Refrigerated Family Therapy
The third bonus chapter in the Adventures of Broccoli Boy
"This is ridiculous daddy-"
"Normally I would hate to agree with Freeza, but just what is the point of all this father?"
King Cold had managed to get a hold of his son's (and their crews).
"I've tried to hold it off but I can't do it any longer. It's time we all had a family intervention!"
"If it's about our family, then why are Zarbon and Dodoria here?"
"Moral support."
"Daddy, why does Cooler get to bring his armoured squadron!?"
"...It's the only way your brother would agree-"
"YOU MEAN TO TELL THAT I COULD HAVE BEEN MAKING DEMANDS AND NO ONE INFORMED ME!?"
"That's not what's important here son. It's about time we try to mend your relationship."
After hearing this, Cooler grabbed a bottle of wine.
"I'm going to need this..."
"WHY DOES COOLER GET TO BRING HIS DRINKS!? YOU TOLD ME THAT THERE WOULD BE NO ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES WHILE I'M HERE!"
King Cold sighed. Freeza did have a point.
"Cooler, will you hand me that bottle?"
The purple frost demon then lifted his index finger and proceeded to finish the entire thing.
...
"Here you go, father."
"Yes, well... I suppose it's about time that Berryblue came in-"
"ANYTHING BUT THAT!"
Freeza wasn't in the mood to be told all the reasons why she thought he was a failure. And there was no way he was going to divulge into his deepest, darkest fears. Not with Cooler sitting right next to him.
"I suppose we could do some arts and crafts..."
"That sounds good!"
"Yes, let's go with that one!"
-------
"Are you sure about not participating Zarbon and Dodoria?"
"Yes m'lord, we're quite alright thank you."
"At least Neiz is enjoying himself..."
The alien was currently trying to make an art piece from macaroni (while eating said tools). Salza and Dore were busy with trying to make sure he didn't choke on one of them.
"I bet my piece is going to brilliant when compared to yours! I can already see it now! "My Freeza, talent really does run in our family-"
"Let me see it then."
"I can't. It's not finished-"
Cooler then grabbed the drawing from his brothers easel.
"Give that back, I'm not done yet!"
"Did you really think this would impress father?"
It was just a drawing of his current form but the limbs and face were coloured in with charcoal.
"Is that supposed to be black face-"
"IT'S BLACK FREEZA, YOU FOOL!"
Upon hearing this, Cooler then started to laugh.
"THIS ISN'T FUNNY YOU KNOW! IT'S CANON!"
This just made his brother laugh even harder. Cooler was now on the floor while trying to hold back his tears.
"DADDY!"
"Yes Freeza?"
"I WANT A NEW MEDIUM (more paper) TO USE AND I WANT IT NOW!"
-------
Zarbon and Dodoria were now giggling and whispering to each other, glancing at their boss when they thought he wouldn't notice.
"ZARBON, I SWEAR IF YOU'RE GOSSIPING ABOUT ME AGAIN, THEN YOU CAN KISS THOSE PHONE CALLS TO YOUR "GIRLFRIEND NAMED CHUCK" GOODBYE!"
"AH! YES M'LORD!"
'So he's taken then. That's too bad...'
Salza was crushed. Just where was a twink like him going to find another man anyway?
-------
"Boys, are you finished yet?"
"Yes daddy! I demand to go before Cooler!"
"Cooler, is that alright with you- and he's on the gameboy again..."
"I'll have you know that the gameboy was produced by Nintendo! This is a PlayStation vita and it's from Sony-"
"No one cares nerd! It's my turn now!"
Freeza then brought his easel out to the front (like that of a child doing a show and tell project in front of the class).
"I'm afraid that I don't "get" it."
"Ha! Is that your OC?"
"NO, THIS IS FROST!"
"That's cringe."
"YOU'RE CRINGE!"
Just before he could jump and start beating his brother, King Cold grabbed a hold of him.
"Calm down princess! Now Freeza, this is the seventh week in a row you've shown a frost demon variant."
"Daddy... this one is different! This one is from universe 6 and he's blue with black legs! He even has poison darts that he hides in his skin!"
"That's the lamest excuse for a character I've ever heard and we've all seen Cell Max!"
"Are you going to let him continue speaking to me like this!?"
