#hellkeep stories

[hellkeep]

Room 16 (Dragon)

Bastet didn’t remember much, but the moment she opened her eyes, she knew something was wrong. Probably Caramel again. Bastet was still furious about how Wifi was treated by them. As if that wasn’t enough. Horos, her own step-father, blessed her with his protection.

She quickly looked in the small mirror in her room before walking out the door to enjoy breakfast. The chefs really had prepared a feast for them: Slices of oranges and lemons, chocolate-dipped strawberries and honeyglazed apples. Bread was given out by Polites and some other maids. 

“You know, you could look better with a smile.” Polites said while giving Bastet a couple loafs of bread. 

“Oh, but I am smiling. Every time I see you in this ridiculous outfit.” Bastet answered sweetly. Polites couldn’t help but laugh, even when he left the dining hall, he still smiled.

Suddenly Bastet remembered she had to pay rent. She ate everything that was on her plate, mostly vegetables and some grapes. She pocketed the bread she got from Polites for later, and quickly made her way to the reception area.

She saw Sugar standing there as well. “Caramel!” Sugar turned around. Giving her a stern look. “What do you want?”

“Why do us gods always want something when he greet someone.” Bastet said dramatically. “But if you want me to say something. I want you to be careful. Wandering the streets at this hour is dangerous, even more so for a female.”

“Why the sudden concern? You didn’t seem to show that when you tried to burn me.” Sugar reacted.

“I tried extending the olive-branch but if you don’t want it…” Bastet turned around and made to walk away. “And I can’t hurt you anyways” she said under her breath.

She heard a door close, hoping she would see Osiris she turned back around but the reception hall was empty. Sugar must’ve gone outside. “That idiot!” Bastet said. She quickly made her way towards her room.

Hooded in a cloak she did her best to follow Sugar from a distance. Doing her best to blend in with the other people in the street. Vendors swindling people out of their soulcoins, pedestrians dodging Hellhorses and hooded figures moving between shadows for the best deals.

When Sugar suddenly turned around, Bastet tried to hide her face by looking in the window in front of her as if she was an interested customer. To her horror, she looked in the window of a deserted house. It must’ve one day been a tavern because the tables and bar were still inside. Interesting enough, a few candles were lit and not-so-dusty glasses stood on a table in the far corner. 

In the reflection of the window Bastet could see Sugar make their way towards a little alleyway. “They really are stupid aren’t they?” She thought.

(I wouldn’t say stupid. More like INSANE! Going into an alleyway in Hell, Best idea they ever had.)

When Bastet neared the end of the alley, she heard a bunch of different voices. All speaking about what to do with their new prisoner. 

Bastet rounded the corner and saw Sugar get jumped by a bad-looking ferret wearing scars as if they’re clothes. Sugar looked in Bastets eyes for a split second and all Bastet could see was panic before the ground collided with Sugar's head and they went unconscious. 

“STOP!” Bastet walked towards the group who just looked at her with hungry faces. “You don’t belong here. You’re from the upper rings aren’t you. What brings a lady like you down here?” An aardvark asked while Bastet was slowly getting circled by the other animals.

“None of your business.” Was the reaction the aardvark got. “Now you may leave while I still allow it.” Bastet continued. 

A wolf grabbed her arms. “You’re lucky we allow you to keep talking.” He howled. His breath reeked of whiskey and rum. Drunken, hungry animals surviving in Hell. Oh this really was one of the lower rings.

The aardvark walked up to her and grabbed her face. His breath smelled even worse. “Such a pity. I’m sure you’re a lovely lady but you interrupted us. Don’t worry, you’ll live.” he threatened while tightening his grip on her face.

Bastet narrowed her eyes. “Oh I’m pretty certain I’ll survive.” Faster than the aardvark could register she brought her leg up between his. With a scream he walked backwards while holding his hands between his legs. “You bi-” 

Bastet kicked him in the face while she jumped over the wolf, freeing her hands in the process. The aardvark went unconscious while the wolf tried to get his tail from under Bastet’s feet. “Let go!” He growled. 

