Shyan||Fear and Puppy Love
For Anon that wanted 77: “Are you jealous?”, Anon that wantedt 2 for highschool!Shyan Basketball star!Ryan and band geek!Shane?! 2: “ Not you again.. ” and for anon who wanted 141 - "Did you hear that?"
Hope you enjoy :)
---
It was just another day of band practice before the last basketball game in the next week. Since the crowds were never as big during the basketball games as they were in the football games, Shane had volunteered for the smaller band to lend some support, as most of the band would usually drop out (out of not wanting to go, but also because there wasn’t a lot of space in the gym for the whole pep band).
He kind of missed watching the football games with the band. Though it would get chilly at night, he enjoyed every moment he spent being able to bond with all his friends and have the students in the stands cheer them all on to play louder and louder in order to boost the school morale against the rival team.
His attention was called when one of his friends, Sara, had dropped by with her flute. He slid his trumpet case back in his locker as she came over to greet him.
“Hey, Sara, what’s up?”
“Just wondering how you’re doing with that little crush of yours,” she teased, and Shane rolled his eyes, carrying his trumpet over to the small group forming in the middle of the room. Sara was the only one he had confessed his crush on school athlete and lead basketball star Ryan Bergara.
“What about it?” he retorted, setting his music on the stand in front of him while he adjusted his mouthpiece, watching Sara sit, facing the back of the chair so she could place her arms on the backrest. He sighed in annoyance, though jokingly, knowing that every time she’d mention it, his heart would jump just a little. “It’s just stupid puppy love.”
“And you’re the biggest puppy I know, Shane.” Sara laughed quietly, leaning on one of her hands while her flute hung dangerously in her other, but Shane knew she’d never drop it. She was one of the most talented flutists he knew in the class, not to mention she was first chair, which she’d worked hard to get, and now even did solos during concerts. “Have you asked him to Senior Ball?”
“What...what? No!” Shane gave her a look as if he’d never be able to do it. “There’s no way he’d go with some nerd like me.”
“You’re both literally the biggest nerds I know,” Sara groaned. “He’s probably even more of a nerd than you are, you big doof! Have you seen how many times he goes to the movie theater or spews about his favorite characters? I mean he’s a part of the video productions class, for heaven’s sake.”
“Yes and yes, I do, and don’t take his love for the big screen and spin it on me like that; you know I watch just as much as he does!”
“I know. Trust me.” Sara stuck her tongue out. “Come on, it wouldn’t hurt to ask him. You guys are almost inseparable. You literally talk and hang out most of the week, anyway.”
“We do not!”
“I’ve seen you talk to him after games and after his practices, Shane.” Sara raised an eyebrow and had a smug smile on her face. “I’ll even help you ask him. Come on.”
Shane thought about it for a moment, and decided this would probably be one of the last years he’d see Ryan anyway. “Alright, fine…”
“Yes!” Sara pumped her fist up in victory and grinned. “You better ask by next game.”
Shane sighed and shook his head, his mind racing over what he would do and how he would do it. Thinking about approaching a sweaty Ryan after a game was not the image he wanted in his head as one of his fellow seniors got up on the small, square podium to conduct them through the music.
---
Shane spent quite a bit of time with Sara outside of band to have her help him work up his confidence to ask Ryan out and to help him with outfits. Every time he spotted Ryan outside of class, though, he found him talking to one of the popular art and drama kids at the time, Helen Pan. He didn’t want to interrupt their conversation, though he knew she’d just moved into the high school and Ryan was one of the friendliest people to introduce her around campus, and found Ryan spent more time talking to her during class instead of Shane. He didn’t want to admit, even in the slightest, that this worried him more about asking Ryan out, but he could certainly feel the butterflies in his stomach.
When he wasn’t talking with Sara, he was practicing by himself. He’d spend time reviewing some flash cards he made, looking up and away, to test his memory. Sometimes, he’d find himself muttering as he walked from class to class, zoning out as he walked past others, and made it to his desk.
And when he wasn’t practicing by himself, he was talking to Ryan. He was his best friend after all.
After the day was over, he spent his night at Ryan’s house, listening to him blabber on about this supernatural experience he had just a while back with some of his video productions friends.
“What? No way, I don’t believe you at all.” Shane crossed his arms, shaking his head. “Show me the footage.”
“It seriously did happen.” Ryan groaned and went through his files on his already open laptop, going through different video folders before he found it. “Look, see, right there.”
“No, did you see how hard you hit the freaking surface?”
