I’m not going to let him do any of it again.”
“So who were you asking about, then?”
“Harrison.”
“Y/n-“
“Don’t say it like that, you make me feel like a helpless little puppy.”
“You kinda are.”
“Asshole,” she chuckled, and shoved him.
“Have you talked to him?”
“Of course not. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore, and then disappeared without a trace, just to come back with my abusive ex in tow to hit me right in front of him.”
“And we both saw his reaction to that.”
“I know, but I just don’t understand why he would do that. I don’t even know why he was there in the first place. If I were him, the second I had heard I had disappeared, I would roll my eyes and ignore the situation.”
“You’re an idiot. Just please, go talk to him. I can tell you still care about him, otherwise, you wouldn’t care whether or not he was upset.”
“What am I even supposed to say to him though?”
“You’ll figure it out.”
Robin was right. She had asked Sierra to ask Tom where she could find Harrison, and the entire walk to the library, her head was empty. She had no idea what she was supposed to say, how she was supposed to apologize, or if she even should. But the second she saw him sitting at a table on the second floor, sun barely shining through the window to provide enough light to read the open book in front of him, the anxiety dampened.
“Hey,” she spoke, barely above a whisper. When he looked up at her, the wind was knocked out of him. The last thing he was expecting today was to run into her, and by the looks of it, she was seeking him out, which hadn’t even been an option to cross his mind.
“Uhm, can I sit?”
He simply nodded, and kicked the chair across the table out for her. She awkwardly sat and looked at him as he continued to read his textbook.
“Didn’t know you were a math nerd. That shit looks impossible,” she tried to break the tension, but she was telling the truth. Nothing on the page in front of him made sense to her.
“I’m not, that’s why I’m studying.”
“Oh.”
He finally broke his stare at the book and glanced up at her, eyes fixated on the table between them. She didn’t seem as scared as the last time they spoke, but he couldn’t pinpoint what was going on in her head. She seemed lost in thought.
“I thought we weren’t speaking.”
“Looks like we are,” she offered a half hearted smile.
“You don’t have to do this.”
“Do what?”
“You don’t owe me,” he said matter of factly and returned his gaze to the book.
“That’s not what this is.”
“Y/n, I don’t know who that was, or what happened between you. But no one should treat you like that. He got what he deserved, end of story. No thanks necessary.”
She reached out with a sigh and pulled the book away from Harrison, keeping it open on her side of the table so he didn’t lose his place.
“I didn’t come her to thank you. I came so you can get what you deserve to.”
“Are you threatening me?” he asked, which caused him to chuckle for the first time since she had appeared.
“Of course not,” she smiled back, “You deserve answers. So hit me with your best shot.”
“I’m good.” he offered a sad smile and reach to take his book back, but she quickly slapped her hand down to stop him from sliding it back over.
“Harrison, please,” she quickly glanced around to make sure no one was within ear shot. Luckily, as it was still the end of winter break, not many students were in the library that morning.
“Y/n, you made it clear that you were done. You don’t have to change your mi-“
“Fine, if you won’t ask, I’ll just start. Would you rather do this here or outside?”
Harrison sighed before he looked around as well to see no one around.
“I see no problem with talking here.”
“Ok, good,” she smiled, before the nerves came back when she realized she was going to have to really hash up the past this time. This wasn’t like with Sierra and Jace. They deserved answers, they deserved to finally know her, but Harrison deserved so much more.
“So, uh, that guy was my ex. Which might have been obvious, but it seems like a good place to start.”
Harrison reach out across the table, mindlessly, and grabbed her hand to comfort her. If he had been thinking straight, he wouldn’t have dared trying to touch her, but her nervous rambling hurt his heart. As their fingers touched, her voice grew a bit more confident, and continued to grow as she continued.
“I know I told you about what happened to my family, so I can skip that part. But after that… after that I had no where to live. My parents didn’t own their home, and it wasn’t like I was going to be able to live there on my own anyway. I didn’t have a job, and I was still in high school. Long story short, I had to move in with my boyfriend at the time. Ian’s parent’s weren’t home often, which was great at first. I mean, even back then I didn’t like crying around anyone. It was easier to have my existential meltdowns in private when it was just the two of us. And things were great for the first few months. He was always there for me, but then suddenly it was just too much for him. I was just sad all the time, which I mean, I get how that can be exhausting, so I don’t blame him. Robin says I rationalize everything he did too much, but that I really can understand. But…” she glanced around one more time to ensure they were still alone, “He started to get more mean. He’d have a fight with our friends and take it out on me, I’d fail a test and he would just go on about how dumb I was and he didn’t want to be responsible for me his whole life if I couldn’t manage to make anything of myself. He started to hit me a few months later. I didn’t think it was the end of the world at first, because he would always apologize the next day, and he promised he would never do it again, but after the fifth time, you kinda learn to expect it.
“After a while, I got really angry about it. I had all this pent up anger about my family dying, and being thrown into this new situation and being expected to just act like nothing had ever happened, like I was just peachy keen 24/7. So one night, when he started a fight, I fought back, and he really didn’t like that,” she laughed bitterly, “He did a lot more that just slap me that night, and I left. I didn’t want anyone’s parent’s to know what was going on, because that was the only place I had to live, and I didn’t want to uproot everything again. So I went to the only person I knew whose parents would also not be home. Robin.
“I had to tell Robin everything, and he tried his best to get me get out of there. But like I said, I had no where to go. So it didn’t take long for me to go back and apologize for being so mean to him. That happened a couple of times, and our friend Nick was the only other person who knew. He was at Robin’s house one night, was surprisingly more adamant about getting me the fuck out of there. But I just… I couldn’t just leave him. Ian was the last thing I had from my life before my family died. But right before graduation…”
She paused to take a breath, and Harrison squeezed her hand as he saw her start to tear up. After letting out a deep breath, she began again.
“A couple weeks before graduation, I broke up with him. I had had enough of him hitting me, and I had agreed to move in with Robin until he left for college, and I was going to get a job and get my own place. We got into a really bad fight over it, he was so mad that I had the audacity to break up with him, when it should have been the other way around. He beat me up really bad, and I tried to fight him back, but I just… I got hurt really bad. He ended up leaving, and I had to call Robin and Nick for help. I was afraid I was going to die, because I was bleeding, and I was so lightheaded. I passed out before they even got there. They ended up taking me to the hospital, and they told the doctors I was mugged, because they knew I would have been so mad if they had told the truth, but they also didn’t want Ian to know they knew. Luckily, I was still able to graduate, and Robin…He’d sent in my application for college. We both got accepted here, and after that night, I agreed to go with him, as long as we didn’t tell anyone else. So Ian and I were over, and I hid out at Robin’s place until we skipped town. To our friends, it seemed like I just dropped off the face of the earth after graduation, and it seemed like Robin just went to college like normal.”
“Can I ask you a question?” Harrison spoke softly, not raising his voice above a whisper. She nodded in reply, making quick contact with his eyes to reassure him he could say anything he wanted.
“The other night, at the party. It wasn’t me you were afraid of was it?”
“What do you mean?”
“When I… beat the shit out of that asshole, which he deserved by the way,” he aded quickly making her laugh, “You didn’t see me, did you? You saw Ian.”
“Kind of, but not exactly.”
“So what happened?”
“When Ian and I started dating he was the same way. Any dude to hit on me got threatened, which I thought was endearing at first, like he was just looking out for me. But he was never bluffing, he really did have it in him. And when that guy touched me, I already wasn’t all there in the head. So seeing you hitting him, my brain just connected the dots.”
“You thought I would hit you?” Harrison’s heart broke as he asked, but he supposed it made perfect sense under the circumstances.
“Haz, it’s not that I thought you would ever be capable of doing anything like that. But I… I never thought he would do it either. I don’t know who’s safe anymore. All that bastard did was show me that even the people I love and trust the most are capable to hurting me more than anyone else.”
“You know I could never hurt you, right?”
“Deep down, yes. But my brain can’t… I don’t know how to explain it.”
He could see the thoughts racing through her head as she tried to justify her answer, so he quickly stood up and crossed the table to sit next to her. He grabbed her hand again and held it closer to him.
“Hey, stay with me,” he smiled at her, thought his heartbreak was showing clearly on his face.
“I know you would never hurt me, Haz. Not on purpose. But after Ian, I just can’t trust that anyone has my best interest at heart. And I’m so sorry I got you involved in all of this. I’m so fucking sorry you were there yesterday, you shouldn’t have had to deal with that for me.”
“Winter break, you were with him right? Did he…?”
“No, we were around people all week. He just showed up at my apartment and I didn’t feel like I could say no, no one was there to help me. But back home, the worst he did was yell at me, it’s fine.”
“It’s not. Nothing about anything he ever did or said to you is fine, okay? No one deserves how he treated you, but you of all people especially don’t deserve it.”
“You’re just saying that because you have a crush on me,” she teased, which did cause a smile to creep up on him, but he fought it off to keep the serious tone.
“I’m saying it because it’s true. You’ve been through enough. And I don’t give a shit if you never talk to me again, but if I ever see anyone do that to you again, I’ll handle it just like I did him.”
“Promise?”
She stuck out her pinky to him, a force of habit she thought she had finally gotten over. The second she realized, she nearly withdrew her hand, but not before he grabbed her pinky back with his own. She sat for a second, staring at it. She had always thought her pinky had fit perfectly with Ian’s, like a cruel cosmic joke that she had been made for him. But Harrison’s fit around her’s perfectly, his warm skin warmed her cold hand, and the feeling of belonging with someone washed over her. This time, she didn’t fight it off in fear.
“I don’t want to never talk to you again, you know,” she offered quietly, as nervous as a child speaking to a distant family member at their mother’s request.
“Y/n, I told you already, you don’t owe me anything,” Harrison replied, doing his best to not get his hopes up again. What he felt towards her hadn’t changed one bit, but he knew now that he could never put her in a position where she felt forced. As long as she found her way to her own happiness, he would happy, even if it meant he had no place in her life.
“I know, I don’t. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still want to spend time with you.”