“No, I don’t think so.” She dug her heels deeper into his tail and smiled while the wolf cried out for mercy. “You didn’t show mercy to that woman, wouldn’t have shown it to me. So why should I?” She asked with a sweet voice.

The ferret jumped on the wolfs back, a gun in his hands. “Let him go lady, I’ve shot people before.”

Bastet just looked at him. “I feel the need to correct you. I’m no lady, nor am I a person.” She lowered the hood and watched the horror spread to the animals faces when they noticed who she was.

“We’re sorry. Great Goddess.” The ferret said while lowering the gun.

“You will be.” Bastet said while flicking her wrist. Three snaps sounded the wolf and ferret fell to the ground next to the aardvark. The other animals fled into the different alleys. 

She checked if Sugar was still breathing and gave her a small blessing in the form of memory loss. 

Bastet vowed to never speak of this day.

(I mean, her word means something important if she even keeps quiet while Sugar is literally in the Hell in Hell. Hell-ception.)

[hellkeep]

Room 14 (Taxes)

A man in maids outfit was looking worried as the hellkeeper just paced around the reception area.

“We must be able to do something. Sugar, in the Justice Department. How.” The man stopped in front of the maid. “Come on Polites. Say something.”

Polites looked at the Hellkeeper. “You’ve asked the same questions for the last five hours.” He pointed out.

“And you still haven’t answered me!” The hellkeeper yelled.

“Because there is nothing you can do!” Polites yelled back. “They’re in the Justice Department now. You can’t do a thing.”

(Really? The guy who deals with gods as if they’re children. You’re telling that person that he can’t do anything. Yeah, good idea man. Good idea.)

“I know that. But that doesn’t mean I just need to accept that.” Lukas said.

“I fear you’ll ha-” Polites started before he went completely silent and stared at something behind his boss.

“What?” The hellkeeper asked. When he followed Polites stare he saw a middle aged man in a white toga standing near the check-in.

“Oh no.” Lukas sighed. “What does he want?”

“Dear Lukas [REDACTED], protegee of the eternal one. Seeing your earlier reaction, I think you remember me. I hope only fond memories.” The man said

“I wouldn’t bet on it.” The Hellkeeper said dryly. “State your business.” he continued.

“As you remember my name is Kerunt. Greek god of Finances and I’m here to collect taxes.” Kerunt said. In his left hand he held a big book. His right hand was hidden behind his toga. “Let’s see. Hellkeep, Hellkeep… Heaven… Ah. Hellkeep. You owe the state of Olympian rule 1463 Soul Coins.” Kerunt said while looking in the book. His eyes travelled along page after page until he found his next debt to collect.

“You owe the state of Egyptian oppression 387 Soul coins.”

Lukas laid a pouch on the counter. “It’s all in there. You can count but I don’t have all day.” 

Kerunt looked up from his book in surprise. “Okay…” He took the pouch tentatively.

The God turned around and walked onto the street. When he was sure the hellkeeper wouldn’t follow him, he opened the pouch and started counting.

“Now that’s handled. How do we get Sugar out?” Lukas asked.

“Nope, not dealing with this. I’d rather go clean room 69.” Polites said while running up the stairs.

Lukas stood behind the reception area for 15 minutes before he came up with an idea. 

Wifi wandered into the room the moment the hellkeeper started looking into the possibilities. “You want to go on an adventure with me?” Lukas asked hopeful.

“Prauw?” Wifi miauwed confused. 

(Poor creature, being forced to go with that lunatic of a Hellkeeper)

“Great!” Lukas yelled in excitement. He tried to grab Wifi but got met with claws sinking into his hand. “Okay, okay. No touching. I get it.” He said sadly.

The door to the hellkeep opened and a god with little wings on his sandals stood in the opening. 

“It’s been a long while since I’ve seen you.” Lukas said when he noticed the God.

“I know. I was just wondering how it was going.” The man said while walking towards the reception desk.

“What do you want Hermes?” The Hellkeeper demanded. 

“Why do I always need to want something? Can’t I just want to know how you’re doing?” Hermes said.

“You forget I’ve dealt with many gods before. They always want something.” Lukas said absentmindedly.

