GAR ALL PERSONNEL BROADCAST [WEEK 2]
Pairing: We're back with the group chat! I have this second installment sitting in my WIP for a while, and finally had the time to finish it. Again, this is the most random mix possible. From RCs to my own OCs and new faces I made up on the spot.
Summary: Exactly what it sounds like: millions of clones stuck in one galaxy-wide all-personnel group chat. GFFA data service and tech are apparently so powerful.
Mod list: Scorch, Jesse, Gree, Cody, Bly, Gree, Alpha-17, Ordo, Niner
Warnings: nothing. Crack ahead. EVERYONE LIVES.
Taglist: @orangez3st @drowninginmytbr
GAR ALL PERSONNEL BROADCAST
📌 PINNED MESSAGE (edited 3 hours ago by Jesse):
Welcome to ALL PERSONNEL BROADCAST – this is the official GAR-wide channel. Rules: 1. If you find a DC-17 in the mess hall, it is NOT "finders keepers." Post it in the #Lost-and-Found thread. 2. No recording yourself doing stunts while on duty. General Plo Koon is "disappointed," and we all know that’s worse than a demerit. 3. We know the ration packs taste like shebs. Stop tagging the Coruscant Guard; they don't cook them. 4. If Commander Tano joins the chat, cease all profanity immediately. This is a "No-Kark Zone" for the duration of her session. 5. If you’ve seen the latest episode of Love Planet, do not post the ending in General Chat. Always use the spoiler function. 6. Kix is not your personal search engine. If you vomit blood, go to the medbay. Do not "thread it" for opinions. 7. Any attempt to "accidentally" invite General Skywalker to the #Vent-Ress channel will result in an immediate, permanent ban. 8. No trading expired bacta vials for extra rations. 9. Referencing High General Windu as "The Motherfucker" is now a mute-able offence. 10. If you find yourself talking to your helmet, please report to Rule 9 of last week (Emotional Breakdowns). (This week’s special rule: If you see Marshal Commander Neyo typing, do not attempt to outsmart him or fight him. Not only will you lose, but you will also lose a limb.) Current primary mod on duty: RC-1262 Scorch Most Recent Muted User: Hardcase (For uploading a 4-hour loop of “Droid Popper ASMR”). Server Uptime: 84.2% (Major drop-off after Commander Ponds accidentally deleted the "Logistics" category during a skirmish).
Anakin: okay but who’s hosting game night this week?? Dogma: Not you, respectfully, sir. Tup: last time you played sabacc you ignited your saber and screamed “NO MORE RULES” Anakin: yeah and?? i won 😎 Cody: Should I inform my general about this?
Rex removed Anakin from the broadcast
Rex is no longer a moderator
Rex: Thank me later. We’ve had him for four days, that was more than enough. Jesse (mod): booooo -hc Cody: There was a reason why you were banned, Hardcase. Jesse (mod): HA! No one can get rid of me -hc Jesse (mod): Okay, in my defence, I was in the fresher, and Hardcase stole my datapad. Fives: Doing number two after Rex’s disciplinary action, Jes? 50 laps around the base? Comet (mod): YIKES. For once I’m glad I report to Commander Wolffe Wolffe: For once? Comet (mod): i mean, sir, you are no Commander Bly Wolffe: and what does that entail? Comet (mod): @/Sinker @/Boost help a brother out Sinker: RIP Comet. We’ll tell the shinies you died a hero. Boost: @/Comet I’m busy "polishing my helmet," which is code for not being anywhere near Wolffe’s range of sight right now. Boil: polishing your helmet or polishing your dih Waxer: Nice one vod Wolffe: I am literally standing five metres behind you @/Boost. Get off the broadcast and back to preparing the gunship. Sinker: HAHA BUSTED. Wolffe: That goes for you too, Sinker. And Comet. Jesse (mod): Oof. 104th is having a rough Zhellday. Gree (mod): Can we circle back to why Comet thinks being under Bly is a "vacation"? Lucky: (audio) Because there’s a rumour going around that Commander Bly spends 90% of his time "strategising" with General Secura. By which I mean, they are sitting on a tree K-I-S
Bly removed Lucky from the broadcast
Bly (mod): No one ever told me how powerful being a mod makes you feel Scorch (mod): EEEYUUUUCK SOMEOBE IS ON A POWER TIRP 🤣🫵🏾💥 Rex: I love when I don’t have to mute my own men Boss: This is exactly why I didn’t sign off on Scorch for mod privileges. Look at those typos. Sev: he’s literally typing with one greasy hand.