“Well maybe we’ll have some classes together and we can be forced into another partner project,” he smiled, and brought his hand up to wipe the last stray tear from her check. Just as he was about to move his hand away, she nuzzled her cheek into it, not breaking eye contact.
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
“You said you didn’t want to do this anymore.”
“I’m allowed to change my mind at any point, remember?”
He stared at her, trying to read her facial expression to see how serious she was, if she was being coerced in any way.
“If you don’t want to, you can just say that Harrison, I would understand.”
“No,” he interjected as she began to turn away from him, and used the hand on her cheek to guide her eyes back to him.
“We can’t just pick up where we left off, that doesn’t feel right, so how about this,” Harrison reached out his hand nervously and waited for her to take it, “Name’s Harrison, and you are?”
“What are you doing,” she giggled, hesitating to shake his outstretched hand.
“Starting over.”
She smiled as she slowly took his hand and shook it, “Y/n. It’s lovely to meet you Harrison.”
“Likewise. May I take you to dinner tonight?”
“That’s very forward, we just met,” she smiled, which made him roll his eyes, “But it sounds lovely.”
“Good. And, just so you know, if I ever hurt you, I’m sure you have at least 2 or 3 friends who would be more than happy to beat the shit out of me. And I promise you here and now, I wouldn’t even fight back. But I also promise I’m not him. Ok?”
She stared at him for a moment as she took a breath, and told her brain to calm down before she nodded.
“Hey Harrison?”
“Yes?”
“I know we just met and all, but-“ he elbowed her in the arm before she could finish, and they both laughed.
“But what?” He laughed once again, smiling as he looked her acting so happy.
“Will you kiss me?”
“What?” It took him a second to process her request. He had intended to take things much slower this time, everything on her terms and on her own timeline. He didn’t want to ruin things by jumping to a kiss so soon, but the smile she gave him as he sat there flabbergasted was a clear sign that she was ok.
“Kiss me, Haz. Please.”
He didn’t wait another moment before dipping his face to hers, lips meeting first before both of his hands cupped her cheeks. She quickly wrapped her arms around him and ran one hand through the hair at the base of his skull.
When they broke away, she smiled at him and continued to hold him close.
“I know we both think we should take things slower this time, but this just makes up for the New Year’s kiss I missed out on this year.”
“Well then, Happy New Year,” he smiled, and he closed the gap between them once more.
Ian had spent the next day and a half playing nice. He pretended like what had been said in the car never happened, and instead made her a nice breakfast both mornings and offered to take her out to see the town. She refused to be alone with him the day before she left, New Year’s Day. She dragged Ethan around with them all day, although he wasn’t putting up a fight. He had missed her just as much as the other people she had left behind, so he gladly jumped at the chance to spend time with her. Little did he know, he had been her saving grace for the entire trip.
Sunday morning, Ethan drove them to the airport bright and early. Y/n felt then the same way that she had felt stepping through those doors with Robin just a couple years prior. She never thought she would come back, and now that she had, she knew she never wanted to ever again. The only good thing that had come from this entire situation was the fact that she no longer had to hide from the people she once knew. Even if she was never going to come back, if Ian knew where she was, she didn’t have to worry about checking in with their mutual friends. It was like a weight was lifted off her shoulder, even if the heavier weight of knowing Ian could be lurking around any corner was now bearing down on her.
They didn’t speak on the flight, and she could tell that the second they were alone in his car, he would more than likely blow up again. She spent the entire flight preparing for the inevitability, but to her surprise, it didn’t happen. He remained quiet until they were just a couple blocks away from her apartment. She had realized that she never found her phone, and broke their silence to let him know she was going to look around for it. As she was searching under her seat, where her purse was on the ride to the airport, he spoke up.
“Oh, looks like it’s in the backseat,” he grumbled.
Sure enough, when she turned around, it was there. She tried to replay the ride to the airport in her head to make sense of it ending up back there, but it just wasn’t possible. Her purse had been at her feet from the moment she set it in the car to load her suitcase in the back to the moment she got out of the car. Her phone had been tucked safely inside and zipped up. That only led her to one conclusion.
Ian had started the car while she was putting her suitcase in the trunk, which would have given him the perfect opportunity to take her phone. He didn’t want her to have it while she was back there, he didn’t want her to have a way out if things had gone south, and that terrified her to no end.
They pulled up in front of her apartment, and she jumped out of the car almost instantly. Ian followed her out and helped her get her suitcase unloaded.
“Want me to help you carry this up?”
“No, I’ve got it. Thanks for taking me to see the guys though. It was nice talking to them again.”
“Yeah…so, see you around?”
“Yeah,” she replied, unable to make eye contact, which let him know she was just being polite. There was no sincerity to her affirmation. He groaned and turned and got in the car, slamming the door behind him. Still, he didn’t drive off, and she wondered if he was expecting her to come to the window, to say she was sorry or go back on her wishes to stay here. Regardless, she didn’t turn around and instead headed straight into the building. It wasn’t until she was a flight up the stairs that she realized she didn’t have her keys.
Up in the apartment, her 5 friends were in the living room once again. Robin had spent the last 20 minutes trying to convince her roommates to not call the cops.
“Guys, if she doesn’t want to come back, the police aren’t going to make her. She is an adult, if she wants to run off she has every right to. I don’t like it either, but do you really think she would be happy to come back if we forced her into it?”
“But what if she’s in trouble or something? Why would she not just reach out, just tell us she’s ok?” Sierra asked yet again. It was the one things she had been hung up on. If y/n was truly ok, she thought that she would at least care about them enough to let them know she was leaving. She hadn’t left a note, she hadn’t answered any texts or phone calls. It was weird, even for her, and Sierra didn’t like it one bit.
“I don’t know, but she-“ just as Robin began to answer, a knock sounded at the door. The entire group froze. No one had come to the door since they had come home, and they had been hoping and praying to hear that noise just to open the door and see her there. But now that it was happening, all of them were worried it would be other news, that something had happened to y/n.
Jace slowly made his way over to the door, and took a deep breath before unlocking it. The relief that washed over him when he saw her on the other side was indescribable.
“Y/n?”
“Hey,” she replied sheepishly, afraid that she had angered everyone that would be inside that apartment. But instead, he wrapped her in a hug, and began to cry into her shoulder.
She wasn’t sure what to make of the commotion coming from behind him, but then she felt another body crash into them and knew instantly that it was Sierra.
“Where the fuck were you? We were so worried about you!” Sierra nearly screamed into Jace’s back as her arms reach around to hug both of them.
“I’m so sorry, I forgot to text you before I left, and I lost my phone on the way to the airport. It’s a long story, but I’m fine, I promise. I’m back. I’m so sorry.”
“We’re just glad you’re safe,” Jace said, refusing to let her go
The pair of roommates grabbed her bags from her and set them aside, ushering her into the room and shutting the door. They bombarded her with questions, but she found it hard to concentrate on them as she realized that both Harrison and Robin were in the room. After how she had left things, she never expected them to show up. Tom? Sure, he would do anything for Sierra at this point, but Harrison and Robin should have hated her. Seeing them there filled her with even more guilt.
She could barely handle looking at Harrison, so instead sent a small smile to Robin, a sign that she really was ok. That it was a false alarm, even though if he found out what had really happened he would not be very happy.
She made eye contact with Harrison for a moment, but they both quickly looked away. She had barely even thought of him since Ian had showed up. She had more pressing matters at hand, but seeing him again felt different. She was afraid to admit that she felt relieved knowing he was here, it almost made the apartment feel safer to step into, which had been a far stretch from how she felt less than a month prior.
She was about to start trying to answer all the questions Jace and Sierra were throwing at her, when there was another knock on the door. Her heart sank at the sound, because she knew exactly who it was.
“Hey, can you guys put my bag in my room? I’ll get that,” she smiled and made her way to the door before she could see the weird looks they gave her. She was notorious for never opening the front door for anyone, even if it was Jace or Sierra locked out.
When she exited the apartment and closed the door behind her, it shot up a million red flags for both of them.
Sure enough, on the other side of the door was Ian. His expression had softened considerably since he had slammed his car door, but hers grew harsher upon seeing him here. Knowing that she had 5 people behind that door to help her if it came down to it sent a newfound wave of confidence through her.
“What, Ian?”
“What do I have to do to talk you into coming back? What do I have to say?”
“I already told you, I’m staying here.”
“I miss you, the guys miss you. We have a place for you. Is it the rent? We can cover it.”
“No, it’s not the-“
“Then what the fuck is it? What the fuck do I have to do to get you to love me again?”
His voice was barely a yell, but she worried Robin would hear and know exactly who she was out there with. It took her a second to get over that paranoia to realize what he had said.
Before she could reply, she heard a conversation on the other side of the door. Harrison and Robin were both saying goodbye, and that they felt that they should leave now that she was home safe. Panic washed over her and she started to push Ian towards the stairwell.
“You need to leave.”
“No, not until you talk to me,” he pushed her off of him, sending her back a couple of steps. Of course, with her luck, that was the moment Robin had opened the door and stepped out of the apartment.
“Ian?” Robin’s eyes grew wide, as did Ian’s. Each of their expression immediately mirrored the other as they both turned to anger.
“You lying little bitch,” Ian began, but Robin was quick to pull y/n aside and step up.
“You fucking lay another hand on her I swear to God you’ll be six feet under.”
“Robin, I’m ok, really,” she tried to intervene before everything got messy, but neither of them paid attention to what she had said.
“You said you had no idea where he was. The guys were right though, you were nothing but a fucking slut, running off with one of my best friends.”
As Ian took a step towards her, and she took a step back, Robin tried to throw him against the wall, but Ian was considerably taller and stronger.
Harrison had been watching this entire interaction in shock. He had no idea who Ian was, why y/n would be out in the hall with him, or why he was so quick to anger upon seeing Robin. He was frozen in shock until this man who was twice y/n’s size pushed past Robin and slapped her across the face.
The second Ian’s hand made contact, the rest of the people inside rushed out to the hallway to Harrison throwing a punch at the stranger. A second later, Robin was in the fight too. Ian didn’t last as long as y/n had thought. Only a few punches in, he backed away and stepped closer to the staircase.