“But the shaking shouldn’t have caused it to fly up like that.”
“It was already almost off the edge.”
They bickered on for a few moments until Ryan gave up and Shane felt victorious, stealing a handful of popcorn from what remained in Ryan’s popcorn bowl, and his friend gave him a disbelieving look.
“How dare you touch my popcorn.”
“Uh, our popcorn. We were sharing for tonight’s movie night, remember?”
“Technically it’s my popcorn since I bought it.”
“With what money?”
“I have an allowance.”
“Oh, look at me, Ryan Bergara, so special that I have an allowance because I can’t work a job.”
“Hey, I’m working on video stuff. Just watch, I’m gonna be in some high standard production company and you’re gonna kiss my ass.”
Shane laughed. “No, I believe ya, bud. I know that nothing stops the Ryan Bergara from achieving what he wants to.” He smiled and lay back into the couch as the movie began, and their chatter didn’t stop there, as the occasional pause and talk would come up between the movie so they could critique or judge a point in the film that felt like a loophole or if it wasn’t connecting.
Despite their being comfortable sitting beside each other, Shane’s head went back to the little proposal he had for Ryan that would be coming up in a few days. He tensed, curling his fingers and pulling his hand away from the popcorn bowl where Ryan’s hand lay idly close. He could feel his heart race, and he was no longer paying attention to the plot of the film. He could ask him now, get it over with, pretend nothing happened while the game was going on, and never look back. He could also avoid feeling embarrassed and just continue on watching the film, waiting till the game so he could feel more prepared.
He turned his attention when he could feel eyes staring at him, but when he looked at Ryan, his friend’s eyes were focused on the screen. Though, his hand had left the bowl between them.
Shane quietly excused himself as the credits came on, mostly so he could wash his hands of popcorn grease, and also so he could calm himself down with a quick piss and a splash of cold water. He stared at himself in the mirror after he dried his face and took a deep breath, muttering quietly to himself while his stomach flipped again, and he scratched his head roughly, trying to hit himself out of it.
He left the bathroom after a few minutes, and Ryan asked if he was okay, to which he nodded and helped him clean up the living room.
It was already 1am, and they both had one more day of school till the game. Shane grabbed his jacket, made sure his phone and wallet were with him, then smiled at Ryan as he headed for the door.
“Wait,” Ryan quickly spoke up, watching Shane before he left his doorway. A cold, gentle breeze blew around them. “So, Senior Ball is uh...coming up.” Shane’s eyes grew wide, but he tried to cover his shock at the words he was hearing. His heart racing; Shane tried to hide his face from the light on Ryan’s porch.
“Yeah, it is.”
“I was wondering if you could help me.”
“With what?”
“Well, I see you always talking with Sara, and she seems to be helping you get ready for that big event. I mean, I don’t know if like, you know, like, if she’s gonna go with you or something, and I don’t mean, like, together, as a couple, I mean, like...uh…” Ryan’s hands were growing clammy and he stuck them in the pockets of his shorts. “I just, uh, I wanted to know if, maybe, you could help me ask someone out?”
“Ask….?” Shane could feel his heart sink, and his stomach began to twist so much from feeling so nervous, he thought he was gonna throw up.
“Yeah, there’s this person I’ve been meaning to ask out to Senior Ball, but I just don’t know if they want to go. I’m kind of scared to ask, and you’re the only person I’ve told this to. I mean, I look like I could do anything, right? But, what if they say no?”
“Dude, you’re a great person. I don’t know who wouldn’t say no to Ryan Bergara.” Shane forced a smile on his face. He was being honest, but he tried to hide his hurting.
“You really think so?” Ryan seemed so happy, a bright smile on his face, looking at Shane with bright hope.
“Yeah. Look, man, I’ll talk to you later. I gotta go.”
“Oh, yeah...alright! Later!”
Shane nodded and quickly hurried back to his car, taking a deep breath to calm himself once he was buckled in, and focused on his drive home. He felt empty, now, staring at the road and the streetlights brushing over him with a soft, quiet glow. His heart was pounding. He could hear it in his ears.
Fuck, he thought.
---
The Friday before the game, Shane wanted to avoid Ryan as much as possible. He didn’t want to confront him or his feelings and he seemed too sullen that day, he didn’t want Ryan asking questions. In the morning, he caught Ryan walking down the hallways closely beside Helen, laughing and bickering. He could see himself standing there doing the same thing, but Ryan was probably tired of his shit, too.
