writing a fic where Hotch's sexual desires slowly get corrupted by a covert Unsub sounds great, until you realize you have to describe how these two fuck nasty multiple times while trying to avoid repetitions
idc Penelope has screwed the pooch enough in evolution.
sleeping with a key witness was bad enough (an action for which she faced zero consequences for, btw), now she testified in favor of a serial killer without letting anyone from the team know.
idc how established it is that she's empathetic or whatever. she had a right to forgive the man who killed her parents because it affected her directly; it's fair she visited the man who tried to kill her and Reid because, again, it affected her directly.
but Voit, other than being a psychopathic serial killer, SAd JJ, and it is not "too woke" to say that someone who creates pornographic deepfakes of you has commited SA. especially given how he recorded his wife to do so, a woman who wasn't aware she was being recorded.
he should, without a doubt, be on a sex offender's list
Penelope is written as this person who cares about JJ so deeply, only to turn around and play buddy-buddy with the man who SAd her. if you ask me, that is a shitty friend who should be dropped as soon as possible.
well played Evolution, keep being a god-awful reboot with poor writing that consistently ruins the characters we got to know and who are dear to us all because the white man of the moment has to shine.
He was used to Jack clingier than usual when he was called away for a case as he was having breakfast. But this morning wasn’t like other mornings, and Aaron truly messed up this time.
He can only hope it’s not too late to fix the relationship with his child.
Characters:
Aaron Hotchner, Jack Hotchner
Additional Tags:
Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Parent Aaron Hotchner, bad parent aaron hotchner, Aaron Hotchner Whump, Aaron Hotchner is Bad at Feelings, Hurt Jack Hotchner, Aaron Hotchner’s parents’ A+ parenting, Past Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, jack hotchner whump
Words: 3,933
Author’s corner: I’m back at it again with the Hotchner angst. I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a fic where Aaron isn’t really a good parent, and I think I’ve hit a good middle ground with this one
read on AO3 or under the cut
He was used to the child being clingier than usual when he was called away for a case as he was having breakfast. Without a fail, as soon as he hung up the phone, Jack would force him to help him check that he had everything for school no less than three times, glued to his leg, and when that was done, he'd make him sit on the couch to be hugged for no less than 10 minutes.
Aaron was always late because of that, but his colleagues understood; ever since Haley's death, Jack had needed some extra comfort, and Aaron would never deprive him of that.
Jack didn't know much, but he understood his dad's job was dangerous.
This morning was no different; Aaron patiently checked Jack's school bag, made sure the child's clothes were clean and tidy, the two walking over to the couch.
His son was quieter than usual, but Aaron wasn't too worried about it. He closed his eyes, leaning back on the couch ever so slightly, feeling Jack's grip tighten on his shirt. Aaron kissed his head, rubbing his hand up and down the child's back gently, realizing that maybe Jack had a particularly rough night.
It's probably why, rater than obsessively checking his phone to try and be at the office at an acceptable time, he chose to sit longer on the couch.
He only started moving when Jess, who had walked in maybe 15 minutes ago, shook his shoulder, alerting him of the time, before she walked back in the kitchen. Aaron groaned, clearly preferring cuddling with his son that working whatever case this was, begrudgingly picking up the 7 year old and gently setting him down.
Getting on his feet, he stretched his back, before picking up his bag and walking over the door, his heart leaping out of his chest when Jack ran in front of him, blocking the door.
"I know, Liebchen, I wish I could stay, but work called" Aaron explained patiently.
"No" Jack stated forcefully, taking his father by surprise. He had guessed his son had a rough night, but he might have underestimated just how bad it was.
"I get it, you're not happy, I'd rather stay here too, but people need me" he tried again. Jack only ever complained like this once, and Aaron had been able to make him understand rather quickly then, so he wasn't too preoccupied. He was scarily late already, and despite how much he hated it, what could five more minutes ever do?
"No, stay" Jack insisted, his voice having a weird edge to it. Aaron couldn't quite figure it out; it sounded angry, it also sounded like he wanted to cry.
