Dark Desires
-> Main series: CriMi Oneshots (AO3 | Tumblr)
Summary:
Hotch had never been given a reason not to trust Gideon. He could be a little cold at times, but it was obvious that the older man had a silent affection for the younger. When Gideon invited him to his cabin one night, just the two of them, he didn’t hesitate to agree. Hotch had known him for years. But Hotch didn’t expect Gideon to do what he did, and he didn’t expect to be left with the questions he was left with. If he could turn back time, Hotch would choose to go back home to Haley and Jack.
Relationship:
Jason Gideon/Aaron Hotchner
Additional Tags:
Extremely Dubious Consent, Cheating, Presumed, Hurt Aaron Hotchner, Sub Aaron Hotchner, Bottom Aaron Hotchner, Creampie, Sexual Overstimulation, Vibrators, Praise, Daddy Kink, at the end, Emotional Manipulation, Drunk Sex, Blow Jobs, Light Bondage, Angst, Hopeful Ending, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Aaron Hotchner Needs a Hug, Aaron Hotchner Whump, Jason Gideon Being an Asshole, Dark Jason Gideon, Unsub Jason Gideon, top jason gideon, Dom Jason Gideon, Victim Blaming, Internalized Victim Blaming, Male Squirting
Words: 4,856
Author's corner: here we go guys, pure angst and pure smut all in one fic. hope you enjoy!
read on AO3 or under the cut
Ending up in this situation hadn't been in Hotch's plans.
Gideon had invited him to his cabin, offering a nice dinner and some good wine, and given how exhausting the past week had been, and since Jessica was visiting, Hotch figured saying 'yes' wouldn't be a problem.
The problem wasn't the dinner, nor the fact Hotch had drank a few glasses too many. The problem was Hotch being unable to stop himself. He would later blame the alcohol, even Gideon himself, and despite believing both those things to be true, the guilt would never truly disappear.
He would have never thought about cheating on his wife, the thought never remotely crossed his mind. Least of all now that they had a child, he couldn't do something like that to either of them.
The funny thing is that neither of them ever doubted the other. He remembers one time, while they were watching Eyes Wide Shut, where Haley had told him she would forgive him if he slept with Nicole Kidman, since she admitted it was hard to resist her appeal. Hotch had told her that he would forgive her if she slept with Tom Cruise, since he understood the attraction people had for him.
But neither would ever think of going through with it. They were comments made for fun, with no real importance behind them.
He started blaming the wine, of course. It had loosened him up, softened him, and made his brain take a second too long to fully realize what was happening.
But when he finally took notice of Gideon's hand too close to his crotch, he should have pulled him off, got up from the couch, called Haley to come pick him up. He didn't, though. Gideon was gripping his thigh tightly, so much it started to hurt at one point. But Hotch was a grown man, and he was younger and in better shape than his boss. He should have pushed him off.
"You probably shouldn't drive home in your condition" Gideon said, ignoring his own action. "You've had too much to drink, and it will be a while before you can actually get behind the wheel. Best to wait until morning" he continued.
And Hotch nodded, because why shouldn't he? Gideon was talking to him the way fathers do; an even voice, assured yet gentle tone, casting an order without hurting your feelings nor making you feel like an idiot. And why should Hotch, of all people, not listen when someone older than him spoke to him that way?
So he followed Gideon to the master bedroom, the older walking calmly in front of him, stepping back enough to let him in. Hotch had started fidgeting with his hands as soon as Gideon closed the door.
He froze when Gideon started pulling off his jacket, undoing his tie.
"I think you would be more comfortable not sleeping in those clothes" he said calmly, setting his clothes on the back of a chair. Hotch had nodded, but started removing his shirt only when Gideon gave him an insistent look.
He should ask him to walk out, maybe he should find some more comfortable clothes to sleep him and move to the bathroom to get changed, but Gideon's eyes gave him a clear message: undress in front of me.
Hotch moved slowly, refusing to look at the older man. It felt like time had stopped, the air in the room felt heavy and still, yet he kept undressing, handing Gideon the discarded clothes until he only had his underwear on.
Gideon moved calmly, placing each item on the back of the chair so they wouldn't crease, only to walk back to where Hotch was, placing his hand on the small of his back. Hotch almost jumped at the contact.
