Keep Growing
Over the years my personality has changed. I used to be pretty timid as a child. Quiet and reserved, I preferred to listen and watch. And as time went on I realized that I was missing out on a lot of cool experiences so I slowly started easing my way out of my comfort zone, going to more events, talking to more strangers and being more vocal and involved with my emotions and in life. I can’t say it’s been a bad experience over all, I love where my life going at this point but I can’t help but wonder where I am on the spectrum of introvert and extrovert. I still love my alone time, in fact I need it and look forward to it sometimes, especially after a few days of straight contact with someone. Sleep overs were great when it’s just one or two days, but after that I really burn out with that person and I need to not see them for a while. So for all intensive purposes I guess I’m still an introvert even after how far I’ve come out of my shell. Extroverts are supposed to be those people who don’t feel drained after social interaction but rather are energized by it. I’ve never felt that way after prolonged interaction except with specific people, people I like. And we ain’t talkin bout ‘like’, we talking about that ‘like like’. It feels like for me, whether or not I’m introverted or extrovert is reliant on who I’m with. With my parents, with my friends and associates, I’m an introvert all day, but for someone I like and care about? There’s very little I wouldn’t do. I’d sing, I’d dance, I’d happily make a fool of myself if I was with a person like that. I’ve only felt that way with one person and honestly I miss it so much. That certain someone who energizes you just from being in close proximity. Maybe I’m weird but sometimes I literally end up shaking just from having a conversation with that person. Not a bad shaking but a riveted, fulfilled type shaking, like you can barely contain yourself type of shaking you only get when you’re just overwhelmed with who your with and the feelings your experiencing. It’s how I imagine Icarus had to have felt, being so ecstatic, towing the line between ecstasy and complete self destruction. I miss that feeling, it’s the only time I could ever truly say I feel alive.
This was originally a self loathing valentines post but honestly I’m more hopefully than anything else. I Just want to find someone who understands.