"Kleiner Knopf, we talked about this: I can't refuse a work call, and I have to be there" he sighed, crouching down to look his son in the eye, realizing that this tantrum might take longer that he had anticipated. And given what time it was, he's not sure he could humor it for long.
He knows he should, he couldn't ignore his child's feelings, but knowing and putting in practice were, unfortunately, two very different things. Especially knowing the details of the case.
"Come on, you have to get ready for school, and I really have to go. We'll talk later, alright?" Aaron offered, giving his son a smile he hoped didn't show his impatience.
Never had he imagined that a 7 year old's hand could hurt so much. Jack started slamming his fists against his shoulders and arms, yelling "no" over and over, angry and loud.
"Hey, hey" Aaron tried to placate him and grab his hands, stop his child from giving more blows without hurting him, until one punch connected with his mouth, Aaron cursing loudly. At least, that seemed to get Jack to stop.
"What's going on?" Jess hurried to where they were, alerted by the mess they were making.
"Stay" Jack insisted through gritted teeth, eyes shining with tears the child didn't seem to want to let go of, hands still in tight fists.
"I can't, and we don't hit people just because" Aaron gritted out with more force than he intended, pressing the heel of his hand against his injured skin. He wasn't looking at Jack, he knew his eyes were going to betray just how angry he was, and he didn't want his child to see him like that.
Especially given how out of it with anger he was right now. He knew he shouldn't; Jack was a child, he was feeling something bigger than himself, but the mild annoyance he was feeling from his son's defiance was turned into something worse.
Before he could say anything else (and given how he was feeling, it would be something he would sure come to regret), Jack stomped his foot angrily against the floor, running back into his room and slumming the door.
"Fuck" Aaron cursed again, looking at his hand: somehow, Jack had been able to draw blood.
"What happened?" Jess asked again, crouching next to Aaron to take a look at the injury.
"I don't know, he's always clingy when I have to work, but he's never such an-" Aaron started speaking loudly, cutting himself off with force, choosing to take a deep breath instead. He wanted to finish his sentence, yell it loud enough for Jack to hear, but going through with that seemed like an awful idea.
"Listen, I have to go" he chose to say, getting back on his feet. "Make sure he gets to school, and if he doesn't come out of his room- Shit, I don't know, you choose" he rambled in frustration, putting on his coat and picking up his stuff.
He didn't give Jess the time to answer, didn't wait for a goodbye while he closed the door and walked to his car. He should have calmed down at least a little, he was too angry to safely get behind the wheel, but he couldn't let his team wait any longer.
He managed to send a text letting them know to wait for him at the jet before starting the engine.
"Are you okay?" Derek asked as soon as Aaron got inside the jet, looking at his friend up and down.
"Fine" he gave a curt response, sitting down on the couch, grabbing his tablet from the desk.
"You sure? You're never this late, and your lip-" David began, pointing at his face.
"I said I'm fine, and we have a case to work on" Aaron snapped at him. The team exchanged a glance, realizing that pushing it would be a death sentence for them.
The days blurred together, the nature of the case pushing his anger in the back of his head just enough to focus, never enough for him to stop thinking about it when they got a moment to breathe.
It's probably why he ended up being so reckless once they found their Unsub: Aaron ran in, getting into a physical fight with him. He did end up having the upper hand, not before the other guy managed to land a blow to his cheek and a rather deep slash on his left arm.
"This is going to bruise, this is going to scar, but no major damage" he explained, his team letting out a collective sigh of relief.
He didn't bother turning on the radio as he drove back home; he was still rather annoyed at the events from before the case, but now his cheek stung, his arm itched terribly under the bandage, and despite their best efforts, they were unable to save the Unsub's last victim.
Honestly, he was glad he got home as late as he did. He knew they had to talk, but the buildup of bad news and annoyance was so strong he knew he wouldn't have been able to hold a constructive conversation right now.
One part of him hoped that the kid had cheered up on his own, that way Aaron could just forget any of it ever happened, but if Jess' tight smile was anything to go by, it was just wishful thinking. And Jack's glare in the morning only confirmed that.
The kid sat down silently, eating the eggs his father had just plated, without looking up or making a single sound. Aaron eyed him, waiting for him to say something, but Jack seemed hellbent on giving him the silent treatment.