Scorch: at least it’s grease not BLOOD!! 🫵🏾💥🤣🤣😹😭 Fixer: Petition to confiscate his datapad again? Niner (mod): Honestly, I like whatever is wrong with Delta Squad. Atin: It is very satisfying to see, but never satisfying to experience. Sev: @/Atin. Qibbu’s Hut parking lot. Now. Bly (mod): @/Scorch It’s not a power trip. It's a disciplinary action. There is a difference. Scorch (mod): YEA RIGHT 🙄💅🏾 u just like the little shiny badge next to ur name!!! makes u feel TALLER 🤏🏾💥🤣 Boss: Scorch, if you use one more emoji, I’m letting Sev eat your worm sugar gummies for two months Sev: already ate them. Scorch (mod): WHAT!!!!!!!!! 😱😱😱 GROSS!!!! ILLEGAL!!!!!! YOU SHOULD NEVER 👎
Fixer: Technically, according to Rule #57, Sev confiscated them as a potential biohazard due to their flammable packaging. Niner (mod): Again, I like whatever the fuck is wrong with the Deltas. Legit the only reason I check this broadcast. Fi: FREE ENTERTAINMET FOR US WORKING LADS Sev: @/Fi shut up or you’re next at Qibbu’s. Cody: Can we return to professional standards? I am trying to coordinate a multi-sector offensive and the notification pings are compromising my focus. Fox: then MUTE THE CHANNEL, Cody. some of us have to deal with at least three senators asking why there’s a wanted poster for Dogma near the Senate Plaza Thire: @/Fox ...that would obviously be the 501st. Specifically Fives. Thorn: Fourth time this month Fives: HEY! NOT EVERY DOGMA PRANK WAS CREATED BY ME. Rex: Fives. Put the datapad down. Echo: @/Rex He’s using a second compact datapad in his vambrace, sir. He’s not going to stop Fives: I’m PRETTY SURE that was Echo’s doing Echo: I didn’t do anything Fives: youuuu SLIMY BITCH. You’re literally THEE brain for these pranks Rex: Echo would never, Fives. Jesse (mod): Why would Echo do that??? Fives: SEE! He’s getting to your brain Echo: 🤷🏽♂️ Dogma: Does anyone want to eat? Fives: no one is talking to you dog Jesse (mod): Yep, no one. Also, I want fried catfish Rex: the one near the Entertainment District? Cody: Oh that one is elite Jesse (mod): No, the one behind 79’s Dogma: That one is my favourite Fives: No one asked, Dogma. but... hard agree. the spicy dipping sauce is the best one across the Core Worlds Howzer: i’m currently eating a locally sourced, fire-roasted nerf steak seasoned with actual forest herbs and you lot are arguing over reconstituted sludge from a Coruscant gutter? Howzer: Honestly, the Core has no taste. Fox: Your food is probably covered in dust Keeli: Speak on it, brother! Coruscant food is just monosodium glutamate and prayers Fireball: @/Howzer. Don't listen to them. They think flavour is just how much hot sauce you can dump on a greasy meal Hound: Excuse me? Have you ever had the street side Nuna-kebabs on Level 1313? Howzer: @/Hound. The one served on a rusty metal skewer by a droid that hasn't been oiled since the High Republic? Tragically, I have Hound: ...Yes. That's where the flavour comes from. The rust and the old duros’ sweat Howzer: Sounds like lunch for Grizzer Fives: @/Howzer. Enjoy your forest herbs. I'll be over here eating my deep-fried catfish that was probably harvested from the gutters. They’re high in calcium Boost: and BOOST immunity! I haven't had a stomach ache since Abregado Fox: All of you shut up. The best food is the one you don't have to pay for because you crash a Senator level party pretending to be a bodyguard for hell — idk, Senator Chuchi. Ponds: That’s just called a cheapskate, Fox Fox: it’s called being smart about your money Thire: That’s why Coruscant Guards always have the best tasting meal Dogma: Isn't that a violation of Rule #98 Fives: DOGMA. ZIP IT. Wooley: @/Cody Sir, General Kenobi just asked me what "ratio'd" means. Which one of you did this? Boil: @/Wooley It was Waxer. He’s currently teaching the General how to use holonet slangs Cody: I am going to find a quiet moon and stay there until the war ends. Waxer: ratio’d is when [redacted]
Cody is now a moderator
Cody removed Waxer out of the broadcast