"Go on, lay down" the older offered him gently, all but guiding him towards the bed, easing him into it so that Hotch was laying right in the middle, his back against the mattress.
Hotch swallowed the lump in his throat, his mouth suddenly dry. Alcohol was still clouding his brain, which is why it took him a second to realize that Gideon was walking out. He should take advantage of this moment to get up, rummage through the closet, find some clothes to sleep in, and get under the covers.
He should definitely do that, the situation he was in didn't leave much room for what was going to happen, but he stood perfectly still, breathing slowly, watching the door Gideon had just walked out of.
It didn't take long before the man walked back inside, holding some kind of purse under his arm, his expression unreadable.
He placed the bag on the nightstand, rummaging through it. Then, with calm movements, he handcuffed Hotch's left wrist on the bedpost.
"Jason-" Hotch tried, the man seemingly not listening to him as he walked around the bed, tying Hotch's right arm as well. He tried to pull at them, but it proved to be useless. His head shot from his arm to look in front of him when he felt hands grab the hem of his underwear.
"Jason, stop-" Hotch panicked, Gideon finally looking up.
"It's okay" he simply said, voice unnervingly calm for what was happening. He pulled at the hem, pulling his underwear down. Hotch should have kicked his legs, should have made the job harder for him, but when his underwear where pulled to his knees, he lift his legs up, helping Gideon in what he was doing.
"Please stop" Hotch asked in a whisper, as Gideon placed his underwear with the rest of his clothes.
Gideon walked back to the bed, sitting right between Hotch's legs, caressing his right thigh as he looked between his legs.
"Ever had anything in there?" the older asked, Hotch taken aback.
"What?" he asked in a low voice, sure he had heard wrong.
"Have you ever had anything inside you?" Gideon asked again, looking at the other's face. "I need you to be honest, I don't want this to hurt" he explained.
"I- No, I never-" Hotch cut himself off, swallowing again. Gideon nodded, gently placing his leg down before getting up from the bed.
Hotch's heart was hammering in his chest as Gideon took two more cuffs from the bag, tying his legs open as well. He wanted to speak, ask him again to stop, but his words seemed to be stuck in his throat.
He watched as he pulled out a bottle of lube, and what Hotch guessed to be some kind of vibrator, before he settled back between his legs. Gideon poured some of the liquid on his fingers, warmed it up.
Hotch hissed when he put the first finger in.
"No-" Hotch whined, closing his eye as Gideon began moving the finger in and out slowly.
"Feels really tight" the older commented, as he pushed the second finger inside. Hotch sobbed, Gideon stopping and looking up at his face. "I need you to breathe, Aaron. You're too tense, it won't help" he gently told him in that paternal tone.
"I can't-" Hotch cried out. Of course he couldn't, none of this was right. It wasn't right because Gideon wasn't listening to him, it wasn't right because, despite the fact Hotch could have stopped this multiple times, he chose not too.
"Take deep breaths, Aaron. I know you can do it" Gideon repeated. He started exaggerating his own breathing, Hotch following soon after. His heart was still beating a little too fast, but it was better now. The fingers inside of him weren't really hurting anymore, just uncomfortable.
"Good boy" Hotch felt the smile in Gideon's words, the same warm smile he'd always use whenever any of them had a bad day. The older began moving his fingers inside of him again, slowly, caressing Hotch's inner walls.
Hotch tried to keep his breathing leveled, suddenly surprising himself with a moan when Gideon's fingers pressed against something inside of him. His eyes shot open as he looked down, ashamed at the fact he was beginning to get hard.
"There you go" Gideon nodded approvingly, slowly pulling his fingers out. With wide eyes, Hotch watched as the man poured more lube on the toy, holding his breath as Gideon placed the tip of it near his entrance.
He gasped as his hole was breached, Gideon slowly pushing the toy inside, feeling uncomfortable as he started moving the toy around, only to moan when that same spot was hit again. He bit his lip as Gideon pressed harder against it.
"I'm going to turn it on now" Gideon warned. True to his words, the toy started buzzing, sending low vibrations through his prostate.
"Fuck-" Hotch groaned, moaning louder as Gideon put the toy on a more intense setting.