"Morning?" he asked, coming off more sarcastic than he had wished for.
"Hi" his son replied flatly, without sparing him a single glance.
Aaron scoffed, muttering something under his breath Jack couldn't catch, but could figure to be rather negative.
Normally, Jack and Aaron would try to spend as much time together as they could on weekends, whether it was going out or staying in, the activity didn't matter. And Aaron did try to propose something, maybe watch a movie and go out for lunch, but he was met by a brick wall.
Jack opted to stay locked in his room, show his face for lunch, and retreat back. It ticked Aaron off more than he could ever imagine.
It was well into the afternoon, almost evening, when he decide that this was enough. It was time to talk about it, and fix whatever problem Jack had, before it could turn into something worse.
"What's going on with you?" he asked, leaning on the entry, arms crossed in front of his chest.
"Nothing" Jack muttered without looking at him, sat on his bed with his knees propped up to hold the book he was reading.
"No, we're not going to do that. You don't talk to me, you don't look at me and, in case you forgot, you hit me before I left for work. So 'nothing' isn't an answer I'm willing to accept" Aaron listed on his fingers, giving his son a hard glare.
"I said it's nothing, so it's nothing" the kid stated forcefully, small hands gripping his book with force. Aaron's eye twitched.
"You don't use that tone with me, got it? Especially not when you're the one who messed up" he stepped further into the room, gaze intensifying. He felt a gentle tremble in his fingers, one he didn't want to humor.
"You're such a great profiler, figure it out" Jack spat out, glancing at him for barely a second before looking back down. Aaron's eyes narrowed.
"Excuse me?" he asked, his tone icy, body rigid.
"You can figure it out. Not like it would matter, you don't even care about me" Jack repeated, voice full of such anger Aaron didn't expect from such a young child.
"Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?" he seethed, his tone prompting Jack to finally look at him. "'I don't care about you', is that what you think? I work double time here at home, sometimes barely sleep all because you want to stay up late or wake up early, I've been late for so many goddamn cases these past couple years to sit with you on the couch, and I give you a level of freedom other kids could never even dream of! Do you think I would have been allowed to talk to my parents like you're talking to me, or act like you've been acting? If I had done half the shit you've done the past week I would have gotten beaten until unable to get off from the fucking floor!" he yelled, voice amplified in the small room.
Jack shrunk on himself, eyes wide, full of fear and tears.
"Oh please, you're going to cry now?" Aaron spat out. "You know what? Who gives a shit. If I'm such a shitty father you can stay locked in here, care for your own food, your own shit, and you can forget those extra minutes we get on the couch before I have to leave" he continued, seething with anger.
He didn't spare his son an extra glance; he turned around, walking out of the room while slamming the door behind himself. He didn't see how Jack jumped in fear, or how he had started crying.
Aaron was irate; his body was trembling with anger, his heart was beating faster than it had in God knows how long, his hands shaking from adrenaline.
He didn't hesitate when he opened the bottle, or when he chugged the first drink to pour himself a second one. He couldn't figure out what Jack's problem was.
He gave the kid everything, always made sure to never do what his parents did to him; Jack had never known fear, or hunger, or violence from those who are supposed to care for you.
He wished his parents had given him a tenth of the grace he had given Jack. One mistake, one wrong word, a slightly off tone, and Aaron would consider himself lucky if he got nothing more than an open palm strike.
Jack never had to worry about that. Aaron never yelled, never threatened him; he'd let him make his own mistake, patiently explained when and why he was wrong. The kid didn't have to walk on eggshells around him.
So why did he suddenly decide to meet him with violence?
Thoughts swam and mixed in his head. He's not sure how he had managed to hover over the kitchen counter for as long as he did, or how exactly time carried on so quickly, but he realized he had completely skipped dinner time, and now it was late.
Aaron was exhausted, so much so he felt it in his bones. Eating now was useless, and maybe sleeping was too.
But staying in the kitchen was useless too. He figured it best to walk down the hallway, taking a swig from the bottle he chose to carry with him, before getting in his own room, locking the door behind himself.