“Fine, you want me to go? I’ll fucking go, and I’ll make sure the guys back home know you’re nothing but a lying slut. I should have told them all about you years ago.”
Y/n started to rush down the hall, finally hitting her breaking point. Robin recognized the look in her eyes and held her back before she could reach Ian.
“One fucking word to them and they’ll know everything, you piece of shit. I’m done being afraid of you! I can fucking ruin every relationship you have with them with one fucking text,” she screamed from Robin’s arms.
“You better watch your fucking mouth with me. I know where you live now, I can just come back.”
That threat was it for Harrison. He walked over to Ian with a calmness that was more terrifying than his rage and used his entire body weight to throw him up against the wall.
“You ever fucking show your face in this town again I swear to god, I will kill you myself. You got that?”
“Oh, so she’s not fucking Robin. She’s fucking you, isn’t she, Big Boy?”
With one punch, Harrison sent Ian to the ground, and the crunch of his nose echoed through the hall.
“I can tell you think you’re better than the rest of us, but I can guarantee you I am not someone you want to fuck with,” Harrison leaned down and whispered into his ear. He grabbed the front of Ian’s shirt and jerked him up off the floor, bringing them face to face.
“Now, I asked you a fucking question, and I’d like you to answer it.”
Y/n stopped struggling in Robin’s arms as she watched Ian’s face turn from nothing but confidence to have a hint of fear in it. He looked defeated, and she had never felt so free. Something, or someone, had finally outdone the man that she had spent the better part of her young adult life fearing.
“Got it,” Ian said after a moment, and Harrison threw him back to the ground. It took him a second to get off of the floor and make his way to the stairwell. He turned to look at y/n one last time, hoping to send her one last menacing glance, hoping he could just gain once ounce of control back, but she wouldn’t look at him.
After he was out of sight, Robin let her go, and they all stood frozen for a moment, no one sure what to say or do. Y/n did her best not to start bawling, and instead rushed into the apartment. The rest of the friends in the hallway shared a glance before heading in after her.
“Y/n what the fuck was that,” Sierra spoke first, but Robin elbowed her as they watched her pause in front of a window facing the front of the building.
She watched in silence as Ian slammed his car door once again and sped off down the street and out of her life.
“He’s gone,” she said in a sigh of relief, feeling a release of pent up frustration, fear, and anger that had been festering inside of her for years.
Robin approached her first, hearing her sniffle. He knew better than to touch her, so instead of offering a comforting hug, he stood at her side, a foot of space between them.
“Are you ok?”
“Can we…Can-“
“Talk about it later? Of course,” he nodded, and turned to give a look to the other’s in the room. He let them know that he was going to head out, and Harrison and Tom left shortly after. She paid no attention to who was entering or leaving the room, to who was saying goodbye. Instead, she stood frozen in her spot in front of the window, finally accepting that the nightmare she had been living the past several years was over.
And in the morning, she would be getting a restraining order.
Y/n’s friends had already been planning on spending New Year’s Eve together. Harrison had been dreading it, but nothing he had imagined had been as miserable as this. The 4 of them sat in near silence in the living room of the shared apartment all day. Robin sat in y/n’s absence.
They had all hoped that she would come bursting through the door, ready for their planned party, apologizing for forgetting to mention where she had gone. The false hope was exhausting though. They all knew deep down that she wasn’t coming home.
Halfway across the country, y/n was getting ready for another New Year’s Eve party. She hadn’t spoken to any of her old friends since her and Robin skipped town. Robin said it was better that way, and she never disagreed with that sentiment. Keeping contact with any of them meant holding on to part of the past she was trying so hard to get away from. Nevertheless, she was excited to see them again. They were never the problem with her life here.
She was fully prepared to be smothered by them for the night. She knew that they had been worried about her, but she wasn’t aware of the extent.
Ian had told everyone she was coming, so she didn’t expect them to be as shocked at her appearance as they were. But the second she walked through the door, it took everyone almost a full minute to stop staring at her in disbelief and rush over to tackle her into a group hug.
She spent the next several hours catching up with each individual boy. She was pleasantly surprised to find out that all of them had graduated and hadn’t done anything dumb enough to land them in jail in the couple years that she had been gone. She had been betting on at least one of them getting caught for doing something stupid. Instead, they had all been attending college or working full time jobs.
Around 11:30, she was pulled aside by one of the boys she was closest with Senior year, aside from Ian, who had hated how close they had grown. Nick, the only other person aside from Robin who knew what had gone on behind the scenes in her relationship with Ian, the only person who had continued to reach out to her, hoping she would miraculously reply up until this night. He had pulled her into the kitchen, and wrapped her in a hug that filled her with grief because it just reminded her of how Sierra would hug her when she was drunk, tighter than she thought humanly possible.
“Good god, y/n, I thought you were dead,” he spoke into her shoulder, and she could tell he was holding back tears of relief.
“I know, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to worry anyone,” she tried to explain herself, but he cut her off before she could even begin.
“You don’t have to justify it to me, I understand why you had to, but just give me a sign you’re still breathing next time, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“By the way, we all have a surprise for you, and I know how much you hate surprises,” he was cut off by her groan, which was met with an amused smile, “But you have to pretend like you aren’t annoyed, ok? It would mean a lot to them.”
“Fine,” she sighed, but she couldn’t hide the smile that was peeking through.
Nick led her out to the living room of the apartment the party was being hosted in, and left her side while he went to go whisper to everyone that it was time for whatever they had planned. She giggled as she watched all of them race down the hall without a word, leaving only her and Ian in the room.
“They really missed you,” he chuckled as he crossed the room to her.
“Yeah, I could tell,” she tried her best to keep the smile on her face, but their proximity sent a shiver down her back.
“So, I’ve been thinking, especially after seeing everyone tonight. Ethan and I, we have a spare room we’ve just been using as storage since we moved in. He wanted to turn it into a bedroom so the guys could spend the night if they ever got too drunk, but it kinda seems like fate that we never got around to it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, it would be the perfect place for you to move in. We have rent completely covered, so you could settle in before getting a job to help out. And you can be closer to all of us again.”
She felt like she was going to vomit. She thought they had agreed that she would be back home before classes started back up. She thought he knew that this was just a visit, nothing more. But maybe she hadn’t made it clear enough.
Before she could say anything, the rest of the party came rushing back down the hall, wrapped boxes and gift bags in each hand, 2 per boy. She shot them all a confused look, and didn’t miss the look Nick was giving her after seeing Ian so close.
“What’s all this?” she asked, trying to ignore his glare.
“When we thought you were dead, we bought you presents for your birthdays,” one of the other boys spoke up, with a dopey smile on his face. She couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Yeah, and thank god you’re alive, because my closet was full and I was about ready to donate them,” another joked.
Y/n spent the next 20 minutes opening each gift and thanking each person. Most of them were things she would have never wanted or needed, but the sentiment of them remembering to get her birthday gifts, even if she was gone, was heartwarming to say the least.
It was 2 minutes to midnight when she had opened the last gift, a notebook from Nick that he said he thought she would have loved to use for planning out her photo shoots.
“I know you’re not really a pen and paper kind of gal, but I wasn’t going to buy a new laptop for a dead person,” he joked, which genuinely made her laugh.
He offered to help her find a box to put all the gifts in so she could bring everything back with her easily, and led her to one of the bedrooms away from the party.
“You know I’m not going to be able to fit most of this in my carry on, right?”
“I didn’t think you would even want to with most of it,” he chuckled as he shut the door behind her, checking down the hall before he did, “ I just needed to get you out of there until after midnight. Ian was going to try to kiss you, and I wasn’t about to let that happen.”
“Oh… well thanks. And I guess leaving all this stuff here would have broken their hearts anyway,” she tried to laugh the situation off, but just like Harrison, Nick wasn’t one to let her avoid talking.
“Y/n, seriously, why are you here? Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy to see you again,” he paused to grab one of her hands, and found it hard to miss her flinch at the action, “You shouldn’t have come back though. Not with Ian.”
“He showed up at my apartment, and everyone else had left for break. I just didn’t know what else to do.”
“Are you flying back by yourself?”
“No, he left his car in the parking lot of my complex. He has to fly back out with me.”
“You realize what he’s doing right?”
“Nick, it’s been 2 years. Maybe he’s matured. It’s not like he’s going to hold me hostage in an apartment he shares with Ethan.”
“He asked you to move in, didn’t he?”
“What? How did you-“
“That’s the most Ian play in the book, y/n! What did he even say when you said no?”
“I didn’t get the chance, you all came running back into the room before I could say anything.”
“Well when are you supposed to go back home? I don’t like you staying with him after you have to tell him no.”
“Come on, Nick. We are going to be staying in the same apartment with Ethan, it’s not like he’s going to throw a fit with him there. And if you really think he’s that terrible, why are you still friends with him?”
“I’m not.”
“Well you’re here aren’t you?”
“This group doesn’t belong to Ian. I haven’t talked to him since a month after you left. I kinda…”
There was a pause as Nick weighed the decision of saying what he was about to tell her.
“What? What did you do?”
“I… I accused him of killing you,” he gave her an awkward smile.
“You what?! Well of fucking course he’s going to hunt me down halfway across the country, you really thought he would let something like that go?”
“Look, I was drunk, and the rest of the guys were talking about how weird it was that you had just disappeared. They came to the conclusion that night that there was a good chance you died and that was why you hadn’t reached out, because they couldn’t think of any other reason you’d ghost all of us. And I made a comment that if you were dead, he probably did it.”
“God you are such an idiot,” she sighed. She knew that that was not the only motive Ian had for tracking her down, but it didn’t exactly help the situation either.
“I really don’t think you should go back to his apartment though. You can come stay with me, I can sleep on the pullout.”
“All of my stuff is still at his place, and I don’t trust that he wouldn’t just burn it. I have to go back. He’s paying for my ticket back too, so I have to play nice. So no more murder accusations, ok?”
“Well you’re alive, so it’d have to be something other than murder this time,” he chuckled, but she wasn’t amused.
They waited out the countdown in the bedroom, having found an empty cardboard box the second they ended their conversation. When they rejoined the party, everyone had a disposable cup filled with champagne, and were considerably tipsier than when they had left the room.