The older man was watching him, hands placed on his thighs. Hotch's cock was fully hard now, low moans escaping from his throat as the toy kept rubbing against his most sensitive spot, Hotch trying to contain them.
Pleasure started bubbling in his belly, and keeping his voice contained was beginning to get harder and harder the more the toy vibrated. He felt the precum slowly drip from his tip, and Hotch wanted nothing more than to touch himself.
His cock started to twitch, small whines interjecting his moans as he felt his cock twitch. He had no way to bring himself to completion, however; his hands were tied, and with his legs tied open too he couldn't even create enough friction with his legs.
He tried, of course, but it only served to fuel his frustration.
And Gideon was silent, watching him. Staring with an unreadable expression at his leaking cock, at how Hotch tried to close his legs, pulled at the cuffs around his wrists.
"Jason-" Hotch whimpered. He really wanted to cum, the pressure building up was beginning to get uncomfortable.
"You're doing so well, Aaron, come on" Gideon praised him, caressing his inner thigh. Hotch let out a sound between a whine and a moan, his cock leaking precum steadily.
His moans soon grew in intensity, the pleasure in his lower belly accumulating as the toy still vibrated inside of him. He suddenly felt the vibrations growing more intense, torturing that sweet spot inside of him, as he chocked out a moan.
"Jason, I'm-" Hotch groaned, bucking his hips lightly.
"Go on, Aaron, let it out" Gideon replied, seemingly giving him permission. Apparently that's all it took, as Hotch suddenly arched his back, thick spurts of cum erupting from his dick.
But Gideon didn't turn the toy off. Despite the fact Hotch was done cumming, the toy kept vibrating inside of him with the same intensity as before, the pleasure turning uncomfortable.
"Turn- Turn it off-" Hotch begged with a whine, closing his eyes, his hands closing in fists.
Gideon didn't listen, rather got up from the bed. Hotch could see him looking for something, but he couldn't focus on what the other man was doing while the vibrator still sent shocks through his now sensitive prostate.
He almost screamed when Gideon grabbed his cock gently, keeping it still. He looked down, watched the man tie another smaller vibrator on his now soft member.
Out of every placed Gideon could have picked, he chose to tie it right against the frenulum.
Hotch had opened his mouth to talk, but only a chocked scream came out when Gideon turned that on as well, setting it on an intense vibration.
"Jason, please- Fuck-" Hotch whimpered, both toys working in tandem to stimulate him further, if that was even possible.
"I'll go clean up now, I really don't want to deal with the mess tomorrow" Gideon stated, bending down just enough to leave a light kiss on Hotch's trembling thigh.
"No, no- Turn them off, wait-" Hotch cursed, whimpers and light moans breaking his words as the toys were left on him.
But Gideon didn't listen. He got up from the bed, walked out of the room, leaving the door open just enough so he could hear Hotch.
"Fuck, no-" Hotch whined, looking down at his crotch. With the toy vibrating against his frenulum, his cock was beginning to stir once more, and the one still against his prostate were only amplifying the feeling.
He threw his head back as pleasure coursed through his legs, pooling into his lower belly, mouth left open, unable to stop the sounds coming from it.
He guessed it was due to the fact he hadn't cummed too long ago, but his orgasm hit him quicker than before, more spurts collecting with the cum that had began drying on his stomach.
He bucked his hips, arched his back impossibly more, tried to shut his legs close, pulled at the cuffs that were tying him up, anything to get those toys off of himself, to stop the overstimulation of his more sensitive spots.
But moving proved useless, his limbs started to feel as if they were made of jelly.
Tears started escaping from his eyes, and despite the intensity never changing, the vibrations felt stronger than before. He shook his head, tried to get his sounds out of control, but much like the rest of his body, his vocal cords didn't seem to be willing to cooperate.
"God- Ahn-" he managed to voice, the only word clear in the midst of the intelligible sounds he was letting out.
His brain was starting to get fuzzy. He wasn't sure if it was a result of the alcohol or the toys, maybe a mix, but he started feeling lightheaded. He couldn't tell anymore if the signals his body were giving him were from pleasure or discomfort.
The only thing he knew is that he wanted those toys off of him, and that he wanted to cum.
