Personal Dragons - Hazel Chan
I want more, I want more. Numerous tug of wars happens inside me whenever goodies are placed in front of me. The little sly devil inside me constantly tempts me to fight viciously for what I want, not what I need. The virtuous angel tugs the rope and pulls me back from the goodies. The cause of the outbreak of tug of wars is due to my personal dragon, greed.
It may not be obvious, but when it comes to sharing food with my siblings, my stomach growls like a lion, which motivates me to leap for my prey, snatch it and gobble it down my throat. As the eldest, I always tried my best to be self-sacrificial and give the biggest share to my siblings, which I did for the first part of my life. However, it is very tiring to compress my desires, when many times there is only a plateful of savory food left. Since I constrained my appetite for many years to a small serving, it is my desire to eat to the content of my heart. Therefore, one day, I decided that it was the end of my sharing and time for my siblings to learn to fight for what they want. From then on, when my mother placed cherries on the table, I rush to the table and grab a handful and mouthful of cherries and run back to my seat before my siblings noticed the glowing, bloody cherries on the table.
The same goes for Grendel. Grendel could not control his desire for vengeance because he was exiled and therefore, he was subjected to murdering the Danes. Grendel is like the little devil inside me who acts impulsively and continues his ruthless nature, just as I continue my greedy nature. Commonly, we both lack self-control. If Grendel could control his hunger for vengeance and stop preying the Danes and if I could control my hunger and share with my siblings, then our relationships with others would prosper.
Another personal dragon is pride. I cannot with stand embarrassments and I would do anything to “keep face.” I abhor going into a store buy food on my own. I abhor going home alone. I abhor buying school lunch. Why? Others may think that it is because of my shyness that I detest buying food in a store or at school. But in truth, it is because I don’t want others to think of me as a loner, who has no friends. I do not want others to see me holding a plastic bag fill with food or holding a tray of lunch because I think that it is embarrassing and extremely ugly for me to do. I care more about my reputation and how others view me more than anything else in the world. I would rather starve to death than to hold that orange tray and walk across the cafeteria. As evident, I am severely blinded by pride.
Similarly, in Beowulf, Anglo-Saxons measured success as pride. Therefore a warrior’s pride was directly related to his victorious achievements. Beowulf’s war with Grendel was putting his pride at stake. If he lost to Grendel, would lose his pride. If he won, his pride would increase greatly. In fact, he successfully slayed Grendel and was labeled the hero, “Edgetho’s brave son.” Thus, in Beowulf’s time period to modern day, pride is still measured by reputation.
In many ways, my battles with my personal dragons are like Beowulf’s battle with Grendel. Just as Beowulf represents the good defeating Grendel who represents evil, my love for my siblings would eventually demolish my greed and my pride would be conquered with indifference.