“What’s on your mind? Taxes came round?” Hermes asked in a teasing tone.

“Now I know you did it. Could you just leave my inn for now. I’ve got bigger things to deal with.” The Hellkeeper said in a careful neutral tone.

“Something bigger than me? How’s that even possible.” Hermes said while laughing.

“The door’s there.” Lukas said while pointing at the door.

“I’m supposed to be the messenger but message received I guess.” Hermes said while leaving the inn.

Lukas sighed while looking at travel-ads again.

[hellkeep]

Room 3 (Hypocrisy)

“Here are your 25 Soul Coins!” A green skinned God shouted while he placed the coins on the counter.

The Innkeeper quickly took the coins and laid a neatly folded pair of white robes in it’s place. “That’ll be 10 more Soul Coins.” 

The God’s full green colour, shaded down to an olive green. “10 Coins! 10 Coins, for washing my robes.”

“And steaming them, and folding them.” the man behind the counter added.

“I rent the kettle room. There’s steam everywhere, I could’ve just steamed and folded them there.” The God countered.

“Should’ve thought of that before.” the innkeeper replied “10 coins please.”

With a sigh and a lot of grumbling, 10 more coins appeared on the counter. “One of these days I’ll get you.” The God said before taking his robes and leaving to his room. 

“Pleasure doing business!” the Innkeeper shouted. The fact that the door to room 1 slammed shut, told him that the God had heard what he said. He took up his logbook and scribbled something down. Check-up door - 5 Soul Coins

A young man, wearing a post-sack and feathered sandals entered the Inn. “I must say, I rather enjoy seeing Osiris furious. Don’t push him too hard, Lukas. He was the Egyptian God of Death for a reason.”

“If you have something useful to say, Hermes. Please say it.” The innkeeper said irritated.

“I found this animal on the street.” He handed Lukas a cat. “Looks like it belongs here: Temperament, greedy and trying to rob a restaurant out of their chicken.” The God said.

“Wifi, You haven’t been eating the garbage from the ‘Lethe’ have you? You know better than that.”

“Prauw?” The cat reacted.

“All good.” Lukas said softly, “Just don’t do it again.”

Hermes cleared his throat, reminding Lukas that he’s still there. “Something else?” The innkeeper asked.

“I’ve got mail.” The Greek God of messages said while he laid a sealed letter on the counter.

“Mail? It hasn’t been a full week. You brought those letters yesterday.” Lukas replied confused. He put Wifi on the floor and she immediatly ran back outside.

A male dressed in a maids outfit entered the room. “I can’t take it anymore. The tenant from room nine complained AGAIN!”

“Polites, can’t you see I’m in the middle of a conversation?” the angered innkeeper said. “And besides, what do you want me to do about it? We’re getting paid for letting him stay here, I We can’t lose that money.”

“If I may. Who's the tenant in room nine?” Hermes asked curiously. 

“Go check yourself, and try to calm him down while you’re at it.” Polites replied.

“I think I will.” Was the God’s answer and up the stairs he went.

Lukas picked up the letter. He would let the receiver pay extra for letting him play postman. 

Hellkeeper Lukas

[REDACTED]street 55

“Who would send me a letter?” He thought. The innkeeper opened his Logbook and scribbled something down next to room 189.

He closed his logbook again and broke the seal.

A door closed and Sugar went to the counter, a filled pouch in hand. “I’m here to pay my rent.” they said.

“Can’t you see I’m busy.” Lukas said in an annoyed voice.

“That letter must be very important, if he neglects money.” Politis said.

“Don’t you have some rooms to clean?” The innkeeper reacted almost immediately.

“On my way.” Polites said while going up the stairs.

“What does it say?” Sugar asked 

Lukas let the letter drop and said to her in a cocky voice: “Oh nothing, I’ve only been invited to a candle-light supper with King Hades and Queen Persephone. Nothing much really.”

“You? You’ve been invited to go drink tea with our king and queen?” Sugar asked in surprise.

“That’s right. Don’t look so surprised, we go way back. I’ve built them their own room here you know.” Lukas answered in that same voice.

