“ Duty demanded I leave you behind. My heart never did. ” from lune
TYPES OF YEARNING (accepting)
Protocol meant absolutely nothing to him after the beach. The expedition meant nothing. His life meant nothing. His eyes opened, his heart was still beating, and yet he had never felt so numb trekking alone through the meadow. His body betrayed his mind, fighting with what little spite he had left, when really all he could think was: I could let this Nevron kill me right now, and it wouldn't even matter.
Gustave was ashamed that the worst parts of him wished it had at the time, or that Lune hadn't found him when she did. He would certainly be damned before he ever admitted it, and preferred to bury it as much as he could. If he had let the Nevron kill him, he would have never seen Lune again. If Lune hadn't found him, saved his life with that raw stubbornness and dedication, something he had come to admire in the years they'd been working together, they might not have found Maelle.
In such a psychologically compromised state, he wouldn't have blamed her for letting him go off on his own. Lune was right. The protocol existed for a reason, and while a part of him had felt a little guilty for arguing with her, baited her into choosing which protocol to break, it warmed his heart to know she didn't hold it against him.
"Duty demanded I leave you behind. My heart never did."
Some had doubts, but Gustave knew she wasn't heartless. Far from it. Although it was often guarded, hidden beneath the dedication for her life's work, Lune had a big heart. A beautiful heart. As he watches the flames of the campfire illuminate her features, embers dancing in her enchanting eyes, Gustave almost doesn't notice his fingers brushing against hers.
He doesn't remember sitting down this close to her. "I'm grateful you came along when you did," Gustave said, just barely above a whisper. For a moment, as steel fingers tentatively try intertwining her soft ones, he wonders if he should pull away. "For many reasons. The expedition, of course, but... It's nice to have a moment like this again."