Hello! Do you have any resources/advice for distinguishing between an alter fusing vs going dormant?
Context is that we have been making good progress in our recovery and at a pivotal moment in our healing we had a dream where our persecutor alter said goodbye to us and said she was going to go play now and walked into the woods. She has not fronted or communicated with us in any way since.
Originally we thought this was fusion but (to my knowledge) none of her traits or memories have manifested in any other alters. We recently had a new trauma that we were not equipped to handle as that alter always dealt with those events and as a result we split a new alter to cope with it - something we very rarely do. All of this has lead us to conclude that she went dormant rather than fused, but we’re still not sure.
It’s been a weird combination of grieving her loss and being unsure of when/if she will come back. I don’t know if I can accidentally trigger her into coming back so I’m afraid to engage in her favourite media or activities. I don’t know if she would want to come back even though we miss her. She didn’t have the healthiest ways of coping and I feel bad saying this but I’m also worried what she might do if she does come back. I care about her very much and I just want to do what’s best for her and the whole system.
Thank you for reading, we really appreciate it!
Hello, we cannot say for sure whether or not this alter fused or went dormant. To us, this sounds a bit more like dormancy, but ultimately that’s not something that we will be able to determine.
In our collective, whenever we have experienced fusion of some kind, there is usually some remaining aspect of the individual parts who fused. The new resulting part may have some of their traits or memories, for example. There may also be a part (likely our gatekeeper/manager) who has some knowledge or intuition about the situation and is able to confirm or deny whether or not a fusion occurred. Every system is unique, however, so the way fusion looks in your system may not match our own.
In contrast, dormancy for us regularly looks like the loss of a particular part. They’re here one day and gone the next. It may be sudden with no warning, they may be harmed or triggered which causes them to leave, or they may fade somewhat gradually. We have written a post on dormancy which has more information, and we will include it in this hyperlink.
We understand your apprehension about this headmate with unhealthy coping mechanisms returning to your system. Positive change takes time, and it requires the chance to experience life in order to take steps in the right direction. We would suggest your system hold a meeting to discuss this alter and her whereabouts. This may help you all further understand whether or not she is dormant or has fused. It also could give you an opportunity to form an action plan to help her while protecting yourselves if she ever does return. Working towards recovery may very well mean that you have the tools necessary to aid her in beneficial ways if it turns out she was dormant.
We don’t believe that you all should feel obligated to avoid engaging with her favorite things. Doing this may even help keep her memory alive or help your system process this loss. If she is dormant, she will return when the time is right for her to return - when she is needed, when she feels ready. Unless you have an alter who specifically serves the function of pulling alters from dormancy before they’re ready, we truly believe that you could feel comfortable interacting with her favorite things, and that in fact it may be a beneficial, healing experience for your collective. If doing so does trigger her return, just be prepared to be there for her. Persecutors often need more support and understanding than other alters, and there is nothing wrong with that.
You also may realize much later that she fused after all, and your system just did not notice this for a while. If this is the case, know that it is still alright to mourn her old presence and miss who she used to be. But you can also celebrate this recovery milestone and try to come to terms with the fact that you do have the resilience and tenacity to handle the situations that she used to. Because she is still with you. Even if she looks different these days.
In all of this, we are wishing the best for you, your collective, and this alter, wherever she is. We’d always encourage getting a second opinion from a therapist or a trusted friend, especially anyone who is aiding you in your recovery process. And do let us know if there is anything else we might offer to be of assistance to you.