“Well, in that case: Don’t rob them blind.” Sugar left the pouch on the counter and went back to their room. Lukas just took the pouch and hid it somewhere. “Counting can wait, I’ve got a supper to prepare for.”

[hellkeep]

Room 1 (Kettleroom)

From behind a huge desk a muffled cough sounds. “You would think with the amount of coins I pay for these cleaners, there would be a lot less dust everywhere.” After a sneeze the man stood up. 

“Polites!” The man shouted. From the top of the stairs someone shouted back, a few seconds later a guy in a maids outfit appeared in the stairwell.

“Yes?” He asked. 

“You know, Polites, when you first got here, some time ago, I greeted you with open arms, allowed you to pay off your debt to our king by working for me, but I’m not really noticing a difference around here. You’re supposed to help me keep things clean, and the tenant from room nine complained yet again.”

“Sir, I can’t help that.” Polites defended himself. “You know he complains about everything. His food is too far away. He can’t reach his water. It’s always something with that guy.” he said mockingly.

“I can’t say I disagree, but don’t say those things. The walls have ears you know.” the Innkeeper responded. 

“Since when do you care about anybody listening?” Polites said. “Last time I checked, you complained about having to change the luggage from room 666 to 8, and made sure the entire inn knew.”

“If you like to keep working here, or whatever it is you’re doing, I would keep my mouth shut.” The owner looked at his desk, opening the giant logbook he keeps there at all times. “Room 69 needs fresh bedsheets. Could you do that for me?”

Polites looked at the Innkeeper with disgust in his eyes. “You seriously just asked me to clean the bedsheet of room Sixty-FRICKING-nine.”

“I did. What are you still doing here?” The owner said uninterested. “A room is a room. I already allow you to check room 66 only once a week. You can decide. Or you only clean the bedsheets of room 69 once a week, or you check room 66 once a week.”

“I’ll go change the sheets.” Polites said while running up the stairs.

A small smile appeared on the Innkeepers face. “I can always get them to do anything if I threaten them with room 66.” 

The bell rang. “What’s it this time.”  

The man looked up from his book to see a green skinned person, dressed in white standing at his desk. “I heard I could rent a room here?” 

“Yes, you heard correctly, I’ve got a couple rooms available, what’s the name?” The Innkeeper asked uninterested.

“Osiris, god of fertility, agriculture, afterlife, dead, resurection, life and vegitation. And you are?”

Without looking up, the Innkeeper answered Osiris: “Lukas, your Hellkeeper. Is there a way to shorten your name?”

“Sure, just use my first name: Osiris.” The god answered, not happy with the lack of respect the Innkeeper showed to a god. “What room am I getting?”

“Jeez, You gods live forever, you’d think you know how to wait for a bit.” Lukas said. Not caring if the god in front of him would hear. He laid a key on the reception desk. “I think I’ll give you the first room here. It could get a bit warm in there, it’s called Kettleroom for a reason, but I think you’ll manage.”

Osiris already reached for the keys but Lukas quickly snatched them away. “Let’s discuss prices first.” he said while still looking at his Logbook. “I charge 50 Soul Coins each night you stay-” 

“You mean I’ll have to pay you.” The god said in a state of disbelief

“Yes.” the Innkeeper said dryly “As I was saying: 50 Soul Coins each night you stay here, You pay each morning for the next night, If you forget it I’ll write down that your room is available for rent. If you can’t pay in Soul Coins, you give me something of equal value, understood?”

Osiris was too stunned to speak. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

The God laid 50 Soul Coins on the desk, still not able to say a word. Lukas handed him the keys and gave him directions on where he could find his room.

When Osiris unlocked the door, he entered it in silence. The Innkeeper finally looked back up from his book and turned the sign on his desk. “Gods or other deities pay half-price. We don’t pay back” The Innkeeper smiled again. “They think they’re all-knowing, yet so naive. A pity it only works once.”

He looked back down to his Logbook and scribbled something down. The sound of falling things could be heard from the second floor. “These cleaners are going to be the death of me.” The muttered before closing the logbook and walking up the stairs.

