somewhere else
This is a mini angst-filled one shot for Oliver Marks and Xander (his ex.)
Oliver is my character & Xander is @ladykakata‘s character.
Mention of:
Sex, alcohol use, non-penetrative sex, and someone having dark instructive thoughts, also foul language. Also, everything is 100% consensual.
Having two drinks down and a light flush to his cheeks, Oliver paid close attention to Xander. He marveled at how easily his former lover matured.The lines of his face were sharper than when they were young. Oliver smiled, wondering how much of it was because of their poor diet. There was something romantic about being broke and in love, back then neither of them cared if they ate more microwaves meals then fresh meals.
Pulling his attention away from Xander and back to his drink, Oliver titled his glass to let the ice clank together. Normally he preferred fruit mixed with his vodka but this evening he mixed it with coffee liqueur. For a brief moment, he was distracted by the swirl created in his glass.
"Oliver, do you wanna come to my room? So we can keep talking," Xander asked as gestured toward a group of men barging into the bar. It seemed like they were in the area for some kind of convention judging by how smartly they were dressed. Oliver nodded before he downed the rest of his drink and rose to his feet. He swayed slightly but he wasn't drunk, simply buzzed. Xander smiled slightly before taking the lead. Oliver walking beside him as they made their way to the elevator.
Once inside the elevator, Oliver felt himself gravitate closer to Xander. They weren't touching but close to it, Xander didn't say anything and his smile remained.
The elevator dinged on the 4th floor. Again Xander took the lead with Oliver walking by his side. His room wasn't too far from the elevator and once his keycard permitted access, Xander gestured for Oliver to go first.
The hotel room was inviting. A small sitting area with two chairs and a low table, a bed a few feet away. Oliver didn't hesitate and took up residence in one of the chairs. Xander offered him a glass of water, which he took gladly and downed nearly half. There was silence between them again as they simply sat in the chairs, Xander toyed with his own glass of water for a moment. Olivers closed his eyes slightly as a bigger smile formed on his lips.
"I keep thinking back that weekend when we traveled an ungodly distance to go to some book signing. We stayed in a shitty hotel" Oliver said in order to fill the silence, Xander chuckled slightly from his seat.
"Yeah, your parents offered to pay for a different hotel but we were too proud to admit we messed up. It was our first trip as a couple. I was too upset about the hotel to really enjoy it." Xander added his smile growing wider.
"I had fun,"
"Really?"
"Of course, I got to spend the weekend with you. Away from school and homework. It was a nice even if the hotel sucked,"
"I guess your right," Xander replied his voice soft with emotion. Memories from that weekend so many years ago started to flood back. So much had changed between them, Xander felt as if he missed so much of Oliver's life.
The man sitting across from him was different. He wasn't harsher, but he looked as if he had seen a lot of the world, the good and the bad. Xander was curious to know what he had missed. Would he have the chance to learn? Or would Oliver disappear from his life all over again? A frown shifted over Xander's face as he realized that Oliver might be gone before daybreak, a fleeting dream.
"Are you seeing anyone?" Oliver asked seemingly out of nowhere.
"Do you really want to know?"
"I'm just trying to keep up the conversation," Oliver replied as an attempt to defend his question and perhaps a selfish reason for that question.
"No, I'm single. You?"
"It's complicated,"
"Complicated?" Xander questioned his brow raised for a second.
"Um..he is straight and it's complicated," Oliver repeated looking away from Xander for a brief moment.
"I'm not..straight that is..we wouldn't be complicated," Xander said mostly to himself but still loud enough for Oliver to hear.
"But we have history and it would be complicated,"
"It's only complicated if you make it complicated Oliver,"
"I don't want things to be complicated," Oliver confessed his eyes shifting down to stare at the carpet of the hotel room.
"We don't have to be complicated," Xander told him as he rose up from his chair, stepping closer to. Oliver's eyes went up and his head tilted back slightly to make eye contact with Xander. His golden brown eyes were searching the Xander's hazel depths. Trying to find something, anything that he could cling to.