During lunch, he spent his time inside the library instead of out at the lunch tables. He could only imagine Ryan walking up to Helen after the game and asking her to Senior Ball. He tried to black it out of his mind, holding his face in his hands, running his fingers through his hair as he gripped it tight, shutting his eyes as if it would erase it all. The thoughts never left.
After school was over, there was one more practice, and for a moment, he thought he could forget everything. He was talking happily with some of his other bandmates, blasting his trumpet loudly as they tried to harmonize to Darude Sandstorm.
Then Sara came up to him and asked if he was ready to talk to Ryan the following day, and he could feel himself shut down again.
“Hey, Shane? You okay?” Sara’s face grew concerned, and she sat sideways in her chair, resting her elbow on the backrest gently. “Did something happen between you two?”
“No, I…” Shane felt himself burn, all his clothes now pricking at his skin, and he rubbed his eyes. “Ryan told me he was going to ask someone to Senior Ball and he asked me for advice…”
“Oh…” Sara smiled sympathetically, reaching out to pat his knee. “Hey, I mean...you could still come with me, if you want? Some of my friends had managed to talk me into going, so…”
Shane exhaled heavily, grunting as he forced himself to stop feeling these sickening emotions. “Yeah, sure...your friends are pretty cool, anyway. We could all just stand in the corner and dance like idiots.”
“That’s the spirit!” Sara laughed quietly and sighed. “Hey, don’t worry about tomorrow, okay?”
Shane simply nodded in reply, beginning to slip into an empty mood, and though he was playing his trumpet, didn’t feel as if he was putting energy into it, but no one said anything.
After the practice, he’d packed his trumpet away, and followed Sara out of the building just as he saw Ryan coming down the way as well, smiling at him. Shane spotted a white card in his hand, along with a pen, and he knew Ryan would ask him for help again on asking whoever it was out to Senior Ball. He didn’t know what to say, not that he wanted to say anything at all, and Sara quickly covered for him, saying they would be late to a quick shopping trip if they didn’t hurry, and Ryan let them go. Shane caught the frown on his friend’s face, and tried to ignore it.
---
Game night had arrived. Shane was settled on the second row on the bleachers, as was their arrangement for their small band. Sara sat in front of him, setting up her flute. The rest of the band was seated around him, and he made sure his trumpet was tuned while the two teams on the court warmed-up. He spotted Ryan, and for a moment they looked at each other. Despite the tension that Shane had managed to build, Ryan smiled through it all. There was never a dull time that truly seemed to bring him down, and Shane could feel himself smile back for a second. As Ryan made for another pass with the ball, their contact broke, and he looked down at his lap with conflicted feelings again.
His eyes scanned along the crowd that filled the seats. Though he wasn’t sure what he was looking for at first, he found out soon enough, and he saw Helen sitting down in a middle section of the bleachers close to the front. He turned away when they briefly met eyes, and he fumbled to get his trumpet ready as the players returned to line up when the buzzer went off to signal the end of warm-ups.
The games began and so did the music. The crowd cheering and the intensity of the game had Shane forgetting his pains and he was swept up into the fun and energy that came from the competition. He stood with the crowd when their team grabbed the final shot into the basket. He was overjoyed when he saw it was Ryan who had scored it last second, and he hollered, pointing out it was his best friend who had just won the match, and Ryan could be seen grinning back at him with thumbs up, heading back to meet his gathered team for a celebration.
Shane made sure he let the last notes ring out from his trumpet as they played their victory song, and he high-fived his friends before looking at Sara with a bright smile.
“Ready to head back to the room?” she asked, and Shane nodded, grabbing his stuff to put back into the room. The moon had already pushed the sun down the horizon, and the night sky provided him with a cool breeze to calm him down from the rush of the game. He stared up at the sky, bright stars twinkling, a half moon sitting quietly with a few clouds passing through its light.
He returned to the room with Sara, making sure his trumpet was cleaned and packed properly into its case before it was slipped back into its rightful locker, and Sara followed him out of the room.
“You gonna be alright?” she inquired, looking up at him as they made their way down the hall and back towards the gym since the parking lot was in that direction.
“Yeah...you know, I’m gonna go congratulate Ryan real fast. He’s still my best friend, and I don’t want to let him down.”
“Of course. I’ll come with you in case he decides to start some shit.”
