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Castaway’s on an Unknown Shore by @3rdclover
After avoiding capture from Travis at the end of Season 2 Ethan plans his next move and observes the actions of Enkris, a pirate troll and enemy of Chehro and Travis. After several weeks of watching, Ethan approaches Enkris’s camp and a relationship begins.
Our *fandom’s* reaction to the beginning of Hearthchained: Season 3
Video Message - Progress
(Camera looks at Travis at contour from below, Travis is sitting at the table)
(Sets down phone and types something into laptop)
Ha! Yes that was perfect! (Sits in silence for a moment staring at laptop)
Those assholes better listen...better listen...fucking fucks better fucking listen to me for once in their fucking lives!
(Travis slams his face onto the table top, stands from the table scattering papers and begins wailing on the wall with his fists, a hole is carved in the wall his hands are bleeding, tears well in his eyes as he punches himself in the face breaking his nose, he yells as he hits himself several more times, picks up laptop to throw it. Stops)
(Laughing, sets computer gently down)
Not this time motherfucker! This is why no one loves you, you fuck. YELLING AT THE WORLD JUST TO HEAR YOUR OWN ECHO!!!! This is why your dad is a drunk, your mom would rather be killed than be around you and YOUR ONLY FRIENDS RAN SCREAMING ONCE THEY DISCOVERED WHAT A SLOBBERING PILE OF SHIT YOU ARE! As soon as they actually spent time in your toxic presence! When they couldn’t send you away with the push of a button.
(Slumps in chair, defeated, trying not to cry)
You think you’re a hero little girl? Throw a rope to the drowning...but I’m still left in the sea...
I know what we are.
(Singing) (Softly to self, growing louder)
I don’t know what’s wrong or right
I just know I need strength to fight
Strength to fight that world outside
Since we’ve been out of touch
I haven’t felt that much
From day to barren day
My heart stays locked away
My dreams are locked and barred
Admitting life is hard
Without y-WHAT? (looks off camera, camera stays on Travis)
Oh good, great yeah... get it all out. I’m happy this lowly pink skin is so entertaining. (straightens his clothes as his face shifts back to its normal shape, listening)
I agree, that’s why I’ve been waiting for you for over an hour and entertaining myself by taunting children, asshole! Come on, the rules of reality aren’t going to rewrite themself.
Video Message - An Introduction
(As the camera opens on a table full of papers, books and gadgets “Sympathy for the Devil” begins to play in the background. Camera scans over the table. Among other indecipherable papers and diagrams are:
A large graph with a solid line labeled Tabula Rasa, several sine waves labeled alpha, beta, gamma, zeta, kappa, and omega intersect at different sections of the line.
Several half finished scores of sheet music lay in a messy pile each one titled Music of the Spheres.
A mac laptop with an open mp3 labeled The Great Croak.
A book open to a picture of Angkor Wat, a post-it with “Crucible” written on it is in the margin.
A flow chart with Narrator connecting with Storyteller both pointing to Audience with PinkPanda? circled next to it.
A list of chemical compounds are all neatly organized on a sheet labeled FrogFractions2.
(Singing from off camera)
Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
I’ve been around for a long long year
Stole many a man’s soul and faith
I was round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
(Pause)
Please to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
(Camera turns to show Travis, wearing smart grey suit blue tie and matching headphones around neck) (talking to camera/phone, gloating, shit eating grin)
Sup Losers!
I’m not sure EXACTLY when you’ll all be getting this due to timey wimey bullshit but hopefully it’s soon enough that you fuckers haven’t forgotten about me.
But check out these sweet digs! (pans phone to show modern but alien furnishings) That swank tho! Not bad for a far flung piece of trailer trash if I don’t say so myself. (Strongbad impression) We can even have lightswitch raves!
Anyway, just wanted to let you kids know that your little attempted coup failed MISSERABLY. Was that really the best plan you could put together Hazel? (Mocking) Surely a thousand samurai bow their heads in shame from the afterlife. Seriously they didn’t even stand a chance. Tara didn’t even get to make a quip!
So yeah, they’re all...mostly on ice now. Don’t worry, they’re fine, nothing’s going to happen to them. Liam’s...on a holiday and will have some WONDERFUL stories to share when he gets back. Ethan is off being nothing and doing fuck all as per usual. And the Tan sisters are chillin out, maxin, relaxin all cool so trust me when I say Club Fed has got nothing on this shit over here.
But seriously now, this little chat isn’t JUST to brag with my old friends. This is your warning, one not everyone is getting I might add. Stay on your witchy little island! I know you can hear the bell and want back into the ring for round two but, as a friend, I have to advise against it. As long as you stay there I’m happy to leave you alone and...make sure nothing unfortunate happens to the others in my care.