His cock was half hard, twitching with every vibration, but Hotch wasn't sure if it could still harden. Then again, given the situation he was in, he had no choice but to find out.
"Jason, please-" he cried. "Jason- Ah-"
He couldn't stop calling, moaning, the other man's name. Did Hotch want him to stop this? Did Hotch want more from him?
He had no idea, he felt hot. His skin was damp with sweat, chest and face flushed red. His breathing was ragged, he felt like he didn't have enough oxygen to truly form a thought.
Those toys kept abusing him in a such a delicious and intense manner, warmth pooling inside of him again.
"Can't- I can't-" he blabbed, unsure who he was talking to as he bucked his hips to try and meet a body that wasn't there. He couldn't cum again, he wasn't even fully hard yet, there was no way he could finish again in such a short amount of time.
He's not sure what it was, he knows it was intense though. One second he was babbling incoherently, trying to call the other man's attention, and the next he was arching his back, a high pitched scream of pleasure ripped from his throat, as a clear liquid shot out of his cock.
It was one of the most intense things he had ever experienced, his whole body going rigid from what he guessed was an orgasm, his eyes rolling in the back of his head, as drool pooled from his mouth.
If he was feeling lightheaded before, he could hardly focus on anything now.
Hotch has no idea how longs it's been. It could have been right after his third orgasm, maybe longer passed, but a hand gently cradled his hair.
Hotch found himself moaning at the contact, his eyes opening, looking at Gideon with hope. Was he finally going to turn the toys off? Hotch knows he really can't take it anymore, he really needs this to stop.
"I didn't take you for a squirter" Gideon murmured, smiling down at him. "I really am glad you're feeling good" he added.
Hotch had barely made out the words, but he smiled at the paternal voicing praising him. He only registered the sound of a zip opening when Gideon's cock was already in front of his mouth.
Hotch looked at it, then back at Gideon's face, mewls and whimpers escaping his mouth, as he begged the older man with his eyes.
"I know you can do it, Aaron. Open your mouth, please" Gideon commanded calmly, placing the tip of his own dick against Hotch's lips.
And what choice did Hotch have? It's not like he was aware enough to even fight back anymore. He didn't even need to make the choice, as the toys, prompting his mouth to open for another moan, made the decision for him.
Gideon wasted no time, inserting the tip inside of the other's mouth, humming contently at warmth. He was gentle as he moved his hips, going as far as where the throat would start before pulling out, in and out, never picking up the pace.
"I'll go a little deeper now" he warned, slowly pushing into the back of Hotch's throat. The younger chocked, more tears spilling from his eyes. Yet he moaned, Gideon inhaling sharply as the vibrations sent through his length. "Good, like that" he praised, closing his eyes, basking in the feeling while Hotch spluttered and whimpered.
Gideon began caressing his hair, prompting more tears to fall from Hotch's eyes, and a sound that could only be assumed to be a whine.
"Alright" Gideon grunted, finally pulling out of his mouth, allowing Hotch to groan and moan at the top of his lungs. Why wasn't Gideon taking those vibrators off of him? It was too much now, Hotch couldn't take it any longer.
He shivered as Gideon slowly walked towards the foot of the bed, his fingers trickling on his side. Hotch was panting, body twitching as he watched the man's movements, as he watched him kneel right between his legs.
He stared at him with that familiar kind smile as he began to pull the vibrator pressed against his prostate out of him, Hotch whining as he was forced to feel the toy being pulled out, until he was left feeling empty. It was better, but the one on his cock was still working him through.
"Alright. It might feel uncomfortable at first, just try to breath" Gideon nodded. Hotch couldn't quite figure out what he meant, until he felt the tip of Gideon's cock breach through him.
"Jason-" he screamed, his breath and heartbeat picking up, hole clenching uncomfortably tight around the length being pushed inside of him.
"Breathe, Aaron, deep breaths" Gideon instructed firmly and gently, placing a hand on his belly, as one found his hip. He kept pushing in, Hotch shaking his head. He tried to steady his breathing, but Gideon's cock was significantly bigger than the toy, and his hole was still too tender.
"Can't-" Hotch cried out, eyes shutting close again as he felt his heart hammering in his chest.