They were greeted with their own cups filled nearly to the brim with the cheap champagne. Before y/n could even take a sip of hers, Ian rushed over.
“Y/n, you don’t drink,” he glared at her, taking the cup from her hands.
“You haven’t seen me in 2 years, and I’ve been living on a college campus. You really think I haven’t touched a drop?”
“You seemed pretty against it last time I saw you.”
She wanted to say that he was wrong, that he was the one that wouldn’t let her drink, and the only reason she never fought him on it was because she saw how terrible he acted when he was drunk and was afraid of what she would be like. Now she knew the answer, and she hated to think that maybe she had turned out to be like him. He had done some terrible and unforgivable things that she was required to dismiss again and again, but he had never stabbed someone in the hand with a fork for trying to help him.
“Things change,” was what she said instead, hoping it would have a more favorable response. Nick grabbed the cup back and handed it to her, which she only sipped to prove a point. She didn’t actually want to get drunk. It didn’t feel safe here.
One of the other, very drunk, boys came over to unknowingly break up the stare down that was going on between Ian and Nick. He nearly knocked y/n to the ground with a hug that was backed by his whole 200 pounds of body weight.
“I’m so happy you’re home,” he giggled uncharacteristically high for how deep his voice was normally, “Now all we have to do is find Robin and we’ll have the whole group back.”
“Robin?”
“Yeah, Rob ghosted us a few months after you disappeared,” Nick explained as he led the boy off of her and back to the couch.
“Like none of you have heard a peep from him since then?”
“No, and half of us thought you ran off together so you wouldn’t piss off Ian,” another boy teased from an arm chair a few feet away.
“And I told you that she wouldn’t fucking do that, didn’t I?” Ian called back, trying to hold in his temper at the thought of her betraying him like that. But they hadn’t been entirely wrong. Sure, she hadn’t run off with him in the way they were thinking, but he was the only way she was able to get out. And she was surprised to find out that none of them had heard from him since. She knew that he wasn’t going to be speaking to Ian anymore, but he had known half of these guys since kindergarten, and she wasn’t expecting him to cut contact with all of them.
It was another hour before Ian finally decided it was time to call it a night and head back home. He went down to start the car he was borrowing from Ethan as y/n said her goodbyes, which Nick used as an opportunity to talk to her one last time.
“Hey,” he rushed over to her as she was about to open the front door, “If anything happens while you’re still in town, call me. Please. I can give you my number.”
“I actually don’t have a phone on me. I think I left it on the plane or in Ian’s car back home.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” his face fell, and he rubbed a hand down his face.
“I know, I’m sorry. I promise I wasn’t stupid enough to not double check that I grabbed it when I left my place. I know it was in my purse, it must’ve fallen out.”
“No, I know it’s not your fault. I just want to make sure you’re safe. I’m giving you my number anyway, just in case you need it, ok?”
He ran off to find a pen and paper to write down his number for her, and returned with a torn of piece of an envelope with his nearly illegible contact information scrawled on it.
“Glad to see your penmanship hadn’t changed.”
“Shut up,”he laughed, and went to open the door for her, but she blocked it with the back of her foot.
“Can I ask you something before I go?”
“Yeah, of course,” he assured.
“Robin. You really haven’t heard from him for the past 2 years?”
“Yeah. I mean, he told me that he was heading off to college. He never told me where, and we kept in contact for a couple months, but then he deleted all his social media and just stopped replying to my text’s. But don’t worry, I’m sure he’s ok.”
She nodded in agreeance and tried her best to smile as if she were comforted by that sentiment.
“Oh my god, you know where he is?”
“I didn’t even say anything! Why would you think that?”
“You forget you’re a terrible liar and I’ve been calling your bluffs since middle school. Where the fuck is he?”
“Keep your fucking voice down,” she hushed and guided him down the hall to the room that had spent the countdown in. “I obviously don’t think he wants anyone knowing where he is, and just because Ian blew my cover doesn’t mean his needs to be blown too. And how do you think Ian would feel knowing Robin and I did in fact run off together? I am about to be staying with him for another day and a half, so no one here can fucking know. Got it?”
“You two ran off together? I didn’t know you even liked Robin like that.”
“I need a promise that you aren’t going to be telling anyone else, Nicholas.”
“Fine,” he quickly linked their pinkies together and wiggled his hand around to shake them. The second they were unlinked, he was back to bombarding her with questions.
“I didn’t and don’t like Robin like that. That’s not what I meant. Robin just saw how shitty of a situation I was in and wanted to get me out of here. So he helped me get a scholarship for the school he was going to and helped me leave without leaving a trace for Ian to follow. But obviously, that didn’t exactly work out. But, yes, he’s living in the same town as me.”
“Well I’m glad you’re both safe but I could fucking kill both of you for having me so worried for so long. You better tell him I miss him when you get back. You don’t gotta tell him I know though.”
“You got it,” she smiled, and opened the door again to head back down the hallway.
She did one more goodbye for the whole group of boys before heading down the stairs and outside.
The atmosphere in car was heavier than it had been earlier in the night. On the way to the party, Ian had been cracking jokes and beaming about how excited he was to show her off to everyone. Now, he refused to so much as look at her as she entered the car.
He began to drive off before he spoke, mirroring so many nights that they had spent together after y/n’s family had died. When she didn’t have a place to go, he let her stay with him, and things were great for a month or two. But things he started acting like he was now, and she could spot the start of it a mile away.
“What took you so long?” he finally asked as they neared the end of the street and turned onto the main road.
“Just had to say goodbye to all the boys,” she spoke softly.
“Yeah? It wasn’t because you needed to sneak off with your little boyfriend up there?”
“Excuse me?”
“Wanna explain why you guys closed the door behind you during the countdown? I bring you all the way back home, pay for your fucking plane ticket, drive you around all weekend, let you stay on my fucking couch, and of course you repay me by fucking him.”
There he was, the Ian she had been running from.
“Nick? No, Ian, he was just helping me find the box for all the gifts the boys gave me. Which I seem to have forgotten back at the party. Fuck.”
“Don’t try to change the fucking subject. I can’t believe you.”
“I promise, nothing’s going on between me and anyone at that party,” she began, and against her better judgment, she added, “I would never do that to you.”
To be completely honest, she would have done anything to spite him if she had known she was safe doing so, but he didn’t need to know that.
“Fine, yeah, you’re right.”
The car fell silent for a few minutes, until Ian spoke again, much calmer this time. She suspected that wasn’t going to last for long.
“So have you thought about what I said earlier?”
“What?”
“About moving in?”
“Ian-“
“Before you start, I already talked to Ethan and he’s totally fine with it. So no worries about anything there.”
“I thought we agreed you would be taking me home before my classes start back up.”
“But this is home, y/n.”
“No, my apartment is my home now. And besides, your car is there, you can’t just leave it there.”
“I thought about that. All your stuff is back there anyway, so we could fly out and pack you up and head back together in my car. You love road trips.”
“I have to get back to school, Ian.”
“I seriously can’t fucking believe you.”
She knew better than to reply, but that didn’t stop him from continuing.
“Why did you even come? Tell me what the fuck was going through your mind that made you think I would just pay for all this shit for a girl I haven’t seen in 2 years, as you so kindly put it? Huh? I thought it was pretty obvious that I wanted you to stay.”
“You said you would have me back by the 3rd.”
“I was obviously just being polite! God, you can be so dumb sometimes. But fine, we’ll just fly back tomorrow and you can forget all about me, just like you want.”
She knew he wanted her to cave, to feel bad for him and just agree to at least stay a bit longer, or to keep in touch. If she didn’t leave now, if she didn’t forget him, he would still have a stake on her. So instead of trying to make him happy, like she had done and endless amount of times in the past, she stayed quiet. She refused to let him think he won, but she refused to let him think he lost either.
When y/n had opened the door and saw who was standing on the other side, she almost instantly blacked out. The next thing she remembered was waking up on the couch, and as she remembered what had happened, she hoped that it had all been another nightmare. But that hope flew from her when she turned her head to see him there, sitting across from her, looking stressed.
When he saw that she had opened her eyes, he rushed over to her, resting a hand on her shoulder as he kneeled in front of her lying body.
“Hey, does your head feel ok? I couldn’t tell if you hit it hard or not.”
“Ian…What are you doing here?”
She did her best not to panic, not show how terrified she was. The years she had spent away from him had given her plenty of practice to pull it off.
“Don’t worry about that right now, are you ok?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she lied as she sat up, trying to get away from his burning touch, “Please answer the question.”
“You’re gonna think it’s creepy,” he tried to laugh the tension away, but nothing he could say would pry the uneasy feeling from her chest. She just sat silently waiting for him to continue, not denying his previous statement.
“Just bare with me, ok? I ran into Merissa a couple weeks back, and I asked her about you. She said she hadn’t heard from you since graduation, but I just figured if anyone would have heard from you it would have been her, you know? You two were really close senior year. So when she said that she hadn’t heard from you either, I just got more worried. You know, half the guys back home just assumed you died when you dropped off the face of the earth,” he let out another sad laugh, but when she didn’t reply, he continued.
“I ended up reaching back out to her again, and she told me not to tell you, but I sound way more like a stalker if I don’t. She told me she ran into you, and that you didn’t seem like you were doing well. Please don’t hate her, but she told me you were going here, so I got in the car the next day and drove.”
“Are you crazy, that’s like a 15 hour drive.”
“Yeah, well I just had to see you for myself I guess. I had to make sure that you were still…alive.”
“How’d you get here though?”
“What do you mean? I just told you.”
“No, I don’t meant how did you get to town. I mean how did you find my apartment.”
“I kinda asked around campus, told people I was your brother here to surprise you, but didn’t have your address. Took me a couple hours, since there’s like no one around.”
“You’re right, that’s really fucking creepy Ian.”
He shot her a look, and she shut up instantly.
“Look, I just… It’s been years y/n. You just left, and you didn’t tell anyone where you were going. You didn’t even tell anyone you wanted to go to college. How was I supposed to know you were ok?”
“We broke up. You weren’t supposed to worry about it. I was out of your hair.”