Blackout: @/Cody Can I come? I’ll bring the good stuff Neyo: Dammit, bring me along. Bacara: Me three. Gree (mod): Oop, the grumps are out and about today. Bacara: Hey now. Cody: Your people @/Wolffe Wolffe: Shut up. Scorch (mod): WAIT HOLD UUPPPP 🛑✋🏾🚨 DID SOMEONE ADD ADMIRAL YULAREN TO THE #MEMES CHANNEL??!?!?? Ponds: WHO DID THAT? CT-8939: With all due respect, sir, I was just doing why my superior asked me to do. Appo: I vouched for the kid and his typo. Yularen insisted. Ponds: Okay whose shiny is that? Appo: @/Rex’s Rex: What Hunter: I can smell the stress levels through the screen. We’re signing out. Wrecker: BUT WE HAVEN’T SEE A FIGHT!!!! 👊🏾💥🥧 Crosshair: Log off, Wrecker. These regs are rotting your remaining brain cells Rex: Shut the fuck up, Crosshair. I will personally deck you and use your toothpick to skin you one cell at a time. Jesse (mod): 🍿 Fives: 🍿 🪑 Sinker: Selling tickets 🎟️ 🎟️ Commanders pay extra Neyo: I shouldn’t have joined this broadcast. Mine is betterr. Scorch (mod): YOU AND YOUR LITTLE HOLONET DISCORE FANDOM 🫵🏾🫵🏾🫵🏾🫵🏾🫵🏾😹😹😜🤣🚓@Neyo Tech: I’d rather not log off @/Crosshair @/Hunter @/Wrecker. The dynamic in this chatroom is actually quite fascinating from a socio-cultural perspective. Sev: @/Tech Qibbu’s Hut. 5 minutes. Bring your goggles so I can break them Scorch (mod): OOOOH SEV IS CRANKY!!!!! 🔪🩸🤣 someone give him a hug!!! (not me i love my ribs) Neyo: One more word about my server @/Scorch (mod) Boss: Or what? @/Neyo, none of the RCs are scared of ya Fives: 🍿 🍿 🍿 AT THIS POINT JUST SEND ME THE CREDIT VIA GARPAY AND I’LL SEND YOU A BUCKET OF POPCORN Sev: all talk no walk. come to Qibbu’s and I’ll wipe that reputation off your shebs @/Neyo Kix: Whoever’s responsible for the commando’s health and wellbeing, I pity them. Fi: ME! IT IS ME! People always seem to forget that not only am I an EXCELLENT sniper, I’m also a medic! Kix: Oo Fi: COME ON, KIX! Kix: My condolences Ordo (mod): Maybe it’s time for me to do my mod duty and kick some people off this chat Sev: you and your breadstick @/Ordo Neyo: Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be? @/Boss @/Sev @/Scorch Fixer: Delta Squad, we really don’t want to mess with this one. Rex: I didn’t know Commandos have their own issues Gregor (mod): HEH. That’s why I hangout with you boys. Boss: Why the late reply? Bad signal on Hoth? Or are you too scared to face us? @/Neyo Bacara: Alright, folks, take a chill pill. Scorch (mod): WHEN BACARA TELLS YOU TO CHILL THAT’S WHEN THINGS GRT REAL💥💥💥😭 CT-9902 (Pips): Is this the channel for reporting missing socks in the 212th barracks?
CT-9902 (Pip) has left the broadcast.
CT-7603 (Squeak): @/Pip wait come back i found one but it’s so dirty… CT-7603 (Squeak): oh kark. wrong room.
CT-7603 (Squeak) has left the broadcast.
Jesse (mod): LMAO THE SHINIES ARE RUNNING FOR THEIR LIVES Appo: @/Bly (mod) @/Jesse (mod) @/Cody (mod) can we lock the #General channel? Some of our boys are currently en route to Qibbu’s to bet on the fight Jesse (mod): No, and stop being a traitor Howzer: This is highly unprofessional. Alpha-17 (mod): @/Howzer. Shut up, pretty boy. I’m actually enjoying this. Cody (mod): If anyone, and I mean ANYONE, mentions this to General Kenobi, I will personally ensure your next rotation is on a planet made entirely of dust and bugs and starts with a G. Wrecker: BUGS?! 👊🏾💥 I LIKE SMASHING BUGS!!!! Scorch (mod): YOU CAN’T DO THAT, CODY 🤣🤣🤣 Cody (mod): Oh, some people seem to forget that I’m in charge of a looot of things in this war machine
Hardcase joined the broadcast
Hardcase: I’M BACK AND I BET 50 CREDITS SEV WINS THE FIGHT Neyo: *sends a picture of Qibbu’s Hut entrance* Neyo: Good thing I’m planetside Sev: finally. get out of the speeder and let’s see if that stupid tough guy persona is just for show @/Neyo. Scorch (mod): OOOOH HE’S OUT!! HE’S ACTUALLY OUT!! 🏃🏾♂️💨📸 Scorch (mod): REPORTING FROM QIBBU’S HUT. A FIGHT IS ABOUT TO START. IF YOU’RE PLANETSIDE, COME SEE! 🫵🏾🫵🏾🫵🏾🫵🏾 Hardcase: SOMEONE START A LIVESTREAM!! I CAN’T SEE FROM THE BARRACKS!! Jesse (mod): @/Hardcase I’m trying but the bandwidth is kriffed because @/Fives is already at the front row trying to holostream the fight in 4K!! Fives: ONLY THE BEST FOR THE PEOPLE
Fives started a holostream in the #LIVE-AND-LEARN channel
Boil: I have prepared the seats!!! General: 🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑 VIP: 💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺💺 Accessible: ♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️♿️ Snacks: 🍬🍬🍬🍬🍬🍬🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫 🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🥤🥤🥤🥤🥤🥤 🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭🍔🍔🍔🍔🍔🍔
Cody removed Boil from the broadcast
Cody (mod): I am counting to three. If the 501st does not cease this holostream, I am authorising a reboot of this channel. Rex: Cody, wait— Cody (mod): One. Echo: @/Cody Sir, please, some of my files are on here! Cody (mod): Two.