Hungovers were always a pain in the ass. He woke up groggy, head heavy and pounding. He hadn't even bothered getting under the blankets, the almost empty bottle of whiskey sitting on his nightstand.
The wish to lay in bed and never move from it again was strong. Despite the haze, the fight that occurred not long ago was still fresh in his brain.
He was torn between anger and regret.
It felt like hours before he decided to get up. Despite his wishes, a completely empty stomach wouldn't aid his hungover. He wasn't really hungry, but coffee and water would surely do him good.
As he was rubbing his eye he walked past Jack's closed bedroom door, suddenly freezing in his steps. He turned, eyeing the wooden surface carefully, sure he had heard something.
When he pressed his ear against it, his heart dropped. It was faint, like he was trying his hardest not to make a noise, but it was clear that Jack was crying.
He quickly stepped back, almost as if the door had burned him. His breath came out in quick feats, heart pounding in his chest. Never before had Jack stifled his cries.
Like every child, when Jack cried, it was loud, impossible to miss.
Had Aaron done this? Was this his fault?
His head hurt so much, legs heavy as he carried himself to the kitchen table, managing to sit down before he could fall. The bruise on his cheek and the cut on his arm hurt as if fresh, and the mostly healed cut on his lip burned as if lava was pouring from it.
He noticed the lack of dishes; Jack had skipped dinner, and he almost surely skipped breakfast. His last meal was lunch the prior day, the child hadn't even come out for a snack.
His head fell into his hands, realizing that this was on him.
Jack had been rude, but Aaron had overreacted. Or did he? He doesn't know why his son behaved the way he did, doesn't know why he felt the need to talk to him as he did. Nothing about the child's behavior could be explained.
One day, he chose to become violent.
He was okay before, clingier when a case came by, smiling when Aaron would come back home. Excited when they could spend the entire weekend together. There was nothing wrong with him before.
Before.
Before the case that left him badly concussed when the second Unsub got the upper hand while Aaron had tunnel vision. He had gotten home rather quickly, dizzy and tired.
David had come by to his apartment, Aaron explaining how he couldn't think straight in the moment, that catching the Unsub was more important than anything else. Jack was home that time.
And he was home for the time it took him to recover. He had stayed home three weeks and a half, forced to take things easy and move slowly for anything for the first couple of weeks. He still remembers how much the light hurt his eyes the first couple of days.
And Jack had been home for the entirety of it.
His son had hardly ever seen him badly hurt. Just once, before Haley died, when he was still too young to really remember. And despite having seen his father in the hospital, he never saw the aftermath of a work injury.
The first case after coming back, Aaron returned with a bruised cheek and a slashed arm.
Jack wasn't being unreasonable. His son was scared he might not see his dad again. Scared that the next injury might be worse. And after hearing his conversation with Dave, he couldn't blame him for thinking he didn't matter enough to him.
His heart dropped further in his chest at the realization, swallowed by a black hole when he connected the dots, when he remembered how he treated him the day prior.
Aaron had fucked up, so much so he wasn't sure he could recover their relationship. Jack had been worried for him, and he had screamed at him, made him feel like what he was feeling wasn't important, like he was a nuisance.
Before he realized, he was standing in front of Jack's room, faint cries still making their way through, stopping when Aaron knocked. He didn't receive an answer, maybe his son was trying to pretend like he wasn't awake, maybe that would spare him more yelling.
He opened the door, the child burrowed under the covers, back facing the door. He could see the slight trembling underneath them.
His legs felt like lead as he walked to the bed, falling on his knees when he was close enough. And when he placed a hand on his son's arm, he felt the child stiffen.
"I'm sorry" Aaron whispered, voice trembling with tears that were soon to fall. "Jack, I'm so sorry. I- I was awful to you" he managed to let out, trying to blink his tears away.
It took a while before Jack faced him, and when he did Aaron saw how red and puffy his son's eyes and cheeks were. He probably cried the whole night.
"I said horrible things to you, I yelled at you- And I just figured out that you were worried all along" Aaron sniffled, a solitary tear making its way down his cheek.