"Your brother has a point son. Cell Max is awful. How did Toei look at all the negativity from Bio Broly and then decided to do it all over again?"
"Alright, fine then! What else are you going to have us do?"
-------
"This is what's known as a trust exercise-"
"So why the hell does that bastard get to be the one behind me!"
"We've been over this Freeza. If I switched your positions, then you would just let Cooler fall and that's not the point of all this. Besides, we all know your brother is the more mature one so I wanted to let him prove himself to me."
"Prove what!? That he's a good for nothing prick!?"
"Honestly brother, there's no need to be so crass. For once, can't we just try to get along?"
"Cooler, I'm touched. You've come so far in this session!"
"Let's do this Freeza. Not just for the two of us but for our fathers sake."
Something was wrong. Just what was his brother planning?
...
"...Alright. But I swear, if you let me fall!"
"Don't worry, you're in good hands brother."
"So when do we start?"
"Now actually."
Freeza took a deep breath and then closed his eyes.
'He had better catch me...'
The lizard stretched out his arms and hoped for the best. At the very last second, Cooler stepped away.
"Ouch! Damn it father, I told you that he would do this!"
"Cooler, you were supposed to catch Freeza-"
"I wasn't ready! Everyone knows that you're supposed to signal with a countdown and it's Freeza's fault when you think about it."
-------
It was now several hours later and currently the Cooler squadron was performing their rendition of Skygina 2.
"Is this based off the Jaun Sanchez (Krillin) cut?"
"Who cares!? I've been sitting here for hours and have been forced to suffer through this abomination! Daddy, when will it be my turn?"
"We're only about half way so I'd say roughly two hours-"
"That's it! Cooler, get your minions out of the way because it's my turn now!"
-------
Zarbon and Dodoria were now up. Freeza was instructing them on how to perform his "interpretive dance".
"Someone get the music!"
waratte fumitsubusu Raditz Nappa RESTORER Kiwi sama akenaku sokushi doumou Dodoria oubou Zarbon LONG HAIR
sono ni ude pink pink pink atama no naka sick sick sick fuyuu shita vehicle sentouryoku go juu san man
"You idiots! I told you to skip past the beginning!"
"We did sir!"
"Well you clearly can't comprehend what I was going for, because you nitwits didn't even get to the chorus yet!"
"What were you going for, son?"
"Isn't it obvious? Zarbon and Dodoria were supposed to do the dance of joy while the lyrics kept screaming my name!"
"May I add something?"
"NO-"
"Why yes Cooler. Do you have any constructive criticism for your brother?"
"Freeza, you do know that when Maximum the Harmone wrote "F", they were comparing you to several real dictators (and their genocides) right?"
"Bah! Even bad publicity is still publicity! Besides, they even played it during my movie-"
"Which is one of the most disliked arcs in super brother..."
Why did Cooler always have to be right?
-------
"I suppose it's time that I bring Berryblue out then..."
Once their father left the room, the two brothers lunged for one another.
"THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!"
Upon hearing this, Freeza stopped.
"What the hell does that mean?"
"I don't know, but I heard it from a movie."
"Oh. Proceed then-"
They then went back to strangling each other's throats Homer Simpson style.
-------
"I'm sorry to trouble you at this hour-"
Cold opened the door and noticed both of his son's passed out.
"Not again..."
"Don't worry m'lord. I know how to deal with them!"
-------
"Why can't I move?"
Cooler looked around. The two of them seemed to be in a field of flowers.
"Are those little creatures dancing? Freeza, can you hear me!?"
The other frost demon started to wake. He was about to tell his brother to go to hell when he realized the familiar place. "NO! I'M SORRY DADDY! I'LL BE A GOOD BOY, JUST GET ME OUT OF THIS COCOON!"
"Cocoon? What are you talking about!?"
It was then that Cooler noticed the shade below them.
"Are... Are we underneath some sort of tree?"
Freeza didn't respond. Knowing that there was no hope, he had reached a state of catatonia.
"Freeza? Brother, we've got to work together if we want to escape-"
They were now surrounded by angels, fluffy teddy bears and fairies.
"Just what am I supposed to be looking at exactly?"
They then grabbed their instruments and began to sing.
"It could be worse. At least I've got my vita with me-"
Cooler then remembered that he was currently immobile.
"HELP! FATHER, GET US OUT PLEASE!"