[SYSTEM ALERT]: High-Priority User "ANAKIN" has requested access to #General-Chat. [SYSTEM ALERT]: High-Priority User "GENERAL_KENOBI" has requested access to #General-Chat.
Rex: OH KARK Cody (mod): Great, someone leaked this fight to the generals. Fox: I TOLD YOU ALL. I LITERALLY TOLD YOU OVER AND OVER AGAIN! WHY ARE YOU GUYS SO FUCKING DENSE????? Alpha-17 (mod): This is about to get hilarious. Popcorn’s out. 🍿 Scorch (mod): WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!! NEYO JUST TOOK OFF HIS HELMET AND 😱💥💥💥🤣🫵🏾 Bly (mod): @/Scorch WHAT?! WHAT DID HE DO?! HELL, I HAVE POOR RECEPTION HERE ON SALEUCAMI Neyo: [Attachment: Image_Not_Found. Error 404] Cody (mod): THREE.
Cody (mod) has initiated a reboot.
[BROADCAST TERMINATED]
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[SYSTEM REBOOT COMPLETE]
Cody (mod) started a #General-Chat channel.
Server Uptime: 0.1%
Rex is now moderator Bacara is now moderator Wolffe is now moderator Niner is now moderator Boss is now moderator Bly is now moderator Gree is now moderator Ponds is now moderator Blackout is now moderator Hunter is now moderator
Anakin joined the broadcast
Anakin: NOOOOOOO!!! 😫😫😫 Anakin: I’m gone for FOUR HOURS and I miss the fight of the century?! Anakin: Seriously?! I literally just got back from a date Anakin: No, I mean, a VERY intensive study session at the library Anakin: Ahsoka was there, you can ask her Anakin: Anyway, NOT THE POINT. REX. @/Rex. Tell me everything. Who won? Did Sev break Tech’s goggles? Is Neyo dead? Anakin: I’ll give you my pudding for a week. I’ll even do the maintenance on your deecees. JUST GIVE ME THE FOOTAGE. 💳💳💳💳💳 Rex: Sir. It is past midnight. Anakin: I don't care what time it is, Rex! I saw the reboot notif and I nearly fell off my speeder. Cody is such a buzzkill!!! Anakin: @/Cody (mod) Why are you like this? Cody (mod): General, I am currently explaining to General Kenobi why there is a crowd of our men, some from the 212th, some from the 104th, some from the Coruscant Guard, some from the 41st, MANY from the 501st, and a handful of shinies - fresh off Kamino - betting in a parking lot brawl. Please. Stop. Typing. Anakin: @/Cody (mod) boringgggg. @/Fives @/Hardcase someone DM me the fight! I know you recorded it!! Rex: Sir, with all due respect… Anakin: Don't "with all due respect" me, Rex! I'm the General! I have a right to know if my men are winning fights in a parking lot! Rex (mod): No, you don't. And no, we’re not a part of the fight. Fives: WE’RE CHEERLEADING SIR AND THE CURRENT SCORE IS NOW… DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!
Rex removed Fives from the broadcast
Rex removed Anakin from the broadcast.
Rex: If Skywalker asks, I accidentally hit the kick button while cleaning my datapad. Jesse: @/Rex Nice one, sir. 🫡 Kix: @/Rex He’s definitely standing outside your door right now, isn’t he?
General Kenobi joined the chat
General Kenobi: Hello there. Was it really an accident?
Rex left the broadcast.