Gideon stopped pushing in, bending forward to kiss Hotch's neck gently. The younger whined, yet moved his head to give the older better access.
"I don't want this to hurt you, Aaron" Gideon whispered in his neck, placing another soft kiss. "I know you've been hurt before, I don't want to do the same to you" he continued, kissing his collarbone.
"Jason-" Hotch could only hiccup.
"It's okay, honey. You're okay" the older whispered, as he started pushing back in. Hotch's mouth opened, a mix between a moan and a sob coming out.
"Good, like that" the older praised again, kissing his earlobe. "You're taking me so well" he kissed his neck, fully inside of the younger now. He soon started moving, strong yet gentle strokes, Hotch choking on his own voice as Gideon managed to angle himself just right to hit hit his prostate again.
"No- Ah-" Hotch tried again. Gideon used one of his hands to grab Hotch's chin gently, turning the younger to face him, pressing a warm kiss to his lips. Hotch moaned into it, unable to do anything.
Did he even want to do anything about this? It's not like Gideon was actually hurting him, right? He was overstimulated, uncomfortable by the cock stretching him open and the vibrator still sending shocks right at his frenulum, but it didn't hurt.
"Jason-" Hotch whined, groaning as Gideon kept moving inside of him.
"Good, like that. Focus on the pleasure, Aaron. Good boy" Gideon hummed in approval as Hotch started to allow those dulcet sounds to come out.
Hotch's pulls at the bindings grew weaker, as his body felt heavier. He felt his cock twitch again, the precum falling on his stomach. Could he even cum anymore?
"You're amazing, Aaron, I knew it from the first moment I laid eyes on you" Gideon grunted as he picked up the pace a little. Not enough to hurt, nor to be considered rough, but Hotch could feel the difference in the thrusts. "Smart, kind, competent. Yet, despite all your good qualities, you always try to please everyone, even if that means hurting yourself. Someone made you feel worthless, didn't he?" Gideon asked, small gasps breaking up his words.
"Yes, yes-" Hotch moaned. Was he agreeing with him? Or did he want Gideon to continue?
"You've gravitated towards David at first, now me- It was your father, wasn't it?" the older asked, as he kissed his neck again. He felt Hotch nod at that, a strangled whine accompanying the movement. "I won't hurt you, Aaron. I don't want to" Gideon groaned, kissing his temple.
Gideon's thrusts soon became erratic. Hotch could feel his own pleasure bubble inside him, despite the fact he shouldn't be able to.
"God, look at you- You're perfect, just perfect" Gideon grunted, speeding up. His hands held Hotch's hips, as the younger's moans and whines started growing in intensity once more. He hadn't expected for Gideon's words to go straight to his crotch, didn't expect himself to crave them more and more.
"Jason, I'm- I- Daddy-" Hotch screamed, his orgasm hitting suddenly, cum spurting from his cock and landing on his chest. His legs trembled, his back arched, pleasure coursing through him.
And as he felt himself tighten around the older, he felt Gideon bury himself impossibly deeper, finishing inside of him. Hotch felt the warmth spread inside of him, and couldn't stop his voice as the vibrator sent more shocks through his oversensitive length.
It seemed like it took forever, Gideon moving slowly, but he finally pulled out of him, turned the vibrator off. For the first time since this whole thing started, he finally felt like his lungs were truly getting oxygen.
His breathing was ragged, his head was spinning. He felt exhausted, like his body was made out of lead, like he had forever lost all control over it.
"You were so good" Gideon praised approvingly, kissing his chest gently, slowing taking one of his nipples in his mouth sucking on it with care. Hotch could only whine, he couldn't even muster the strength to pull at his bindings anymore. "You were such a good boy, Aaron, so good" Gideon continued, placing a soft kiss on Hotch's forehead.
And Hotch felt himself sob, a sound that came directly from his heart. He had no strength to fight it, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to.
Gideon was silent, lips still on his forehead. Exhaustion took over, and as Hotch cried, unsure whether the tears came from Gideon's words or his actions, he finally allowed the darkness to take him.
His head was pounding, it felt heavy. He blinked slowly, trying to decipher where he was, the past night a blur he couldn't quite remember.
