#hellomymidtwenties

[hellomymidtwenties]

The Fantasy of a Savior

I find myself fiercely independent but sometimes I just want someone to take all the heavy burdens of life and take care of me.

Care for me.

Care for me where I have security. Care for me where I feel worthy. Care for me where I feel love and actually feel like I deserve it. Care for me where I feel like I can give love.

Is it so bad to want somebody to save you?

Someone to take you out of your current life and whisk you away to a better one. One where you can be certain someone is always in your corner. Where you can go after your passions without fear. Where you feel like you can take on the world with them by your side.

In books, TV, and movies we see our protagonist connect with someone that completely changes their worldview. Is the catalyst for a grand adventure or love.

I want that to happen to me.

I want love. I want passion. I want thrilling adventures.

It just seems impossible to do alone.

Maybe I’m just a coward. Maybe I’m just not built for this amazing, time-stopping love.

But I want it.

I want it to happen to me.

[hellomymidtwenties]

The Bi-Yearly Check-In

Hello again, void!

It's been about six months since I last wrote, and things have been generally okay. Political climate aside, my personal journey has been a slow upward climb. I've moved out of my parents' place and moved into the city with a roommate. I have also started seriously looking for another job that I actually enjoy (and that pays a lot more). Still looking, but I feel like I have more stake in the game now.

My roommate is a roommate that I've had before, during covid too, so we know how we live and mesh well. It's feels good to have someone here with me that I can talk and vent to.

Personally, I'm pretty much in the same place. No love interests or anything. Although I am being more open with my bisexuality. I've told my entire immediate family; however, I don't think my parents really believe me. I think they will when I bring a girl home, but I ain't even bringing boys home so that conversation isn't gonna happen for a while.

Mentally, I'm in the same place as well. I'm with a new therapist that I am still getting to know. It feels like I'm working on everything and nothing at the same time. I am starting to make monthly goals to see if that helps me feel more purpose in my life. We'll see how it works out.

Anyways I'm gonna try to write in once a month from now on. Look forward to it!

[hellomymidtwenties]

So, it's been a while...

To say I've let this blog go would be the understatement of the century.

Despite trying, I've ultimately failed at keeping up with this blog and turned 26 without saying anything. But given the circumstances of the year and the events that have happened, I'm giving myself some slack.

So to recap:

Had to put my 14 y/o childhood cat down due to mouth cancer

I moved back in with my parents

Traveled to Tennessee & London <3

Adopted a new cat!

Saw Seventeen in VIP!!

I turned 26 without having any romantic events happen.

The election occurred the next day and I crashed out so hard (manic episode) that I shaved my head :/

I was *almost* sent to the looney bin for that

2024 got WORSE (what a time man)

Made some significant progress with therapy tho

So, yeah, it's been a hell of a year. Shaving my head was a big one, and I'm sure the election and the political climate of the US are a big burden on a lot of people at the moment. I hope everyone who is struggling is finding their own peace within the chaos. Shaving my head was probably one of the most cathartic things I've ever done, and while it hurt due to dull sheers, it made me feel power that I didn't know I had. Now I'm rocking a pixie that I'm still looking for ways to style. I'm thinking about dying it platinum and adding cool designs on it!

2025 has been okay for the most part. Besides the orange fuck being inaugurated today I'm trying to stay involved in my community and helping others that are in need and in danger of this new regime. LGBTQ+, POC, neurodivergent, etc. are all welcome and accepted in my little blog house and heart and no one can take that away from me.

As for personal things, I'm okay. Depression, anxiety, and OCD are never gone but are definitely more managed. I'm grateful for my therapist and ~MEDS~ for helping along the way!

Concluding this long ass update. I'll try to keep this regular. Either rambles or maybe even other just random things? I may even just start creative writing for a change! I need something else to do with my time haha!

Thanks for reading, whoever you are! I hope you're staying hydrated and keeping healthy. <3

[hellomymidtwenties]

It's been a while...

As the title says, it's been a while since my last entry. Honestly, I just haven't been motivated to write or had anything new to say really. This blog would honestly be the same thing over and over if I wrote every day. But I'm here now with updates!

Personal Stuff: I've started working out and a general new lifestyle. I've decided that 2024 is going to be the year I get things straightened out in my health, finances and general outlook on life! I've also started reading again, so maybe I'll write up some stuff about the books I'm reading. So far I've read 3/18 books for my 2024 goal. I may increase the reading goal depending on my mood but we'll see.

Work Stuff: I'm up for a promotion! (fucking finally) However, it won't go into effect until April. But it's a better title and pay! Along with work stuff, I was recently interviewed by a major talent agency for their exclusive program. I definitely forgot I applied for the program, but I'm ecstatic that they actually took interest in me. This would be a dream job, so I'm manifesting that I get pushed to the second round of interviews. I'm taking this one step at a time cause if I think about all of it all at once, I'll freak out.

Overall the break has been good, even better than expected. as we end February, it's a bit surprising how things have moved this year already.

I have a good feeling about 2024! (let's hope that sentence doesn't age horribly)

[hellomymidtwenties]

Happy New Year! ✨

Here’s to 2024!

[hellomymidtwenties]

Happy Holidays!

Happy winter holidays for all who celebrate! As the new year approaches, I'm trying to put myself into a better headspace and seriously mark off some key experiences. I'm hoping for a better 2024 than 2023!

[hellomymidtwenties]

Happy 1 month of being 25! Kinda I’m late on updates. It’s been crazy how much my life has kinda changed in a months time. I’m up for a promotion at my job, I started going to a workout class consistently, and I changed my hair style and color!

That might not be big changes but it’s a start to something great I think.

[hellomymidtwenties]

I’ve come to realize that I am very bad at my promises on keeping this blog alive daily. It’s been about a week since I turn 25 and I’m not sure how to feel about it.

On one hand, I don’t feel any older, but on another, I feel as though I should feel more mature. I should feel more put together. I feel more behind than I ever did especially compared to peers and family. I do think my frontal lobe has fully developed, but the mental illness hinders the full capacity of using it.

I’m hoping that 25 treats me well. 24 was an odd year. A lot of self discovery, a lot of choices.  24 I was able to come clean to myself that I am bisexual, and that I am not a straight as I thought I was. I’ve also come to terms of my style; how I like to dress, I would like my hair, how I like my make up.

I also discovered that I want more than a desk job. I want more than sitting in front of a computer screen for the rest of my life. And I want to be able to experience things and have fun and connect with real people every day whether that be through the Internet or in real life. I also want to work in music and entertainment. I want to be able to bridge the gap between the consumer in the artist, the fans and the idols. I want to bring joy to people in any sort of fashion, especially in times like this.

As the Foo Fighters say it’s times like these you learn to live again / it’s times like these you give and give again / it’s like like these you learn to love again / it’s times like these time and time again…

The world is such an ugly place and I wish it wasn’t but I have to look on the bright side that there’s so much good and there’s so many people fighting for that good. I just hope and wish that the people in power can actually see that feel within their hearts rather than their greedy souls.

I hope 25 brings goodness and understanding into the world. I hope 25 will right wrongs and love overcoming hate. It’s all idealistic, but it’s one thing I hope to see in my 25th year on this planet.

25, a quarter of a century, halfway to 50, still unsure of everything…