#heldig writings

[rudnitskaia]

Let’s be a lovely mess✨

If we have a happy ending, I will gladly tie the knot. And I hope, without pretending, You would want that too a lot. If we have a happy ending, One eternity-transcending, I will come to our spring wedding With a happy springing stride, Smiling wide. Ta-da-dae-dae... Oh, If we have a happy ending, That will be a perfect plot. If we have a happy ending... If we... ...had... ...a happy ending... Only had... ...our happy ending... But, unfortunately, we're not. Happy endings even fairies Keep for silly fairytales, And whoever ever marries Sticks in hardships life entails... Is it worthy, all that mess? Who may guess... Oh, who may guess... But for me it will be a yes. So To hell that happy ending! Let us have a happy start And a random now to spend it With all love that fills our hearts. I don't care which cards life plays, Since you are my happy always. Will you tell me yes? Tell me yes? Let's be a lovely mess. Is it worthy, all that mess? Who may guess, Oh, who may guess? Please tell me yes, Just tell me yes! Let's be a lovely mess.

by Viktoriia “Heldig” Rudnitskaia

[rudnitskaia]

Fatal Flames

Joining the trend of creating Lackadaisy OCs' portraits in the style of Tracy J. Butler's amazing Lacrimosa that my friends @ahhhh-118 and @acesandocs started this year. :3 Hope I conveyed "Maura's misery" fully.

Happy spooky season! 🕸️🎃👻💀🎃🕸️

[rudnitskaia]

Calvin decides to tell that by the spring of 1931 Rocky lives somewhere alone (TRUTH) — 63,6% of votes

Wherever the Wind Goes (part 2)

[<FIRST>] [<- PREV] [NEXT ->] [<LAST>]

“He's fine… I guess. The last letter from him was about a month ago,” he sipped from his cup for the first time in the whole conversation. “But… I'm not sure you should go see him.”

“Why?”

“Well… you see…” Calvin squirmed uncomfortably in his chair. It was painful to remember all this: how hard the rivalry over the division of the St. Louis’ illegal liquor market had hit everyone who had stayed at Lackadaisy till the very end, how the short-term gains from interfering in the underground gambling business had ricocheted as much bigger problems for the establishment in the long run, turning a gang feud into a full-blown war with the authorities, and how many people had died in that conflict… Calvin turned his gaze to the window, frowning. “When you vanished… a lot of things had happened. I'm glad none of us ended up in jail then. Especially after what happened to Lackadaisy.”

“Is he hiding from the authorities now?”

“No,” Freckle shook his head. “Or rather, if he is, it's not because of that, and he hasn't told me about it. On the contrary, it seems to me that everything is… even getting better for Rocky now? A new life away from… all this, and… just… I don't know how I'd react if I were him.”

Mau bit her lip thoughtfully. She supposed she understood what Freckle was implying and decided not to beat around the bush.

“You mean he's not alone?”

Calvin sighed heavily.

“That's the point,” he rested his elbows on the countertop and involuntarily hid the lower half of his face behind his mug, as if embarrassed by his own words. “He didn't write about that either. That he found someone. I don't think he's fully recovered from… you. And I… I already owe him, you know? I don't want to see him… go down the drain again.”

That hurt. Maybe deservedly so, but it really, really hurt. A dangerous wave of resentment rose inside Mau; she wanted to argue that Calvin was wrong, and that her meeting with Rocky wouldn't lead to anything bad, but could she vouch for that? Whether Rocky would be happy to have her back or not, he truly could do anything on emotion. If there really is any stability in his life now, especially in these dreadful famine times, maybe she really should have left him alone. But Mau's heart, unfortunately, didn't always listen to her head. She crinkled her nose and despite Freckle’s gloomy look stubbornly replied:

“I care about him just as much as you do, and he deserves to know the truth. That I'm alive and I'm sorry things turned out this way. I'm truly sorry…”

“Good thing you are,” Freckle couldn't hold back.

“Enough,” Mau blurted out in a strangled voice, shakily setting her cup down on the table. “Enough of your judging.”

“I'm not—” Calvin protested, but she didn't let him finish.

