Frozen Autumn
A/N: I know many people that love the Haruhiko/Misaki pairing (I am being converted to liking it due to some good fanfics and awesome people I talk to online) But I wanted to start with something like this where it is still onesided!Haruhiko/Misaki but Misaki is still going back with Akihiko. I will come up with a better idea later on for a Haruhiko/Misaki fic so watch out for that...
In the episode where Misaki was taken to the beach, he looked super excited but I thought why not add some underlying sadness on the meaning of the beach to him. They never really showed what they did there…so that's where the reference of the beach stemmed from.
Misaki sat back on the sofa as he digested the contents of the voice mail left for him. He listened to the unmistakable voice of Haruhiko Usami whose message he revisited inside of his mind. He didn't understand why he felt empty inside. He should be overjoyed by what Haruhiko told him.
All of the past harassment wasn't occurring in the future.
Declarations of love were exterminated for good.
Haruhiko sent him an abundance of presents through the mail, a method in gaining his affection. He pushed their meaning aside as complete baloney, Akihiko and Haruhiko tried outdoing each other in their gift giving. Gone. As he sat there, he was regretting rejecting them so callously.
He recalled the last present he received from Haruhiko Usami. It was a conch shell, the red tint blended down into pink and orange hues that dusted around the outer ridges of the curled structure. Misaki actually loved the beautiful piece of the ocean that rested in between his hands.
This amazing treasure that for some was worthless provoked an emotion out of Misaki.
It was pure nostalgia and longing.
His mother gave him a similar seashell when he began kindergarten. A promise in his little hands that one day the whole family would have a day where everyone could go to the beach. Due to his parents working so much, this was almost impossible but Misaki had hoped it would happen.
He pictured the conch shell, brilliant hues of pink that mixed with the pure white base. He lost it during the year his parents died and comfort piece was missing when he needed him.
All Misaki could think of was: How did Haruhiko know of my love for seashells?
The only other person who knew about it was Takahiro. This was their secret. A silent vow to keep a painful promise that wouldn't happen buried along with their parents.
Misaki felt resentment against Haruhiko. Misaki thought that Haruhiko managed on prying through his well-kept thoughts and then presented it to him inside of a box. As if he was laughing at him through the conch.
Incensed, Misaki threw it on the ground and slammed a book over it repeatedly until it broke. Akihiko stood by, enthralled that finally Misaki was listening to his advice. When in reality, Misaki was snubbing out a piece of his past in a form of a shell.
Afterwards, Misaki began crying. He picked up each individual fragment with a woeful smile. His back was facing Akihiko so he never saw his tears.
Misaki had the pieces in a small bottle in his room.
That must've been the day Haruhiko got taunted by Akihiko. He claimed that Misaki was the one who destroyed his present with anger. His unwanted attempts at romance had made Misaki snap.
This was further from the truth but Misaki didn't know why he was thinking so much about it.
Haruhiko ceasing his mail spree, this what he wanted all along right?
The strawberry onslaught those days proceeding their meeting at the hotel, was his glimpse at the superficial battle between the brothers. Misaki was unfortunately caught in the middle of the storm.
There was no end in sight. Misaki had come to terms with it after he became much more integrated into Akihiko's personal and professional life.
He remembered when Haruhiko gave a brief pause before declaring softly. "I will no longer pursue you Misaki Takahashi." After that Haruhiko hung up the phone.
For years Misaki tried not to be intimately close to anyone. A part of his guilt for what he thought was his fault his parents died remained inside. He dreaded having caused another loved ones death because of him.
Misaki cared for Haruhiko he had to admit, he gathered a soft spot for him out of nowhere. The same way he started caring for Kaoruko and Mizuki, he was hesitant of having to meet anymore Usami family members. These four were hard enough to handle when he was around them.
He voiced his complaints to Haruhiko on several occasions that he should stop sending him gifts. Though Haruhiko turned it around him, asking if the value of the gifts were unsatisfactory and Misaki was even more careful about mentioning what he liked.
Haruhiko was different from his selfish half-brother Misaki thought. On most occasions Akihiko pursued his own desires above others without a second thought. Especially when sex was introduced in the moment and Misaki felt he was coerced into participating most of the time.
Haruhiko didn't seem to favor using force in getting what he wanted. When they were left alone at Marukawa, Haruhiko stopped at the perfect moment. Though it was a result of Misaki admitting he liked Akihiko not of personal choice.
Misaki sighed, he was so confused. Leaving a voicemail and bailing out wasn't settling in Misaki's mind.
The elder Usami was more prone to come to the apartment more than anything. In order to break this with Misaki by facing him in person was realistic. This one instance of breaking his normal routine made Misaki think of Haruhiko much frequently than before.