“I know, I know. But, how things ended, it just didn’t feel right. I was worried, ok?”
His voice became more desperate as it raised, and she didn’t want to upset him any further, so she just nodded, refusing to meet his gaze.
“I was actually wondering if you’d want to fly back with me. Show the boys that I was right all along, that you’re ok.”
“I thought you said you drove.”
“Yeah, but I figured, maybe we could fly out, I’ll have you back before classes start up again. And then I can just drive back after I take you home.”
“Ian-“
“Please, y/n. You’re here alone, aren’t you?”
She didn’t take that how he meant it. He meant “you’re alone, that’s no way to spend the holidays”, but she heard “there’s no one here to stop me”.
“Promise I’ll be back before the 3rd? I have some errands to run before classes start.”
“Yeah, yes, of course. I promise.”
Her heart ached when he reached out his pinky, and she hesitated before she linked hers into his. It slotted in just like it always did, so perfectly, like their hands were meant to be together. That’s what she had thought the first time, when she had declared that only a pinky promise was solid enough to never be broken.
“Ok, go pack. You can stay at my place. I live with Ethan now. We got that place over on 3rd with the big trees out front,” he exclaimed proudly, which only made her heart hurt more. That was the apartment building she had told him she had always dreamed of living in. With him. The building that he had said was too sketchy, and he would never want to move into.
3 hours later, they were on a plane back ‘home’. Home didn’t feel like the right name to call it anymore. Even when her parent’s were there, she hated the town. It was too small, not the kind of place where everyone knows your name though. The kind of small that just felt lonely.
That was exactly how she felt when she stepped out of the familiar airport. The last time she had been there was with Robin. He had finally talked her into leaving, after her acceptance letter had arrived alongside his. It had felt wrong to leave it all behind, but she had also been glad to have the opportunity to try to pretend like none of it had ever happened. Like her whole life up to that point had just been an irrelevant plot line in a drama that was abandoned by the second season.
It felt like cruel irony that she was now stepping out of that same door with the very person she had been leaving behind.
Sure enough, Ian pulled up to the apartment building that she had been dreaming about her entire adolescence. It was the one place in that town that reminded her of the place she now called home. The brick front of the building reminded her of the building her photography class was held in, and the trees were exactly like the ones that lined the streets of campus.
Ethan couldn’t believe his eyes when she stepped through the door, and all of the tension and anxiety melted off of her when he ran across the room and wrapped her in a hug, spinning her around a few times in the air as he exclaimed that he couldn’t believe she was there.
“Ian told me that he was going to go find you. I had no faith in him,” he laughed as he finally set her down, but kept his hands on her shoulders as if she would disappear.
She had hoped that Ethan’s presence would make things easier, she’d convinced herself that someone else’s presence in the apartment would help her survive the few days she was back in town, but she couldn’t have been more wrong. Not even one of her closest friends from high school’s presence could make this situation feel any less awkward or difficult. She had hoped to never see any of them again. It wasn’t so much Ethan, or any of the other friends that Ian had promised she would see that weekend for the New Year’s Eve party. It was just Ian’s presence that had her nerves on edge. He had been the driving force behind Robin getting her out of there. She had been willing to leave everyone else behind if it meant escaping everything that had happened between them.
That night, y/n realized that she didn’t have her phone on her. The thought of texting Jace or Sierra to let them know that she wasn’t going to be around for a couple days had totally eluded her until the night had calmed down and she was sat between the two boys on the couch watching one of their favorite movies.
“Ian, have you seen my phone?” she called from her new position on the floor, rifling through her purse and suitcase in hope that she hadn’t left it on the plane. He called a simple no back, without so much as looking away from the screen, she tried to retrace her steps to figure out the last place she had seen it.
“Do you remember me having it on the plane?” she tried again, and she finally gave up looking and threw her bag on the floor.
With a heavy annoyed sigh, Ian paused the movie and finally looked at her.
“I don’t know, are you sure it isn’t in your pocket?”
“I don’t have pockets on these jeans, not big enough to hold a phone at least. I’m sure it’s not here.”
“Well maybe you left it back at your place.” And with that, Ian switched his attention back to the TV with a huff.
Y/n new she had grabbed it from her desk, she had made sure she had it as she left. She knew there was a chance this would all go south, so she made sure she had it. She hadn’t pulled it out on the plane though, so she decided maybe she had left it in his car.
The thought of having to spend the next few days without a way to call for help if she needed it, essentially cut off from the outside world, from her own life hundreds of miles away, made her sick. The worst part was knowing that she had made the mistake of not telling her roommates before she left. The last two times she had disappeared like this, she had only been gone for a couple hours before they freaked out. She hoped that since they knew that she had the tendency to do this, they might not go overboard looking for her. This time was different though, she wasn’t going to be back the next morning, and she felt immense guilt knowing how worried they would be.
————————
When Harrison arrived at the apartment, the door was already open, and he could hear the conversation going on inside.
“What do you mean you guys are friends?” Sierra had exclaimed, still trying to understand the situation.
Sure, Harrison had known for some time now that y/n and Robin had some weird history together, some bond that hadn’t been broken through their phase of teasing and fighting. Her roommates, on the other hand, knew Robin as the asshole that y/n would pick fights with at parties.
“Look, I know this is confusing, but I need you to stick with me please.”
“How did you even know she was gone?” Jace spoke up as Harrison pushed the door open a little further.
“I called him,” he muttered as he entered, gaining all eyes on him.
“Took you long enough,” Robin sighed, now exhausted from spending so much time trying to explain the relationship he had with y/n.
Harrison took over for Robin, trying his best to explain that y/n had told him that Robin and her used to be friends but got into an argument and grew apart, and that she had been at his apartment when he found her last time she disappeared.
“Ok, I’ll pretend like I’m following. But she isn’t with you, right?” Jace questioned after Robin and Harrison had finished their spiel.
“No, that’s why I’m here.”
Robin continued on to ask when they had last heard from her, and both roommates lets him know that they hadn’t spoken to her since Christmas, which was now 5 days ago. He tried asking Harrison as well, but was just met with an annoyed look in response.
“So you’re telling me that she could have gone missing at any point in the last 5 days?”
“Don’t sound so accusatory, we tried to get her to go home with us, she said no.”
Robin rubbed a hand over his face in frustration, he felt like this was going nowhere, though they all had the same goal in mind. He decided to ignore what Jace had said and just continue.
“You said her keys were still here right? What about her phone, or her purse?”
“No, those aren’t here,” Sierra spoke up, her voice still filled with worry. Robin was just happy to have someone cooperating for a moment, but that feeling was quickly replaced.
The night she had ended things with Harrison, Robin had known that things were about to go south for her. He had hoped that she would just lock herself away, maybe blow up a few more times, and eventually calm down. What he suspected now was the worse case scenario that he had hoped he wouldn’t have to accept as a reality. It was the way he had taught her to cope years ago. She skipped town.
Realistically, she had nowhere to go. Her only remaining family member was her estranged aunt, she had no friends besides the ones standing in this room, and he didn’t expect that she could last long on her own. He knew she would have to come back eventually, but he had no idea how to explain this to the people anxiously awaiting him to asses the situation.
“If she took her phone and purse, she’s probably fine. But she most likely left her keys because she wasn’t planning on coming back,” it was hard to say but it was the truth, and Robin didn’t want to inflate their hope at first, but the second he saw the terrified and heartbroken looks from her roommates, he finished his thought.
“Let’s not kid ourselves though, you know her. She’ll be out there for a week tops before she realizes she needs you guys and comes back. She’s never been on her own, and I don’t think she would handle it well.”
“But what if she doesn’t come back?” Sierra asked, a tear slipping from her eye. Every fight she had started with y/n flashed in her mind as the guilt of feeling like there was more she could have done to help grew in her chest. Both Jace and Tom put an arm around her.
“She’ll be back Si, he’s right,” Jace tried his best to sound confident, but in reality, his heart was breaking in the same way.
Robin left shortly after that, insisting that someone contact him if y/n found her way home. Harrison left shortly after, unable to deal with being in her apartment without her there, knowing that he was more than likely the reason she had left. Tom and Sierra retreated into Sierra’s room for the night, which left Jace.
He tried to calm down by watching a movie, but nothing could take his mind off of the situation. He was sick with worry, so he decided to just try to get some sleep.
He decided to sleep in y/n’s bed that night, telling himself that if she ended up coming home in the middle of the night, he could be there to make sure she didn’t go away again. Although he knew she didn’t have keys to get in alone, it made him feel comforted enough to finally fall asleep.
“I already told you Butthead, I’m staying here,” y/n groaned, trying to tell Jace for the 15th time that morning that he needed to leave without her.
Neither of her roommates were very keen on letting her stay in town alone. She had just started to leave her room again, but they could still tell that she wasn’t doing well. Sierra had given up hours ago, and had decided to finish packing her bags to leave town with Tom. They had decided last minute to spend the holiday together with his family, since he had already met hers, and the lovebirds could barely be apart for more than a day.
Jace was relentless though. He had been there when she got home, had held her while she sobbed in his arms, and he was still shaken from the experience. He didn’t like the thought of anything happening while he wasn’t there to comfort her, especially since her only other friend was hours away from being in another country.
“Please, y/n, mom already prepped the guest room.”
“And it’s your problem trying to explain to her that I was never coming in the first place, isn’t it?”
“You know I am not going to hear the end of this from her.”
“Again, your problem,” she scoffed.
She had to admit, she felt a bit guilty knowing that his mother was probably baking several batches of cookies that very moment as a welcoming gift for her, but she just couldn’t subject herself to hearing how happy it would make the woman if she and Jace got married one more time. Any other time, it was a bit amusing, but she was afraid she would just break down again if a conversation steered to that topic.
“Peach,” Jace sighed as he approached her bed, which she was laying on, staring straight up at the ceiling while she waited for him to pack. “I know you don’t want to talk about any of this, and you probably don’t want to be around anyone, especially my lovely but very insistent mother,” he laughed before he continued, “But we’re worried about you.”
“I know, but for the last time, I will be fine on my own. I made it through fall break alone just fine.”
“But you weren’t alone.”
That was the last straw for her.