“Oh, no, you are! I've been sitting in front of you for so long, and you still look at me like I'm a fiend like no other. How can't you realize? We barely made it out of that godforsaken eatery! You think if I'd had a chance to tell Roark I was alive earlier, I wouldn't have taken it? Think of all the time I spent with him side by side. How many things we've been through together. I love him, confound it, and I don't how about now, but I'm sure he loved me back then, too. Yes, maybe, even if he finds out I'm still alive, he'll still decide that now it will be better to stay off apart, but it'll be an honest choice, out of knowledge, not ignorance, and at least I'll be able to properly give him a divorce,” she stood up from the table and straightened her skirt. “But I rather won’t humiliate myself further. I better go. Thanks for the tea.”

Yet, as she went out into the living room, Mau heard a call:

“Wait!”

Calvin walked past her, fleetingly touching her shoulder, and returned a little while later with an envelope in his hands.

“Here… take this. The last few letters were from this address. Otherwise, my conscience will haunt me forever,” he put the envelope in Mau's hands and lowered his eyes to the floor in embarrassment before adding: “I… I'm sorry. I'm glad you're alive, Mau. I really am. But I'm worried about him. A lot. So, please… be considerate, alright?”

The prickly tension in Maura's eyes gave way to sympathy. Yes, in every way, Calvin had matured since the last time she'd seen him, but at that very moment, just for a brief instant, it was as if the barely-fledged boy with whom Rocky had once walked hand in hand into Casa di Rondine four years ago had reappeared in front of her eyes. And she took a step toward him, pulling Calvin against her so tightly that he would realize she held no grudge.

“Thank you.”

Soon Mau returned to the room she had rented at the hotel for one night, collapsed on the creaky sagging bed and lifted the envelope above herself. Her gaze slid over the lines of the familiar, dance-like handwriting, her fingertips tracing the letters as she silently repeated the words, imagining Rocky mumbling to himself as he wrote them on the envelope in order to precisely capture everything on paper… Closing her eyes and dropping hands to her chest, she held the envelope close to herself and warmly smiled. How did he look now? She wondered. Was he still wearing the same orange tie? Had he cut his hair or was he still walking around just like he was before, boyishly and mischievously disheveled? Was he still skinny or had he finally put on a little weight?

But Mau's thoughts were again interrupted by Freckle’s voice:

“Be considerate, alright?”

She turned on her side and looked again at the slightly crumpled envelope. It really was a delicate matter, and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't scared. Things had indeed changed too much for them both… and maybe she really shouldn't have dredged up the past. But the image of the young man, like a fragile vision, still stood before Mau's eyes. An image that she was so scared to shatter with a careless touch… Maura squeezed her eyes shut again. She secretly hoped to find Rocky in St. Louis, but she still had some money left to send him a letter or even go to Chicago immediately. Was it foolhardy? Perhaps, except— no, no! There must be no rashness! Everything has to be thoroughly thought, must be…

…Mau sat up on the bed again and tensely stared to the window.

Mau concludes that the best thing to do will be…

...not to write to Rocky and not to go to him at all

...to write Rocky a letter with no return address and not to go to him at all

...to write Rocky a letter with a return address and invite him to visit

...to write Rocky a letter with no return address and promise to visit him later

...to write Rocky a letter with a return address and promise to visit him later

...to go to Rocky directly without writing him a letter in advance

Voting ended onMar 19, 2025

[rudnitskaia]

Rocky and Mau could possibly have two kids.