He turned from his side to his back, rubbing his eyes, allowing them to slowly focus his surroundings. And as soon as they did, Hotch remembered everything.
A sense of dread pooled in his stomach, his back tensing as he looked around the room. He quickly realized he was dressed in joggers and a sweater, and he's sure he didn't fall asleep wearing those.
The bedroom door was slightly ajar, the smell of coffee coming through, some music he recognized to be from the 40's playing faintly.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, he decided to get out of bed. He didn't really want to do it, but he had to face this thing at one point. The sooner the better, he figured.
His body felt tender, but Hotch was thankful it wasn't outright pain. He slowly walked towards the door, heart in his throat as he opened it to look at the kitchen.
"Morning" Gideon looked up from his book briefly, soon looking back down. "The coffee is still fresh, and the eggs should still be warm, they're both on the stove" he spoke calmly, as if the previous night never happened.
Hotch took tentative steps towards the kitchen, watching the man attentively. He looked completely unbothered, as he always did, and Hotch couldn't even begin to explain how much it unnerved him.
He took a deep breath as he grabbed the eggs and the coffee, sitting down on the opposite side to where Gideon was sitting. Looking down at the table, the food looked delicious, but his stomach churned.
"What happened last night?" Hotch finally managed to ask, his voice low and shaking, his eyes never leaving the plate.
"What do you mean?" Gideon asked with a hum, barely glancing at him.
"Last night, when you brought me to your room" Hotch insisted. The tenderness in his body confirmed that he hadn't dreamed any of it, what the hell was Gideon doing.
He glanced up when Gideon sighed, saw him put his reading glasses on the table as he closed his book.
"Were you in pain, at any point?" Gideon asked calmly, staring at Hotch in that way he did when he was studying you.
"It doesn't matter, it wasn't right" Hotch swallowed, mustering all the strength he had not to look back down.
"You made a choice, Aaron. What happens here stays here, I won't tell Haley a thing. If you think she should know, that's a decision only you can make" he spoke gently, the same way you do to a child.
"That's not- I didn't want any of it" Hotch shook his head, breathing picking up.
He watched Gideon rub his chin as he stared at him, pensive.
"Sure" he finally nodded. "If that's what you need to tell yourself to ease your guilt, I'm okay with it. But ask yourself: did you not want to do what you did with me, or did you not want to give into temptation and betray Haley?" he continued, folding his hands on his lap and leaning back on his chair.
Hotch furrowed his eyebrows, taken aback by that answer. The question unnerved him.
"Now eat. The food will be good for you, and it won't taste as good if it's cold" he gave Hotch that paternal smile that always filled him with warmth, before he put his glasses back on, going back to his book.
Hotch grabbed the fork, placing a small amount of food into his mouth and chewing, every movement a mere reflex, as he thought back to the question.
Did he really try to stop Gideon because he truly didn't want to have sex with the man? Was he to blame for all that happened? Or should he blame himself, because he, deep down, might have felt the need to do something like this, going as far as to betray Haley, his wife, the mother of his child?
He had multiple instances to stop it, yet never did. Could he blame the alcohol, the importance Gideon had over him, or could he only blame his own weakness?
He didn't have the answer to any of those questions. He wanted to blame Gideon, maybe scream at him for taking advantage of him, but he couldn't help but feel like this was partially on him.
He didn't know what to think, didn't know who to blame. If Gideon had truly wanted to hurt him, he wouldn't have been as gentle as he had been, nor made him breakfast, right?
He never told Haley anything. He pretended like everything was fine, like nothing ever happened. The question still stayed, and whenever he would settle on a decisive answer, multiple alternate scenarios started forming in his brain.
But through his uncertainty, he was sure of one thing: that paternal smile from Gideon would never comfort him anymore, rather squeeze his heart in a painful way.
And when Gideon left, he felt as if a weight had finally been lifted from his chest, like he could properly breathe once again. He felt as if he could stop looking behind his shoulder, stopped feeling as if his own shadow might attack him.
Stopped feeling as disgusted with himself when he looked into a mirror, stop feeling the weight of the blame he had pushed on himself.
And he felt guilty for feeling like that.
Author's corner: hope you enjoyed the fic! let me know if you’d be interested in a part 2 with the team learning what happened, comments are always appreciated
