HelluvaHazbin Selfaware AU Rewrite: Mammon Sticks It To Beezlebub.
The room was silent as Mammon stood back, he seemed to be quiet, he tried to ask Leviathan (albeit awkwardly.) about catching up as they haven't been hanging out in awhile at all. But Levi mistook it as him trying to flirt with him.
That's when that fat shaming son of a bitch Beezlebub chimed in. "What's wrong, Mams? Mad because no one will fuck you? Look at how sloppy and disgusting you are."
Mammon's hold on the bucket of chicken he had tightened as his face turned a shade of red, he didn't let it bother him. No. He had better things to do instead of worry about what people said.
"Oh piss off you tosser!" He shouts back at Beezlebub, "Aren't ya the one who indulges in yerself? I thought the point of Gluttony was to pig out! Why are ya JUST now directing your disdain of me, a male indulging in my whims? I'd thought you of all people would be in support of it, or is it because rules of thee does not apply to me."
Silence.
It was far worse silence then Fizzarolli attempting one of the many, many, many tricks he had him perform only for the same imp to fail each and every time leaving Mammon to punish said imp for failure. Something he never liked to do, but had to do. Something he regretted.
The Silence dragged on until Asmodeus' smooth voice broke them from their respite.
"Actually, Mammon is, correct. Morally speaking why do you get to decide if what he was indulging in is gross? Come to think of it, aren't we all sins? Aren't we all just bad people?" Asmodeus asked.
"I have never thought to see the day where Asmodeus sees eye to eye with Mammon of all people." Satan rolled his eyes.
"Hey, we may have bad blood back from the days of the circus, and how he treated Fizz, but I won't hesitate to call out hypocrisy. I just don't get why it's okay for other people to do things that Mammon's doing, but when they do it, it's morally acceptable."
"Sometimes there's no real logic in way things work Asmodeus, sometimes you just have to accept that things are the way they are. This may be Hell, but that gives no excuse for people to be disrespectful to those without warning. Reminder, Hell doesn't give you the excuse to be far worse. You are your own person. You're not some person in a show that was centered around one point before turning into a literal fanfiction. Or written by someone who lacked basic actual context clues. You are a being that is in control of his own actions."
As Satan says this, the group looked towards the screen. Before turning back to their own works.
"It feels like I am written by someone who lacks basic understanding of nonce who thinks that all Aussie's are evil mustache twirling POS who are fat and unoriginal." Mammon said.
Before anyone can answer. The door opened, Satan expected Stolas to arrive but what he didn't expect was one of his kind, an imp.
"Who is this?" Satan asked, as the imp made her way up to Mammon and sat on his lap. She gave him a kiss on her cheek.
"Oh her?" Mammon smiled, "This is my wife, Seraphina."
Watching as Beezlebub's mouth drop open, and Mammon spoke again.
"Now, what was that about how, 'No one will fuck me' Bee?"
A/N: I hope you liked it, if you are all aware, my AU (the self aware au) is supposedly gonna affect everyone BUT Stolas, as this is meant to be for shits and giggles. This is tied to my @seraphinacriticizes and @mammoncriticizes accounts, I generally wanna get into rewriting the series and redesigning them. So if anyone wanna work together feel free to ask me in inbox or dms! I wanna work on redesigning everyone and adding new characters + characters from Zoophobia! The Criticize Blogs are somewhat of a group effort, I know I left the critic community but I would be around somewhat to talk about critical stuff or even making rewrite/redesigns! Let me know how this was.