First one is their son Niccolò, who was born in the middle of 1930. After the shootout in Casa di Rondine in November of 1929 Maura and Augusto survive and manage to flee from St. Louis to some backwoods. And soon Mau finds out she expects a child, but she can't contact Rocky, because this was extremely dangerous in their situation. The threat of the New York's crime syndicate that pursued the Venza family since 1926 vanishes in early 1931, since the syndicate was practically exterminated both by rival gangs and law enforcement authorities. This allows Maura to go to find Rocky. If he's still alive and has no other partner by that point, she'd find him through Calvin and they'd start to live together. Otherwise, if Rocky's alive, but has a new life and a new partner/family, Mau won't interrupt - she'd ask Calvin not to tell Rocky about her, and Rocky most probably never knows Niccolò exists, while Mau stays a solo mom. Technically, in both cases Rocky and Maura would still be married by that point, but if Rocky is with someone else in 1931 and Mau decides not to interfere in his life, she would be considered dead/MIA after a while and Rocky could easily claim and achieve the annulment of their spontaneous marriage. Mau usually calls Nic nocciolino mio (my little nut), and it's easy to think she actually named her kid like that because he was a little bean with hazelnut fur (or hair in human version). But the real reason why she called her son Niccolò is because she's an awful punster and his dad is a violinist, and she desperately wanted to joke that the mix would be Niccolò Punganini. Thankfully, the boy will never know the origins of his name. x')) And I also assume that if Mau stayed a solo mother, Nic would've carried the Venza surname, not Rickaby. Nic took more after Maura in his appearance, but his physique is more like Rocky's. He's a smart and lively kiddo, who will grow into a vibrant young man. His highest dream is to become an aviator (pun intended) and to see the world, and one day he'd pave his way to civil aviation, achieving both of his dreams.

The second kid of Rocky and Mau is their daughter Lily, who was born in the end of 1932. As I stated above, the birth of Lily happens only in case Rocky manages both to stay alive and stay single until 1931. Lily was conceived in even hungrier years of the Great Depression, and therefore was born prematurely and had a huge chance of not surviving. Lily's name was also undoubtfully predestined by it. When Rocky saw her for the first time, so weak and small, he was a crying mess, constantly repeating something like "these little fingers", "these little ears" etc., and the sound of this word, "little", was so similar to the name "Lily" that it was decided to keep it. Was her appearance also a result of it or rather her genetics, is a mystery unsolved, since her granddad Augusto is rather short. She's small and short (i prefer to call that elegantly petite :D), and even when she grows up, her older brother could effortlessly put both of his elbows onto her head and would often badger her with jokes about her height (not in an evil way, just in a sibling way). Her facial features are more like Rocky's, but smoothed with Maura's subtlety, and I honestly think that in her human form she'd very much look like Audrey Hepburn. She definitely joins the beatniks movement in her young age and will find herself in journalism, starting simply from stenography. One day she could also possibly meet a nice young man, who happens to be the son of her dad's old acquaintance, Mordecai Heller, and her life journey will continue with a loving and caring partner who holds her hand.

[rudnitskaia]

If Maura marries Rocky how would Augusto feel about his new son in law?

Oh gosh, tysm for such a wonderful question honeybun, it's a pleasure to write a reply 🥺💖

Actually, Maura and Rocky technically are married since early spring of 1928. It was a pure accident — due to a series of silly jokes that were uttered by both of them without thinking they ended up in the Arbogast Funeral Home in the middle of the night and coerced kindly persuaded Abelard to marry them only to find out later that it was an actual marriage. They both immensely panicked and planned to divorce at first, but then decided that they're both alright with the fact.

They hid it, but Augusto knew about that quite soon in the middle of 1928. He was quite shocked by the fact — he was always suspicious about Rocky's presence in Casa di Rondine and knew from the first glance that Rocky was a slippery guy, so of course he was hostile towards him at first after such a "magnificent" revelation. He had a very strong urge to choke Rocky and kick him out every time he saw him. xDD

But Augusto is totally his girl's papa and, because he trusted in Mau, he made himself not only to humble with the fact that this joke of a marriage has already happened, but also to give Rocky a small vote of confidence. Staying watchful and suspicious, of course.

Augusto and Rocky had more than a year to get used to each other. And, despite finding Rocky's actions too impulsive and his behavior too peculiar, soon Augusto couldn't help but... uh... warm up to Rocky? In his youth Augusto also was very loud and hot-headed, and, though because of very different circumstances than Rocky, Augusto also ended up on the streets, being abandoned by his family and having no one to rely on, only, unlike Rocky, Gusto in addition had a little baby to care about. Not to mention Augusto also agreed to help in illegal matters to his only friend, so... he kind of understood Rocky's situation and fell to sympathize to the guy, because Augusto knew on his own skin how harsh the world can be and how your own stupidity's consequences snowballs until it crushes you completely or until by some miracle someone will offer you a helping hand and you manage to take it. Since Christmas of 1928 Augusto clearly showed Rocky that he considers the young man a part of the family, appreciates Rocky's care about Mau and trusts him with doing so. After that they quickly built up a nice, warm and strong mutual father-and-son dynamic — Augusto was very willing to genuinely give Rocky a "father's shoulder" that the guy lacked all his life and basically family things (look after him being fed, having a place to sleep, having warm clothes etc.), and Rocky didn't hesitate to take it all, praying not to screw everything lose it. But, alas, November of 1929 separated Rocky and the Venza family.