[hellkeep]

Room 6 (Midnight Terrors)

A woman with yellow skin and the head of a cat sneaked inside the Hellkeep during the night. She looked around and found the innkeeper sleeping over a pouch of Soul Coins, next to him lay the Logbook. She carefully opened it and looked through the pages. She closed it again soon after.

With the grace of a feline she sneaked into room 6. A human lay there, vastly asleep. 

“Look at them. Sleeping as if they did nothing wrong.” The woman thought before entering the dream.

In the dream, the human was actively writing in her room. “Why does she write like she’s running out of time?” The woman thought while walking around in the dream. “Let’s see, how can I make her suffer?” 

The dream suddenly changed. A starless sky now filled in the place where the roof of the room had been. The walls disappeared. The human looked around in confusion. 

From all directions, creatures started circling the human: werewolves, vampires, zombies. Even sirens came flying in. The human just looked at them. Fascinated by the fact that the sirens have wings, and don’t have tails. It gave them an idea, they looked back down and went back to writing. 

The yellow skinned woman looked stunned at the scene. “That’s not how it’s supposed to go.” She thought.

“Let’s spice this up” The yellow skinned woman thought. A stack of paper formed behind the human. They looked at it in horror. “Not… Not the WIPs, I burned. I burned them.” They mumbled in their sleep. Sweat started forming on their forehead. 

Inside the dreams, the WIPs formed into a weird sort of paper monster. The human started running, and so did the paper monster. “No… No, I… I burned them.” The human mumbled again. 

The yellow skinned woman just stood by and watched it all unfold. How the human ran away terrified from an imaginary stack of paper leaving a trail of ink in its way. “Suffer for what you did today. Suffer like others have suffered because of you!” The woman with a cat-head thought before she was pulled back from the dream into the room where she first entered the dream of the human. 

“Prauw?” A voice called out from the doorway. 

“How are you, you beautiful thing?” The woman asked the cat who just entered the room.

“Mrauw” The cat responded before patting up to the human's bed and jumping on it. Making herself comfortable.

“You’re really going to sleep next to them after what they did to you?” The woman asked in surprise.

“Prauw” The cat miawed before closing her eyes and started softly snoring.

“It wasn’t her fault.” A second voice said. The yellow skinned woman turned around to see a green skinned man standing in the doorway. “Come into my room, we can talk there, but leave this human alone.” The man said.

The kettleroom was exactly like you would expect. Bronze walls, steam everywhere and a few bits of Osiris’ belongings to make the room look a bit more lively.

“How can you live here?” The woman asked. “How do you survive renting a room right next to that… That horrible person?” She continued. “You know what they did?”

“I do.” Osiris said. “I really do Bastet. I looked after Wifi when we found her underneath the stack of papers. I washed the ink out of her fur. But -”

“And I thank you for that.” Bastet interrupted. “But that human deserves every single bit of punishment I can give her.” 

“BASTET!” Osiris shouted. “What happened to Wifi was terrible, but it wasn’t the humans' fault. She didn’t choose the papers to end up there, they just did. I know you’re angry. But you should be angry at the ashes of those WIPs floating on the wind, and not at the person.” The god said while trying to get Bastet to calm down.

“You know what, Osiris.” She said with a strong but soft voice. “Non of this would’ve happened if that human just completed their WIPs.” The goddess countered.

“Okay, Fair point. How about this,” Osiris reacted. “You let that human go for now and you, temporarily, rent a room here in the Hellkeep to keep an eye on her.”

“I won’t let them go unchecked, but yes. You might be right. If I rent a room here, I can keep an eye on that human. How much would it cost me to rent a room here?” Bastet asked after considering Osiris’ offer.

“50 Soul Coins on your first day, 25 after that.” Osiris said a bit bitterly.

“Why 50 to start with?” Bastet asked curiously.

“Cause you’re new here.” Osiris answered. “You can spend the night here. We’ll rent a room for you tomorrow morning.”

Bastet climbed into the bed and crawled herself up like a cat.

“Yeah sure, I’ll sleep on the couch. Glad you’re comfortable.” Osiris said a little annoyed, but happy that he got to see his stepdaughter again.

