Long update post.. something something mental health
I usually don’t post like this but I believe it’s important to be transparent about mental health despite how uncomfortable it makes me feel to post this to the world. Right now I want to hide but anyone who’s spoken to me knows I’m an advocate for being honest and open about your feelings during these times without judgement. Perhaps I should do the same. 😅
I haven’t been posting recently and it’s not because I don’t want to. I was happiest when I was doing it but as the weeks and months went on I became increasingly burnt out. My brain told me I wanted to record but my body just wouldn’t cooperate. I’d work then crash on weekends. Getting out of bed was a struggle and replying to messages became almost impossible. I’d lie in bed with unread messages and it felt like it was getting harder to breathe just thinking about replying and what if they responded and I needed to reply again. Sometimes I’d reply a week later apologising that I couldn’t do more and it felt terrible.
About a week or two ago I began calling this feeling burnout. My medication masks many things making it difficult to pinpoint my true emotions. I haven’t experienced genuine sadness in years but some is now creeping through and dealing with it is far from enjoyable.
So why am i publicly putting this out there? While I don’t know my way forward, I think it’s important to normalise talking about these things. I also wanted to explain why I may not be posting (tbf my content isn’t really crave worthy so no one’s gonna be trying to get their next Anna hit) or why I may not reply to messages. Just know I see them but that extra step can sometimes feel like needing to climb a mountain instead of walk to the letterbox.
Moments like these can feel incredibly isolating. We crave connection but also feel shame about our feelings and might subconsciously self sabotage (I know I do). Today I pushed someone away because my brain was screaming that I don’t deserve someone to care about me. I never want anyone to experience the way my mind sometimes makes me feel. If you’re scared to talk to your person, tell them you just need them to walk beside you for a bit. They probably won’t judge you and want to support you, otherwise there are so many people in this community that I call friends that more than willing and understanding that do this with me.
And to wrap this up - I want to make some things clear (so there’s none of this reporting me stuff)
I am ok
I am safe
I am just exhausted and low
So please people, take care of your mental health. Tell someone when you’re low. Be there for your friends. Don’t be afraid to share from your heart. The heart feels are the most painful but they are the most important.
You are important and you are so worth it.
Love you all