If Rocky and Mau reunite in 1931, Augusto will be happy with the fact and will support their little family until his very end. If no, he will help Maura to raise Niccolò and will become very sadly thoughtful every time a flicker of Rocky appears in his grandson, feeling the need to wander alone and smoke until his melancholy (and resentment towards Rocky, if the latter is alive) mutes for a while. He will miss the guy as a real son.

[rudnitskaia]

A Christmas ficlet I wanted to draw as a short comic this year, but failed with time-management. x)) Hope you'll enjoy it no less!

Merry Christmas and advanced Happy New Year. ✨❄️🎄❄️✨

P.S.: I made mistakes in Augusto's speech by intention. If you see anything else though, feel free to inform me. <333

Close to the Heart

When Mau had invited him to Christmas dinner with her and her father, Rocky hadn't been sure if he should have accepted. For the past few years, he had spent Christmas at random places, and it rarely ended well, so he had almost nothing to lose anyway. But that evening, sitting in the tiny kitchenette that also served as the dining room, he felt almost like he was in a dream — so surreal was the experience.

The Venza family didn't have much. Their apartment was barely heated, which caused Mau to wrap a cardigan tighter around herself and often pull the sleeves down to cover her fingers. There was also only a bare minimum of the furniture and it all looked almost as battered as most of the soldiers after the events of the nineteen tenths. And there was not much food on the table; Mister Venza's lasagna, of course, was delicious, but hardly festive. But what Augusto and Maura certainly had, was familial warmth and comfort.

And that was a treasure Rocky hadn't seen in years.

It was the first time in his memory that Augusto had behaved so relaxed: smiling, joking, telling one tale from his youth after another, yielding to his daughter's requests for more stories. Only when he, smiling slyly, began to recall how back in New York young Maura was once brought home by the scruff of the neck by a policeman, she jumped up from the table and, laughing, threatened her father with a finger.

“No-no-no-no, Papa, smettila*! Don't you dare embarrass me!”

* No-no-no-no, Dad, stop it!

“But I would’ve—” Rocky said, but Mau, taking a small teapot from the table, hastily interrupted him.

“No. Period. I'd better make some tea and we'll play something,” but, as she took a tin can from the shelf by the stove and, with some effort, pulled off the lid, a frustrated sigh escaped her lips. “Oh. It's empty. I'll go downstairs and get some from the eatery. And you two — don't you dare bring up that incident!”

What Rocky did not expect was staying alone with Augusto Venza. Silence immersed the whole kitchen, broken only by the occasional clinking of forks on plates. Rocky's mind was more confused than usual from anxiety. It didn't help that Augusto was intently staring at him, furtively, quickly returning his gaze to his plate. What was he thinking? Rocky wondered. It was hardly anything good. There was a void between them — the difference in generations, cultures and even morals was vast. And even though Augusto seemed to have grown accustomed to his presence in recent months, Rocky still couldn't understand where their infrequent interactions were leading them. Until this very day, Mister Venza had never been verbose in front of him, and his expression had always ranged from frankly sullen to impenetrably wary. Asking Mau what her father thought of him, or whether they had ever spoken of him at all, seemed too awkward for Rocky. Yet, when the silence became unbearable and Rocky was about to ask what was that case with Mau and the police about, Augusto suddenly said just one word:

“Come.”

Tapping Rocky's wrist, he rose from the table and strode out of the kitchen, gesturing for the young man to follow. His room was even worse furnished than Mau's. A single bed, a nightstand, and a small closet were all he had. After pulling an old traveling bag from the top of the closet to the floor and rummaging through it, Augusto lightly tugged at the young man's sleeve.

“Your shirt. It’s too thin. Here. Put it on.”