“Jace, I am an adult, I can survive a week without anyone else in this apartment. You guys will be back before new years, and I will be here, just like I am right now, ready to annoy the shit out of you again. Now please, for the love of god, finish packing so I can take you to the airport.”
He finally gave up after that, to y/n’s relief. She had began to consider going home with one of them after the interaction she had with Harrison on Wednesday. She had tried to keep her last promise to him, but the most she could do was stop locking herself away. She couldn’t bare being around someone else’s family right now. Sure, it would be her first Christmas completely alone, but she felt like she needed the peace and quiet.
An hour later, there was a knock at the front door, and y/n made her way out of bed for the first time that morning to answer it. Sierra was still preoccupied with finding a 4th sweater to pack, and Jace was throwing some last minute things into his backpack before they would have to rush to catch his flight.
Y/n knew that it had been Tom knocking from they way Sierra’s scurrying around her room became more rushed. What she hadn’t been expecting, though, was to see Harrison standing right next to him as she opened the door.
“Hey, Si’s in her room. From the sounds of it, she might need some help,” she gently smiled at Tom, allowing him to walk past her and head to his girlfriend.
She remained standing in the doorway, awkwardly waiting to see if Harrison would either say something, or enter after his friend. But he didn’t do either for what felt like an eternity.
“You going home with Jace for the holiday?” he finally spoke up, barely above a whisper as to not startle her.
“No, he, uhm, tried to talk me into it. But I’m going to stay home.”
“Y/n,” he softly chided, trying his best to not sound too harsh.
“They already tried to talk me out of it. I made up my mind,” she replied, with as much ferocity as she could possibly muster.
“You know, the offer is still on the table,” he spoke nervously, trying his best to not fidget with his hands too much, unable to return her gaze when she questioned what he had meant.
“Last week, I told you you could come back with me. I know the answer already… I just wanted to remind you one more time, just in case.”
“I’m good,” she denied him, which hurt more than he thought it would. Like he had said, he already knew she wouldn’t say yes, but part of him had hoped she would.
Just as she finished speaking, Tom and Sierra emerged from the room, too engrossed in conversation to notice the two speaking at the door.
“If anything happens, if you need absolutely anything, I know you have other people to call, but if no one else, my line is always open.”
And with that, Harrison began to make his way down the hall, ignoring Tom as he called to ask him to help with Sierra’s suitcase.
“What’s gotten into him?” he questioned to no one but himself, but Sierra quickly nudged him with her elbow and jerked her head in y/n’s direction. The look on her face answered his question.
Sierra said a quick goodbye to her, and yelled bye to Jace, before grabbing Tom’s hand and disappearing down the stairs.
4 hours later, after dropping Jace off at the airport with no further attempt to convince her to go with him, and fighting for her life in the holiday traffic, y/n was back home. Completely alone in the dead silence of the empty apartment.
Jace was right, fall break had only failed to make her crash and burn because she wasn’t really alone. The second no one else was around, it became hard to breathe. But she needed to prove them wrong, so she turned on the tv as loud as she could without giving herself a headache and began to make herself dinner.
The rest of the break was spent pretty much the same as that night. The TV was blasting holiday movies 24/7, except for the few times she managed to drag herself from the apartment to talk a walk outside in the snow. The campus was beautiful in the winter, and she wanted to get as many photos of the trees covered in snow as she could before it all melted into spring.
She had managed to survive the week just fine, even managed to only cry twice on Christmas, each time after her roommates had called to wish her a Merry Christmas and check in on her. It was only hours before Sierra would be getting home, and right after, they were going to go pick Jace up and have a happy little reunion.
She was excited to rub it in their faces that she had made it, she had successfully survived a week completely alone. She had been anxiously awaiting Sierra’s arrival all morning, barely leaving the couch so she wouldn’t miss the second her roommate walked through the door.
About an hour before Sierra was supposed to arrive, she heard a knock on the door. At first, she thought it could be her, thought maybe she had lost her key. But the second knock that sounded was heavier than Sierra’s usual one, and it didn’t seem right.
Y/n slowly made her way over to the door, crossing her fingers that the week had finally caught up to her, and that she was just being paranoid. But the second she opened the door, all the wind was knocked out of her.
“Ian?”
————————
When Sierra got home, she was confused as to why y/n wasn’t home. It was the middle of the afternoon, so it wasn’t completely out of the question for her to be out running errands, but she knew exactly when Sierra would be home, and had promised to be there.
She tried to not think much of it as she bid farewell to Tom, chalking it up to be an attempt to avoid Harrison, who had been waiting in the car trying to do the same.
She didn’t begin to really worry until it was about time to pick Jace up from the airport, and she was able to find y/n’s keys on the hook where they usually rested while she was home. It wasn’t like her to leave without them, and Sierra wasn’t sure where she would have gone in this weather without a car.
She ended up leaving alone to go get Jace, after waiting until the last minute to see if she would knock on the door, complaining about leaving her keys behind. But she never showed.
When Jace finally found Sierra by the luggage claims, he knew something was wrong. She was staring down at her phone with a worried expression, instead of running up to greet him with a hug like usual. And the lack of their other roommates presence let him know why.
“Where is she,” was the first thing he said as he approached her. Her head shot up and finally hugged him, but it wasn’t a happy embrace, it was fearful.
“I don’t know, she wasn’t there when I got home, and she didn’t show up by the time I had to come get you.”
She didn’t sound panicked, as she had the last two times this situation played out, she just sounded tired.
“Ok, well…” he paused to watch for his backpack on the belt and grabbed it before turning back to Sierra, “Wanna head home and see if she shows?”
There was nothing else for them to do, so they did exactly that. They waited in the living room together for hours, sharing stories about their week away from home. They did their best to keep their minds off of their missing roommate, she had returned home every other time she had disappeared like this, so there was no reason for them to worry. But that logic wasn’t helping the pit that had grown in their stomachs with every hour.
After Sierra finished a story about Tom having a less than pleasant phone call with her father, they both stopped to sigh. The sun was starting to go down, and there was still no sign from her.
“Should I try calling Harrison?” Jace finally broke the silence.
“She’s not going to be with him, Jace.”
“Yeah, I know. But he found her last time. Maybe he knows where she is.”
“I mean, you can try, but I don’t know how happy he would be to help. He was basically sulking the entire trip.”
“It’s worth a shot,” Jace said finally, and pulled his phone out of his pocket.
It took a minute for Harrison to answer, and he sounded less than happy when he did.
“Hey, sorry to do this to you, but y/n’s missing again. Any chance you could know where she would be?”
“Again?”
“Yeah, look man, I want to get you involved even less than you want to be roped in. But she wasn’t here when Sierra got back and we haven’t heard from her.”
“I’ll call you back in a minute,” Harrison groaned and hung up.
Harrison had to scroll through his text conversations to find the number that he hadn’t saved to his phone. The only text was the address that the had run to just a couple weeks ago in a situation just like this.
“What do you want Osterfield?” Robin answered, confused and annoyed at the sudden call.
The other boy’s cluelessness didn’t give Harrison much hope.
“She’s not with you, is she?”
“She’s missing again?”
Harrison could sense the small amount of panic seep into Robins voice, but tried to keep his own head level. This wasn’t his problem anymore, he was just doing Jace a favor.
“Roommates said she hasn’t been home all day. If she’s not with you, I’ll just tell them I don’t know where she could be. So?”
“No, she isn’t here. They’re sure she’s not just, like, locked away in her room or something?”
“You think they would have called me before making sure?”
“Right… Can you give me one of their numbers?”
After a second of thought, Harrison agreed to send it and hung up. He was a bit disappointed for a moment, the thought of being out of the loop shot a feeling of desperation through him, but he reminded himself yet again, it wasn’t his problem anymore. He wasn’t supposed to worry about her anymore, he didn’t need to, but no matter how much he reminded himself, he couldn’t help checking his phone every few minutes to see if there was an update. Just in case.
As he checked his phone for the umpteenth time, it began to ring again, and he picked up a little too quick.
“What?” he tried to mask his worry with annoyance.
“I need you to go over to her apartment, like now,” Robin demanded. He could hear the rumbling of an engine, letting him know that Robin was on his way already as well.
“Why?”
“Harrison, I don’t have fucking time for this. Please.”
summary: there’s only a fine line between friendship and love... but you need to become friends first, and for Harrison and you seem this to be the hardest part of all | enemies to lovers + fwb
warnings: bad language, mentions of sex and making out, angst, mentions of alcohol, it’s a rollercoaster
word count: 4,7k
prompt: “i don't care about everyone else! i care about you, [name]!"
A/N: hi loves <3 long story short, this is a request that i got almost 1 year ago lol, i wrote the first half in like 6 months because i was never happy with it, then i didn’t write at all for a few months and now i finally finished this story in one evening. hope you enjoy <3
masterlist | taglist
-
If you had to describe your relationship with Harrison, you would say it’s complicated - really complicated. The two of you have been in the same friend group since high school, but you both never managed to become friends at all. You always had this bad gut feeling about the other, and that’s why you never seemed to enjoy each other’s company.
Much to the confusion of your friends. Especially Tom.
But the thing that irritated your friends the most was when Harrison and you started hooking up with each other. The first time was just out of frustration with the other, the second and third time because it was fun, and that’s why you continued doing it.
However, that did not change your feelings for the other. It’s just a friends with benefits relationship, without being actual friends in the first place.
But if it works for the both of you, why should you stop?
“Are you up for another round?” Harrison mumbles into your neck and places a few kisses there. You can feel his smile against your skin.
You shake your head, a smirk growing on your lips. “I can’t,” you reply and grab your shirt to pull it over your head. “I have to do some stuff for college.”
“Sad.” He lets himself fall back onto the pillow, his arms resting behind his head to give you a nice look at his biceps.
“You could come with me.”
Harrison’s eyebrows knit together, and his expression almost looks disgusted. “No, thanks. I’m just gonna stay here.”
“Why?”
He shrugs. “I don’t want to.”
You try to not look offended by his carelessness. “You mean, you don’t want to be seen with me.”