I’m working on something, something that end all the suffering we had to go through and make sure that wonderful new life continues in our fucked up multiverse. So WHEN I succeed, if you all are still around I PROMISE that you all will get your shot. You all will have whatever vengeance you desire (pause) but not yet.
So for now dance, dream, laugh and be merry friends! You’re with people you love...and there’s nothing better than that. So now that we all FINALLY know each other I say to all of you assholes...
(Singing, playful)
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what’s confusing you
Is the nature of my game
Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners, saints
As heads is tails
Just call me Lucifer
Cuz I’m in need of some restraint
(Intense)
So if you meet me have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
And don’t you dare try and fuck with me
Or I’ll lay your soul to waste!
See ya around (cunning smile)
Survival of the Fittest
Nothing could live in this place. The air was thick with the stench of methane and sulfur. Jagged rocks erupted randomly from the ground on this otherwise featureless plain. On one of these rocks a boy sat, his head tucked between his knees, back rising and falling at odd intervals as he choked back tears. Snot stained the arms and legs of his well-tailored suit. Even if the sobs could subside his breaths would be thick and choking in this humid primordial landscape. Plumes of steam escaped the ground around shallow pools creating a soft "shhhhhhhh." It reminded the boy of his mother and he sensed the presence of microscopic organisms swimming in the pools. Eating, growing, they would one day outgrow their tiny ponds. Then, all at once, everything would be different. Forever.
Footsteps approach and a grey skinned alien addresses the boy.
"You are much changed by your journey, Travis. I can see that. You will want answers that will be difficult for me to provide, but I will do as best I can."
Wiping his hands over his face to hide his flush skin and red eyes the boy lifts his head to face the alien. "It's weird. I don't feel I've changed as much as I think I should."
The alien shrugs, "That you are aware of it is as much change as you could hope for."
"Why the fuck am I helping you? I need to know that there is a reason for this before I go any further. I've had a lot of time to make my own plans."
"I am sure you have," The alien grinned with a confidence that belied his small, slight frame. "And we will need all of those thoughts in the time to come."
"That sounds an awful lot like stalling asshole. You need to get to the point, I've waited long enough!" As the tears dried from the boys eyes his youthful visage melted away revealing wisdom beyond his apparent years. Eyes that have seen to much.
"Very well. Paradox space is a loop, yes?"
"Sure."
"Do you know what is on the further side of the loop?"
"No."
"What is on the far side of the loop is the sum of all unexplored possibilities. I will not fool you, I seek power. But judge me by what I would do with it! Paradox space and its cruel "game" foists the role of god onto the bloodstained hands of unprepared children."
"There we're on the same page. Children shouldn't be told to play god. But, even as old as I am, I don't feel that I can either."
"I will be an excellent god, because I must."
"That's not an argument. It's a statement of commitment. You need to convince me not to drown you in a scrying pool right fucking now."
"The nature of paradox space means that a cruel, unpleasant world exists in perpetuity. The loop of all that is sustains it, those deaths are preordained, and from an inside perspective, that cruel angel's thesis is destined to replay itself. That is paradox. These are our tools, knight of life. What would you defend?"
"Choice. Life. Love."
"Innocence?"
"..Yes. I am not convinced mankind needs gods."
"Then mankind need not have them, although I think it is perhaps a little too late for you to judge, Marduk. Or do you prefer Jesus?"
"Yeah yeah, touche' asshole."
"That is a term used when humans cross blades, is it not? I prefer not to use it with you. Words have power."
"Okay, whatever." It was upon this plain of poison and desolation the boy and the alien shared their visions. Each saw merit in the other's plan to ensure the continuation of life. An accord was struck. The boy came to his feet to tower over his ally, "And if you fail?"
The alien only smiled, "I will not. But were I to, it would fall to you."
"So why wouldn't I just betray you?" asked the boy.
"Because you do not want this. Despite your recent actions, betrayal is not your real nature."
"I don't know, it kind of seems that way."
"It is not. You may think me petty and small, but my dreams are grander than myself. All I want is to be the greatest there could ever be, the ultimate self improvement, and then use my greatness as a testament to itself, burning it into paradox space. And with my great ambition, the stakes of all beings will rise. And so will you."
"And what if I find you lacking?"
"Then strike me down. I invite it. All I ask is that we proceed towards this goal. I accept that you are not fully on board the plan. But you will not recognize the person I become as the person that I am now. You are free to pursue your own goals, and I will help you. If I fail, then I have helped you on your way. If I succeed, then you will see the wisdom of my plan."