Rocky hesitantly twirled the dark plum-colored sweater in his hands. Despite the distinct smell of dust, it was fine: sturdy, without a single scuff, and still bright-colored.

“Mister Venza, this is…”

“Put it on, put it on!” The man hurried him up.

Well, there was nothing to do. He had to do as requested.

“An old signora knitted it for my help her to carry furniture,” Rocky heard Augusto's voice, trying not to get tangled in the sleeves. “I was also skin and bones back then. And Mau…” the man spread his palms slightly, as if holding something, “…was like this. Piccolina**. It was damp in Turin in winters. Freezingly. I wore it at nights and cradled Mau against my chest. It rescued us a lot.”

** Little one, an infant.

Dazedly peering out through the collar of the sweater, Rocky slowly pulled it over his torso. Augusto was still staring at him intently, thoughtful and even a little frowning, but now Rocky could clearly see something else in his eyes. Something he had never hoped to find anywhere anytime. Father’s care.

“Hey? Where are you? Papa, Roark?” Maura's voice interrupted them. The man turned briefly at the sound, patted Rocky on the shoulder a few times with a heavy hand, and then headed back into the kitchen.

“Well, take it. Keeps you warm. And if you need anything, come. I will help.”

Rocky stared after him for a while, hesitant even to make a step. Fidgeting with the sleeve of his sweater, he stared out the window at the blizzard. His heart was pounding rapidly. A skittish, mischievous ball of feelings swirled inside, and then flared up, scattered with a sheaf of sparks, turning into a wide, happy smile.

Yes, the Venza family didn't have much. But they shared with him everything that was the most precious.

And it seemed that this is what it meant:

A home.

[rudnitskaia]

THE EPIGRAPH: A few people recently asked me if I plan to write a resolution of Rocky's and Maura's story after White Chrysanths for the Swallow, so I decided to put the fate of those fellas in your hands. That means this ficlet will be divided into several parts, each one ending with a poll about vital forks of this story. Enjoy and choose freely, whether you wish to read angst or fluff — just remember that, like in real life, outcomes of your choices in long time are not always clearly predictable. >:3

Wherever the Wind Goes (part 1)

[<FIRST>] [<- PREV] [NEXT ->] [<LAST>]

Spring was on its way.

The first buds that opened timidly fluttered on the branches from the light windblows. But the serenity of that spring day was not meant for her. Tired after the long road, Maura hesitantly opened the gate and slipped into the familiar yard.

It was the hot summer of 1929 when she had walked through this little garden last time. Despite the light anxiety from the forthcoming meeting with Nina McMurray, she had followed Roark with light, resolute step, holding her father under his arm and admiring the neat bushes and flowerbeds, enjoying the intertwining scents of flowers.

Yet now, almost two years later, Mau wasn’t feeling the same excitement. Only fear.

Oh, how she wished to never knock on that door. But it’s been more than a year since Little Daisy had been replaced by a different establishment, and attempts to ask the new owners about the whereabouts of the previous proprietress, and moreover of Roark Rickaby, had been futile. There was only one string left in Mau's hands, the one that led to the McMurray family’s house. She hoped with all her heart that at least Nina had not changed her residence and could tell her something about her nephew. Where he was, what he was doing now, whether he was safe… whether he was alive.

Mau forcefully pushed the last nagging thought away. She needed to pull herself together — this wasn't the time to think about bad things. No matter how scary things get, you should always try first, she urged herself. Mau made a few hesitant steps back and forth on the porch. Squeezed her eyes shut, mumbling something under her breath, encouraging herself not to turn around, not to leave.

Her trembling hand lingered in the air for a moment before a quiet knock sounded.

The minutes started to drag on like tar. So sticky, viscous and suffocating… Mau knocked again, a little louder this time… then again… and again, without waiting for an answer, and again, and… suddenly, the door finally opened.

“Sorry it took so long, I…”

Calvin froze, involuntarily clutching the knob with his fingers. How nice it would have been if life could have been like a musical once in a while. So that in this moment, to a heartfelt tune, Calvin would’ve smiled and held her close, telling her how happy he was to see her and how much more so Rocky would be. But there was no music. The confusion in the young man's eyes made the heart in Maura's chest shrink into a heavy lump.