"Xander we shouldn't,"
"Why not Oliver?" Xander's voice was pained, verging on aching for something that only Oliver had. All earlier sense of buzz had evaporated between them. The air was charged with a tension both of them were afraid to break.
"Tell me no if you don't want this," Xander said after a moment as he slowly leaned forward, moving his lips closer to press softly against Oliver's. There was no sound of protest or hint of regret as Oliver accepted Xander's kiss. From their places it was awkward, Oliver was leaning forward from his seat, Xander above him but it wasn't rushed. The kiss lasted a heartbeat too long to be innocent it was edging into the familiar territory of two old lovers remembering each other.
Xander didn't break away and Oliver moved his arms to wrap around his neck, pulling closer. Xander's heart pounded harder in his chest. The Oliver he knew was a timid lover. This was a pleasant surprise. Seconds later the two of the broke apart, lips tender from the brief make out. Xander smiled as Oliver slowly opened his eyes, a blush tinting his cheeks.
Their break didn't last long as Xander returned Oliver's enthusiasm, pulling the other from his chair and closer to him. Oliver let out a soft gasp as he pressed closer to Xander. The old flame that burned between them ignited with a passion that surprised them both. Oliver wanted to blame it on the alcohol but he knew it wasn't the reason, he was fully aware of his choices.
Xander's fingers found the back of Oliver's head and gripped into his hair. A sharp intake of breath made Xander proud, Oliver was still weak to that. As they continued to kiss, Xander let himself get greedy. He had spent too much time without the taste of Oliver on his lips. He wanted to indulge in all that he was given.
Unlike Blaize, Xander didn't have the strength to hoist Oliver up and carrying him to the bed, but it didn't seem to matter. The two managed to kiss and move together decently for Oliver to feel the bed hit the back of his legs. There was a moment of hesitation as Oliver fall back on the bed and looked up at Xander.
This was his chance to leave, he could easily say no and walk out of the room without a second thought, but instead, he stayed. It was the look of need in Xander's eyes that kept him there. He craved that desire, the look that he was someone important. It was selfish and he knew it, but he couldn't help it. Oliver could blame it on his low self-esteem or that darker fear that Blaize's affection already moved on. One fact remained, being with Xander wasn't revenge. He would never be so cruel.
He was brought back to the present by the press of Xander's lips to the junction where his neck met his shoulder. A moan escaped him as his skin continued to flush.
"I've missed you so much," Xander whispered softly the brush of his words against Oliver's skin making him shiver.
"Don't leave any marks," Oliver gasped softly, Xander agreed by placing gentle presses of lips to the skin. It was tender, almost loving.
"You sure you want this," Xander asked as his careful hands moved to the bottom buttons of Oliver's shirt. Oliver nodded his head slowly as he felt the cool air scrap against his lower belly. Xander kissed him again, harder this time, they worked together to strip each other of any barriers.
Pressed against each other naked, Oliver gasped softly as his hardness pressed against Xander's. At first, they rocked together, mouths locked together in messy kissing. Xander pulled away and Oliver let out a sound of protest when he lost the connection. Oliver watched as Xander reached for his travel bag, Oliver had an idea of what he was grabbing.
There was a sudden sense of dread that filled his chest, Oliver couldn't do it. It struck him almost like a lightning bolt, he didn't want Xander to go there as silly as it sounded, he wanted to keep that for Blaize. Oliver closed his eyes as emotions continued to overwhelm him, what was he doing.
'Blaize has probably fucked her you know, Probably had her over his desk, You said it yourself, he is straight'
Those intrusive thoughts grew louder and part of him started to believe what was being said. Blaize wouldn't want him anymore. He was used up. Even as the dark thoughts clouded him he could hear the soft thought trying to burn through the heavy ones.