"It would be a lot easier to see the wisdom of your plan if I didn't know about your Nhamni obsession."
The alien dismissed the concern with a wave of his hand, "Psh."
"Don't psh that shit. That's fucked up."
"It is complicated. You are in a poor place to judge our culture, but I crafted Nhamni into the person that she is."
"That sounds like Dad talk."
"Ah yes, the incomprehensible phenomenon of being raised by a breeding competitor. I crafted Nhamni into the person who would make the deep, fatalistic decisions that would allow us to win the game. And I find her beautiful. Is that so wrong? Knowing what you know now, does your heart not still beat a little stronger for Tara?"
"Fuck you."
"But accurate, yes?"
"...Yes."
"I will proceed towards ultimate godhood, and you will join me."
"If you show any, ANY sign of not keeping your end of the bargain, I'm going to strike you down."
"I am counting on it."
"Are you now motherfucker?"
"You are a remarkably consistent being, Travis. You will do just as you have said. And for me, that is enough. Knowing that you will do so means that I will succeed or die. And that fact alone is my guarantee of success."
"As a sort of paradox probability sorter?"
"You are that consistent."
"Huh."
"Huh indeed. Now come, Khetus has acquired some excellent game afield, and we are to feast."
"What are we going to do with the prisoners?"
"It is a matter up for discussion, although I have suggestions. Come, we shall discuss it over our meal."
Fanfiction: Sword in the Golden Sand
Title: Sword in the Golden Sand Fandom: Hearthchained Author: PinkPanda Pairing: Hazelivia Collection: 100 Words Drabble written for the Drabble Day for Valentine’s Day Tags: hearthchained, hazel, olivia, hazelivia, SWORD, 100 words, drabble
Prompt 20 - You may conquer with the sword, but you are conquered by a kiss.
Hazel's fingers curled together, her muscles reflexively grasping the memory of a sword.
She wasn't a navel-gazer by nature, but she was certain that other thirteen-year-old girls hadn't been trained by their fathers to wield a blade.
But she was finished with that. She'd resolved it: Swords to plowshares, cutlasses to kisses.
"Hazel?"
She relaxed, and allowed her fingers the freedom she now felt, for just a moment. Then Olivia reached toward her and took the girl's hand in her own.
It was soft. Hazel felt her fingers curl again, this time into an unfamiliar but comforting grip.
She smiled.
Fanfiction: Pride and Prejudices
Title: Pride and Prejudices Fandom: Hearthchained Author: PinkPanda Characters: Ethan, Travis, Liam, Olivia, Hazel, Tara, Sesili Summary: Olivia tries to convince her friends to go to Pride. Collection: Hearthchained Summer Drabblefest 2015
“YOU GUYS!” Olivia pranced into the study of Winfield House, all bubbles and bounce and bushy tail. She held up a colorful flyer, done up in all of the colors of the rainbow, and also, curiously, a lot of pink. “You guys we should go to the Pride Parade! :DDDDD”
Hazel, who had smiled reflexively as her girlfriend arrived, suddenly felt that cheery expression vanish into a doubtful look. “The Pride Parade, really, Liv?”
“Oh fantastic! A Pride Parade!” Liam stood up from his work with punch cards at the Alchemiter station, and put his hands on his hips. This dignified expression was somewhat marred by his having donned the result of his most recent alchemical experiment, which had turned out to be outlandishly large gloves apparently made of orange rock. “My mum always tried very hard to take us on the Oxford parade route whenever she had the time……. Besides the one time when she was the parade marshal, of course. That was a highlight.”
“parade marshal? okay that is p. cool liam,” said Tara, from her reclining repose on a couch reading a dog-eared copy of The Lonely Life of an Emperor, by M. Burdell.
Ethan, sitting on the couch beside Tara, did not look up from his copy of Thundercats. “your mom sounds so much cooler than my dad”
“I considered your dad’s It Gets Better video to be quite moving, frankly!”
“There is gonna be no more tlaking about your dad at all today Ethan,” called out Travis, who was himself perched in a loveseat a suitably non-awkward distance away from his friend, with an earbud in one ear.
Hazel sighed the sigh of the put-upon. “Seriously everyone, we are supposed to be alchemizing cool stuff and Liam is the only one besides me putting any work into it. How are we going to win this game if we don’t work harder at it? We only have eleven hours left!”
“But Hazel please we need to go because it will be so fun it’s in San Pandcisco on LoCaF!” pleaded Olivia. “With your space powers we can get there in a snap!!”
“i, what. san pandcisco, really?”