[hellkeep]

Room 4 (Misinformation)

“How does Lukas work in these conditions?” an old man behind the counter asked himself. He pushed a couple of things out of his way and didn’t care if they fell on the ground. 

He opened the Logbook and just stared at it for a few seconds, before closing it again. “Not dealing with that handwriting.” He said aloud.

“Not dealing with what?” A voice in front of the counter asked. 

The old man jumped in surprise. “Never heard to ring the bell, little one?” he said annoyed.

Ding “Not dealing with what?” The person asked again.

“You think you’re smart huh? You’ll need to wake early before you outsmart me.” The man said.

“Who says I sleep?” the voice responded.

“Name.” The man asked angrily.

“Sugar, I rent nine rooms and need to pay 450 Soul Coins daily. Here’s the pouch.” They said while putting it on the counter.

“Before Lukas left, he told me to add 10 more Soul Coins to your rent. Something you said to him yesterday, seemed to have creeped him out, he even changed the Safe-code.” The old man said.

With a sigh Sugar lay 10 more Coins on the counter. “Who even are you, where is Lukas?” she asked.

“Names Pentog. Lukas sold me the building yesterday but I had to keep the prices. They also said that I need to turn this sign: “Gods or other deities pay half-price. We don’t pay back”. Don’t know why.” While he turned the sign, a door closed.

“I should probably go now.” Sugar said. “I’ll be up in one of my rooms.” She quickly went to her room and closed the door behind her.

“I’m here to pay my rent.” A green skinned man said while walking up to the counter. “Here are my 25 Soul Coins.”

The old man looked at the coins. “Weren’t I supposed to collect 50 Soul Coins for each room you rent?”

The God took a step back when he saw who was behind the counter. “Who are you? I don’t think I’ve seen you yet?”

“Names Godoe, I’m Lukas’ replacement. He got called away for an emergency. Something about his wife going missing?” the old man said. “I don’t think you heard what I said. I need 25 more coins.”

“No, Gods pay half price.” The green God said. “Look at the -” The god drew big eyes when he saw the turned sign disappear. “This can’t be right.” He said.

The old man looked at the God. “You’re going to pay or what?” He asked impatiently.

“How did you do that?” The god asked.

“Why should I tell you?” Godoe bounced back.

“I’m Osiris, God of fertility, agriculture, afterlife, dead, resurrection, life and vegetation. I demand you to tell me how you did it.”

“Fine, but it’ll cost you 25 Soul Coins.” Godoe said.

Without thinking, the God laid 25 Coins on the counter. “Now tell me.”

“It’s really quite simple.” The old man said. “You move your hand like this-” He made a sweeping motion over the counter, and the 50 Soul Coins laying on top disappeared. “Seems like you didn’t pay me to tell you. I won’t tell my secrets to someone who doesn’t want to pay for that knowledge.” Godoe said insulted.

“But I lay them right here!” The God shouted. 

“I don’t see them.” The old man said.

“Oh, forget this.” Osiris said before walking back to his room.

“I get why Lukas loves the Gods.” The man behind the counter said.

“I do too. They’re a lot of fun to play with.” A young voice called out from upstairs. “How are you Autolycus?” He asked.

“Who?” The old man asked.

“Now, Don’t think I won’t recognise my own son Autolycus. I gave you your gifts for Zeus’ sake.” The young man reacted while walking down the stairs. The feathers on his sandals moved with the young man's voice.

“Oh come on. You never let me have any fun, Hermes.” Autolycus said disappointed.

“I just let you scam the Olympus out of Osiris. The least you can do is thank me for not interrupting.” Hermes reacted.

“Thank you dad.” The old man said with a sigh.

[hellkeep]

Room 2 (Scandal)

“What do you mean, I didn’t need to pay 50 Soul Coins yesterday!” A green skinned man yelled. “I demand my money back!”

The Innkeeper tapped a sign: “Gods or other deities pay half-price. We don’t pay back” He looked up from his Logbook. “I can’t help it that you didn’t read the sign. Lukas said uninterested.

“The sign was turned the other way.” The god replied.

“Oh.” Lukas said in faked surprise. “Must’ve been one of the cleaners. You know how hard it is to find good workers these days.”

