A SICKENING KNOT GROWS IN THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACH . he knows . oh god , mike knows : this is goodbye . it’s apparent in the way he’s looking at you , a fresh wave of tears glistening along the rim of dark lashes . brown eyes that were once a honeyed warmth now seem all but a dark , harrowing abyss of his own inner tempest . you can barely stand to look at him like this . like you’re shattering his heart . jaw steels shut , because you’re terrified of what may spill from the tip of your tongue . i have to go , is what you want to say . yet , the deafening silence continues , ringing violently in your ears as you stand along the precipice of your departure ( this isn’t your battle to fight ----- it’s mine ) .
“ mike . ” HIS NAME HAD ALWAYS BEEN SO EASY TO SAY , fitting into your vocabulary with a permanence that once convinced you that your souls would forever be intertwined . that you were always destined to be friends . it is why this goodbye hurts so much . you never wanted to leave him , but you have to . you were going to a place where mike could not follow , nor would you allow it if his stubborn disposition had any say in the matter . mike needs to understand that all this time , you had been cursed from the start : you were borne to a life of tragedy . mike deserves better than this . he deserves to be happy . you are far too fractured to believe you deserve it too .
“ i will always be here . ” tenderly you raise your palm to rest against the solid form of his chest , just above where his heart resides . here , you emphasize with your solemn gaze , fingers grazing the cottony fabric before slipping an arm around broad shoulders . you’re dragging him into a warm embrace , holding him impossibly tight as a means to seal away the finality of your decision . for a moment you allow yourself to appreciate his presence , the warmth of his heart bleeding out into the way he squeezes you back . it reminds you that at least you’ll never be alone . no , certainly not in memory . you allow yourself a fleeting moment of selfishness as you let a fond smile tug against your lips , fingers soothing through a mess of raven curls . you know that he’ll never give up on believing in you --- and maybe you’ll start to believe in that too . “ no matter what happens . . . okay ? ”
@mw0407 : “ what if i never see you again? ”