Does That Make Me Crazy?
This is the part where I think I’m literaly getting crazy. I’m stable since yesterdey, smiling, laughing, making jokes, going out with friends. My friends only see me like that, so when I fall or when (I havent yet) I say I’m depressed or that I got trouble, of course they wont believe!!! So when I go ask for help, it will be like “stop the drama” “it’s not that bad” “there’s no need to cry, stop making drama”
The thing is, when I’m stable 2 things happen:
1- I can’t go on trying to be happy all the time, be strong and keep on with my life because I’m waiting to fall again. I stay scared all the time. Waiting forthe tiny little thing that’s going to break everything I’ve built on that stable-time, and I will have my crisis. The higher, the lower, the down
2- I feel ACTUALLY INSANE. I dont understand WHY and HOW this happens, how can I feel both, sometimes my self-esteem goes up and down within minutes. I cant understand, other people wont too. No one is feeling this way and there is no explaining, since I dont no either what the HELL is going on.
Even P, I dont think she understands when I go talk to her stable and say that I wanna kill myself.
Does that make me crazy? Possibly