“That’s not true,” he rolls his eyes as if you’re getting on his nerves. “We’re not friends, y/n, so why should I come with you?“
“Right. We’re only sleeping with each other.”
A sigh leaves his lips, and you can see it in his eyes that he doesn’t know what to do. “We can stop if you don’t want to anymore.” A small smirk crosses his face, “but that would be a shame.”
You take a deep breath before standing up from the bed, and for a split second you hate yourself for saying your next words. “It’s fine, we don’t have to stop.”
Turning around to him again, you’re met by his satisfied grin. “See you on Friday?”
“Yeah.”
-
You click your bottle against the others, a smile taking over your face as everyone around the table shouts cheers. Taking a sip from your cold beer, you lean back into the seat, and Tom next to you turns his head to send you a gentle smile.
“Glad you came,” he mumbles and leans closer to you.
You raise your brows in surprise. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“You’ve been a little busy at the moment,” he smirks and nods his head in Harrison’s direction. The blonde notices your stares and sends a wink your way, which makes you roll your eyes.
“It’s not what you think,” you scoff at Tom. “I’m still a student that has to study for a lot of exams, you know.”
Tom raises his hands in surrender, a grin growing on his lips again. “I didn’t say anything.”
“But you were thinking about it!”
“I wasn’t!”
You narrow your eyes, but can’t hold back a small smile. “I don’t trust you.”
He laughs. “That’s a lie.”
After you finish your third bottle, Tom places a tequila shot in front of you, and you groan.
“Come on, y/n,” he wraps an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close, “I know you want to.”
You give the brunette a warning glance before you grab the small glass and let your head fall back to drown the liquid in one sip. Shots are your weakness, and you have to stay focused tonight.
“Another one?” Tom asks the second you place the empty glass down on the table again.
“I hate you!” you laugh.
Tom talks you into another two rounds before he finally loses his attention to his phone. You turn to him to watch him scrolling through his Instagram page, mindlessly scanning the pictures as you suddenly get a glimpse of the time.
“Can I stay here for the night?” you ask and lean closer to Tom.
He looks up from his phone and casually wraps an arm around your waist, smiling widely. “Only if you cuddle with me.”
“Of course, that’s like the only reason I always stay with you,” you laugh and nudge him with your shoulder.
Your phone suddenly lights up with a notification, and you grab it off the table in front of you to look at the incoming message.
Harrison: can’t believe you’re still sleeping with him
You knit your eyebrows together at his attitude, quickly typing a reply.
You: wtf??
You: I’m not sleeping with him
Harrison: but you’re sleeping in the same bed
You: we’ve always done that? what's your problem?
Harrison: I don’t have a problem
You: doesn’t sound like it
You look up from your phone, and Harrison does the same, your gaze meeting each other over the table. You narrow your eyes, staring him down, and Harrison’s blue eyes bore into your soul. Sometimes you don’t understand what everyone is seeing in him. But that’s before you remember that he only has this complicated relationship with you.
Tom thighens his grip on your waist to signal you to look at him, and you finally tear your gaze away from Harrison. Turning your head around to Tom, you’re met by his all too familiar worried eyes. Your mouth falls almost into a sad pout.
“Everything okay?”
You swallow the anger down and try not to look back at Harrison. “Course, Tommy,” you force a smile. “I’m fine.”
Your phone lights up with a new notification, gaining your attention again, and you know exactly what message is awaiting you, much to your disappointment - or maybe not. It’s always the same.
Harrison: bathroom in 5
Without looking up from your phone, you notice him standing up on the other side of the table and walking away, probably to the bathroom, without saying anything or even looking your way.
He’s almost too good at this game, and that disturbs you in a weird way.
When you open the door to the bathroom more than five minutes later, you immediately get pulled against a muscular chest. You look up and meet Harrison’s crystal blue eyes as he wraps his arms around your middle. His familiar scent envelops you and for a second you let yourself enjoy it.
“You’re getting on my nerves, y/n,” he mumbles, his lips so close to yours, almost touching, but he doesn’t give you the satisfaction yet. You want to stay focused and win this game, but you can’t hold back a smirk.
You bite down on your lips and try to look as innocent as possible before he turns you both around and presses your back against the wall, his grip on your waist tightening. “And I love it,” you smile.
“Just don’t exaggerate it,” Harrison whispers in between kisses, “you know I don’t like that.” He pulls you closer, his hands wandering over your upper body, arms, neck, cheeks, until they finally dive into your hair, and you know that you’re not coming out of this bathroom so soon.
You tilt your head and meet his lips for another kiss, your fingers pulling his blonde curls gently, and Harrison sighs into your mouth. You hate him, but you can’t get enough of his kisses and his hands on you. It’s a fact that this here is a mistake, but sometimes you need to do something wrong in life to have some fun.
“Oh, I haven’t really started, Harrison. You don’t know what’s coming.”
Harrison pulls away, smirking. “That sounds like a challenge.”
-
You’re standing in front of Harrison’s apartment, chewing on some bubble gum and typing a quick reply to a message Tom sent you some minutes ago, while you wait for Harrison to open the door. When he doesn’t answer, you send him a quick text too and knock again.
When the blonde finally opens the door after some minutes, he doesn’t look too happy to see you - maybe even a bit surprised. But let’s be honest here, he never looks happy when you’re around.
You push your phone into your pocket and smile. “Hey! I forgot my jacket last time and wanted to ask if you wanna chill a bit when I’m already here? Maybe watch something?”
Harrison frowns and slowly looks at something over his shoulder. “I’m busy right now. Sorry.”
Your eyebrows knit together at his words. Harrison doesn’t say sorry. And he’s never too busy for a quick hook-up. So something’s up, and you’re too curious to let it slide.
“What are you doing?” you ask and try to look behind him with no success.
Harrison closes the door a little more. “Nothing,” he mumbles, his voice sounding colder towards you than normal. “Why are you even here?”
You stare at him for a second, dumbfounded. “Like I already said, I forgot my jacket. Haven’t you seen my messages?”
“No, I haven’t checked my phone in a while.”
“So?”
You try to get past him through the door as you suddenly hear a muffled voice out of his apartment, and it’s a woman, with no doubt. For a second, the world stops spinning and all you can hear is your heartbeat in your ear.
“You have company?” you almost scoff and narrow your eyes slightly at the blonde.
His eyes are as cold as ice, and that hurts even more. “Why do you care?”
“I don’t care,” you shrug nonchalantly, even if you’re not.
“Good.”
You roll your eyes. “Good.”
The two of you stare at each other for a moment too long, and you could almost cut the tension with a knife. You’ve had your bad moments every here and then, but it has never been as intense as this.
You search for something in his cold eyes, but it’s as if you’ve never met this person in front of you.
“I should go then,” you say and turn around to walk down the hallway again. But not without shouting something at him with one last death glare. “Hope you have lots of fun with her!”
-
You haven’t talked to Harrison since… whatever thing that was, and for the first time ever it actually bothers you to not see his annoyingly handsome face. It’s already been three weeks and normally he would have texted you by now to ask you to come over, but nothing. Not even Tom has seen him in the last few days, and that’s weird for Harrison.
You would be lying if you said that your heart doesn’t hurt when you think about him being with someone else. It’s not like you promised each other anything, but it still hurts your ego to get left like this. Maybe deep down you thought there was a bit more than just hate and sex - maybe a connection.
No one has ever gotten under your skin like Harrison, and no one has ever made you feel so much anger and hatred. But also no one has made you feel so good about yourself and no one has seen you as strong as he does. Harrison sees you as a young independent woman and not someone you have to protect, like Tom always does. And that’s why you respected Harrison, under all the snappy insults.
From the start you knew that someone would end here and after all the nights you spent together over the last months, you would have sworn that it wouldn’t be you. You wouldn’t be the one that falls and gets hurt. It’s a risky game and only one person can win it, no matter what it takes.
The next time you see Harrison is at Tom’s birthday party and even if you try to look normal and careless, he does not even once cross your way. You’ve accepted the fact that your little thing ended the moment you walked away and that he and you would never talk about it again, but it annoys the hell out of you that he can’t even look you in the eyes now.
After a drink or five (Tom made sure you never had an empty glass) you don’t even remember Harrison’s name as you’re starring in the green eyes of a pretty brunette guy. Unlike Harrison he’s charming and kind, and he’s probably not embarrassed to go out with you.
You’re even too deep in conversation with him to notice Harrison’s stares and burning eyes on your skin. The guy’s touching your waist to pull you a little bit closer, and you smile up at him, not hearing a single word that comes out of his mouth.
You take a sip from your drink and finally meet Harrison’s gaze. His head turns slightly to the left and you know that he’s staring down the flirty guy in front of you, but you couldn’t care less. You look at Harrison from across the room and feel nothing but disappointment.
Life works in mysterious ways, but you learned your lesson with the blonde.
“Do you wanna go somewhere else?” you ask, still looking at Harrison before turning back to the brunette, “it’s too loud and sticky here.”
The guy nods without a second thought. “Sure. Where do you want to go?”
“Your place?” you say, even if you do not actually want to. But maybe a casual one night stand is exactly what you need to get over Harrison.
A lustful smirk appears on his lips, and it reminds you more than anything of Harrison. In that moment you realize you made a mistake. “Let’s go then.”
He wraps an arm around your waist as you’re leaving Tom’s house, and you cuddle yourself into his side to study yourself, trying hard to shake the weird feeling off you, but no matter what, you don’t feel comfortable with him anymore.
You listen to him talk and continue your conversation, and he doesn’t seem to notice your sudden disinterest. His hand wanders down to your lower back, and normally you would have kissed him right then, but not today. Today it just doesn’t feel right.
And as if he could see your thoughts, you hear his voice. “Y/n!”
An relieved sigh almost leaves your lips as you turn around, but then you see Harrison standing down the street. His face looks soft and sad, and you want nothing more than to kiss his hurt away.
“Y/n…”
“Haz?” you look at him with wide eyes, your heart racing in your chest.
He takes a step closer, and so do you.
“Don’t go with him.”
You swallow the lump down. “What?”
Harrison looks at the guy behind you, and you almost forgot that he’s still there. “Please don’t go, y/n.”
