Being Loved
I’ve found someone. I found someone that loves me, even when I show my ugly side. It’s like a constant fight within me to decide if I can be okay with being loved. Having a mental illness while being loved is confusing and scary. I get scared that he will find someone better or someone less crazy. I have dreamt about finding the right one and I wonder if I’ll ruin it for myself. We have been together for 2 months now and I still fight with my demons about it. I cannot hide my crazy and I just hope he won’t get burned out on putting up with my irritability or the fact that I go off at times. So.. This is me. The loved me. I’ve never thought I’d find someone that can handle me. And all I can do is put on a brave face and pretend like I’m not terrified he will leave me for someone normal. I get sad and I get manic. He loves me through it. I build walls so I won’t get hurt and he tears through them. I don't know how to handle being loved.
