#hehc

[nelc]

Types of shell

[fratboykate]

Papi, hope I'm not too late for this GG Kate and Yelena train. I've been reading your asks and even if Katie B's a goober, she's got to have hooked up with plenty of other socialites right. Do we ever get to see jealous Yelena?

WOOOFFFFFFFF Jealous!Yelena is on my list of shit to write on the story because dear gay lord is that going to be a hoot.

Hear me out. Hear me out. HEAR ME OUT. Fancy rich people event. They had to get there separately because Kate was doing Boss Bitch CEO things and Yelena was doing assassin shit. Yelena ends up running hella late and by the time she gets there she knows Kate has been there for a bit so she has to find her in the crowd. Her situation went all sorts of wrong so she's already in A Mood and these rich people PISS HER OFF. "They are not good company Kate. I do not know why you insist on bring us to places with them. So many of them. Not ONE cool person." And Kate's always like yeah yeah yeahhhhhhh...cuz she knows she can handle the curmudgeon later.

Anyway, Yelena is grumbling as she moves around the room trying to find her fiancee and then she spots her. In this little number:

And you know her puth immediately went:

But then...but then...she sees who Kate is talking to.

Yelena made a file on Kate when she got to New York. We know she did and we know she's thorough. She knows Kate's history and that includes past relationships. That's Kate's fucking ex and in the ten seconds Yelena has clocked them she's found an excuse to touch Kate's arm twice. Yelena fucking BEELINES over there and you know she's about to spend the rest of the night marking her territory and if this bitch doesn't back down she's dying tonight.

And the entire time Kate is like "...the fuck is wrong with you.....???"

"ME?! What is wrong with HER? She sees ring on your finger or is she blind? Why is she touching you? She will lose hand if she does it again."

"No one is losing any hands tonight."

"She will. Let her try again."

jldfgljkdhfkjghldfgljkfdg she's such a jealous angry baby when she wants to be but then again she also has days where it doesn't even bother her. Where she's like "Yeah, we're the hottest couple here AND WHAT ABOUT IT?!" cuz she knows she got her bitch KB ON LOCKKK and she ain't going anywhere.

[fratboykate]

Yelena: my mama and papa can't wait to see us.

Kate: ...Yeah. Yeah, same.

Yelena:

Kate:

Yelena: It is not at pig farm this time, Kate Bishop.

Kate: It's just that I KNOW they make fun of me, Yel. I swear to God! Their oinks are very different around me. And the squealing is like a totally different pitch.

Yelena: Evil piggies, I will keep you far from them, this I promise. And no checkers.

Kate: I love you. Thank you. I just didn't know double hopping was allowed and it all got out of hand with the kinging-

Yelena: Hush now. Never again.

Kate: I didn't know international rules were a different thing. How could I know?

Yelena: I said hush now.

Kate: How could I know?

Yelena: Stop. Please.

NOT THE PIGS BULLYING KATE LMAO

I'm sorry but "My in-laws are computer controlled genius pigs and they 1) think I'm a fucking idiot and 2) HATE me" is, without a doubt, the best headcanon that has ever existed in the history of headcanons. I will not have this fact touched in any way. It is written in stone. It's simply a part of life now.

[fratboykate]

Yelena: Security is coming, quick, kiss me!

Kate: *already throwing bow and arrows out of sight* About fucking time this happened to us

LOL Kate loves any excuse to make out with Tiny.

[fratboykate]

what about when Kate bring Yelena for the first time at the Bartons house for meeting/christmas or any reason because for her it's like her second family and Yelena learn that one of the kid is named after her sister. And the next time Yelena make Kate meet her family, Melina and Alexei and lol that must be weird/fun maybe at the pig farm lol, but it's a bit sad too probably 'cause last time they gathered like that around a table Natasha was there too and something always is missing

Kate in the same room as machine controlled, hyper intelligent pigs???? The mere idea of that has me fucking HOWLING. There is no way that ends well. None.

[fratboykate]

The thought of Kate first hearing about/seeing the pigs and just being really excited about it before reality knocks her on her ass lmao.

"They're super intelligent? Like little pig people?! Do they SHAKE HANDS?!? Do they put out their little hoof for a shake? Oh God, I can't wait!"

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD. IT'S BECAUSE SHE OFFENDS THEM. THAT'S HOW THE WHOLE THING STARTS JFKEJFNEJFJEJRMEKANDJWNF

Kate thinks they're "smart" in the way people say their dog is smart because they can do more than five tricks. And she goes in there and fucking BEELINES for them like "Hoof? Can you be a good boy and shake Alexei?" and the pigs look at each other like "..............This bitch????????? Into our house?????? And act like this??????" and they literally just turn around and leave. And Kate's like 😐. It just gets worse from there because you know she then tries to "fix it" but Kate is incapable of not shoving her entire foot all the way up to her thigh in that Nascar level Motor Mouth™️...and that's how you end up with the in-law pigs hating you.

[fratboykate]

So if Kate and Natasha are opposite sides of the energy spectrum....does this mean that if Natasha could interact with Kate, she would either kill Kate or herself out of pure annoyance?

Kate would end up in a fucking body bag if Natasha had to spend more than like...two hours at a time with her. Zero doubt in my mind.

Full on, hurried angry text under the table: "If you don't want to become a real widow today you should come get your wife away from me."

No no. Bad for Kate. Bad BAAAAD for Kate's overall health and well-being lol.

[fratboykate]

ok ok buuuuuuuuut what about jealous!kate?? because yelena seems way more reserved than kate in her jealousy and i can just imagine kate doing the most to like prove that yelena and her are together and that everyone else can back!off!

Kate does The Most in everything. She'd basically be putting on a two inches short of a spectacle so that everyone knows Yelena is hers. People in New York know but say she has to go out of town for a business trip or something and she's like "Come with. I only have to work two days. We can be gone for a week. We'll make a little getaway out of it." Yelena never says no to a week of sex if it's on the table. Except there's this one woman at their hotel who is waaaaaaaaay too chummy and will not back off. Yelena is totally unbothered because she obviously has eyes for no one but Kate but Kate literally Can Not let it go. She turns it into A Thing.

"Kate, that was not necessary."

"What's not necessary is her inviting YOU for a private tour of the vineyard. Two of us. There's clearly two of us."

"...because you will be at your meeting."

"She could wait until after the meeting."

And Kate legit reorganizes a whoooole weekend event for dozens of people just so she can show up at this winery thing. Yelena is like 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 when she sees Kate pull up. She knows she's about to deal with some Shit for the two hours this thing lasts.