You turn around and give the obvious annoyed guy an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry. Maybe... we can hang out some other time?” you whisper, but he doesn’t want to hear anything of it.
“Or not,” Harrison mumbles as the guy turns around and goes back to the house. You bite back a smile.
When you look at Harrison again, he’s suddenly standing in front of you, not too close, but you can still smell his cologne. “What’s going on, Harrison?” You shake your head, suddenly feeling all the drinks you had tonight.
“I don’t want you to go home with him.”
“Why?” You take a deep breath, bracing yourself for whatever comes next. “Why do you suddenly care?”
Harrison clenches his jaw. “You shouldn't go home with someone you don’t know.”
“I can do whatever I want.”
“Y/n…” he steps closer, “I know you’re not like that.”
You frown and automatically look away to calm yourself down. “You mean, I can’t do what you’re doing? You can go around and fuck everyone, but as soon as I do it, it’s wrong? That’s fucked up, Harrison.”
“That’s not what I meant. Don’t turn this around, y/n.”
“So, what do you mean?” You cross your arms over your chest. “Are you scared that it’ll ruin my image?”
Harrison runs a hand through his hair and looks away for a moment, searching for the right words. “I’m just looking out for you.”
That catches you off guard. “You don’t have to. It’s enough when Tom does that.” You shake your head, suddenly feeling exhausted. “You know what? I always liked you because you didn’t try to protect me from everything. I thought you saw in me more than a little girl that can’t be left alone because something could happen to her.”
“And now you don’t like me anymore?” The corners of his mouth quirk up.
“No,” you spit out, “the little bit of respect I had for you died when you slept with someone else and didn’t talk to me again after that. You couldn’t look me in the eyes the whole evening, Harrison!”
“Why do you care so much about that?”
You clench your fists, your nails digging into your palm. This has to be a joke. “Because it hurt me, Harrison.” You shake your head, not believing that he doesn’t get it. “I know we never set any rules, but that’s just a fucked up thing to do.”
Punching your fists against his chest, you immediately feel the tears spilling from your eyes. “I don’t understand why you care so much about your reputation and your status and every fucking other thing, but not the people that care for you!”
“I don’t give a fuck about my status. I don't care about everyone else! I care about you, y/n!” he suddenly shouts and makes a wild gesture with his hands. “I care about you!”
You roll your eyes, tears running down your cheeks. “Then why the fuck did you sleep with someone else?”
Harrison takes a step away from you as if he suddenly can’t bear to be so close to you. His piercing blue eyes flickering around the empty street, looking everywhere but at you.
“Because I can’t have you.”
For a few seconds, it feels like all the air got punched out of your lungs and there’s only one thought jumping around in your head at full speed. Because I can’t have you. Because. I. Can’t. Have. You.
Almost an eternity pass before you can react. You open and close your mouth a hundred times, only staring at the blonde with wide eyes. “I- what?” you whisper, your brain still not ready to form a sentence. You place your hand on your forehead, feeling an headache built. This cannot be real.
“I never-” Harrison starts, but can’t bring himself to continue. “Y/n, please. Please let me explain.”
You raise your hand to stop him before it gets too much. The next words cost you all the strength you have left in yourself. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this right now.”
Now he’s the speechless one. “Okay, it’s fine,” he mumbles, but the sad expression never leaves his face. “We can talk tomorrow. If you want.”
“I- I think I need more than tomorrow.”
You notice the way his left hand lifts a little, as if he’s thinking about touching you, getting closer again. But he never does.
“Sure. Text me when you’re ready.” He pushes his hands into his jacket, his gaze lingering a moment longer on your face. “I’ll tell Tom to bring you home.”
“Thank you, Harrison.”
-
You needed more than two days, in fact, you needed two whole weeks to be finally ready to talk to Harrison. You feel like you are swapped into another universe, because you sure as hell wouldn’t be talking about feelings with Harrison in this universe.
You had much time to think about everything in the past weeks, and you realized that it hasn’t always been like this with Harrison. Sure, you haven’t been friends, but you didn’t hate each other either. You remember meeting Harrison some time after Tom and his other friends, and you were actually excited to meet him.
Tom and you met each other in the school library and haven’t been separated since then. All of Tom’s friends were nice and kind enough to bring you into their friend group. Harrison however wasn’t as happy to see you sitting at lunch with his friends - and next to his best friend Tom. The whole atmosphere changed when you first locked eyes with the blonde.
But, after spending some time at lunch and in the library together, Harrison slowly accepted you, much to your surprise. You did get along for some time, even if you talked not more than two sentences in a week and sat as far away as possible from the other.
There wasn’t a specific reason why you didn’t become friends, it just seemed like it wouldn’t work. You had too different opinions and interests, while also being the same person characterful. Harrison became the popular boy at school that every girl had a crush on, and you became the popular girl that didn’t want him. In a way, you both despised the other for doing the same thing - you despised Harrison for breaking girls’ hearts, and he despised you for wrapping his friends around your finger.
You made it your mission to show Harrison as much as you could that he was just a player and you would never ever end with someone like him. While Harrison’s goal was to show you how big you were missing out.
You overstepped the line more than once with your teasing, and you know what they say about that - the people who tease each other, love each other.
Knocking on Harrison’s apartment door, you can feel your fast beating heart in your throat. You run a hand through your hair, trying to stop you from running away. It’s now or never.
Harrison opens the door a few seconds later, and as soon as his gaze lands on you, his eyes light up.
“Hi Haz,” you whisper.
“Hi.”
You rub your sweaty palms against your jeans. This is worse than a first date with someone you always had a crush on.
“I wanted to talk. Can I come in?”
“Sure.” Harrison opens the door wider to let you in.
You walk past him, quickly looking around. “You sure that no one else is here again?” you try to joke, turning around to meet Harrison with a smile.
“Send her home before you got here,” he replies, without letting the seriousness on his face wash away.
You press your lips together. “Alright.”
The corners of his mouth turn up. “Joking. Sorry.”
Turning around again, you ignore him. “Where should we talk?”
“Wherever you want. Make yourself feel at home,” he mumbles from behind you.
You sit down on the sofa, tugging your legs together. Even after all the tense moments you shared, it has never been this awkward. The last time you’ve sat right here was when you made out while watching a movie. Your gaze wanders to Harrison, and you know he’s thinking the same.
“I just-” you both say at the same time, making you smile. You make a hand gesture to mention for him to speak first.
“First of all, I never actually hated you, y/n,” he explains and stares right into your eyes. You raise your eyebrows, but he doesn’t give you time to say something.
“I was amazed by you when we first met, I was gone for one week and when I came back to school, there was a total stranger sitting at our table and laughing with my friends as if you’ve known them for ages. It wasn’t like everyone could come into our group and be friends with us.”
A smile takes over your face. That’s the first and only compliment he has ever given you.
He returns the smile for a moment. “And maybe I was a little jealous because-”
“-Because I stole your best friend.”
Harrison grins. “No, because he spent so much time with you and I wanted to do the same.”
“But you did not like me at some point, I saw it in your cold blue eyes,” you say, pointing at his face, and he lets out a loud laugh.
He grabs your hand to hold it, and you let him. “That’s true. At one point in our… complicated relationship, I did in fact not like you.”
“And why?”
For a moment he hesitates. “Because it felt like you could wrap everyone around your finger with just one smile. I saw you leaving parties or whatever with some of Tom’s friends or colleagues and I never said anything to anyone, but whenever I left with someone, I know that the others talked shit about it and I know you did say a few things too.” He sighs, looking apologizing. “That just didn’t sit right with me, so I made some comments to Tom about it and of course-”
“- he gave you a lecture,” you finish.
“Yes. I know it was a dumb reason, but every time I saw you leaving with someone after that, I grew more and more pissed, and at one point it got too much.”
You press your lips together. “I’m sorry for talking shit behind your back. I know it wasn’t right to judge you for something I did too.” You squeeze his hand, a grin forming on your lips, “even if you did it a looot more than me.”
“And you slept in Tom’s bed like every weekend.”
Your grin grows wider. “So you were jealous.”
“I already said that, y/n.”
“I know, I just wanted to hear it again,” you smirk.
He shakes his head, smiling slightly. “I’m sorry for all the shit I did in High school. You know, all that I’m trying to make you jealous stuff.”
You frown. “It’s alright, you know I tried to do the same.”
“Even if you always said you would never fall for me,” he smirks, “and look at us now.”
“You’re an idiot,” you nudge him with your knee, and Harrison pulls you a bit closer. “You never made a move.”
Raising his brows, he runs a hand through his small locks. “I couldn’t. And I thought you didn’t want me to make a move.”
“Did Tom forbid it?”
“No. Never,” he blinks in surprise. “He wouldn’t do that.”
A small smile crosses his lips. “He was actually our biggest supporter after we started hooking up. He was all like, Thank me at your wedding for bringing you together. And so on. You know him.”
That makes you smile. “That sounds like him.”
“So, y/n, do you like me?” he asks without hesitation.
A surprised laugh leaves your lips. “What question is that?”
“Just answer it.”
You narrow your eyes at him. “No, I don’t like you,” you answer with all seriousness.
He leans over to you and smiles, his eyes wandering over your face until they stop at your eyes again.
“Stop looking at me like that,” you scoff, but can’t hold back a small smile either.
His shy smile turns into a lopsided smirk as he leans even closer to you, his arm wrapping around your waist. Your body relaxes under his touch.
You turn your gaze away, rolling your eyes. “I don’t have any feelings for you, Harrison,” you mumble.
“I don’t believe that.”
You meet his burning eyes again. Leaning forward a bit, you tilt your head up to meet his lips for a small kiss. “See? No feelings. Nothing,” you smile proudly and try to turn away again.
But Harrison still doesn’t buy your bluff and continues to look at you with his beautiful eyes and gorgeous smile, and it’s almost too hard to stay away.
It doesn’t take long for your eyes to find his blue ones, and you can’t resist the urge to feel his lips on yours again. You both lean forward and your lips touch in the middle as if it’s the righteous thing in the world. You’ve been wrong a lot of times in your life, but this - this kiss right now - has never felt more right.
“You like me,” he grins widely against your mouth.