“I demand my Soul Coins back. I am a God, for Ra’s sake.”

The innkeeper looked back at the logbook, turning over a page and scribbling something down. “You’re going to pay the rent for your room? In case you’re not going to, could you step away please. You’re holding up a line.”

The God looked behind him. “There is nobody here.”

“If you keep debating this with me, there will be.” the innkeeper said dryly.

“This is how we’re going to do it, Innkeeper of nothing.” The angered God said. “You give me back my coins, or I’m going to find another Inn.”

The Innkeeper looked up. “Good luck finding one nearby, the closest Inn is near the Acheon, About a weeks walk from here. I think you’re lucky I’m not charging you extra for insulting me. Now, are you going to pay or not?”

With an aggressive sigh the god left 25 Soul Coins on the counter. They quickly disappeared in the Innkeeper pockets. His eyes went back to his logbook.

“These Gods, such a small ego, but good customers.” The Innkeeper thought.

A meow made him look back up again. “Oh Wifi. You’re back from your morning walk, are you?” The cat trotted up to the counter and gracefully jumped on top of it. “What did I tell you about jumping on the counter?” The Innkeeper said firmly. 

“Meow?” Wifi meowed (I can’t really say “said”, now can I?)

“Fine, just this once.” Lukas replied. The cat curled up, put a paw over her nose and closed her eyes. “Are you really going to sleep again?” The innkeeper asked in surprise. The only answer was the soft sound of snoring.

The innkeeper went back to scribbling things in his logbook, but it wasn’t long before he also started dozing off.

A bell rang and both the innkeeper and Wifi shot up. One muttered a curse, the other hissed at the person standing at the counter. 

“What do you want?” Lukas asked.

“I don’t want anything.” The person said

“Then what are you doing here?” The innkeeper asked with a hint of anger. Wifi jumped off the counter, presumably going to find another place to rest.

“I need to pay my rent.” The person replied.

Lukas opened his logbook. “What’s your name again?” He asked.

“Sugar.” the answer sounded

The innkeeper's eyes lit up. “Sugar. My favorite, and only, human tenant here. How many rooms do you rent again?” Lukas looked down to his logbook. “9 rooms, How could I forget. That’ll be 450 Soul Coins please.”

Sugar laid a pouch on the counter. “It are 450 Soul Coins. You can check if you want, but I don’t have all day.” They said.

“I’ll take your word for it.” The innkeeper said when he took the pouch from the counter. “I will say, I’m interested in where you get all these coins.” He continued. “Not everyone is able to rent a second room here, let alone nine.”

A small smile appeared on Sugar’s lips. “If I would tell you where I get them from, there won’t be any left by tomorrow.” she answered. 

“You might be right.” Lukas answered. “The walls have ears around here.” he said. 

The smile on Sugar's lips grew. “Sure, “the walls”.”

“I’ll be in one of my rooms.” They said. “I don’t think I’ll go down for dinner. Could you let someone bring it to me?”

“Yes, I can do that.” The innkeeper said. “Before you go,” Lukas gave Sugar a sack. “It came in yesterday. You were all over the news. It seems like you were caught having some fun with another WIP. Looks like some people are not happy about it.” The innkeeper looked back at his logbook. “Fix it, It’s bad for the Hellkeeps reputation.”

Sugar went to one of their rooms without saying a further word.

When Lukas was sure Sugar would stay in their room, he opened the pouch and started counting.

[hellkeep]

Room 10 (Canibalism)

“Just so you know, you pay the bill.” Lukas said as both he and Hermes walked into the Tantalian cuisine. 

The God looked amused at the Hellkeeper. “I forgot you were greedy.” His feathers rustled a bit. “I’ll pay, not that I’m in charge of money and economy and such, but hey, We do what we must to keep Zeus happy.”

Lukas looked up at the God in surprise. “What do you mean by that?” he asked.

Hermes just smiled. “Oh nothing darling, Let’s keep our evening together a fun one, shall we?” The God reacted while they were being led to their table.

“Thank you.” Lukas said to the waiter when they pulled out a chair for him. “What’s the reason you asked me to come with you to this restaurant?” Lukas asked the God when they both got the menu.

