Oh, you mean like this
The last few weeks it has been raining almost non-stop. While it’s great for this area, because of how little rain we’ve had for the past several years, it’s slowing down my short term cash flow before my job starts. So I’m working with what I’m able to move at the moment, which is online! My long awaited success at the job hunt has given me a nice boost of confidence, and even allowed me to consider reaching for a few jobs I probably wouldn’t have considered before. The last few days have been hard though. I have been dreading going back to work and wasn’t really conscious of it. I keep thinking that now that I’m starting back into this full-time schedule, I won’t have all this time to learn and prepare and study all the things I know I want to be doing long term. I keep thinking, “Where will all my time go?” I wonder how it will all pan out, now that I have options taking me away from the schedule I currently have. Today I’m thinking of confronting this dread, with the thought that while I don’t know how it will pan out, it will inevitably pan out in the way that will challenge me and open my eyes to a way I hadn’t thought of before. I will no doubt try something new because I won’t have dealt with this experience in the past, and trying something new is ALWAYS good. I will also learn something more about how I work and who I am as a result of this process, which is also ALWAYS good. I have felt so much resentment towards working ever since I left my parents home(more than 10 years) and I believe it was mostly directed at my parents as a result of how I was raised and how my life changed after I left. Work was always given to us as a necessity - drudgery - that thing you do to get to the next thing. The problem for me was that I never thought about that “next thing” and just ended up hopping from job to job never looking for a job I might like, always taking the job I could get, and never working that hard because I knew it wasn’t that important. Sounds like I was a crappy worker, right? Yeah, I’ve only ever received one pay raise, and that was in an office job where I was just typing really fast, so it was easy to show off. To be fair, I was drinking and showing up hungover, with 4 hours of sleep and wrinkly(and probably slightly stinky) clothing, so the raise wasn’t much. But the truth is, work isn’t about drudgery or “working towards something.” Yes, there are certain jobs that you feel you must take in order to make ends meet in the meantime, but apart from that it really shouldn’t be more than one or two jobs before you’re on your way to your true purpose. I don’t mean to say that you’re ‘weird’ if you’ve tried a few different jobs in the same field, I mean if you’ve done what I did(hopping to whatever job took you until you lost interest or got laid off during a slow season) then you should be spending your time off work SERIOUSLY studying yourself and the things you’re passionate about doing for others. It should be something you COULD do for free every day and not care about getting paid for it. It should be something that YOU feel is right, not something you “should” be doing because it’s righteous to the people in your family or your core social group. If you have a wild guess as to what it might be, DO IT. Don’t think about it, don’t rationalize why you want to. Make a plan to start learning it(if you don’t know it) study the market and where you can put yourself with good leverage, and design yourself a place where you can begin IMMEDIATELY. No excuses, no “I don’t have the money/time/resources/skills/etc.” If you can write about it, read about it, talk about it with others, make a model of it out of paper, just start. Save a dollar a month if that’s all you can spare. Sell the DVDs you don’t watch any more on Ebay and use that to buy the materials you need or a book on how to etc etc. If you get to a point where you feel like it’s not what you’re supposed to be doing, take a good hour and ask yourself this : Did I lose interest? Or am I just out of ideas? Write your response to BOTH questions, and weight your options. THEN MOVE FORWARD. Pick something else, or start talking to your guides, your mentors, the angels in your life(in the 3d world or 5d, your call). When you show up to work, you can make it through and you can give more. When you know that you’re working towards doing what you really love, you become an unlimited fountain of awesome kickass neverending bullish creativity that you can use to turn any situation into a good opportunity to grow and help others. You’ll learn that everybody winning means you’ve won, and blame shifting and competition disappear into the foreground, while creating value and connections with others becomes the focus. People will respond to this, and naturally just want to support you doing it. Anyways, that’s my rant, I got all pumped up!! Hope you enjoy.