#hatsnothoods

[hatsnothoods]

Is there any skill or talent in life you wish you were better at? Being a good person perhaps?

I have chosen to ignore the foolish comment that ends your ‘ask’

There are not many skills, talents, abilities I cannot turn my mind or hands to. I confess, however, I am lamentably deficient in the ability to navigate the waters by physical exertion alone.

That, and the art of baking a good meringue.

[hatsnothoods]

Occasionally in life, one is presented with such wonderful opportunities.

It is our moral imperative to take full advantage of such occurrences, of course, to the fulfilment of our own goals. Anything else would be… such a disappointment.

[hatsnothoods]

We stan evil Mr.Clean ✊🧽

Stan? You dare ‘stan’ me, like I’m some... social media spectacle? I am not your bald internet mascot with a sponge and a smirk! I am the master of mind control, the shadow in your dreams, the fury beneath the Earth’s crust!

You do not 'stan' The Hood! You fear me. You tremble when I speak your name from afar. And if I so choose…

I will scrub you all, including International Rescue, from the face of the planet!

No sponge required.

[hatsnothoods]

You're just jealous that the Tracies still have hair.

Justified, honestly.

Jealous? JEALOUS?! Of the Tracy's hair?!

Oh yes, I weep into my silk pillow every night that I too cannot emulate an early 2000s boyband.

Alas, I simply cannot spend an absurd amount of my dead father's fortune on industrial-grade hair gel just to keep every follicle perfectly in place while I strut around pretending to be the second coming of Jeff Tracy and lecture the world like I’m its glorified mall cop.

Or better yet - pretend I’m not an heir to the world’s largest fortune, but instead some floppy-haired “surf bum” from the least academically competent stretch of California, grinning like I haven’t got a single functioning neuron in my golden little head.

And let us not forget the space elf - yes, that one - who seems to defy gravity, physics, and common sense with whatever eldritch product he uses to levitate his hair in orbit and commune with the satellites.

All of this to say, I am unequivocally not jealous of a single strand of Tracy DNA containing hair.

You think I lost my hair? No, I ascended. I transcended the frivolous tyranny of shampoo and vanity. My scalp is a solar panel for raw, unfiltered psychic chaos.

Do you see Jeff Tracy with a bare dome? No - because he’s still clinging to the illusion of control. I embraced it. I became it. I don’t need mousse, I need minions.

I don’t style hair - I style destruction.

[hatsnothoods]

Hey Mr Hood 👀 If mind control is so effective, how come not even your eyebrows listen to you?? 🤔

You DARE mock me-

So this is what passes for humor these days? Mocking the physical appearance of superiority?

My eyebrows are a manifestation of raw power, not some fashion statement. When I rule this world, you'll be first in line for... adjustments.

Enjoy your moment. It will be brief. Unlike my unending world dominance.

[hatsnothoods]

The things one does see in London.

How very curious…

[hatsnothoods]

I find it thoroughly intriguing that not only do the GDF have no apparent plan to visit me any time soon, I am allowed through most major airports entirely unchecked.

That is, of course, the perks of a frequent flyer’s club.

Perhaps a tropical holiday is on the cards.

[hatsnothoods]

Honestly despite the corporate greed that lead you here. Your actions are pretty fair, go off and slay ✨✨💅

I believe I should say thank you 🎩 💅

Is it corporate greed to only want the best for oneself? Or is it merely wise self-preservation?

I have considered becoming a… what was the word? Influencer, that’s it. On TokTik.

I do have a caravan to purchase after a certain neighbour set my previous holiday home alight. Not naming any names…