“Good Lord, Mau!” he finally recovered. “Is that really you?”

She opened her mouth, but found herself unable to control her own voice. So she just weakly nodded instead.

“You're alive!” Calvin put his palm to the forehead and leaned against the doorjamb, letting out a few nervous chuckles. He couldn't believe that the young woman before him was real. In his mind's eye, he remembered the long days after Maura's disappearance, the days he and Rocky had spent side by side until the Lackadaisy's downfall. The days when his cousin had first become terribly, frighteningly quiet, and then turned into a hurricane, raging far more violently than it ever was before. Whereas before Rocky had brought trouble upon himself as if unconsciously, after the news of the shootout at Casa di Rondine it became much more like looking for troubles deliberately. Even in him, with his usual upbeat nonchalance, it was evident how much he was tormented. And no amount of trying to get him to talk, to support him, had done any good. All that time Calvin felt himself helpless, felt in his gut that he should have done something, but he couldn't. And really, what could he have done, except letting this terrible wound ache until it healed? Let Rocky grieve the loss, since there has been no way to distract him anyway. The only thing that could’ve possibly made him feel better was Mau's return, but no one comes back from the dead.

No one comes back…

The odd crooked smile that had contorted Calvin's face from shock finally faded, giving way to the grim awareness.

“You're alive…”

Already in the kitchen, Calvin silently listened to Maura's story: how her work for the Lackadaisy had led the New York syndicate to their trail, and how she and her father had miraculously survived the attack on the eatery. How she and Augusto, both wounded, stole a car from the assailants, dumped it in the Mississippi halfway across the country with several corpses in the trunk, and then hitched a ride to Minnesota, taking shelter in the middle of nowhere — finding a place to stay in a temporary shift camp thanks to Augusto, who found a job at one of the few remaining sawmills in the state. This allowed them to get by for a year and a half, until they received the happy news of the arrest of the heads of the New York crime syndicate, which at last allowed the Venza family to rest easy.

“It was too dangerous to reveal ourselves,” Maura continued to twist the tea cup in her hands with a dejected look. “But now… now everything is different. We can finally stop hiding. And… I need to see Rocky. Talk to him. Explain myself. Please, Calvin, you know where he is now, don't you? How is he?”

Calvin frowned. He was still struggling to collect his thoughts; even with Mau's description of the circumstances, deep inside he was still bitter about his cousin's unjust distress. He wanted to take a moment to think in silence before giving Mau an answer, but the cautiously hopeful look in her eyes didn't give him time to weigh the pros and cons. So he said everything as it came out of his heart.

Calvin decides to tell that by the spring of 1931...

Rocky is dead (TRUTH)

Rocky is dead (LIE)

Rocky lives somewhere alone (TRUTH)

Rocky lives somewhere alone (LIE)

Rocky started a new life with someone else (TRUTH)

Rocky started a new life with someone else (LIE)

Rocky's whereabouts are unknown (TRUTH)

Rocky's whereabouts are unknown (LIE)

Voting ended onMar 5, 2025

[rudnitskaia]

С радостью сообщаю, что сегодня разместила в открытом доступе первый том своего романа «Сказка Хрустальных гор».

Её можно почитать бесплатно тут.

Чтобы написать этот роман, мне потребовалось больше 8 лет. Это был долгий и трудный, но очень интересный путь. Прочитайте «Сказку» и, если она вам понравится, пожалуйста, поддержите её! Расскажите о ней людям: порекомендуйте произведение своим друзьям и близким, поделитесь ссылкой на него в соц.сетях, опубликуйте отзыв здесь, на AuthorToday или на других ресурсах. Спасибо.

Второй (и последний) том увидит свет в 2025 году.

-----------------------------------------------------

I'm happy to announce that today I posted the first part of my novel A tale of the Crystal Mountains («Сказка Хрустальных гор»).

It's free to read here.

It took me more than 8 years to write it — it was a long and hard, but interesting journey. It's in Russian, but I hope online translators will do it justice. Please, read it, and if you like it — support it! Tell people about it: recommend it to your friends, share a link to it in social media, or write a feedback anywhere you want. Thank you.

The second (and the final) part will be posted in 2025.