Hermes looked at his menu with a deep concentration. “What do you want to eat?” He asked.

Lukas quickly scanned the menu. “The Hellish sea bass sounds delicious.” The Hellkeeper responded. 

“Why do you always want fish? Like, they got so many different stews here and you pick the fish.” Hermes responded with a smile.

A waiter came by the table and asked with a deep voice if he could take our order. Before Lukas could reply Hermes already answered: “Yes, We’ll both have the Pelopian stew.” Lukas looked at the God in silent judgement.

When the waiter went back to the kitchen, the God turned towards the Hellkeeper with an innocent look on his face. “Trust me.” He started. “You’re going to love it.”

“This is just great, you bring me to one of the most expensive restaurants in Hell, won’t tell me why and I don’t even get to eat what I want.”

“You just figured that out?” A voice called from behind the Hellkeeper.

“Why are you here?” Lukas asked Sugar. 

“The same reason you’re here. To eat.” Sugar reacted dryly. They then noticed the God. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were going on a date.”

“I’m not… We’re not… This is not a date.” Lukas reacted.

“It can be.” Hermes said.

Lukas swirled his head to look at the God. “This is not a date! And stop grinning.”

“Why are you blushing?” Hermes asked in a playful tone.

“If you’re not going to tell me why I’m here, I’ll leave.” The Hellkeeper said angrily.

“I think I’ll go now. Don’t want to disturb your evening together.” Sugar said before walking to the other side of the restaurant. 

“This is not a date.” Lukas said under his breath.

“Where are you from?” The God asked when the stew arrived. 

“The Hellkeep.” Lukas reacted. “This is what you wanted to ask me?” 

“Yes, but you’re not from the Hellkeep, you don’t fit the image of any religion I know, and believe me, I’ve seen a lot of them pass by.” Hermes said.

“Why do you think I’m connected to a religion?” Lukas asked tentatively.

“Well, You’re able to open up an inn in Hell, Neither me or Charon brought you across the river and you’re not scared when you anger Osiris. None of the above scream ‘mortal’.”

Lukas started eating his stew picking out pieces of bone as he did. “Last I heard, you weren’t part of a religion anymore, neither was Osiris, so why can’t I be part of an even earlier religion?” The Hellkeeper said.

“We got replaced, and people still believe in us, we get prayers. Do you?” Hermes asked in a neutral tone.

“I’ve never had prayers directed to me, but yes. I get them to some extent.” The Hellkeeper said without looking up from his stew.

“What sort of prayers?” Hermes pressed.

“Short ones, mostly just people wailing.” Lukas answered. “This stew is good.” The Hellkeeper said in an attempt to change the subject. He took a piece of bone from his spoon.

“Did you ever respond to one?” The God asked.

“No.” Lukas said plainly. “I never saw a reason to do so.”

Hermes stood up and started leaving. “Where are you going?” Lukas asked while taking another piece of bone out of his mouth.

“If you’re not going to answer my questions in a decent way, I see no reason to ask them in the first place.” The God said in a cold tone. He laid a stack of Soul Coins on the table. “These are enough to pay for both our stews.” He turned around again and disappeared.

“I’m sorry that the date didn’t go as planned.” A voice said from behind Lukas. 

“STOP CALLING IT A DATE!” Lukas screamed at Sugar who somehow sneaked up on him.

“I can’t really call it an interrogation, can I? Oh my god. Was it an interrogation? Are you really a deity?”

“No, Yes and No.” Lukas said. He started eating his stew again. When he found another bone in his stew he turned around to look at Sugar.

“Do you know why there are so many bones in my stew?”

Sugar looked at the Hellkeeper with big eyes. “You ordered the Pelopian stew?” She sighed when the Hellkeeper nodded.

“The cook of this restaurant is believed to be Sweeney Todd.” Sugar said under her breath.

Lukas almost vomited his guts up when he heard that. “The one from Fleet Street?” He asked sickly

“The one and only.” Sugar reacted. “That’s why I always order the Hellish sea bass.”

“I’m going to kill that God.” Lukas said before running towards the bathroom.