kim dokja gets so upset, so distraught, about the idea of yoo joonghyuk dying and there are...there are layers here. ever so many thin and delicate layers stacked so densely together they look solid, but which rip apart at the barest touch, and their scattering pieces are so beautiful and sad and
remember. how kim dokja tells himself that he doesn't want yoo joonghyuk to regress because he isn't sure what will happen to the story - the timeline - without the protagonist in it. remember in the 10th main scenario, when yoo joonghyuk tells kim dokja that this current world won't end if yoo joonghyuk regresses. when he says don't worry, i made sure, i asked, and the world won't end. and of course the layer here is "you won't die if i die (you can live if i die (you can live without me))."
but kim dokja doesn't get it. he doesn't get it he doesn't. what do you mean you asked? what do you mean it won't matter? this is the best way? for what? for who? what about you? and of course the layer here is "what about me (what about you (what about me-))?"
because that's just the thing isn't it. yoo joonghyuk existing is the reason kim dokja is alive. more specifically, it's the fact that yoo joonghyuk exists where kim dokja can see (can read) him. so if yoo joonghyuk isn't there anymore, where does that leave him? where does that leave kim dokja, in this world?
yoo joonghyuk tell's kim dokja he'll be fine if he dies, but kim dokja knows that isn't true. he knows it, feels it, even if he doesn't say it. it's no wonder that he makes sure this never comes to pass. no wonder he risks ejection from the scenarios, when to him that's far less of a risk than the alternative. kim dokja never learned how to live without yoo joonghyuk.