'He came back to you.' The softer voice whispered in his head 'He hasn't touched you in days.' The louder one screamed 'You love him!' The soft one again 'He doesn't love you!' The louder one even harsher
Xander returned to the bed, the bottle of lube in his right hand. The capped popped open and pulled Oliver to the present. Xander was over him again, his lips once again on Oliver's. The press of Xander's lips helped ease away from his inner turmoil, a welcome distraction. However, as Xander's hand moved further south, the slight coolness of the lube, Oliver put his hand against Xander's chest to stop him.
"We can't do that" Oliver finally said his voice shaking. Xander face instantly shifted to show concern but Oliver didn't let him linger long, instead, he pulled Xander to kiss him again. "We can do other stuff just not that," Oliver said without opening his eyes.
"Okay, that's fine," Xander replied his lips becoming softer as they traveled from Oliver's mouth down his body. Over his nipples, Xander lavished attention until Oliver was gasping nearly shaking with need. Oliver's earlier tension continued to melt away as Xander's hands touched every sensitive part of him: his hard nipples, the head of his cock, the soft skin of his inner thighs. All the areas that drove Oliver closer to the edge, almost begging for more.
"Touch me," Oliver pleaded and Xander didn't hesitate to do so. His hand was slow and steady, stroking Oliver's cock until he was gasping louder than before.
"Touch me too Oliver," Xander requested, his eyes pleading. Oliver didn't hesitate to pull Xander to be flush against him once again, their cock pressing together. The lubricant was added to make it easier to press against each other. Xander kissed Oliver's skin, giving him the touch he craved until they both orgasmed. Xander called out Oliver's name. Oliver bit his tongue to hold back the name he was dying to cry out.
Panting together the two pulled apart, Xander was the first to get up. Their mixed release pooling on Oliver's stomach, a sensation he was quickly coming to dislike. Xander pressed a gentle kiss to Oliver's forehead, Oliver smiled weakly. Xander disappeared into the bathroom for a brief moment before returning with a warm towel.
"Are you going to stay?" Xander asked his soft despite having cried out so loudly before.
"Um..yeah I think I will if you don't mind. My apartment will be cold and I don't want to go back," Oliver explained as he gave a nod of gratitude to the towel given to him.
"I understand. Do you want to shower?" Oliver shook his head no, he was content with using the towel to clean himself up. "I'm going to. You know me, not a fan of the mess," Xander told him, again pressing a kiss to Oliver's forehead. Oliver nodded, trying to force a smile but it almost looked like a grimace. He was glad Xander didn't notice.
Oliver waited until he heard the shower before he got off the bed and put on his pants. He gathered up the rest of his clothing and folded them before placing them in the chair he used. Another rush of emotion washed over him, Oliver felt drained and not in a good way.
'You fucking cheater,' 'You just fucked someone else,' 'He will never want you now'
The negative thoughts bombarded him until he turned on the tv as a way to drown out the words. He focused on the show until all of the thoughts started to fade. He was thankful that show was about antiques, something that kept some of Oliver's interest.
Once the shower turned off, Xander re-entered the room to find Oliver on the left side of the bed, already under the covers. Xander dried his hair and pulled on some sweatpants to sleep in.
"Goodnight Oliver," He whispered as he climbed into the bed, moving to cuddle against Oliver's back. Oliver didn't reply back, pretending to be already asleep. He remained that way until he could feel the soft inhale and exhale that showed Xander was sleeping. Oliver shifted slightly to get himself a little more space until he could lay on his back, looking up at the plain ceiling.
"I'm sorry," He whispered as tears threatened to overwhelm him. He knew deep down he was a horrible person. He wasn't worth the love or affection of anyone let alone Blaize Elliot. Not to mention he just used Xander to get off, but was worse was that he didn't regret what he did. Despite what was whirling around in his head that was the aftermath, Oliver would have done it again if given a second chance.
He laid there listening to Xander sleep until he saw the early flecks of daylight from the window. Wallowing in the knowledge he was worth nothing.
