#hc:general

[bowieaesth]

016.

GENERAL

To start off her twenties, Citlally had done the unthinkable. When even the oldest, and seemingly darkest, woman in Barcelona refused to be of service to you, that usually meant not to go down that specific path. Right? No. Citlally had to find a way to bring back Matteo. And found it she did. Citlally had pour through book after book in search of the answer. When she finally landed on a rune that wasn’t something she had seen before. Under the rune, in faded ink, read “reanim. exchange of life. something for something.” While she was desperate, she had to know exactly what the wording had meant before continuing on. So, she waited. 

Then came a night where she was particularly low. She made a protection talisman for herself and headed to the graveyard holding her baby. She hadn’t read anything about a ritual for this exact rune. But her lessons from La Mujer weren’t for nothing. Needless to say, her spell hadn’t worked quite the way she had hoped. Her son was still dead. All she had managed to do was raise a small part of his soul to come to her. It wasn’t strong enough. Her magic hadn’t been good enough. And for all of that, she ended up sick. Without a bi-weekly tonic, she turns into a disaster. Coughing blood, unable to move from bed, the whole works. That sort of magic takes a toll on your soul and physical form. Naivety was going to forever be her undoing.

[bowieaesth]

014.

GENERAL

Sunny days:

Happiness in a bottle. Windows open. Sink absorbing the warmth making everything feel more alive. These are the days she can forget everything that had happened. Sunny days are Citlally’s favorite. She loves nothing more than being out and about, going to do all of her errands on these days. There have been times where her class will suggest and outdoor session and she can’t argue. On these days, painting is the one that easiest to do.

Rainy days:

Longing is not unfamiliar. Logs in the fireplace, crackling and filling the air with a smoky scent. Books are a comfort. These days are for  grading papers easily. These days are for lounging around. They’re for sitting in class rooms having serious discussions but allowing room for restlessness. It’s for distractions and real times. The easiest art for her to do on these days is music- cello used to be her favorite for rainy days. But piano works just as well. 

[bowieaesth]

011.

PERSONAL TIMELINE [age 13+]

13

This is the year she was born. Formed from magic and light and breath. The halls around her echoed and beckoned her to explore. A little sister became a shadow. Hoping to learn the tricks of the trade. Something she won’t learn from her sister. Something she’ll find all on her own; years and years down the road.

16

Dumfries. The dumb boys who shouted and hollered and thought they owned the world. The ones who Citlally found boring and plain and more or less mundane. Without magic they didn’t seem charming enough. Without brains they hadn’t seemed intelligent enough. She was harsher than she should have been. Maybe if she’d given them the time like her sister had, she wouldn’t be so alone.

17

All that mattered was school ((School. s c h o o l.)) And h i s face. This was the year she fell in love. The year that she saw her grades take  a slight nose dive. The year she realized that if she wasn’t careful, he would ruin her life. Trips to town and sneaking off, to meet the boy who was all public school and no college trust fund.

18

Putting faith in someone else only creates heartache. Beautiful smiles only get you somewhere half of the time. And he was never one she could fool. Alone, alone, alone. Until her body gave her something to take away the lonely days. It was no longer “me” it was “us”. Her family helped build a nursery as well as pay for school. Mothers gave tips, sisters tended to her needs and grandmothers made things. Eighteen years old and there was bliss.

19

Every day is a new joy. Smiles and learning to blink. Taking care of something that wasn’t just herself. One step at a time, one day at a time. Three months goes by too fast. Before bed it’s giggling. Before bed it’s checklists and kisses. After bed it’s tears and frustration. How did this happen. How did this happen. HOW?! Coffins shouldn’t be this small.

20

She spends days in bed. Missed calls: Mom, mom, dad, Ana, Ari, Ana, Ana, Mom. Voicemail: “Lally, I know you’re in a dark place. Please promise not to seek her out. Don’t do it. It won’t be worth the price. Matteo won’t be who he would have been.” Night cloaks her as she heads down ally ways. Finding The Mother and asking to be taught. Even if she won’t do what was being asked of her, there will be a way. Young Citlally, Matteo is yours, even in death. He will always be yours. Nothing but disappointment will follow this. Be prepared for the aftermath.

21

Back to school. Therapy. Family dinners almost every weekend. School has given Citlally something to take her mind off of the past year. She’s too involved but everyone copes in different ways. Don’t let loneliness seep in. Ignore it. Forget it. Pretend  life hasn’t been altered.

24

Aimless wandering comes from graduating. Hands reaching out, asking her back. She hears the calls that are more familiar than anything else. The place before everything went to hell. Wardlaw screams, “this is your direction. Use your pain to guide these girls. They need you more than you’ll ever know.”

Now (28)

Change and change and change. It’s catching her off guard and she can’t find her footholds. Merging with the boys school, jumping across the ocean; mixing and mingling, trying to figure out her exact place. Is she even needed at a mentor? As someone who can be come to for advice? What’s her purpose if not being a maternal figure for these girls that she’s barely older than?

[bowieaesth]

005.

GENERAL

S.I.D.S isn’t something you can prevent. S.I.D.S wasn’t even something that you could expect. One night, you put your baby boy down to sleep-doing everything right (baby on back, no blankets or soft chocking hazards)- and the next morning, no breathing. Citlally walked into her child’s nursery to find her son still. She had done everything perfectly. She read books and books in preparation. Yet, after a short three months, Citlally was more alone than she would have expected from the moment she found out she was pregnant. This child was with her for a total of twelve months- nine in belly, three in the outside world. How could she expect to save anything when she hadn’t been able to do anything for her child? 

To this day, she has nightmares about the baby. If only she’d used magic, or kept him up a little later, or hadn’t left his side. Maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t have slipped away. 

To this day, she has daydreams about the baby. Of how he would look, how he would be in second grade at this point. How she could have a different life. How he could have had another sibling. How helping with homework would be. 

Citlally doesn’t think she’ll ever have another kid. She’d be worried every step of the way. She also doesn’t think she can form those sorts of bonds with people anymore. So, for now, children are out of the question. 

[dangerous--reality]

Head Canon: Evelyn never had a particularly affectionate relationship with her father, it had always been a bit strained and awkward, and the Baron wanted little if anything to do with Renee unless it was to make a show of being a father. Renee was schooled to call her own father by his full name and title and never to cry, whine, or act even slightly out of line in his presence, open displays of affection were frowned upon on the best of days.

[dangerous--reality]

Guys... with Gabe, it's not happy, it's not a happy verse, actually there's at least three verses and none of them are happy.

Renee is a little sass diva as a child, but she is also raised to be a fierce little fighter, and she's pretty damned tough, but she's also incredibly volatile and very dramatic, and right around fourteen her life goes to hell in a handbasket.

Gabriel is her baby brother and her saving grace and she hates him some days, most days.

but she loves him so very much

and when he dies she knows it's her fault

because he never should have had to save her

she was supposed to be the big sister

[dangerous--reality]

Head canon; Evelyn's brother was the same age as their cousin Agnes, Agnes was devastated when he left and more when he died, Evelyn was protected from his death, and in many ways from his life until she started straining against he system herself and then he was used as an example as to why we don't try to break the system. In many ways, he reminds her of Grantaire

[dangerous--reality]

Head Canon; Evelyn was not always an only child. Evelyn had an older brother.