Misaki hated Akihiko's overprotective tendencies where they were unnecessary in the first place. Akihiko outshined everything by showering him with affection almost all of the time.
Misaki's heart tugged toward Haruhiko, whether from sympathy or love, Misaki didn't know. Haruhiko was a jagged piece that pierced his heart, a heart that was still deciphering many complicated feelings on his new place in life.
He knew he was selfish for being indecisive about who he wanted at this point. Four years he had stayed in Akihiko's home, he was almost graduating university and going into a new life.
Misaki picked up the phone as he scrolled back to the time the message was left. His thumb hovered above the call button as he stared at the screen.
He muttered. "What am I doing? For all I know Usagi-ani has a good reason for leaving that message…I should just move on like he is doing …but I want to hear it from him."
Misaki's thumb pressed the button as his eyes widened. He placed the phone next to his ear. The ringing reached his ears, the anticipation made Misaki even more panicky. Seconds ticked by, Misaki moved his lips in trying to figure out what he was saying.
The voicemail was what he received. "This is Haruhiko Usami, leave your message and number after the beep."
Misaki audibly gulped as his hands trembled. "H-Haruhiko-san…" Calling Haruhiko by his name made this seem much more important. "We need to talk, please meet me at the park near Usagi-san's apartment. I'm on vacation anyway so come meet me there on Saturday in between eleven-thirty and twelve." Misaki licked his lips. "If you don't come, I'll come see you." He hung up as he tossed the phone to the other end of the couch.
His eyes caught the large Suzuki-san sitting in front of him. The bear sat there and listened to his forbidden call. Anything outside of Akihiko was frowned upon by the man himself which was why Misaki was going to keep this all a secret. Unless Suzuki-san developed the ability of speech, then he was safe.
Misaki had no idea what to tell Haruhiko when he was in front of him. He bit his lip; one wrong word would catapult him into being an insensitive jerk. This whole meeting he concocted was pretty much shoving it in Haruhiko's face that his love wasn't reciprocated. That was insensitive in itself.
Misaki burrowed his face in Suzuki-san's brown fur. "I think…I might mess everything up if I do go there…but he sounds so sad, I need to make sure he is okay."
Misaki blew air into his cupped hands and rubbed them together. He placed them in his grey sweater's pockets as he scouted around the park. From his current location, he could see everything and the walkways to the spot he picked. Right next to the dumpling cart that had not opened yet and a fountain that was squirting water into the air.
He knew it was almost twelve in the afternoon but he decided to stay awhile longer. Leaving too early would be as if he was ditching Haruhiko. He was the one that scheduled this get-together in the first place and maybe the elder Usami would be late.
Trembling from the cold and nervousness, Misaki sat down on the bench right next to the concrete path.
He checked the time on his cell phone. "He should call me or text me if he isn't going to come..." Misaki sighed. "I am being ridiculous...he shouldn't be meeting me at all. He is clear on ending everything."
His phone ran in his pocket, he flinched before he took it out. Reading the name on the screen, Misaki waited until the caller hung up. He lowered the volume of the ringer and put it away. Misaki was relieved and disappointed it wasn't Haruhiko calling him.
He was anxious, every minute that dragged on by transformed into hours in his mind. In an attempt at a distraction, he tipped his head back, trying to identify the formations of the clouds in the sky. He couldn't make out any, the clouds were meshing together. He felt as if it was presenting his inner turmoil in solid form. Misaki closed his eyes as he mused, the scenario was appropriate to what he felt.
A baritone voice got Misaki to reopen his eyes. "Misaki."
Turning his head to the right, Misaki saw Haruhiko standing there in the middle of the concrete path. He hastily stood up as Haruhiko walked to him; he stopped a few inches away.
Haruhiko pushed his glasses when they slid down, they nestled properly on the bridge of his nose. Up close, Misaki noticed small marks they left when the skin was exposed slightly.
"Why have you requested to see me? Is my message not clear enough?"
Misaki couldn't look him in the eye. "I...I'm sorry..." He didn't know why he was apologizing but that was what came out of his mouth. "It's just..."
Haruhiko stayed silent awaiting Misaki's explanation.
"I want to know why...why are you giving up, after all of this time..."
"It's simple. My feelings are never going to be returned and it is futile of me to think I can change your mind." Haruhiko said as his eyes stared down at Misaki, mentally feeding onto him that was alright to look at him. "I can't keep going on this mundane routine, I have to move on with my life. It isn't fair to you and to me that I continue in my attempts at wooing you. I have to admit, after so many years of doing this, it's going to be hard to let go."
