"you weren’t a choice. you were a fact." -- Alphie
A Mystery Meme || Accepting
@backxnblack
“Were?” Hermione sighed, smiling tightly over her coffee cup as she surveyed Alphie over the table. “I suppose there was always going to be a time when you started loving me in the past tense.”
She wasn’t sure why she’d agreed to this meeting, for closure possibly. Although, she supposed in order to get closure you had to want it. Hermione didn’t want closure from Alphie, she never had. She’d wanted him, she’d wanted them and although she’d thought the end of the war would bring them back together, it had only torn them further apart.
She had spent the last couple of months trying to be angry with him. She had tried to resent him and his absence from not only their relationship but himself. She had tried to place the blame solely on him. But the unfortunate downside of being logical was that it didn’t often allow for irrational emotions. She understood, why Alphie had been the way he had. She understood why he’d simply stopped putting the effort into them, when every day had been a struggle for him to even put effort into himself. She understood, and she wished she didn’t.
If she hadn’t understood, she never would have ended it. She supposed that was what hurt the most, being forced into the position of ending something she didn’t want to end. As he never would, he’d never purposely hurt her. She wanted to believe he was that type of person for her own sanity, but unfortunately the Alphie she knew didn’t fit the mould of a terrible ex boyfriend who’d treated her horribly.
“I do appreciate you making the effort to speak with me….” she murmured after a minute, lowering her coffee cup to rest on the table of the unfamiliar, neutral coffee shop they’d agreed to meet in. “However, you really don’t need to worry about me or my feelings. As you can see, I haven’t holed myself up in my living room, wearing a wedding dress I never owned.”
What she wanted to do was tell him how much she missed him. She wanted to be illogical and irrational and ask him over and over again why she hadn’t been enough for him. She wanted to demand why he wouldn’t let her fix it, fix them and why loving him somehow hadn’t measured up to expectations. But that wasn’t who she was, it wasn’t who she’d ever be and logical people met their ex boyfriends over coffee and had a civil conversation they didn’t particularly want to have.