Shane laughed and he made his way back towards the gym where people were clearing out, and he waited for the crowd to thin until he could walk inside and found the team cooling down. He approached one of the guys and asked where Ryan was, directed towards the other end of the court. He scanned his eyes over, delighted when he saw Ryan, and he was about to make his way over until Helen showed up, and she approached Ryan with a full hug. Ryan hugged her right back, a wide grin on his face, and he seemed to be having a lot of fun talking with her. Shane stopped dead in his tracks and continued to watch.
Ryan looked around for a second, reaching into his drawstring bag where he pulled out the same white card that Shane had seen him hold the day before. Helen beamed and nodded taking the card to read it, and she hugged Ryan joyfully, sliding it back to him as she seemed to bounce on her feet. Shane’s eyebrows had knitted into a scowl, and Sara had pulled on his shirt to move him. That was until he saw Helen and Ryan turn almost in sync, and Helen point in his direction. He was most utterly confused at this point, and he now had his face stuck in stupor, watching them both walk towards him.
“God, not you again,” Ryan teased, approaching Shane.
“What?”
“Everyone, look out, it’s Shane Madej and his stupid face.” Ryan laughed. “Uh, hey, can we talk?”
“Sure...what about?”
“I’ll tell you as we walk away. Remember the Senior Ball thing?” Ryan paused and looked at Helen. “Oh, hey, you don’t mind keeping Sara company, right?” She shook her head and smiled, waving her hand to move them along.
Shane could feel himself grow hot again, and he could barely spare a glance at Sara as he was dragged out of the gym, and Ryan brought him to one of the sidewalk lamps outside.
“Shane, look, I don’t know what’s been going on with you avoiding me lately, but before I keep going, I just need to know what’s up ‘cause I don’t want to think I’ve done something wrong to affect our friendship.”
“What? No, no, no...you didn’t do anything wrong.” Shane clenched his jaw, and he could feel his entire body tense, heart beginning to race again. What was he supposed to tell him?
“Listen, I’ve noticed that for, like, the past week you’ve been looking at me weird, especially when I’m with Helen. Like you’re angry, or something?” Ryan’s eyes widened as he continued to ramble. “Wait, are you jealous?”
“Jealous? Don’t be absurd! Why would I be jealous of you asking Helen to Senior Ball! You guys are perfect together! I mean she seemed happy when you handed her the card,” Shane blurted out, his cheeks turning red even under the bad light.
“Oh my god, you’re totally jealous, Shane!” Ryan laughed, and Shane thought that, for a second, he was being mocked, and suddenly felt like he wanted to run away. “Did you hear that?” Ryan asked.
“Hear what?” Shane replied in equal question, not sure what Ryan meant. As far as he knew, they were alone outside together. If there was a rustle from the bushes, he didn’t hear a thing. “There’s nothing with us.”
“No, listen closer.”
Shane held his breath for a moment and he looked around, before looking back at Ryan with a raised eyebrow, wanting to leave already. “I don’t get it.”
“That was the sound of you being an idiot, Shane.”
“What do you mean?”
Ryan pulled out the white card and handed it to him. “It was for you, dingus.” Now it was Ryan’s turn to flush a little red. “Open it.”
Shane gave him and the card a skeptical glance before opening it to read the contents. A long paragraph had taken up the first half of the card, and it was a brief summary of him and Ryan throughout their friendship. On the right, a dumb little doodle from Ryan with the message, “I know you don’t believe in ghosts, but will you be my boo for Senior Ball?”
Shane squinted at the card, his mouth hanging open, and he could again hear his heart pounding in his ears. Ryan was chewing on his lip, waiting in anticipation, unsure how to read Shane’s face.
“I, uh...um, well, I mean, yeah. Yeah, I’ll…” Shane laughed and handed Ryan back the card, unable to hold back the smile that wanted to curl onto his face. “Yes. Yeah, yeah I will.”
Ryan grinned and suddenly stood on his toes, his hands shooting out to grab the back of Shane’s neck to pull him down for a quick, messy kiss, and Shane thought his chest would break open or he’d at least faint from how hard his heart was pumping. He couldn’t have imagined more what Ryan’s lips felt like against his own, and he gratefully kissed back until they both couldn’t breath and were laughing from it all.
“For the record, I guess I could say I was maybe jealous,” Shane admitted, and Ryan punched him in the arm a little, laughing.
“Yeah, I know. Ya big baby.”
“Oh shut up. You’re the short one which means you’re the baby.”
“I’m literally 5’10”!”
“No.”
“Okay, fine, there’s like three quarters but-”
“You’re the baby.”
“Shut up, Shane.”