Misaki still had his gaze at another direction. "So that's why...it's superficial to think you are going to be doing this forever." Haruhiko was taken aback at the sorrowful face Misaki was making. "I have gotten so used to your random postage that...you have become a part of my life."
Haruhiko's face softened as he said. "That's nice to know but it's too late."
"I know that, I just came to this conclusion recently. It's horrible of me to even express this when it's hurting you."
"That's an outcome I expected in the end."
"What?"
Misaki looked up and stared into Haruhiko's eyes, he saw a crack in what seemed to be a forever stoic man. The overwhelming emotions of expectant misery swam through those eyes. He was paralyzed at how prominent they burst, seconds later; those emotions were locked up back inside.
It was as if Haruhiko had a hidden box in his heart that kept his true feelings locked up. The box would develop cracks as the years passed by and flashes of emotion poured out in random moments.
Guilt hit Misaki hard; he wasn't ready to let Haruhiko go yet.
He got used to this new sense of normalcy that he thought it would stay this way everlastingly.
"I'm not going to unravel a sad story on how I don't know what love is and how I never got it in the end. Though I will tell you this," Haruhiko bent down and got close to Misaki's ear. "I really do love you and I am going to try to get over you during my stay in England."
A snowflake fell in between them; Misaki's eyes followed it as it landed on the ground. He stared at it as he said. "You're leaving?"
Haruhiko responded. "Yes."
"When are you leaving?" Misaki asked he placed his focus on Haruhiko's coat buttons, suddenly finding them interesting.
"In a few days, I have business to take care of when I am there." Haruhiko placed his hand out as Misaki saw the snow collecting in the palm of his hand. "I might stay for a few months if it stretches out than originally planned." He turned his hand to the side as the small pile fell onto the ground.
Misaki remembered the seashell bits he stored in the bottle. "Haruhiko-san...how did you figure out I like seashells? Only my nii-chan knows about that..."
"When we first met at the train station I heard you mention that you have never gone to the beach before and you wish that you could someday. At the time, I thought that a seashell was a good keepsake until you actually went to experience it yourself." Haruhiko answered.
"I-I told you? I cannot believe I did that."
"Yes you did. Though from what I gathered from Akihiko's call, you hated it enough to break it into little pieces." Haruhiko further explained and he saw Misaki biting his lip.
"My mom...she gave me one the year before she died..."
"I apologize for my insensitive gift and my condolences."
Misaki reassured him. "No it's fine...it just brought back her promise to take me to the beach when I looked at it, I lost the original one before she died." His eyes prickled with oncoming tears. "I have gone to the beach with Usagi-san already but I compensated my sadness by smiling the whole time I was with him. If I encountered a conch shell then I know I would have broken down."
Haruhiko pulled Misaki into a loose embrace and tucked his head under his chin. Misaki accepted it without a fight; he pressed his face onto Haruhiko's dark jacket, his tears created small wet spots on the fabric. His arms encircled Haruhiko and clenched his back.
Misaki found it ironic that he was crying, under the falling snow but this time he was being comforted by a different Usami. This time he was consoled by a simple hug not a kiss like last time, this person waiting him out as he cried. Haruhiko was rubbing soft circles on his back and Misaki relaxed in his arms.
He looked through his blurry vision at foliage that was slowly being covered by the snow, creating a thin white blanket. The sounds of children playing just beyond had Misaki pulling away from Haruhiko. Paranoia set in that maybe Akihiko would find them in such an innocent yet compromising position.
"Do you feel better?"
Misaki nodded his head. "Are you going to be okay?" He wiped his face with his sleeve as he sniffled.
Haruhiko answered him. "I will be fine, don't worry about me." He checked his watch. "I should get going; I don't want to keep you."
"Okay."
Taking that as his cue, Haruhiko began walking away from Misaki. "Good-bye Misaki."
"Bye Haruhiko-san, be safe on your trip."
Haruhiko stopped for a split second, his lips quirked in a minute smile. Misaki was captivated by it, the presentation was just for him, a memory he would keep as a reminder of his effect on him.
"Thank you." He resumed walking away and was almost out of sight.
Misaki exclaimed. "I have the pieces in a jar! I never threw them away!"
Haruhiko didn't look back as he kept wandering away from Misaki. Misaki thought he was too far away to have heard him but in truth Haruhiko heard him loud and clear. He retained what Misaki said in his mind. At least his last gift was still in Misaki's possession that was all he could hope for.
Misaki looked up at the snowing sky as he muttered. "It shouldn't be snowing yet...it's still November." He smiled as a tear rolled down his cheek. "It's beautiful though…"
The end.