“yes san pandcisco it is right next to oakpand” Ethan did not evince any expression.
“omg. there is going to be no more punning around with my hometown and its suburban locales.”
“cmon tara arent you looking forward to seeing the gay bears marching in the san pandcisco pride parade”
Tara dropped her book in her lap and leaned her head back in exasperation. “how is there not a way for me to alchemize the word no with a gun so i can shoot you with it.”
“That is a terrific idea! Please hang on a moment.” Liam scrawled something unseen on a piece of paper with his comically gigantic gloves. The sounds of SPan alchemy momentarily filled the room. “Oh….. It just makes the script for Batman Begins. I should have expected that.” “ANYWAY,” said Olivia, liltingly. “We all should go! Pandas make small cities so it’s only a ten-minute parade. And nearly everyone here is a queer, so we all have reason to go!!!”
“You got so many levels in pink, you probably have gay panda camo.” Travis pulled the earbud out of his ear, an expression on his face of equal parts frustration and perplexity. "I just wish I understood why all of my best friends are suddenly jsut SO GAY NOW!!" he said.
"I'm not gay, I'm bi :D" said Olivia.
"we know," Tara agreed. "and i’m not gay. i just, uh, kind of kissed a girl and liked it."
"girls tara" said Ethan, who was perpetually unable to allow any of his friends to be wrong. "i'm not gay either cause i only like boys when i'm a girl"
"I'm not gay and I can prove it. I have a crush on Future Tara!" said Liam brightly.
"wait you what?"
"She's just super cool and confident and really knows what she's doing..... You really should listen to her more Tara."
"I'm not gay either," declared Hazel.
Everyone looked at her with the raw, steely skepticism of those friends who have known that you are gay since literally forever.
"Just because I only want to kiss girls doesn't mean that I care about any of this 'gay culture' stuff," said Hazel defensively, waggling two raised fingers on each hand to indicate air quotes, "and neither should any of you."
“i dont care about gay people and even i think that is dumb hazel” said Ethan.
“We are gods, we don’t have to worry about that stuff!” She struck a heroic pose. There are limits, unfortunately, to how heroic a pose one can strike while wearing pajamas, even if those pajamas are pretty cool-looking because one happens to be the Witch of Space. “Our romances are the stuff of legends,” Hazel announced with aplomb.
There was the shlumpfffs of displaced air that so commonly marked the arrival of a time-traveling Tara. This one had arrived in the middle of the room, and looked momentarily disoriented, but got her bearings quickly enough. “you’re totally bi, tara.”
Olivia tromped over to Tara and clasped her hands in her own, forcibly. “I always knew you were in the family Tara!”
“okay did you really have to just come in here and announce it to everyone?” said Tara, turning her head to face her future self, a hurt look on her face. “why are you being such a jerk about this?”
“firstly: yes,” snapped Future!Tara. “second: because you have stuff you don’t want to say, so you need me to come back in time and say it, so you don’t have any responsibility because you doomed yourself into having to do the same thing. except you are responsible because this --” she made a strange, expanding gesture with her hands “-- is all a big conspiracy by you and me so you can externalize your anxieties and shit.” She k-k-k-kk-k’d her fingers across her Scroll Top time machine, before bidding it to vanish, and stepped back a full pace.
“See Tara? She knows what she’s talking about!” said Liam. “So much cooler than our normal Tara.”
“i agree with liam for once”
“Shut up future Tara!” said Travis, dead-set on defending his friend. “You are WASTING SO MCUH TIME ON STUPID SHIT!! GO PUNCH YOUR OWN FUTURE SELF FOR ONCE!!!!”
“rrrrrrgh,” said Tara, pulling her hands away from Olivia. She stood up abruptly, stepped into the middle of the room, and summoned her Scroll Top. “it’s fine travis, i know when i’m not wanted.” A click-clack, and a sfffpmulhs, and she vanished.
“okay well,” said the remaining Tara, who flopped back onto the couch. “that was a weird minute and a half.”
Travis opened his mouth, not sure what to say, and closed it again.
The usual medley of DINGs and buzzes that marked an incoming group message from a troll was also accompanied by the usual simultaneous checking of Internet-connected devices.
Sesili: I’ve never understood this strange sense of pride you humans have about the configuration of your shame globes and seed flaps.
Sesili: Where I come from, we have a sweeply event known as Hemopride, which makes profoundly more sense than your primitive display.
Sesili: During this event, the highbloods go on parade with their wealth and power on display, to reinforce to the lower castes how much they should be respected.
Sesili: They usually wave a three-striped flag with the three highest colors of our nobility. It’s quite handsome.