"I don't want to lose you too" Jack admitted after a while, voice hoarse as tears kept coming. Aaron's not sure how to describe the sound that came from him. It came from his chest, full of anguish, regret.
"Jack, please-" he sobbed, looking down, too ashamed to look at his son's face. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize what you were going through, that you heard Dave and I-" he cut himself off as more tears began streaming down his face.
"You said that nothing was more important that catching the bad guy" the child whispered, folding on himself.
"No, no-" Aaron cried. "I didn't mean it like that, I didn't-" he cut himself off with a loud sob.
"But uncle Dave said you almost died trying to catch him. And then you couldn't play with me for days, and you were holding your head- And now your arm has a bandage-" the kid rambled on, voice increasing in volume.
"I was an idiot, I was such an idiot" he repeated as a mantra, squeezing his son's arm gently. He looked up at his son's face, hand gently cradling it as he opened his mouth. "Nothing, and I mean nothing, is more important than you. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, you've brought me so much joy since the day Haley and I found out she was pregnant" he spoke, as Jack slowly sat up in bed, one of his father's hands never leaving his face, while the other grabbed his smaller one. "You are what matters the most to me, not the cases, not the Unsubs- I wouldn't know how to live without you" he sobbed.
Jack sniffled, squeezing his dad's hand as he spoke, fresh tears appearing the more he heard his father's words.
"And I'm so sorry for screaming at you, for telling you those awful things last night- I promise I will do whatever it takes to make it right- Please, Kleiner Knopf, please forgive me-" he begged, head falling down again. Aaron couldn't stop crying, regret eating him up inside.
"Is it true what you said about your parents?" Jack asked in a timid voice, watching his dad carefully.
"I'm sorry, I should have never told you- I'm sorry-" Aaron nodded, shame consuming him. Suddenly, he felt Jack tentatively wrap his small arms around his neck, Aaron breaking down as he wrapped his own around his son's back.
"I forgive you" the child whispered. "I was scared last night, but not afraid, if that makes sense. I'm not scared of you. I'm sorry I hit you" he explained, hold tightening around his dad.
The innocence and sincerity in those words broke Aaron further, the notion he had been the reason why his soon had been scared too much for him. Yet, the fact that he was still hugging him, the confirmation that he had never been afraid of him, fixed something in him he wasn't aware even needed fixing.
Despite the fact he had almost destroyed the safety he had tried so hard to build for Jack, his son was still willing to give him another chance.
"I'll be better, I promise. I'll do better, I'll fix this. I will never again be the reason why you're scared, I will never make you feel like you matter less than something else- I swear-" Aaron hugged his son tighter, hiccuping as he spoke.
"I know" Jack stated softly. "I love you" he added, holding a little tighter.
"I love you too, Liebchen. I love you more than anything in this world" he sniffled, placing a soft kiss on his son's temple.
Aaron knew things hadn't been magically fixed. It wasn't okay that he had held his anger for so long, or how at the smallest act of defiance his first instinct had been to attack. Or how, as soon as things had gotten a little tougher, his first instinct was to drink.
He knew he had to put in the work to truly gain Jack's trust back, and it terrified him to know he had to unbox years of trauma to never do something like this again.
But, for Jack, he was willing to at least try. He owed his son a better childhood than the one he had.
Author’s corner: hope you enjoyed the fic! comments and reblogs are always appreciated!
been thinking of season 19 of CM, am I the only one that was ticked by Luke and Penelope's surprise for JJ and her kids?
I get it would be enjoyable for Michael, and JJ would obviously play along, but Henry is 18 and lost his dad less than a year prior.
maybe it's me being a bit of hardass late teen when I was that age, but I don't think that a fresh adult who lost his dad (and primary male figure), is about to go away from his family for college for a long time without said father being there to see him off and guide him through this new chapter of his life, and who just moved from the house he's known for such a long time of his life (all the while he has to crash in a room that isn't his) would appreciate being treated like a child.
it feels like Will's death wasn't as impactful as it should have been.
I hope Henry gets to crash out, he deserves it.
I get it was well meant from Luke and Penelope, but Henry's reaction doesn't seem realistic given what's going on in his life