Sesili: <hemoprideflag.jpg>
Olivia looked up, as if to address Sesili directly. “o_o You guys know that this is just the bisexual flag right? This is for realsies just the bisexual flag.”
“whoa that is just the bisexual flag, you’re right.”
“Oh you trolls. I love all of you so much,” said Liam.
“Was that serious or sarcastic?” asked Hazel.
“Yes!”
“That’s not a --”
Olivia interrupted Hazel’s retort with a long, slow kiss by the standards of romantic time dilation for thirteen-year-olds, which meant that it lasted about three seconds in total. "<3<3<3"
“Ooooooooooh!” Liam broke in. He glanced around, a bit disappointed that nobody else was as excited about this as him.
“I mean it’s just that like,” began Olivia. “This might be the last thing we get to do together before we all risk our lives and stuff. And Pride is about celebrating who we truly are without lying to ourselves or anypony else and I just want for ten minutes to all be friends together. -_-”
The room was quiet for a moment.
Tara smirked. “you said anypony.”
“she did”
“She did!!”
“Yep.”
“Indeed.”
So they went.
The parade was ten minutes.
But they made the best of it anyway.
Fanfiction: Dad Day
Title: Dad Day Fandom: Hearthchained Author: PinkPanda Characters: Ethan, Athena, Edward, Travis, Liam, Olivia, Hazel, Tara Summary: Ethan gives Edward a Father’s Day greeting. Collection: Hearthchained Summer Drabblefest 2015
“What is this supposed to be?” Edward looked at the envelope warily. “I mean I know what’s in it, obviously. But I’m asking for the principle of it.”
The blonde girl swept her hair back awkwardly, as if the feeling were new to her, which of course it was. The breeze here, on top of the tower, made it more dramatic, which she liked. “I’m here on Ethan’s behalf, Edward.“
“You’re not even supposed to be here. This is a secret hideout.”
Athena pointedly ignored this.
The envelope disappeared, but its contents did not. Edward turned the delicate paper over in his fingers. “But a Father’s Day card, really? It’s not even Father’s Day.”
“Before the end of the Reckoning and all, he thought that it would be good to just get some kind of closure with you,” said Athena.
“It says ‘Sorry Your Genetically Identical Paradox Clone Was a Terrible Fucking Dad’,” pointed out Edward.
“The sentiment does need some work,” admitted Athena.
“The inside says ‘fuck you so much, sincerely, ethan’.”
“He has some daddy issues.”
Edward rubbed his temples and looked past her, into the horizon. “I’m not actually your dad.”
“Ethan’s dad.”
“I’m not going to persist with this fiction that you’re not Ethan,” sighed Edward.
“I’m not,” said Athena.
“You are too,” said Edward. “Just say what you want to goddamn say.”
“I’m just saying, Ethan wanted to give you, his non-dad, a dad hug.“
“A dad hug.”
“Yes.”
“Okay, whatever. Then we can get back to the part where you give over your damn session to us.“ Edward rolled his eyes and opened his arms wide.
Athena leaned forward to pull the lanky teen into a tight hug.
There was a shift.
“hey edward”
The two boys winked out of existence. The Land of Chasms and Bastions followed shortly after.
--
The single-directional scrying aperture suddenly blacked out into the void of mere space, leaving the five teens standing awkwardly in the remains of the Saigo mansion.
“well,” said Tara. “this is the shittiest doomed timeline i’ve ever heard of.”
“Maybe it was a pretty bad idea to use your powers on Ethan like that :(“ sighed Olivia.
Liam shrugged. “There was an 87.7% chance that an emotional appeal would succeed in convincing Simone and her cohorts to relent their assault on our session. I considered it worth the risk…..”
“Liam what did I tell you about making up statistics?” said Hazel, annoyed. “You need to stop picking the same percent chance. Or else, it makes people suspisious.”
“Lots of things have an 87.7% chance of success!”
“At least, it was a just death!!” said Travis manically, and a bit too loudly. “And now we know there’s a 0% chance of that hapenning so THANKS A LOT LIAM!!!!”
The brief, despondent silence was broken by the k-k-k-kk-k of Tara’s fingers sweeping across the keyboard of her time machine, as was her habit when preparing for a timejump.
“Oh oh Tara!!!” called out Olivia. “This time when you go back can you stop all of this from happening?” She waved both open-palmed hands in small circles on either side of her head, where her brown hair had been razored into a ratty, unflattering cut. “Weasel hairdressers are the WORST. (>д<)”
“um okay,” said Tara. She cranked the knob of the Scroll Top to pull up a fresh white sheet. “i’ll do my best.”
